EB Mafia

[DLD PE]

And I mean, whatever, everyone has something and I could have had it a lot worse, my parents were still good parents in many ways.  Didn't mean to start delving into my childhood in this thread?  THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU KILL ME OFF TOO EARLY

It beats getting kicked by a horse.

 

[JayKay PE]

It's better than being kicked by a horse.

As someone who has been kicked by a horse:

 

[txjennah PE]

I had a great (albeit strict) upbringing.  My wife had a terrible upbringing.  She wanted to raise our son the way I was raised, but didn't know how.  There's a good audiobook she read called "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids" by Dr. Laura Markham.  It's been REALLY good for her, and us.  I'm reading it now.  Seems counteruitive at first, be very effective.  I highly recommend it.

Also the "Boundaries" series of books by Henry Cloud are really good, especially the one for kids.

Thanks so much for the recommendation!  

 

[Orchid PE]

Idk how me and my wife lucked out with good parents. Hopefully they'll be good models for us to follow. My wife's parents definitely raised her right, but I don't agree with some of their views/actions. They didn't even come to our wedding.

I couldn't imagine not being at my little girl's wedding.

 

[JayKay PE]

Thanks so much for the recommendation!  

NEWS?S?S??!
@#?>W"!

 

[DLD PE]

Idk how me and my wife lucked out with good parents. Hopefully they'll be good models for us to follow. My wife's parents definitely raised her right, but I don't agree with some of their views. They didn't even come to our wedding.

I didn't meet my father in-law and his wife (her stepmom) until the day of our wedding (he and my wife weren't getting along).  When he found out we were dating they were like, "I pray he goes to a good church."  Only a few years later did he comment on how good of a person I was and how glad they were that we were successful.  They were like, "Well we didn't know you before."  I'm thinking, "Well why should that have put any negative thoughts in your mind?"  Why assume bad things about people before you meet them?

 

[DLD PE]

NEWS?S?S??!
@#?>W"!

wut?  I miss something?  I can't keep up with all you guys! lol

 

[txjennah PE]

I didn't meet my father in-law and his wife (her stepmom) until the day of our wedding (he and my wife weren't getting along).  When he found out we were dating they were like, "I pray he goes to a good church."  Only a few years later did he comment on how good of a person I was and how glad they were that we were successful.  They were like, "Well we didn't know you before."  I'm thinking, "Well why should that have put any negative thoughts in your mind?"  Why assume bad things about people before you meet them?

I'm sorry to hear that  I think people make these assumptions out of fear. My parents were convinced that my now-husband would dump me once he got his PhD.  And my husband NEVER did anything that should have gave anyone that impression...they were just convinced that he would and tried to get me to break up with him.  

 

[Orchid PE]

I didn't meet my father in-law and his wife (her stepmom) until the day of our wedding (he and my wife weren't getting along).  When he found out we were dating they were like, "I pray he goes to a good church."  Only a few years later did he comment on how good of a person I was and how glad they were that we were successful.  They were like, "Well we didn't know you before."  I'm thinking, "Well why should that have put any negative thoughts in your mind?"  Why assume bad things about people before you meet them?

Sounds like maybe they didn't have enough confidence in their daughter to pick a good man.

 

[LyceeFruit PE]

Thanks so much for the recommendation!  

NEWS?S?S??!
@#?>W"!

yeah wait wut?!?!?!

 

[DLD PE]

I'm sorry to hear that  I think people make these assumptions out of fear. My parents were convinced that my now-husband would dump me once he got his PhD.  And my husband NEVER did anything that should have gave anyone that impression...they were just convinced that he would and tried to get me to break up with him.  

Wow.  That's just...wow.

 

[DLD PE]

Sounds like maybe they didn't have enough confidence in their daughter to pick a good man.

Part of the "terrible upbringing" I spoke about.  They never had confidence in her to do anything right.  I had to spend the next 10+ years undoing all that.

 

[txjennah PE]

NEWS?S?S??!
@#?>W"!

Is this directed at me?  No news haha

 

[txjennah PE]

Part of the "terrible upbringing" I spoke about.  They never had confidence in her to do anything right.  I had to spend the next 10+ years undoing all that.

She sounds very lucky to have you as a partner

 

[Orchid PE]

I didn't meet my father in-law and his wife (her stepmom) until the day of our wedding (he and my wife weren't getting along).  When he found out we were dating they were like, "I pray he goes to a good church."  Only a few years later did he comment on how good of a person I was and how glad they were that we were successful.  They were like, "Well we didn't know you before."  I'm thinking, "Well why should that have put any negative thoughts in your mind?"  Why assume bad things about people before you meet them?

I'm sorry to hear that  I think people make these assumptions out of fear. My parents were convinced that my now-husband would dump me once he got his PhD.  And my husband NEVER did anything that should have gave anyone that impression...they were just convinced that he would and tried to get me to break up with him.  

There was a point when my wife came to be and she said her parents thought I might be abusing her. We both laughed before we new how ridiculous that was, but I think they were just upset about the whole wedding and everything.

 

[txjennah PE]

There was a point when my wife came to be and she said her parents thought I might be abusing her. We both laughed before we new how ridiculous that was, but I think they were just upset about the whole wedding and everything.

I'm so sorry to hear that.  I don't think they understand that when they express their fears in that way, they're only pushing the child away further.  

 

[Orchid PE]

Part of the "terrible upbringing" I spoke about.  They never had confidence in her to do anything right.  I had to spend the next 10+ years undoing all that.

Yesss. I know what you mean. For my wife it was she didn't have a lot of confidence in herself. She is super smart (I mean, she's an EE, the smartest engineering field), but I think she was just held at a very high standard growing up that it caused her to not notice how well she was actually doing in life.

 

[Orchid PE]

I'm so sorry to hear that.  I don't think they understand that when they express their fears in that way, they're only pushing the child away further.  

And that's exactly what happened. There was a time when we all got along great, but then over time things changed. My dad thinks it was because they were somewhat controlling and didn't know how to handle losing their oldest, as well as only girl, when she grew up.

I think they wanted just the absolute best for her, and nothing would ever be good enough. They were also in the situation where they didn't really think she was old enough to live on her own and whatnot. She was like 24 at that time.

 

[JayKay PE]

Is this directed at me?  No news haha

BOOOO.  ALSO YOUR HUSBAND IS A GEM AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOUR PARENTS THOUGHT HE WOULD HAVE JUST LEFT AFTER HE GOT HIS PHD?  DID THEY MEET SOMEONE DIFFERENT? 

 

[txjennah PE]

And that's exactly what happened. There was a time when we all got along great, but then over time things changed. My dad thinks it was because they were somewhat controlling and didn't know how to handle losing their oldest, as well as only girl, when she grew up.

Sigh. I relate so hard to this.  I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that, but you sound like a very understanding partner.  I know it has to be hard to go through that on your end.