Bad advice to previous poster

[Dleg]

^Get in there and do it yourself, with duct tape and epoxy.

What's the best way to get rid of a cold?

 

[Ship Wreck PE]

Take a cold shower.

What's the best way to get cheap airline tickets?

 

[Dleg]

Book a one-way ticket to New York on Air Afghanistan.

I need a good gift idea for my boss, who is returning from a very long vacation.

 

[blybrook PE]

Get him / her a hemmroid pillow or a cushioned toilet seat.

With friends like mine, who should be the best man?

 

[goodal]

That homeless guy you passed by on the freeway.

How can I get more work coming into the office?

 

[Ship Wreck PE]

Offer S&H green stamps

What should I have for lunch today ??

 

[knight1fox3]

Lutefisk.

How am I going to get my final project finished?

 

[Jdsmith PE]

Put it in rice and hope that little asians will come finish it for you, like when you drop your phone in the toilet.

What should I get my GF for Christmas?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

A match.com account.

How should I fix the squeaky fan in my car's HVAC system?

 

[Ship Wreck PE]

Rince fan vents with water hose. That should do it.

How should I ask boss for a raise now that I have my PE.

 

[Sapper PE LS]

By giving him a PE-ness stamp.

How do I make millions of dollars in the next couple of we... Ah hell, next couple of hours.

 

[Jdsmith PE]

Sell your organs on the black market!

How can I tell if it is worth "sticking it out" at my current employer?

 

[NJmike PE]

By grabbing the secretaries a$$.

What do I tell my wife when she asks, "does this dress make me look fat?"

 

[Ship Wreck PE]

The truth

What should I stamp with my new stamp??

 

[goodal]

Your lower back just above your crack.

What is the best way to tell my coworker his fly is down?

 

[knight1fox3]

Send a company-wide email.

How can I replace the stereo in my Infinity GX for less than $600?

 

[Jdsmith PE]

Drive it off of a cliff (assuming you have $500 deductible).

How do I get the kids to do their homework?

 

[NJmike PE]

Threaten to slave trade them.

How do I tell my wife that her cooking is horrible?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

What do I do with my kids so I can go out to dinner with friends tonight?

 

[NJmike PE]

Bring them. Just leave them in the car.

How do I tell my wife she is becoming her mother?