Sorry to say that this year's race is canceled. It was a tough call given it's 2 months out, but, frankly, I just didn't think you'd be able to learn how to run in a world without snot rockets in less than 8 weeks. So, in light of your abhorrent personal hygiene and throwing no credit to your more positive compulsive tendencies like running and surely hand washing, the CDC has asked that we crush your olympic dreams once again this year. Maybe if you can learn how to use a Kleenex and stop chest bumping like GD Spartan racers every time you nail the Tyrolean Traverse we can have the race next year.
I'm told that refunds have already been issued, so, take that money straight to the bank because, as George Bailey reminds us in It's a Wonderful Life, money you put in your neighbor's house is sure to be a confusing thing to withdraw when the new owners move in. Or something like that.
I know this is not the best news you've ever received but hey at least it's not the worst! And if it is the worst news you've ever received you are having a heck of a good day! Congrats!