Obama Jokes

[RIP - VTEnviro]

One more serious note, encourage your kid to register to vote if not already

Why am I getting this image in my head of the South Park episode where they vote for kindergarten class president?

 

[DVINNY]

3 Kids Fishing

Barak Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.

He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland '

Barak said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special Senator's airplane.'

The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's shoes.'

Barak said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!'

The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'

Barak was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're disabled.

The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!'

 

[DVINNY]

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect wildlife in the US.

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to simply sit and wait for the government to provide for their care and sustenance.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

I was in the Canadian Rockies a few years back and saw a very similar sight. We had walked passed a recently and sloppily vacated picnic table on a short trail to a lake. We saw the lake and started back, and saw a small black bear picking over the scraps at the table maybe 30' away. That was enough to get the adrenaline running and nearly require a trip to the suitcase for a new set of undies.

Then I was in Yellowstone last year and there was a crowd gathered watching a grizzly that was up in a tree. My wife decided to wander over right to the bottom of the tree where the bear is and stare up at it. This was the day before we got married mind you and I was really hoping she'd have all her limbs for the photos. Everyone else in our group followed suit. My sister in law and I were the only ones to hang back. I can see why they let her into Harvard.

Anyway, back on point...I generally vote Democratic but that won't stop me from posting a few snippets.

"I'm sure you know by now, Jesse Jackson was overheard saying, and I'll put this more delicately, that he wanted to cut Barack Obama's testicles off. And Jesse has been on several news programs the last couple of days, explaining what he meant by those comments. Do you need to explain that?" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama's two daughters are very excited, because I guess Barack Obama promised the kids that after the election he's going to get them a dog. That's the thing, they're all excited, he's going to get them a dog after the election. And the good news -- Jesse Jackson has offered to neuter it, so I think that's terrific." --Jay Leno

"The other day the plane that Barack Obama was on had some mechanical difficulties and was forced to land. Well, the National Transportation Safety Board did an inspection on the plane, and you know what they found? The bolts on the plane were fine, but apparently Jesse Jackson had taken some of the nuts off." --Jay Leno

 

[DVINNY]

Sadly this is no joke, but a real quote from O'Bama

My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it. -- Barack Obama

 

[Capt Worley PE]

If you add McCain's age to Obama's age, you get how many times Obama says 'uh' when answering a question.

Seriously, the dude can't speak off the cuff. He makes Bush look like a master orator.

 

[DVINNY]

He can't REALLY answer questions off the cuff, but he is great at the spin.

For example:

when asked about whether or not he would favor the Fair Tax, Obama said "I think that it needs to be studied more"

He tries to make it sound like the Fair Tax plan needs more work, when the fact is, he doesn't know a damn thing about it.

he's good at that at least.

 

[DVINNY]

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He lowered his altitude and spotted a woman fishing from a boat below.

He shouted to her, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The woman consulted her portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

The balloonist rolled his eyes and said, 'You must be a Republican!'

'I am,' replied the woman. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'Everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost.

Frankly, you're not much help to me.'

The woman smiled and responded, 'You must be a Democrat.'

'I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' said the woman, 'You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.'

 

[sehad]

^ :Locolaugh: :Locolaugh:

 

[DVINNY]

Q. What is a conservative?

A. A liberal who finally grew up.

 

[benbo]

What about Terry Moran from ABC. He said something to the effect -

"Sen. Obama is "the son of a black man from Kenya, and a white man from Kansas."

To again quote Mr. Moran, this "is a moment for the history books."

I'll say it is.

You can't make this stuff up.

 

[DVINNY]

Does any of this inspire you guys?

"Democrat Barack Obama says he would delay rescinding President Bush's tax cuts on wealthy Americans if he becomes the next president and the economy is in a recession, suggesting such an increase would further hurt the economy." —Associated Press **"So he's saying he wants to wait for any recession to pass, and then he'll hurt the economy?" —James Taranto

"If you've got a gun in your house, I'm not taking it. Even if I want to take them away, I don't have the votes in Congress." —Barack Obama, who thinks the only thing between him and your guns is a few votes

Left-theology: "Let's not play games... You're absolutely right that John McCain has not talked about my Muslim faith... uh, my Christian faith. Well, what I'm saying is that he hasn't suggested that I'm a Muslim... What I think is fair to say is that, coming out of the Republican camp, there have been efforts to suggest that perhaps I'm not who I say I am when it comes to my faith—something which I find deeply offensive, and that has been going on for a pretty long time." —Barack Obama demonstrating that he's as confused about his religious faith as everybody else is

On global warming: "Global warming is a serious problem. Uh, i-it's not just some tree hugger, you know, uhhh, sprout eatin' liberal thing. You know, the polar ice caps are melting. Temperatures are getting warmer in the oceans, and it could wreck [sic] havoc on our agriculture. It could increase insect-borne diseases." —Barack uh, Obama

On Iraq: "I think that the surge has succeeded in ways that nobody anticipated...t succeeded beyond our wildest dreams." —commander in chief wannabe Barack Obama conceding he did not, in his "wildest dreams" expect to win in Iraq





On taxes: "If I am sitting pretty, and you've got a waitress who is making minimum wage plus tips, and I can afford it and she can't—what's the big deal for me to say, 'I'm going to pay a little bit more.' That is neighborliness." —Barack Obama **Because taxes are JUST LIKE tipping the poor.

 

[Flyer_PE]

On taxes: "If I am sitting pretty, and you've got a waitress who is making minimum wage plus tips, and I can afford it and she can't—what's the big deal for me to say, 'I'm going to pay a little bit more.' That is neighborliness." —Barack Obama **Because taxes are JUST LIKE tipping the poor.

If I see somebody that needs help, say an elderly neighbor that needs a lawn mowed or a ride to the doctor, and I provide that ride or mow that lawn, that's neighborly.

However, if I see that same neighbor in need of help and then proceed to go down the street with a gun and force somebody else to pay for the ride or the lawn care, that's socialism.

 

[DVINNY]

Well said.

 

[wilheldp_PE]

However, if I see that same neighbor in need of help and then proceed to go down the street with a gun and force somebody else to pay for the ride or the lawn care, that's socialism.

How is this different than Bush holding a gun to my head and forcing me to pay tax dollars for education, transportation, and any number of other bureaucratic functions that could be more easily and cheaply handled by the private sector? We live under a socialist quasi-democracy as it is, but people only get worked up if somebody from the "opposite party" suggests that we descend further into socialism.

 

[DVINNY]

As a republican, I can say that Bush spent WAY TOO MUCH money for my tastes.

Does that help?

 

[Flyer_PE]

^^^There's no difference whatsoever. The nanny-state grows larger every year regardless of which party is in charge. The only thing that changes is the rate of expansion.

Will Rogers- not an exact quote: No man is safe at any time when congress is in session.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

^^^There's no difference whatsoever. The nanny-state grows larger every year regardless of which party is in charge. The only thing that changes is the rate of expansion.

That's the dang truth.

 

[wilheldp_PE]

As a republican, I can say that Bush spent WAY TOO MUCH money for my tastes.

Does that help?

It's a start, but identifying that there is a problem is only the beginning. The next step is doing something about it. Choosing between a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich every year is only perpetuating the problem.

 

[Road Guy]

If elections changed anything they would make them illegal