EB Mafia

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After the incident with the bagels, which required them to order another two dozen from the nearby deli, pre-sliced, everyone returned to their cubes. The manager office at the outer edge of the corral glowed ominously, shadowed figures moving behind drawn blinds. The faint scent of petrichor and sulfur filled the stagnant air of the office.

Could mean something evil was present. Or that someone forgot a deviled egg sandwich in the ventilation. That had been an ongoing issue before everyone was ordered to work-from-home, which had originated when the panini-press was broken but had now morphed into a weekly debacle.

It was suspected that either the new guy @structurenole15 was forgetting the sandwiches or it was @beccabun PE, stealing the sandwiches and attempting to hide them because they sat right next to @structurenole15, who never used to lunchroom to eat their 'food'.

@MeowMeow sidled up to @RBHeadge PE, who was studiously ignoring the office gossip monger, “I hear that the return order was due to people not doing their jobs,” they whispered gleefully, sloshing their coffee around in its mug as a pseudo-attempt to stir it, “In fact, I heard the company might even be downsizing the underperforming, and that’s why we were requested to come back in.”

@RBHeadge PE stopped typing, their fingers still on the keyboard, and glanced up from the fifteen monitors.

“I know what you are.”

@MeowMeow, who had begun to turn to antagonize others, paused. “Oh?”

“I know why you were transferred into our department.”

They fully turned back, shoulders tightening, and gently placed their half-full mug of coffee onto a nearby desk. “Do tell?” They purred. Like a cat. Like their name. Very sus.

@RBHeadge PE looked up at them from their ergonomic chair, unperturbed by the height difference. “It won’t work.” Before @MeowMeow was able to respond, @RBHeadge PE whipped out their spray mister they used on their exotic plants and pulled the trigger.

@MeowMeow screeched, the noise metallic, and stumbled back. Sparks flew from their neck, where it looked like the skin was peeling back to reveal hard, gunmetal gray instead of blinding red. Their hands clawed at the wound as they fell heavily to their knees, face smearing and hanging loosely from their skull as if the fat behind it had liquified. With another creaking, gasping sigh from their lips, @MeowMeow fell forward into a smoldering heap.

@RBHeadge PE looked over at a few who had peeked over the edge of their cubicle walls. “We’ve got to stop them.” He said, not waiting for a response before they cut a path towards the only safe space on the floor: the copy room.

As they turned the corner, the manager’s office door creaked open and @DuranDuran PE, who had been pulled in for their annual review, was pushed out unceremoniously. The lack of breathing proved he had not made it past his probationary period. A PIP wouldn’t save him.

@MeowMeow was lynched by fellow townies. They were mafia scum.

@DuranDuran PE was killed by the mafia.

Remaining players this round: @Dothracki PE, @structurenole15, @beccabun PE. @RBHeadge PE, @jean15paul_PE, @txjennah PE, @NikR_PE, @djl PE, @FlangeheadPEAZ, @EyehatethePEexam PE, @CivilPE2022, and @Lariliss
 
I don't know how people with more than 2 kids keep up, much less more than 1. I would probably look at one and say, "What's your name again?" Or just name them, "1 of 4", "2 of 4", etc..
I have 3 and I have a .100 batting average on yelling the write name after a spill or a punching incident.
 
I call my husband "babe" and one time I was out grocery shopping with my mom on one rare occasion (the only person I typically ever grocery shop with is my husband) and my mom said something but I was distracted and looking at something on a shelf so I said "what babe?" to her just out of habit. And it was really weird but we laughed.
lol. Wife calls me "babe" a lot. Sometimes "hun" but mostly "babe".
 
After the incident with the bagels, which required them to order another two dozen from the nearby deli, pre-sliced, everyone returned to their cubes. The manager office at the outer edge of the corral glowed ominously, shadowed figures moving behind drawn blinds. The faint scent of petrichor and sulfur filled the stagnant air of the office.

Could mean something evil was present. Or that someone forgot a deviled egg sandwich in the ventilation. That had been an ongoing issue before everyone was ordered to work-from-home, which had originated when the panini-press was broken but had now morphed into a weekly debacle.

It was suspected that either the new guy @structurenole15 was forgetting the sandwiches or it was @beccabun PE, stealing the sandwiches and attempting to hide them because they sat right next to @structurenole15, who never used to lunchroom to eat their 'food'.

@MeowMeow sidled up to @RBHeadge PE, who was studiously ignoring the office gossip monger, “I hear that the return order was due to people not doing their jobs,” they whispered gleefully, sloshing their coffee around in its mug as a pseudo-attempt to stir it, “In fact, I heard the company might even be downsizing the underperforming, and that’s why we were requested to come back in.”

@RBHeadge PE stopped typing, their fingers still on the keyboard, and glanced up from the fifteen monitors.

“I know what you are.”

@MeowMeow, who had begun to turn to antagonize others, paused. “Oh?”

“I know why you were transferred into our department.”

They fully turned back, shoulders tightening, and gently placed their half-full mug of coffee onto a nearby desk. “Do tell?” They purred. Like a cat. Like their name. Very sus.

@RBHeadge PE looked up at them from their ergonomic chair, unperturbed by the height difference. “It won’t work.” Before @MeowMeow was able to respond, @RBHeadge PE whipped out their spray mister they used on their exotic plants and pulled the trigger.

@MeowMeow screeched, the noise metallic, and stumbled back. Sparks flew from their neck, where it looked like the skin was peeling back to reveal hard, gunmetal gray instead of blinding red. Their hands clawed at the wound as they fell heavily to their knees, face smearing and hanging loosely from their skull as if the fat behind it had liquified. With another creaking, gasping sigh from their lips, @MeowMeow fell forward into a smoldering heap.

@RBHeadge PE looked over at a few who had peeked over the edge of their cubicle walls. “We’ve got to stop them.” He said, not waiting for a response before they cut a path towards the only safe space on the floor: the copy room.

As they turned the corner, the manager’s office door creaked open and @DuranDuran PE, who had been pulled in for their annual review, was pushed out unceremoniously. The lack of breathing proved he had not made it past his probationary period. A PIP wouldn’t save him.

@MeowMeow was lynched by fellow townies. They were mafia scum.

@DuranDuran PE was killed by the mafia.

Remaining players this round: @Dothracki PE, @structurenole15, @beccabun PE. @RBHeadge PE, @jean15paul_PE, @txjennah PE, @NikR_PE, @djl PE, @FlangeheadPEAZ, @EyehatethePEexam PE, @CivilPE2022, and @Lariliss
I always hated annual reviews.
 
I always hated annual reviews.
I oddly miss annual reviews. Here you get a "review" if you F up and it's going to be a total ass chewing. Either way you get a raise on the same day (ish- 2nd Friday in January I find out what my raise is) every year and have no feedback about what it's going to be. So I have 8-13 days in January where I'm calculating the new budget based on a 3% raise, a 4% raise, a 5% raise, a 6% raise, a 7% raise or a 30%+ promotion- all of which have happened...and I'm inevitably let down because I've convinced myself I got a promotion without being told and I'm now in the class of people that supersize their value meals for status and throw away the additional fries because carbs. I go back to my ways of picking up the additional fries from the ground and ordering from the dollar menu.
 
I think my wife would kill me if I started calling her "babe". She's okay with "Love" or "Sweetheart" (which I use a lot), but there are certain ones I don't use because I've gotten a negative response.
babe and sweetheart for my wife- "baby" has slipped out and its really weird when it happens. "mommy" and "daddy" a lot since the 2.0 arrived a few months ago. Her name is Melissa, sometimes I refer to her as "M" but never call her that really.
 
@RBHeadge PE looked up at them from their ergonomic chair, unperturbed by the height difference. “It won’t work.” Before @MeowMeow was able to respond, @RBHeadge PE whipped out their spray mister they used on their exotic plants and pulled the trigger.

@MeowMeow screeched, the noise metallic, and stumbled back. Sparks flew from their neck, where it looked like the skin was peeling back to reveal hard, gunmetal gray instead of blinding red. Their hands clawed at the wound as they fell heavily to their knees, face smearing and hanging loosely from their skull as if the fat behind it had liquified. With another creaking, gasping sigh from their lips, @MeowMeow fell forward into a smoldering heap.
Yeesh. Remind me never to cross this guy!
 
I oddly miss annual reviews. Here you get a "review" if you F up and it's going to be a total ass chewing. Either way you get a raise on the same day (ish- 2nd Friday in January I find out what my raise is) every year and have no feedback about what it's going to be. So I have 8-13 days in January where I'm calculating the new budget based on a 3% raise, a 4% raise, a 5% raise, a 6% raise, a 7% raise or a 30%+ promotion- all of which have happened...and I'm inevitably let down because I've convinced myself I got a promotion without being told and I'm now in the class of people that supersize their value meals for status and throw away the additional fries because carbs. I go back to my ways of picking up the additional fries from the ground and ordering from the dollar menu.
At my 2 previous companies, performance reviews were all about listing many accomplishments as possible to convince your manager to score you has high as possible and/or to rank you above other employees.

At my current company it's genuinely about having an open conversation about what went well on your yearly plan and how to improve anything that didn't go well on your plan. Also we write our own plans and largely get to decide what is important to work on. So performance review feedback influences next year's plan.

It's a much better system!

.
 
At my 2 previous companies, performance reviews were all about listing many accomplishments as possible to convince your manager to score you has high as possible and/or to rank you above other employees.

At my current company it's genuinely about having an open conversation about what went well on your yearly plan and how to improve anything that didn't go well on your plan. Also we write our own plans and largely get to decide what is important to work on. So performance review feedback influences next year's plan.

It's a much better system!

.
I'm anxious to see what the process looks like at my new digs. The old workplace was super stagnant and reviews were boring. Mediocrity was rewarded with the same prize as excellency, and so the result was quite underwhelming for those who worked hard.
 
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