FBI Job interview

[DVINNY]

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is.

They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the little first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read . 'and so the little pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have

some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said - 'Well, I'll be damned!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

 

[DVINNY]

THE JOURNEY OF MAN!!!!!

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.

Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.

So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

 

[Guest]

^^^ Ugh .. that is just painful ... :smileyballs: :smileyballs:

JR

 

[frazil]

Crash goes to the revival and listens to the preacher.
After awhile the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to

come forward to the front at the altar.

Crash gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks:

"Crash, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Crash replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.

"The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other

hand on top of Crash's head and prays and prays and prays.

After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and

asks Crash:

"Crash, how is your hearing now?"

Crash says, "I don't know, Reverend, it's not until next Wednesday."

who's Leroy?

 

[Sschell]

THE JOURNEY OF MAN!!!!!

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.

Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.

So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

................. :appl:

......... :appl: ........ :appl:

... :appl: ...................... :appl:

......... :appl: ........ :appl:

................. :appl:

 

[TouchDown]

who's Leroy?

Sounds like the God of some Southern cult.

"What church do you go to?"

"The church of Leroy, you know the rusted Morton building out off of state highway 24. Yeah, we got snakes an' everything..."

 

[mudpuppy]

^^^ Ugh .. that is just painful ... :smileyballs: :smileyballs:

And yet so insightful.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'

He says 'Yes - caffeine'

'Have you ever been in the service?'

'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,'

And then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, 'Yes 100%...an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.

Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 -

And plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?

'This is a government job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.'

 

[Guest]

'This is a government job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.'

:smileyballs: :smileyballs: :smileyballs: :smileyballs:

I am really laughing .... and crying at the same time ...

JR

 

[cement]

that would be a no show job at some places!

 

[TXengrChickPE]

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.'

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,

'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it . She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

Bob's funeral will be on Friday.

 

[DVINNY]

^^ I love Bob.

 

[frazil]

I love this thread. :lmao:

 

[TXengrChickPE]

^ Me too! I finally have somewhere to share the crazy emails that I get from my coworkers!

 

[sehad]

I get excited when I see that there are new posts in here.

 

[Guest]

This thread absolutely ROCKS !!! :th_rockon:

JR

 

[Vishal]

DON'T PUT GRANDMA ON THE STAND

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Smith. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more

than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do, I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

 

[TouchDown]

A man charges into a bank wearing a ski mask and wielding a handgun. He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!', and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his ski mask.

The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.

The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.

'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.

There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner...

'I think my missus caught a glimpse....'

 

[Vishal]

^^ :lmao: :Locolaugh: completely hilarious and evil

 

[MA_PE]

^^ TD: excellenet!!

This thread is great!!