DVINNY
2-time 10K winner
DITTO. LOL.
And when VT has kids, he'll see the value in having them within a close drive to grandparents.
(Just my theory)
Its the most wonderful time of the year.......................
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And when VT has kids, he'll see the value in having them within a close drive to grandparents.
(Just my theory)
FLBuff PE
Multi-disciplinary engineer
Agree 100%. Close grandparents = free daycareDITTO. LOL.
And when VT has kids, he'll see the value in having them within a close drive to grandparents.
(Just my theory)
Road Guy
Well-known member
Sadly I did use to really enjoy christmas....
But here is the type of people my bro-in-law and his wife are, they had adopted 2 young kids just before last christmas, they had one of their own last spring.
My in-laws took the other 2 kids to their house for "2 weeks" during the summer so they could adjust to the new baby, that turned into 2 months because they (bro-in-law) were having a hard time adjusting to "the baby". It should be pointed at that they (bro-in-law and his wife)are both doctors who have their own practice and can pretty much set their own schedule i.e. there not working "for the man" 8-5 like the rest of us sluggs.
It ended up that my kids who were going to spend a week up there (they live on a lake) just before school started ended up not going (& it was something we had planned for about 4 months) because of what I call them being lazy & selfish. I dont expect "free" daycare or anything like that, but my kids were very much looking forward to going and didnt understand why they couldnt go visit grandma and grandpa when they had planned to do so all summer.
But here is the type of people my bro-in-law and his wife are, they had adopted 2 young kids just before last christmas, they had one of their own last spring.
My in-laws took the other 2 kids to their house for "2 weeks" during the summer so they could adjust to the new baby, that turned into 2 months because they (bro-in-law) were having a hard time adjusting to "the baby". It should be pointed at that they (bro-in-law and his wife)are both doctors who have their own practice and can pretty much set their own schedule i.e. there not working "for the man" 8-5 like the rest of us sluggs.
It ended up that my kids who were going to spend a week up there (they live on a lake) just before school started ended up not going (& it was something we had planned for about 4 months) because of what I call them being lazy & selfish. I dont expect "free" daycare or anything like that, but my kids were very much looking forward to going and didnt understand why they couldnt go visit grandma and grandpa when they had planned to do so all summer.
EM_PS
shining like a lighter...
Wtf?! who the hell dumps off kids on others in an attempt to "adjust" to a newborn?! "Here, lets break up the family unit so we can tactfully quarantine the ups&downs of a new baby in the house" - unF'nreal!
Good God, i don't see a rosy upbringing for any of those 3 kids in that household
Katiebug
Well-known member
Of our friends from high school, I'd say that 80% still live in our hometown or within a 30 minute drive (as do we). My mom is always saying, "I ran into so-and-so" or "I saw so-and-so's mom in Stop & Shop today".
We weren't a military family, but when I was 5 we moved to CT and didn't have any family within a day's drive. There were, um, issues in my extended family on both sides, to the point where I've never met most of my aunts/uncles/cousins on mom's side, and my dad's parents were horrible to us for years because they felt my mom was "beneath" his social status. Classy.
It was a real adjustment when I met my husband and encountered his huge, tight-knit extended family. I was so used to holidays being just my parents, brother, and me and the dog. We'd have a nice meal and then go see a movie on Christmas. Thanksgiving we often ate out. It just wasn't this big event and we certainly never traveled to visit relatives or anything of that nature.
Mr. Bug is part of a close group of 6 cousins, 5 of which are married to bring the total to 11 (and three couples have children now as well). They get together for family gatherings several times a year - big parties, really a nice time. I'm in a book club with his sister and one of his cousins, so I see them once a month or more often. Genuinely, I feel like his family is more my family than my real relatives!
I do get pissed with Christmas. My parents get the short end of the stick, and I'm tired of it. My dad works on Thanksgiving (he's a manager for Boston Market; it's their biggest catering day of the year) and we have a little Thanksgiving at our house so mom isn't alone. Anyways, we're "expected" by my FIL to go to my SIL and BIL's house, deal with BIL's certifiably insane mother, and eat a full meal at noon - THEN we are allowed to go back home and prepare a meal for us and my mother. My mom couldn't possibly be invited to share the meal at SIL and BIL's house.
Also for several years now Mr. Bug and I have tried very hard to reserve Christmas Day as our day to be home as a family. It's just the two of us and our pets but we feel it's important to establish that tradition now. We will run around on Christmas Eve and the 26th and see everyone, but we want to spend one day together. My FIL exerts enough pressure, with help from SIL, and we always wind up driving to FIL's house on Christmas morning. And they use our baby nephew as leverage. Last year was his first Christmas and we were treated horribly for DARING to think we could choose to not spend the day with my husband's family.
The idea that we might have plans with MY family never occurs to them, of course. Even if we didn't, it's still our prerogative to choose to enjoy the holiday in our own way. We say when we do have kids, anyone is welcome to come to our house on Christmas day, but we won't be going anywhere. The law will be laid down at that point!
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RIP - VTEnviro
His Memory Eternal
I get that one a lot. The scary thing is that I don't recognize half of these people's names anymore. My Dad will tell me he saw John Doe at the gas station or my Mom will say Jane Doe came into her store. I'm like...Who?
The best is when they tell me said person is pumping gas or flipping burgers.
I'm lucky in that regard. My in-laws live in Washington state. Though oddly enough I could just jump on I-90 and drive straight from suburban Boston to Spokane.
EM_PS
shining like a lighter...
Thanksgivings can be tough. My parents are quite old and i know its important to them to try to 'keep' family traditions. What we usually do is have a ham dinner (not overly fond of turkey) at our house like around 1:00 w/ wife's side of family. then we'd boogie down to my folks place & have turkey dinner w/ my family like around 6:00 (they always eat late suppers, Thanksgiving is no diff). Trouble is, I hate eating thanksgiving dinner that late! its so anticlimatic having to wait all day for a supper of that magnitude, that when its finally ready, all you wanna do is lay around watchin football, and you know you got a huge mess to clean up yet too.
Last year, i swore that i had ate my last prolonged-not-overly-fond-of-turkey turkey dinner, and hopefully this year, we'll just be doing a ham dinner at our house, around 1:00, with plenty of time to watch football, clean up, and have leftovers later in the day! Thats how thanksgiving is supposed to be in my book.
Once we had kids of our own, we put our foot down on Christmas, reserving the day of for strictly stayin in, and entertaining those that choose to visit. Other get-togethers / gift exchanges we do before or after the actual day of. Nobody in our family has imploded yet over that arrangement.
Last year, i swore that i had ate my last prolonged-not-overly-fond-of-turkey turkey dinner, and hopefully this year, we'll just be doing a ham dinner at our house, around 1:00, with plenty of time to watch football, clean up, and have leftovers later in the day! Thats how thanksgiving is supposed to be in my book.
Once we had kids of our own, we put our foot down on Christmas, reserving the day of for strictly stayin in, and entertaining those that choose to visit. Other get-togethers / gift exchanges we do before or after the actual day of. Nobody in our family has imploded yet over that arrangement.
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snickerd3
Taking suggestions
Family has always been important to me and we are fortunate enough that our families live only 0.5 hr apart and get along well...we now live about 4.5 hours away. Easter and Thanksgiving is ALWAYS at my parents house and the guest list includes my inlaws, my Mom's sister and my cousins with their significant others and kids. My Dad's sister that is local is invited but usually doesn't show.
We split Christmas up so their is no hard feelings/competition with presents...trying to set the pattern now, before we have kids. Christmas eve is at my inlaws since my husbands brother MUST spend xmas day at his GMILs and christmas day is with my family.
We split Christmas up so their is no hard feelings/competition with presents...trying to set the pattern now, before we have kids. Christmas eve is at my inlaws since my husbands brother MUST spend xmas day at his GMILs and christmas day is with my family.
RIP - VTEnviro
His Memory Eternal
My folks get along great with my wofe's parents, better than we anticipated. It's unfortunate they live 3,000 miles apart. They enjoyed the rare chances to hang out that they've had.
G
Guest
I feel your pain there ... my wife always worked late shifts (3-11, 11-7) and was conspicuously absent leaving me to handle the heavy lifting! :smileyballs:
I always enjoyed larger holidays as well .. not just with family but with friends who could not (or would not) make their own meals.Maybe it's because I'm older (50) or a mother (2 daughters) or I have so many (7) siblings, but I never wanted to spend a holiday without a lot of family around. The more, the merrier. Yes, it is a lot of work and craziness, but I really need holidays to be filled with hugs and laughter and food and drink and funny stories and photos to remember them by. I know that's not the way everybody enjoys holidays, but I'll take 30 people for a holiday dinner anytime.
My caveat is that there is a single person who can potential up-end the entire experience if they are that truly dysfunctional, destructive type of person. I have known a few in my life ... <_<
Same here ... I never really grew up around any of my aunts, uncles, grandparents, or cousins.
That breaks my heart hearing ugliness like that.
I have certainly had dysfunctional family get-togethers but nothing on that scale! You are best to steer clear of that kind of misery.
There is A LOT of wisdom in those words. I have seen the dysfunction pass from one generation to the next. It is NOT pretty!
JR
MGX
Well-known member
We have good years and bad years.
The good years are when the family I can't stand are in jail for the holidays and the bad years are when they're loose.
The branch on the tree that produced bad apples died this year, cutting funding off for the 40+ year olds who never adjusted to society and routinely have government sponsored retreats with free orange jumpsuits. These sorry bastards never figured out that its easier to hold down a job and manage than to keep trying to cheat the system.
The girlfriend's family is well adjusted, I just don't fit in because I don't earn six figures (like half a mil. plus, not just any 100K job). Its a bit uncomfortable for me, I think the bar is set so ungodly high that whatever I do isn't nearly enough (them sizing me up to marry their darling girl). At least I'm on the Dave Ramsey plan and own all my crap.
Some of my favorite memories involve someone getting drunk, start yelling, someone else crying/throwing things/smashing the good china/wrecking a car/ kicking the cat etc. Fireworks are guaranteed. I'm the black sheep of a black sheep so I'm exempt somehow, I just get some popcorn and watch the show. :burgerking:
The good years are when the family I can't stand are in jail for the holidays and the bad years are when they're loose.
The branch on the tree that produced bad apples died this year, cutting funding off for the 40+ year olds who never adjusted to society and routinely have government sponsored retreats with free orange jumpsuits. These sorry bastards never figured out that its easier to hold down a job and manage than to keep trying to cheat the system.
The girlfriend's family is well adjusted, I just don't fit in because I don't earn six figures (like half a mil. plus, not just any 100K job). Its a bit uncomfortable for me, I think the bar is set so ungodly high that whatever I do isn't nearly enough (them sizing me up to marry their darling girl). At least I'm on the Dave Ramsey plan and own all my crap.
Some of my favorite memories involve someone getting drunk, start yelling, someone else crying/throwing things/smashing the good china/wrecking a car/ kicking the cat etc. Fireworks are guaranteed. I'm the black sheep of a black sheep so I'm exempt somehow, I just get some popcorn and watch the show. :burgerking:
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wilheldp_PE
PE, LEED AP, SPAM KING
We are going to visit my dad's parents for Thanksgiving this year. It will be the first time we have done so since an "incident" two years ago.
My grandma is a very annoying person. One of her many annoying habits is to excuse herself from a card or board game, then sit in the room with the participants and "help" them. Not only is her help not wanted by the person being helped, but it also annoys everybody else because they feel as if they are playing against a two-person team...not to mention the fact that her "help" is usually wrong, untimely, and/or distracting. Well, one particular night, she was hovering over my dad's shoulder during some sort of card game. He had told her on multiple occasions to shut up with the advice, in increasingly aggressive language. She was not taking the hint/advice at all, and finally he blew up and yelled a bunch of profanities at her, and quit the card game. For some reason, she just refused to let it go, and dad finally told her "if you mention it again, we're leaving". Sure enough, about 5 minutes later, she brought it up again...and we packed our bags and left. It was around 11 pm, and we were in Alabama (about 5 hours drive from home).
My favorite quote from the night came when my grandma said to my grandpa "I don't understand why this is happening". My grandpa, which is an awesome person that I like spending time with, responded with "Well, you treated them like you treat me, but they don't have to put up with it".
Things were sorta patched up by Christmas that same year, and they ended up coming to my parent's place. I have made the decision to cut my grandma out of my life as much as possible which is being complicated by our trip this year. But for the most part, I think she has figured out that her behavior that night has caused a rift in our relationship.
My grandma is a very annoying person. One of her many annoying habits is to excuse herself from a card or board game, then sit in the room with the participants and "help" them. Not only is her help not wanted by the person being helped, but it also annoys everybody else because they feel as if they are playing against a two-person team...not to mention the fact that her "help" is usually wrong, untimely, and/or distracting. Well, one particular night, she was hovering over my dad's shoulder during some sort of card game. He had told her on multiple occasions to shut up with the advice, in increasingly aggressive language. She was not taking the hint/advice at all, and finally he blew up and yelled a bunch of profanities at her, and quit the card game. For some reason, she just refused to let it go, and dad finally told her "if you mention it again, we're leaving". Sure enough, about 5 minutes later, she brought it up again...and we packed our bags and left. It was around 11 pm, and we were in Alabama (about 5 hours drive from home).
My favorite quote from the night came when my grandma said to my grandpa "I don't understand why this is happening". My grandpa, which is an awesome person that I like spending time with, responded with "Well, you treated them like you treat me, but they don't have to put up with it".
Things were sorta patched up by Christmas that same year, and they ended up coming to my parent's place. I have made the decision to cut my grandma out of my life as much as possible which is being complicated by our trip this year. But for the most part, I think she has figured out that her behavior that night has caused a rift in our relationship.
In lieu of some health and personal problems, I decided to blow off the three days of work next week and head back to PA for some much needed R&R, and to spend Thanksgiving with some friends.
Still be spending Christmas alone here in TX, but I AM excited for it. I was supposed to be in Colorado for 3 months, but they cut the project budget and I'm now staying put, which means I get to attend the company Christmas party at the Omni. Normally, I could care less, but upper management will be there, and some of my mid-management coworkers who aren't particularly fond of them are booking hotel rooms so that they may partake in the consumption of spirits without fear of travelling home after the fact.
It ought to be quite the shit show!
Still be spending Christmas alone here in TX, but I AM excited for it. I was supposed to be in Colorado for 3 months, but they cut the project budget and I'm now staying put, which means I get to attend the company Christmas party at the Omni. Normally, I could care less, but upper management will be there, and some of my mid-management coworkers who aren't particularly fond of them are booking hotel rooms so that they may partake in the consumption of spirits without fear of travelling home after the fact.
It ought to be quite the shit show!
Katiebug
Well-known member
The holiday guilt tripping has commenced.
Making things even less pleasant, my SIL (Mr. Bug's sister) is pregnant again and of course my FIL is over the moon. This is particularly difficult on us since right up until Mr. Bug got laid off last month, we were planning to start our family like NOW, and those plans are on hold indefinitely with this economy. So Miss Perfect who can do no wrong in her father's eyes is now presenting FIL with a second beloved grandchild while the "loser" of the family (Mr. Bug) is a continuing disappointment because we have not yet reproduced.
It makes me not even want to be around them...our only worth to my FIL is whether or not we give him grandchildren. And no matter what we might accomplish, Mr. Bug will always be less important and special in his father's eyes.
We chose not to go to Thanksgiving at SIL and BIL's house because BIL's batshit crazy mother is going to be there and we do not wish to be around her at all. That went over like lead...
Making things even less pleasant, my SIL (Mr. Bug's sister) is pregnant again and of course my FIL is over the moon. This is particularly difficult on us since right up until Mr. Bug got laid off last month, we were planning to start our family like NOW, and those plans are on hold indefinitely with this economy. So Miss Perfect who can do no wrong in her father's eyes is now presenting FIL with a second beloved grandchild while the "loser" of the family (Mr. Bug) is a continuing disappointment because we have not yet reproduced.
It makes me not even want to be around them...our only worth to my FIL is whether or not we give him grandchildren. And no matter what we might accomplish, Mr. Bug will always be less important and special in his father's eyes.
We chose not to go to Thanksgiving at SIL and BIL's house because BIL's batshit crazy mother is going to be there and we do not wish to be around her at all. That went over like lead...
csb
Well-known member
We're still holding firm with our holiday plans with the in-laws where they come once after the season is over on January 2-4. My husband recently took our son to see his parents and his sister, the yeller from last Thanksgiving decided to bring her 7-year-old. The 7-year-old beat up on our 3-year-old mercilessly and has no remorse. He's an awful child. I think I'm going to suggest they stay at a hotel when they come, just to keep some distance. Either that or I'm inviting Super Nanny.
Chucktown PE
Well-known member
Katiebug, where are your folks in all of this?
For what it's worth, we are the only ones that have reproduced and my in-laws value me just as poorly as they did before.
Chucktown PE
Well-known member
As for us, we are going to Columbia for Thanksgiving dinner with my parents and then coming back down to Chucktown Friday for my grandmother's 80th birthday party. We'll spend Christmas with my wife's family.
TXengrChickPE
Here we go Steelers, here we go!
Katie - sometimes family is more trouble than it's worth. I hope you and Mr. Bug still manage to have a nice Thanksgiving.
Our holidays (hellidays?) will be starting soon... FIL and BIL #1 fly in on Saturday. BIL #2 arrives on Tuesday... and MIL and step-FIL arrive WEDNESDAY night. Apparently the tickets were cheaper if they waited til the last F^&*ing minute... <_<
Just last night I had a horrible dream that their flight was delayed and the car rental place didn't hold their car... so we got a call at 1am telling us that we have to come pick them up at the airport (almost 1hr away). Everyone else had been drinking, so I had to go. I fell asleep at the wheel and wrecked the new minivan on the way there. That's all I remember... but it definitely put a sour taste in my mouth about the upcoming visit.
Our holidays (hellidays?) will be starting soon... FIL and BIL #1 fly in on Saturday. BIL #2 arrives on Tuesday... and MIL and step-FIL arrive WEDNESDAY night. Apparently the tickets were cheaper if they waited til the last F^&*ing minute... <_<
Just last night I had a horrible dream that their flight was delayed and the car rental place didn't hold their car... so we got a call at 1am telling us that we have to come pick them up at the airport (almost 1hr away). Everyone else had been drinking, so I had to go. I fell asleep at the wheel and wrecked the new minivan on the way there. That's all I remember... but it definitely put a sour taste in my mouth about the upcoming visit.
snickerd3
Taking suggestions
Hope you are still able to have an enjoyable Thanksgiving Katiebug. Those favorite games really stink.
Thanksgiving will be at my Mom's house. It will be interesting because my parents invited some of my Dad's side of the family over. The sister that's coming has never really liked my mom. So to throw that in with my moms family and my MIL/FIL, it could be very ackward. Always had two Thanksgivings growing up...oh wait I still have two thanksgivings bc my inlaws want to do Thanksgiving again on that saturday so they can celebrate with both of their sons in attendance.
Thanksgiving will be at my Mom's house. It will be interesting because my parents invited some of my Dad's side of the family over. The sister that's coming has never really liked my mom. So to throw that in with my moms family and my MIL/FIL, it could be very ackward. Always had two Thanksgivings growing up...oh wait I still have two thanksgivings bc my inlaws want to do Thanksgiving again on that saturday so they can celebrate with both of their sons in attendance.
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