Excuses, Excuses! Worst, Funniest, Etc.

[Supe]

I told you I had a vasectomy done, you never asked if I had it reversed.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

My kid threw up on me

 

[Supe]

That's not mine, I haven't eaten corn lately.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Oooo....I left my wallet at home.

 

[wilheldp_PE]

I told you I'm on dipsalucious vacation. What part of that don't you understand?

 

[Supe]

I'll get the bill next time.

 

[MA_PE]

I'd throw up back on him, that'll teach him.

 

[Flyer_PE]

I gave at the office.

 

[Supe]

If you clocked me going that fast, just think of how fast you were going to catch me!

 

[wilheldp_PE]

Me: I'm going into labor!

Cop: ...but you're a man.

 

[Supe]

I am going into labor! You should see the list of **** my wife gave me to do!

 

[Capt Worley PE]

I don't think I got that list.

 

[Supe]

She's not technically my wife.

 

[wilheldp_PE]

I'm not technically a human.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

It used to be blue, when it used to be new (and when it used to be clean).

 

[Supe]

Its ok, the toilet water is fresh.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

I need a drink. Now.

 

[Supe]

I haven't be jinking on the drob.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

Occifer, I swear I habnt bin dwinkinn

 

[Supe]

Sexual harassment is such a harsh term...