Excuses, Excuses! Worst, Funniest, Etc.

[Capt Worley PE]

The stars were not aligned.

 

[MA_PE]

The posters were all maligned.

 

[Supe]

Its legal over in Amsterdam.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

My feet were too sunburned.

 

[Supe]

Its not my fault that God put those two holes so close together.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Dang phone pole jumped out in front of me.

 

[Supe]

Thats not in my job description.

 

[wilheldp_PE]

I did not have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.

But that cigar sure did.

 

[Supe]

But that cigar sure did.

*ba-dump pshht*

I can't help you unless I have a time charge number.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

I seem to have lost that file.

 

[MGX]

Dang phone pole jumped out in front of me.

I had an engineer in our office call me early one morning and ask if a car's engine should fall out if the vehicle were to hit a telephone pole. I told him "yes" and he said "oh, ok" and hung up the phone before I could ask WTF. I went to work and he wasn't there.

Turns out, he did hit a telephone pole and his engine fell out!

 

[Supe]

It wasn't in the manual.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

The Swedish Bikini Team was holding me for ransom and I refused to pay up.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

My little brother wiped his butt with my homework.

My friend's son actually tried to use that one...

 

[MA_PE]

I had an engineer in our office call me early one morning and ask if a car's engine should fall out if the vehicle were to hit a telephone pole. I told him "yes" and he said "oh, ok" and hung up the phone before I could ask WTF. I went to work and he wasn't there.
Turns out, he did hit a telephone pole and his engine fell out!

depends on the car. Back in the old days that block would have gone right through the dashboard.

Honestly officer I thought my beer was going to spill and I took my eyes off the road for a second when I rear-ended that car.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

I wasn't speeding. This car just looks fast.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

I'm sorry Mrs. Miller. I missed class yesterday because I dropped my joint and burned a hole in my pants. By the time I got home to change them, I forgot why I was there so I drove back to school. As I was parking, I looked down and saw the hole in my pants. So I went home... but by the time I got there I had forgotten what I needed to do...

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Sorry. I didn't know that was your wife.

 

[MA_PE]

Sorry. I didn't know that was your wife.

but I must say she's the spitting image of your daughter.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

She told me she was eighteen.