EB Mafia

[JayKay PE]

The newspapers say that crime is spiking in the city, but many citizens don't think the threat is real until @vhab49_PE reports a package going missing.

@MadamPirate thinks that @vhab49_PE is overreacting, tactfully explaining that maybe the stress of living in a gated community is getting to them.  Also can't you just call Amazon and they'll resend the package if it was stolen?  This approach seems realistic, and who knows if @vhab49_PE actually had a package being delivered this day?  Did they show their confirmation number?  @MadamPirate muses this as they stand on their own, package-free, porch, letting a close neighbor borrow their 'lynching pitchfork'.

Ignoring her common-sense approach to the ridiculousness of this outcry, and with @vhab49_PE mysteriously not mentioning what was in the package, the remainder of the community is uneasy with this lack of package-safety and want something done right now!  SCREW THE RULES.  SCREW POLITE SOCIETY.

Thus, the manhunt begins with great prejudice, as all manhunts do.

@tj_PE acts like an enraged soccer mom whose son isn't playing in the scrimmage, wildly accusing multiple neighbors of the theft  until she finally sets her sights on the new neighbor: @civilrobot.  With a garden slightly nicer than everyone else, and a sweet, sweet mat slab, @civilrobot is obviously the envy of the rest of the neighborhood.

After a brunch filled with scathing insults, and many, many Bloody Mary's, @tj_PE convinces her other neighbors @Will.I.Am, @blybrook PE, and @ChebyshevII PE that @civilrobot is obviously the package thief.

Inebriated and full of eggs Benny, they make their way to @vhab49_PEs house only to find they have arrived at the same conclusion: @civilrobot has to go.

Chanting "PORCH PIRATE, PORCH PIRATE, PORCH PIRATE" they approach @civilrobot's house as an angry brunch mob.  They are undeterred by their own stumbling steps and grab @civilrobot, quickly collapsing in a huge writhing mass of limbs and pointy elbows with the accused at the bottom of the pile.  After a few minutes, @civilrobot stops struggling due to combined weight of five people and a croissant stuffed in their mouth.

@vhab49_PE cries in relief when they find a slightly smushed package hidden poorly under @civilrobot's welcome mat, containing their newest purchase: a highly acclaimed Viking time-travel romance novel.

@civilrobot was mafia.

The remaining players are:


@ChebyshevII PE, @chart94, @RBHeadge PE, @Will.I.Am, @tj_PE, @blybrook PE, @Ranger1316, @NikR, @vhab49_PE, and @MadamPirate

The final vote was:

5 @civilrobot
1 @vhab49_PE
 

 

[JayKay PE]

I...might have too much fun making lynching stories.

Sorry, not sorry.

 

[chart94 PE]

Yep.  Were you going to change the status quo?

Probs not

 

[DoctorWho-PE]

I...might have too much fun making lynching stories.

Sorry, not sorry.

Nice story.  But I feel like tou missed an opportunity to mention yogurt containers left at the scene of the crime.

 

[chart94 PE]

I...might have too much fun making lynching stories.

Sorry, not sorry.

That was awesome!!

 

[RBHeadge PE]

that's an entertaining take on the mafia in suburbia!

 

[MadamPirate PE]

I...might have too much fun making lynching stories.

Sorry, not sorry.

That was hilarious and awesome!!!!

 

[Will.I.Am PE]

I think @JayKay PE has found her calling in life.

 

[civilrobot PE etc etc]

I just started playing today and now I’m dead. See? Told you I was bad at this. Lol

 

[JayKay PE]

I just started playing today and now I’m dead. See? Told you I was bad at this. Lol

At least you have the best mat slab in the neighborhood! A wonderful accomplishment!

 

[MadamPirate PE]

I just started playing today and now I’m dead. See? Told you I was bad at this. Lol

It's okay, I totally thought I was gonna die this morning!

 

[tj_PE]

Yayyyyyyyyyyyy nothing personal civilrobot! You were an easy target to fluster, just like jennah muahahahaaha

Way to go townies, coming together for the greater good! 

 

[tj_PE]

Also I loved the story @JayKay PE!

Also also totes delighted that we were full of Benny and liquor. What other way would someone want to Lynch! 

 

[Roarbark]

The newspapers say that crime is spiking in the city, but many citizens don't think the threat is real until @vhab49_PE reports a package going missing.

...................................................

smushed package hidden poorly under @civilrobot's welcome mat, containing their newest purchase: a highly acclaimed Viking time-travel romance novel.

@civilrobot was mafia.

The remaining players are:

@ChebyshevII PE, @chart94, @RBHeadge PE, @Will.I.Am, @tj_PE, @blybrook PE, @Ranger1316, @NikR, @vhab49_PE, and @MadamPirate
The final vote was:

5 @civilrobot
1 @vhab49_PE
 

That was awesome. And I am very sad I can't join. "PORCH PIRATE, PORCH PIRATE, PORCH PIRATE!"

@civilrobot Don't worry about the first game. First game @JayKay PE was mafia and (sadly) she was lynched before she even logged and and found out. Leaving me all alone and mafiasad.

 

[Roarbark]

Also I loved the story @JayKay PE!

Also also totes delighted that we were full of Benny and liquor. What other way would someone want to Lynch! 

I'll add chocolate to the preference pile. 

 

[blybrook PE]

Great story and no offense to@civilrobot. It's just a game, stick around and you'll get the hang of things.

Now to look at the vote tally and see who didn't vote.

 

[JayKay PE]

Nice story.  But I feel like tou missed an opportunity to mention yogurt containers left at the scene of the crime.

BUT THEN YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN IN YOUR BREAKFAST-FUELED RAGE.

 

[DoctorWho-PE]

BUT THEN YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN IN YOUR BREAKFAST-FUELED RAGE.

True.

 

[civilrobot PE etc etc]

That was awesome. And I am very sad I can't join. "PORCH PIRATE, PORCH PIRATE, PORCH PIRATE!"

@civilrobot Don't worry about the first game. First game @JayKay PE was mafia and (sadly) she was lynched before she even logged and and found out. Leaving me all alone and mafiasad.

Lol no worries. I think it’s funny.

 

[JayKay PE]

Following a mild warning from the HOA due to the brunch events, which mostly concerned the packages ruining the aesthetics of the community versus the death of a neighbor, @tj_PE is relaxing for the evening.  Ready to dig into their dinosaur erotic novel, which is sooooooo much better than @vhab49_PE’s Viking trash, they pause at a knock at the door.  Who could be visiting at such a late hour?

Blowing out the nearby candle, which added ambiance to the sitting room, and grabbing a bedazzled 50-lb kettlebell, which also added ambiance, they slowly crept to the door.  Might as well get in some exercise to keep tight while protecting the homestead.  A few squat steps later and the kettlebell slips from their sweaty hold, crashing violently to the lovingly restored hardwood flooring.

Screw fitness!  I want murder, @tj_PE thinks, taking a leg-burning leap towards to front door in hopes of catching the assailant in the act-only to open the door to an empty porch.

A flyer for a nearby Chinese restaurant flutters to the ground, having been wedged in the door frame, presumably by the knocker.

As they turned to close the front door, contemplating the illicit flyer to see if there was at least a good lunch combo, they paused at a slight wheezing noise coming from next door.  Lifting their head, they slowly headed over to their neighbor’s open garage door to investigate.  A garage converted into a state-of-the-art home personal gym comes into view, with the best-of-the-best equipment laying mostly untouched except for the Peloton treadmill.  The warm yellow lighting inside the garage makes the shadows look more menacing that usual.

@tj_PE steps into the halo of light and begins to wonder if it was a poor decision to visit when the wheezing becomes louder, now interspersed with a wet popping noise.  Holding up their phone after they hit record, hoping to at least get some YouTube hits if they die, they step over a dusty yoga mat and find the source of the wheezing: @blybrook PE

Legs pinned to their chest, muscles pushed to the max, a leg press has obviously been used incorrectly.  Loaded with weight plates totaling over 900-lbs, the weight shifts slightly lower as @tj_PE watches, forcing torn leg muscles to flap helplessly across @blybrook PE’s chest and against the over-sanitized pleather bench.  @blybrook PE’s arms hang limp, a small stream of blood trickling from shoulder to fingertip, and their eyes stare vacantly up at the brushed concrete ceiling of their garage.

@tj_PE swallows down a sticky lump in their throat when a different texture catches the light (is that bone?), before dropping their phone and fleeing.

@blybrook PE was killed by the mafia last night.

The remaining players are:


@ChebyshevII PE, @chart94, @RBHeadge PE, @Will.I.Am, @tj_PE, @Ranger1316, @NikR, @vhab49_PE, and @MadamPirate