Its the most wonderful time of the year.......................

[Katiebug]

Katiebug, where are your folks in all of this?
For what it's worth, we are the only ones that have reproduced and my in-laws value me just as poorly as they did before.

My parents are very cool about everything. We're spending the holiday with them at the home of family friends. They're used to not having Mark and me around on holidays due to the influence of my in-laws, and we decided they're not getting the short end of the stick anymore.

SIL offered to invite my parents to their house, but we'd still have to deal with BIL's batshit crazy mother (the woman sent us a card in August with photos of HER holding our nephew and the written statement that if we truly love him, we will wait to have children of our own until the nephew is 5 or 6 and can understand that he's still the "family favorite"). So that was a definite no-go. SIL is well aware of why we're not coming, but she can't very well un-invite her husband's mother.

BIL's mother is extremely possessive of our nephew. The day after our nephew was born, Mark and I were visiting at the hospital, and SIL asked us to change him into his first "real" outfit. Well, BIL's mom swooped into the room about 30 seconds later, physically pushed us away from the bassinet, and took over the dressing activity herself because since I'm not a mother myself she felt I wouldn't know to support a newborn's head. <_< Then, last Thanksgiving (nephew's first Thanksgiving; he was about 4 months old) she literally snatched the baby out of my arms and wouldn't let Mark carry him upstairs to change his diaper because "any man without a child of is own is bound to drop a baby." :screwloose: Finally BIL intervened got the kid back in his hands, and then immediately passed the baby off to me, which so enraged his mother that we took our leave within 5 minutes and escaped to a pleasant meal at my parents' home. Honestly, it's like she thinks SHE is the mother, not SIL.

We chose a few months ago that we will not voluntarily be around that woman ever again. This means that if SIL wants her brother to show up at her house for Thanksgiving ever again, she cannot invite her MIL. That's her choice - SIL has to put up with the woman, but WE do not!

As for the having a kid aspect, I'm sure FIL will still play the favorites game even once we do have a baby. He has played favorites since his kids were small and I doubt it'll ever change...

 

[Supe]

Wow Bug, I thought my parents were nut jobs, but it sounds like she takes the cake!

 

[Chucktown PE]

Wow, so many in-laws to keep track of. My MIL is also batshit crazy if it makes you feel better. And at least she isn’t your mother in law. My SIL’s parents are pretty cool and I see them a couple of times a year but we tend not to mix our family get togethers. Every now and again it happens with our kids’ birthdays and such but my MIL just expects that we are spending the holidays with them every year. This is the first year in about 10 that I have spent Thanksgiving with my folks. It irritates the crap out of my mom but she never says anything, just to try and see them over the holidays so that my brothers and I are in the same place at the same time, whether it is a couple days after or whatever. Our plan from here on out is to do Thanksgiving with one family one year and Christmas with the other. Then switch the following year. My brother is on the same rotation as us so we are getting close to making everyone happy.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

She sounds a lot like my mom... at one point she tried to get me and hubby declared "unfit parents". She had a HUGE list of our faults... some of the highlights from that list:

I left my baby doll in the sink when I was 4 (apparently that proves that I have no maternal instinct)

I got pregnant out of wedlock while in college (oh, the horror!)

I went back to class when baby was 2 weeks old... leaving the baby alone WITH HER FATHER!!!

I let the dog lick the baby on her face

it was nuts. we no longer speak to my family.

 

[Supe]

She sounds a lot like my mom... at one point she tried to get me and hubby declared "unfit parents". She had a HUGE list of our faults... some of the highlights from that list: I left my baby doll in the sink when I was 4 (apparently that proves that I have no maternal instinct)

I got pregnant out of wedlock while in college (oh, the horror!)

I went back to class when baby was 2 weeks old... leaving the baby alone WITH HER FATHER!!!

I let the dog lick the baby on her face

it was nuts. we no longer speak to my family.

:screwloose:

My hats off to you. You're a productive member of society, whereas I would be in jail given the same scenario!

 

[Guest]

You busted out a SHOCKER EMOTICON!

Thats mad skilz!

Thank ya brotha!! :bananalama:

My hats off to you. You're a productive member of society, whereas I would be in jail given the same scenario!

+1 .. I would have definitely been tearing family apart at that point and would no longer be a productive member of society.

JR

 

[csb]

Next year I vote we have eb.com Thanksgiving. That way no crazy in-laws can come.

 

[EM_PS]

These stories fascinate me - i just cannot wrap my brain around the idea of people, so-called sentient intelligent beings, truly being that dysfunctionally F'd up. . .i mean my MIL is a bit looneytunes herself, but woah! those are truly horror stories

i have such a low tolerance for inane stupidity that i would of blow'd up whatever shaky ties may exist w/ said stoopid people - its just no way to live life, having to deal w/ that type of Hell. Heart's out to you guys. . . i'd wind up on an episode of Criminal Minds if i had to try to cope w/ that

 

[Guest]

Next year I vote we have eb.com Thanksgiving. That way no crazy in-laws can come.

Good suggestion!! lusone: Who is going to host??

I will bring pumpkin pie!

These stories fascinate me - i just cannot wrap my brain around the idea of people, so-called sentient intelligent beings, truly being that dysfunctionally F'd up. . .i mean my MIL is a bit looneytunes herself, but woah! those are truly horror stories
i have such a low tolerance for inane stupidity that i would of blow'd up whatever shaky ties may exist w/ said stoopid people - its just no way to live life, having to deal w/ that type of Hell. Heart's out to you guys. . . i'd wind up on an episode of Criminal Minds if i had to try to cope w/ that

It's insane how many 'crazy' stories are out there ...

I just try to be thankful for what little bit of sanity I have in my life.

JR

 

[csb]

They're family...that's why we stick it out.

Of course, some of them we avoid more than others!

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Mine are pretty normal folks for the most part. I'll be visiting the in laws in a couple months, and it should be pretty good. They're kinda a surrogate aunt/uncle to me.

 

[EM_PS]

They're family...that's why we stick it out.
Of course, some of them we avoid more than others!

yeah, i get it, family is family but. . .

it was nuts. we no longer speak to my family.

c'mon, wouldn't you do the same as TX here? I'm sorry, sometimes family, whether blood or 'mud', doesn't always = family

If i had family as bad as some of these examples, i could not take overly much to 'going thru the motions' just because someone throws the "but they're your family" BS on you.

 

[Guest]

If i had family as bad as some of these examples, i could not take overly much to 'going thru the motions' just because someone throws the "but they're your family" BS on you.

I had that thrown on me A LOT ... until I said no and then I went from 'were family' to 'you are asshole'.

It's all a matter of perspective .. :2cents:

JR

 

[csb]

It only works because I like my family and my crazy in-laws live 6 hours away. Plus I tell myself that they can't live forever.

Now, if they were MY parents and they acted like that, I'd cut them off. My mother can be nasty and crazy, but I just tell her that she's being nasty and/or crazy.

It's the cycle of abuse, really. My husband knows that his dad makes him feel badly, but he just can't stop because of abuse and the feeling of, "Well, he's my dad." If you've never known anything different, you don't know how bad it is. Luckily, my husband does much better now with them than before. He can talk about it and recognize the craziness. He used to not be able to do even that.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

Most people have to get to the point where the toxic family members are affecting their relationships w/ people who matter to them.

 

[Guest]

It's the cycle of abuse, really. My husband knows that his dad makes him feel badly, but he just can't stop because of abuse and the feeling of, "Well, he's my dad." If you've never known anything different, you don't know how bad it is. Luckily, my husband does much better now with them than before. He can talk about it and recognize the craziness. He used to not be able to do even that.

That's very true! I am glad he can see that craziness for your his sake ... and yours.

Unfortunately, for the Soon-2-Be ex-Mrs. JR, she let her family drive her beyond the realm of reason and sanity. It reminds me of a quote from Nietszche, "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you." I think she gazed way too long ...

Most people have to get to the point where the toxic family members are affecting their relationships w/ people who matter to them.

Very good point. Unfortunately, those same people often times don't have the strength (for whatever reason) to divest themselves of said toxicity.

My christmas wish is a final judgement releasing me from my toxic indentured servitude.

JR

 

[csb]

I'm just gonna bump this to say good luck to everyone having family coming in and safe travels to those of you headed out.