Bad advice to previous poster

[P-E]

Burn your car and steal the neighbor's.

I need to jump start my car but have no cables. Now what do I do?

 

[Dleg]

Take an ordinary extension cord, cut off the female end, strip the wires and connect them to the battery terminals, and then plug the male end into a wall outlet. It should work perfectly. Make sure someone is standing over the battery and looking at it very closely during this process.

My daughter needs to be able to do 40 pushups in under 2 minutes by the end of the month, but right now she can only do 5. What kind of training plan do you recommend?

 

[P-E]

Teach her It's a tough life. One hour of hard labor for each missed push up.

My train into the city was cancelled two days in a row. What is the best way to show my displeasure?

 

[matt267 PE]

Burn the city down Ferguson style.

What would be the best way to contact my states Eng. Board.

 

[Supe]

Singing telegram, chock full of profanity.

Starting to nod off at work - what to do?

 

[P-E]

Turn off all the lights, tell everyone to be quiet and craw under your desk.

I'm craving doughnuts suddenly. What to do?

 

[matt267 PE]

Find some large jugs of milk.

Should I skip out on my meeting?

 

[P-E]

Absolutely. Don't forget to skip in as well.

How much beer should I bring to a football party?

 

[matt267 PE]

NONE. You should drink it all on the way to the party.

What game should we play tonight during "family game night."

 

[Supe]

Russian Roulette

Wait two hours, or leave work now?

 

[envirotex]

You can go ahead and go now since you've been waiting approximately 5 hours for some one to answer your question.

Thin or thick crust?

 

[P-E]

Neither. Too many carbs. Just slop some goopy cheese and sauce on a plate.

I'm in a crowded elevator and I have to fart. Should I hold it until my floor?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

Rip it now and hit the emergency fire stop button until everyone enjoys it.

My wife wants me to do the sink-full of dishes, but I want to play video games, what should I do?

 

[engineergurl]

get drunk.

I wanted to get drunk, and did, but now my husband doesn't want me to play youtube music and keeps turning the tv up, wth?

 

[P-E]

Keep drinking and hurl on the tv. That'll get his attention.

I have two people interested in my apartment. Do I rent to the moving tenant's friend or my wife's friend?

 

[Ken PE 3.1]

Your wife's friend, you know she likes you.

It's 2 degrees out and the dog wants to play, what should I do?

 

[Dleg]

Fill up a kiddie pool for him. Dogs love water, and the 32 degree hose water is considerably warmer than the environment, so what could go wrong?

I've got a backup generator that we paid $80 grand for from a vendor. It was a rehabbed unit (diesel 350 kW or so) with an automatic transfer switch and everything. It ran a grand total of 10 hours before failing. Now the same vendor is asking to be paid to trouble shoot it. What should I do?

 

[P-E]

This is quite simple. Torch the generator and file an insurance claim. Problem solved.

Wife has book club at the same time as a football party and no babysitter. Now what?

 

[Lumber Jim]

send one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish with the kids and mom. Drink until you forget at the football party...

I need to go to North Dakota tomorrow. What to do?

 

[P-E]

Fake you're own death due to freezing and hop the plane to Miami instead.

I need to rent a car for business but can't decide which one. Need help.