snickerd3
Taking suggestions
asked minisnick to do something this morning and he was being slow about it so I told him to hop to it. He turned around and said...Mommy I'm not a bunny.
Kids of EB
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Sapper PE LS
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Had my daughters second birthday on Sunday, she's such a cutie and she's getting her mother's feistiness, so I'm not too worried about boys being much of a problem when she gets older.
Dexman PE PMP
Internationally PMP'n his PE-ness
In an attempt to get my daughter (1st grade) to pay attention in school and listen to her teacher, we tried to implement a new incentive program. Every time she did what her teacher asked her to do the first time asked, she could color in a square on her "take-home" homework paper. Depending on how many she got colored in during the day/week she would get prizes, all the way up to a 20-square effort in a week would earn her the chance for her teacher to paint her fingernails (she loves having her nails painted).
This program has been going for just over 3 weeks now and she has colored a total of 3 squares. Yep, three. She's not being bad, not being disruptive, it's just that it takes her teacher 3 or more attempts to get her to do what she's supposed to do. My daughter will eventually do what she's asked, but she is one of those personalities that slows down the more you pressure her to do something (she's like her mother), and it gets insanely frustrating. If it's something she wants to do, she'll do it right away without being asked. If it's something she HAS to do, she'll eventually get it done, but it's on her time. This does not fly very well with her teacher.
So because she's been so stubborn at school and won't do what she's asked, we decided to flip the tables a bit: if she doesn't get at least 3 squares in a day, she loses her toys. Monday = 0, Tuesday = 0. FUCK. With her getting zero yet again, we boxed up her toys last night and hauled them off to the basement. The only things she has left in her bedroom are her clothes, her bed, and her books. After school all she is allowed to do is sit in her room and read (after she's finished her homework first). As we're packing up her room last night, she was the biggest helper she's been in a month. She thought losing her toys was fun. She genuinely did....not....care.
How do you teach someone how to give a shit?
This program has been going for just over 3 weeks now and she has colored a total of 3 squares. Yep, three. She's not being bad, not being disruptive, it's just that it takes her teacher 3 or more attempts to get her to do what she's supposed to do. My daughter will eventually do what she's asked, but she is one of those personalities that slows down the more you pressure her to do something (she's like her mother), and it gets insanely frustrating. If it's something she wants to do, she'll do it right away without being asked. If it's something she HAS to do, she'll eventually get it done, but it's on her time. This does not fly very well with her teacher.
So because she's been so stubborn at school and won't do what she's asked, we decided to flip the tables a bit: if she doesn't get at least 3 squares in a day, she loses her toys. Monday = 0, Tuesday = 0. FUCK. With her getting zero yet again, we boxed up her toys last night and hauled them off to the basement. The only things she has left in her bedroom are her clothes, her bed, and her books. After school all she is allowed to do is sit in her room and read (after she's finished her homework first). As we're packing up her room last night, she was the biggest helper she's been in a month. She thought losing her toys was fun. She genuinely did....not....care.
How do you teach someone how to give a shit?
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knight1fox3
Jedi MASTER & Friend of Capt. Solo
Whoa.....helping with the punishment?! :huh:
That's a tough one...
What about restrictions on outdoor toys/activities?
That's a tough one...
What about restrictions on outdoor toys/activities?
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Dexman PE PMP
Internationally PMP'n his PE-ness
Yeah, she was helping the whole time.
"This needs to go over here" "I can carry that downstairs" "here's another one, let me get that too."
She is perfectly content sitting quietly in her room. By herself.
We can't even threaten to take away Christmas because she doesn't really want anything. She doesn't respond to material things (unless we're in Walmart, then she wants the dinky little toy, and proceeds to forget about it 30 seconds after it's purchased).
She is the exact opposite of me. She cannot be bribed with incentives or punishments. If she wants to do it, she will do it. If she doesnt want to, well, she might eventually get it done, but only if she HAS to and even then it's on her schedule.
"This needs to go over here" "I can carry that downstairs" "here's another one, let me get that too."
She is perfectly content sitting quietly in her room. By herself.
We can't even threaten to take away Christmas because she doesn't really want anything. She doesn't respond to material things (unless we're in Walmart, then she wants the dinky little toy, and proceeds to forget about it 30 seconds after it's purchased).
She is the exact opposite of me. She cannot be bribed with incentives or punishments. If she wants to do it, she will do it. If she doesnt want to, well, she might eventually get it done, but only if she HAS to and even then it's on her schedule.
Road Guy
Well-known member
Yeah that’s tough, my youngest was like that for a while, we ended up just letting him ride it out and we encouraged the teacher to send him to sit with the principal if he didn’t listen (we didn’t really like the teacher but we knew the principal very well and this worked a little bit)
The problem went away with age as we didn’t have any problems the following year, I think some- times kids get paired with teachers that just don’t fit well with them and they struggle..
And most teachers assume anyone that cant sit still for 7 hours needs to be medicated..
The problem went away with age as we didn’t have any problems the following year, I think some- times kids get paired with teachers that just don’t fit well with them and they struggle..
And most teachers assume anyone that cant sit still for 7 hours needs to be medicated..
solomonb
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I am going to argue differently. Use reverse punishment--- taking the toys away had no effect. You cannot cancel Christmas, it is going to come and you will finally relent and buy her something. She has to figure out that getting 3 squares a day is a BIG DEAL-- nobody else in class can do as well as she can-- NOBODY.
Seems like the painted finger nails is the trick. Tell her that she has to have plain finger nails until the squares are colored in. Explain to her that you are not being mean, spiteful or ugly, however, only little girls that do what the teacher says on time 1 get to have pretty nails.
NOW, I am NOT an early childhood educator-- I am a college Dean-- so, I know that the theory works, however, you need an early childhood educator to help you take my idea and implement. I am a big believer in positive punishment-- she will "want" to do what you ask, the first time, with no guff. I know, all theory, no practice-- those that do, do, those that can't do, teach and those that can't teach administrate.
If having pretty finger nails is her key motivator-- I suspect that she will respond positively. No colored squares, no colored fingernails.
Again, I am NOT an early childhood educator-- I am a College Dean-- hope that this helps!
Seems like the painted finger nails is the trick. Tell her that she has to have plain finger nails until the squares are colored in. Explain to her that you are not being mean, spiteful or ugly, however, only little girls that do what the teacher says on time 1 get to have pretty nails.
NOW, I am NOT an early childhood educator-- I am a college Dean-- so, I know that the theory works, however, you need an early childhood educator to help you take my idea and implement. I am a big believer in positive punishment-- she will "want" to do what you ask, the first time, with no guff. I know, all theory, no practice-- those that do, do, those that can't do, teach and those that can't teach administrate.
If having pretty finger nails is her key motivator-- I suspect that she will respond positively. No colored squares, no colored fingernails.
Again, I am NOT an early childhood educator-- I am a College Dean-- hope that this helps!
Dexman PE PMP
Internationally PMP'n his PE-ness
RG, I was making those same comments to Mrs Dex last night. Basically it looks like we'll ride it out and if the teacher continues to make a stink of it, we'll just look to move her into a new classroom.
My son (two years older) also struggled with 1st grade, except he was very physical. He would hit, throw things, kick, etc. It turns out that he is a slave to routine and his teacher was going through medical problems that forced her to miss several days each month. Everytime Mini-Dex was sent to the principal's office was a day she was gone.
Once he got into 2nd grade with a more stable teacher, all of the problems went away. Now he's in 3rd grade and is thriving.
Our other thought is that both of our kids are close to the youngest in their respective classes. It may just be that they're (she is and he was) too young for what their teachers are expecing from them.
My son (two years older) also struggled with 1st grade, except he was very physical. He would hit, throw things, kick, etc. It turns out that he is a slave to routine and his teacher was going through medical problems that forced her to miss several days each month. Everytime Mini-Dex was sent to the principal's office was a day she was gone.
Once he got into 2nd grade with a more stable teacher, all of the problems went away. Now he's in 3rd grade and is thriving.
Our other thought is that both of our kids are close to the youngest in their respective classes. It may just be that they're (she is and he was) too young for what their teachers are expecing from them.
csb
Well-known member
My kid thrives on schedule. Does she have a list of things that are supposed to happen for the day? Because he does better with the "Lunch choice, book bag, etc." then trying to process demands. Even at home we have the same thing- morning routine= get dressed, eat breakfast, make bed, etc. Putting in a list? He knows what to do and what's expected of him. Asking him verbally? He gets overloaded.
And my kid did the same thing when I took everything out of his room. Very desensitized to what was happening. He internally is harder on himself than punishment will ever be.
And my kid did the same thing when I took everything out of his room. Very desensitized to what was happening. He internally is harder on himself than punishment will ever be.
Mini-Tex is exactly the same way. He's 12 and it hasn't gotten easier with age.
You need to lower the bar just a bit...I know that this seems counterproductive, but you have to give her at least one goal that she can achieve and receive a reward. Figuring out what their "currency" is key...the painted fingernail thing is a good one, find another...Ask her what she thinks her reward should be for one colored square to twenty colored squares. For example, she gets one colored square, she gets to be line-leader for lunch or five extra minutes of free time or some other reward at home...or one nail painted (she has 20, right?). This gets things rolling...Once she sees the reward (if it's her currency), then she'll be motivated.
Don't get discouraged! Parenting is hard work with two steps forward and three steps back.
knight1fox3
Jedi MASTER & Friend of Capt. Solo
Saw this article and thought of your latest post in here Dex.
http://lifehacker.com/how-to-manipulate-kids-into-doing-what-you-want-1455891399/@MelaniePinola
http://lifehacker.com/how-to-manipulate-kids-into-doing-what-you-want-1455891399/@MelaniePinola
Dexman PE PMP
Internationally PMP'n his PE-ness
We've known about these tricks from when our oldest was going through it. Difference is that the younger one is saavy enough to see through it. "Clean your room or do the dishes?" Her response: sit on the bed and stare at you.
SCarolinaNiki PE
Well-known member
Lil'SC had smores for the first time tonight. She was unimpressed. There is obviously something wrong with her.
wilheldp_PE
PE, LEED AP, SPAM KING
I get more excited about the idea of smores than I do about eating them. I like lighting the marshmellows on fire and putting them out with chocolate and graham crackers, but to tell you the truth, they are a pain in the ass to eat, and don't taste good enough to justify the effort.
