I GOT A DATE!!!

[Chucktown PE]

Before we say goodbye to the thread that gave us AC Slatering, shitting the bed, and a host of other things that I will never be able to erase from memory, I hope Fudgey can give us all some closure.

 

[KEG]

^AMEN!

 

[ODB_PE]

As one of the early Fudgey dating consultants, I too was shocked to learn about the recent turn of events. Now that the thread is in the hall of fame, I offer the following:

(fixed for the workplace impaired)



(Not for everybody, but I am sure certain members would concur)

Hang in there Fudgey!

 

[Chucktown PE]

^^ F@*($@#*U box with a red X.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Hmmm...its an attachment, so I think you would be able to see it.

Edit: nevermind. i see what you did there.

 

[Chucktown PE]

Now it works. I can't agree with you on this one from my own point of view but it is true for a lot of folks.

 

[FLBuff PE]

My condolences to the Fudge-man. However, when you start dating again, you need to post here again!

 

[cement]

put JR on speed dial bro.

you'll have the :appl: in a week!

 

[Fudgey]

Thanks for the concern everyone. I'm pretty heartbroken right now. I've never really had a serious girlfriend before, so this is basically my first time getting dumped. I'm pretty devastated, but it will pass.

We had been on outs for the past couple of months. While I wanted it work, a part of me knew this might be coming one day. It just didn't happen as I envisioned. We were together but the spark was gone.

I don't think her parents ever really liked me. They were polite, but never warmed up. Maybe it's just them, but it may have put her off.

She also said that my sense of humor and personality, which she used to think was a lot of fun, was getting tiresome at times. We also were having a hard time finding things to do together and couldn't agree on anything, like what to watch, etc.

I could tell she wasn't happy that I haven't buckled down and passed the PE yet and other stuff like that. I think she was worried she would end up with a slacker though I don't think I am one.

I guess looking back, I should have seen the signs, but I just wanted it to work out. This leads me to the final nail in the coffin last weekend...

The other night, I decided to take her out for a bite to eat at our favorite Indian restaurant. Had I known the spicy lamb curry would have caused the chaos it did I never would have ordered it.

I was extremely hungry and ate heartily after a long day. Each of us ordered a curry dish. As it turned out, my dish was a doozy. After fairly pleasant conversation and a couple bottles of wine we wrapped it up and headed home.

The first onset of rumblings began about two blocks from the restaurant. The sudden activity in my stomach got my attention, though the activity subsided as we continued the walk home. The second phase began as I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed after a little romp in the sack. I felt an extreme discomfort as a gas bubble formed somewhere in the depths of my bowels.

At that point I knew I was in for a rough one. Being as exhausted as I was, I fell asleep for a couple of hours. I then awoke in a helpless panic as I felt my bowels beginning to regurgitate the curry I consumed earlier.

As I was climbing over her in my feeble attempt to make it to the restroom, my ass exploded and showered mt bedroom wall. I had not put my boxers back on after our previous love making session, so there was no barrier between my ass cannon and her and the wall. She awoke in a panic (not to mention peppered with ****) and yelled as the stench overcame her and she realized what had happened.

She barely said a word, just showered, got dressed and left. She said it was over and in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. I guess she could only deal with so many accidents.

So here I am, flying solo, with a wall that needs a professional cleaning.

 

[Chucktown PE]

Sometimes I look at these posts and I think. There is no possible way that actually happened. I mean, how could one person have this many episodes? But then I think “anything is possible.” I suppose it’s like that for everyone and maybe we should take this on faith but is there any way you could get us a picture of the wall?

I hate to say that I’m starting to doubt the veracity but I have had one or two major episodes in my entire life (excluding the time I wasn’t potty trained) and Fudgey has had 6 or 7 in the past year, at least. Maybe I was blessed with a very strong sphincter and can hold back the screaming ***** but I would just think that instinct would lead you to put a hand back there to prevent spraying your lady friend down with partially digested Indian food.

If it is true I think you can disregard my previous post about her possibly coming back, I just don’t see anyone being able to recover from something like that. I am not trying to kick you when you’re down Fudgey but this may provide some good time for self reflection. Also, I might point out that taking some preventative Immodium AD at a couple of key points in this relationship may have saved you a lot of heartache. You could have avoided the AC Slater which may very well have been what did you in with the parents. As a recommendation going forward, I suggest that you take two Immodium AD before every date for the first year of your next relationship. When things start getting a little more comfortable you can take the Immodium every other date. Then go to every third date. Then she can gradually become acquainted with the ways in which your bowels explode. You may also want to go see a doctor. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 but I encourage you to use this event to improve your next relationship.

 

[csb]

I could tell she wasn't happy that I haven't buckled down and passed the PE yet and other stuff like that. I think she was worried she would end up with a slacker though I don't think I am one.

Wait...what am I doing if EITs are slackers?

 

[wilheldp_PE]

Wait...what am I doing if EITs are slackers?

Slacking?

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Indian food followed by no undies?!?

Fudgey, that's like doubling up the output at a nuclear power plant and then removing the control rods!

Sorry about your situation, and about the wall.

Though to be honest I can see why she's tired of your spatter cone.

I hate to say that I’m starting to doubt the veracity but I have had one or two major episodes in my entire life (excluding the time I wasn’t potty trained) and Fudgey has had 6 or 7 in the past year, at least.

Actually many of his stories involve a lifetime of gastric peril, as well as a few about others. I think only a few were real recent.

 

[Supe]

Indian food followed by no undies?!?
Fudgey, that's like doubling up the output at a nuclear power plant and then removing the control rods!

Sorry about your situation, and about the wall.

Though to be honest I can see why she's tired of your spatter cone.

Actually many of his stories involve a lifetime of gastric peril, as well as a few about others. I think only a few were real recent.

Thanks a lot. I was on a conference call when I read this.

 

[cement]

the two bottles of wine is raising the red flag here. we had a drunk flagger on a prject that would **** himself.

 

[Guest]

put JR on speed dial bro.
you'll have the :appl: in a week!

Ooohh .. ouch!! :smileyballs:

Thanks for the concern everyone. I'm pretty heartbroken right now. I've never really had a serious girlfriend before, so this is basically my first time getting dumped. I'm pretty devastated, but it will pass.

And that's the attitude to take fudgey ... it WILL pass!

It sounds like it might be time to circle the wagons a little and get some 'me' time in. I would probably look for friends to hang with to get that chill time in as well as focusing on your licensing again - that will help allow the pain to pass as well.

Good luck man!! :thumbs:

Sometimes I look at these posts and I think. There is no possible way that actually happened. I mean, how could one person have this many episodes? But then I think “anything is possible.”

I have known of some pretty outlandish things that have happened - I just think fudgey has an abnormally high incidence of irritable bowel or some other 'dumping' syndrome type mechanism. Don't hate on the man - he's just trying to come to grips with it!

Wait...what am I doing if EITs are slackers?

You are obviously quite a productive member of your organization .. :laugh:

:bio:

JR

 

[KEG]

As I was climbing over her in my feeble attempt to make it to the restroom, my ass exploded and showered mt bedroom wall. I had not put my boxers back on after our previous love making session, so there was no barrier between my ass cannon and her and the wall. She awoke in a panic (not to mention peppered with ****) and yelled as the stench overcame her and she realized what had happened.
She barely said a word, just showered, got dressed and left. She said it was over and in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. I guess she could only deal with so many accidents.

So here I am, flying solo, with a wall that needs a professional cleaning.

Give up women for a while and write your autobiography. With the millions you make, you'll be able to have any woman you want.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

I bet his autobiography would be the type of book you'd be proud to bring to the bathroom with you.

 

[Chucktown PE]

Confessions of a Man with a Dangerous *******

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind