EB Mafia

[LyceeFruit PE]

@JayKay PE i vote @Roarbark i think hes still alive

 

[JayKay PE]

VOTE UPDATE (TIME):

2 @DuranDuran (MP, Nik)

1 @RBHeadge PE (Duran)

1 @NikR_PE (JP)

1 @Roarbark (lycee)

 

[JayKay PE]

Following the unfortunate demise of additional members of their group, they made their way deeper into the cavernous warehouse.  Walking past the bulk plants for purchase, @LyceeFruit PE started wailing that ‘@tj would have loved these’, only to quiet when they saw the huge amounts of hiking clothes in the next aisle.  

The dads in the group were examining the New Balance footwear with serious expressions, gesturing at the stitching and wonderful arch support.  The women were rotating between aggressive hiking boots, thermal wear, and super cute socks that had animal faces on them.  The only person who wasn’t present, looking at clothing or footwear, was @DuranDuran, who was still a few aisles behind looking at furniture.

“$1200 for a chair?  I’ll never be a sustainable adult buying such a thing!” They mused, chortling to themselves under their breath at the beautifully upholstered leather chair that could swivel.  Their eye was drawn to a beautiful office desk that would barely fit in their at-home office, but they were soon distracted again by the mattresses.

Though highly impractical, they began to investigate the pricing and options of king-sized beds.  If they purchased one of these, they could bring their laptop to bed and still have enough space for their snacks!

Without realizing that these mattresses were all ‘display only’, probably to reduce the amount of bedbugs and nookie within the warehouse footprint, @DuranDuran climbed up on their first mattress.  Hmm.  Too soft, not enough stability to allow a full glass of warm milk to balance without falling over as they furiously scrolled through eBay for first-edition Hummel dolls.  The second mattress was the same, only much, much, too firm; it felt like they were sleeping back on the streets after they made poor investment choices.  The last mattress: just right-and it was one of those super cool adjustable mattresses!  Awesome!

They began to play with the different options, lifting one side and then the other.  When they found the massage setting, they lowered themselves fully onto one side of the mattress.  @DuranDuran dozed for a few moments, enjoying the peace and quiet only a dad could find when surrounded by other shoppers.  Following that reprieve, they rolled over to look across the mattress and gauge if the others in their group were still shopping for clothes or not.

Unfortunately, they rolled in such a manner that their head was now in-between the two halves of the mattress and their body landed right on the handheld control.  Since it was such a high-end model, they didn’t even hear the gear box (amazing design), which meant they didn’t realize the other half of the mattress was lowering before it was too late.

Their screams were muffled by the superior-quality of the mattress and their flailing only made sure that their weight stayed firmly on the ‘descend’ button.

With a final snap of the neck, barely heard over the cheers of nearby children playing on an arcade machine, @DuranDuran was killed by a mattress.

@DuranDuran was a normal Costco customer.  

The remaining players are:

@MadamPirate PE, @NikR_PE, @txjennah PE, @jean15paul_PE, @RBHeadge PE, @Roarbark, @Audi driver, P.E., @SaltySteve, and @LyceeFruit PE

The final vote was:

2 @DuranDuran (MP, Nik)

1 @RBHeadge PE (Duran)

1 @NikR_PE (JP)

1 @Roarbark (lycee)

 

[tj_PE]

RIP @DuranDuran#deathbymattress

 

[MadamPirate PE]

Aw fuck, I sorry @DuranDuran. I forgive you now. 

 

[DLD PE]

Aw fuck, I sorry @DuranDuran. I forgive you now. 

Just get that mattress for me!

 

[LyceeFruit PE]

#deathbymattress 

 

[DLD PE]

So technically does this mean I died in my sleep?

 

[squaretaper LIT AF PE]

D'OH!

 

[DLD PE]

 

[LyceeFruit PE]

So who ded @JayKay PE

 

[JayKay PE]

“Corporate says we need to be a little more mindful of our stacking protocols,” a Costco employee said to another, “It seems like the fatality rate of things falling on customers is getting into the double digit percentages and you know they like to keep it under 5% if possible, except for the holiday season.”

The other worker shrugged and continued loading watermelons into a skid that was going out.  The back of the warehouse was managed a bit differently from the front, and they weren’t a licensed forklift driver, so they didn’t really need to worry about the overhead shelves.  The last watermelon was stacked and they gave it a little pat before moving further into the back.  After making sure the produce was ready to be picked, they had to make sure there weren’t any forbidden spiders in the bananas. 

Last time they found one almost a foot long, but then a coworker took it home for their kid, so they were still chasing the high of finding another spider.

Walking further in, they saw something a bit...odd on the shelf.  “Hey, did the taxidermy stuff for Halloween come in late?  It’s already August and I thought we were on Christmas already?” They asked, turning to their coworker in confusion.  There, near the break staff couches, was a freakishly realistic stuffed wolf.  It looked oddly offended, as if it had attempted to be friends with a chipmunk speaking another language, but then had been cut down mid-apology.

“Maybe it’s a 97 that got forgotten behind the surplus toilet paper we just got in?  Same thing happened when we lost Sandy for a couple shifts.”

“Huh.  Weird.  I’ll put it out near the sneakers.”

@Roarbark was killed by the Costco mafia.

The remaining players are:

@MadamPirate PE, @NikR_PE, @txjennah PE, @jean15paul_PE, @RBHeadge PE, @Audi driver, P.E., @SaltySteve, and @LyceeFruit PE

 

[ChebyshevII PE PMP]

“Corporate says we need to be a little more mindful of our stacking protocols,” a Costco employee said to another, “It seems like the fatality rate of things falling on customers is getting into the double digit percentages and you know they like to keep it under 5% if possible, except for the holiday season.”

The other worker shrugged and continued loading watermelons into a skid that was going out.  The back of the warehouse was managed a bit differently from the front, and they weren’t a licensed forklift driver, so they didn’t really need to worry about the overhead shelves.  The last watermelon was stacked and they gave it a little pat before moving further into the back.  After making sure the produce was ready to be picked, they had to make sure there weren’t any forbidden spiders in the bananas. 

Last time they found one almost a foot long, but then a coworker took it home for their kid, so they were still chasing the high of finding another spider.

Walking further in, they saw something a bit...odd on the shelf.  “Hey, did the taxidermy stuff for Halloween come in late?  It’s already August and I thought we were on Christmas already?” They asked, turning to their coworker in confusion.  There, near the break staff couches, was a freakishly realistic stuffed wolf.  It looked oddly offended, as if it had attempted to be friends with a chipmunk speaking another language, but then had been cut down mid-apology.

“Maybe it’s a 97 that got forgotten behind the surplus toilet paper we just got in?  Same thing happened when we lost Sandy for a couple shifts.”

“Huh.  Weird.  I’ll put it out near the sneakers.”

@Roarbark was killed by the Costco mafia.

The remaining players are:

@MadamPirate PE, @NikR_PE, @txjennah PE, @jean15paul_PE, @RBHeadge PE, @Audi driver, P.E., @SaltySteve, and @LyceeFruit PE

Great. NOW who will take care of my wife and 103 kids?

 

[JayKay PE]

Great. NOW who will take care of my wife and 103 kids?

I hear Costco employees are very good at managing bulk volumes.  They can work in the kitchen area and assemble mac n' cheese for take n' bake.

 

[MadamPirate PE]

@Roarbark was killed by the Costco mafia.

Nooooooooo! 

ETA: *me buys stuffed wolf, cries over it at night*

 

[DLD PE]

This has been a negative sequence of events.

Townies have a zero component chance of winning.

The algorithm shows no positive sequence of events in the future.

Pun intended.

 

[Tiger15]

“Corporate says we need to be a little more mindful of our stacking protocols,” a Costco employee said to another, “It seems like the fatality rate of things falling on customers is getting into the double digit percentages and you know they like to keep it under 5% if possible, except for the holiday season.”

The other worker shrugged and continued loading watermelons into a skid that was going out.  The back of the warehouse was managed a bit differently from the front, and they weren’t a licensed forklift driver, so they didn’t really need to worry about the overhead shelves.  The last watermelon was stacked and they gave it a little pat before moving further into the back.  After making sure the produce was ready to be picked, they had to make sure there weren’t any forbidden spiders in the bananas. 

Last time they found one almost a foot long, but then a coworker took it home for their kid, so they were still chasing the high of finding another spider.

Walking further in, they saw something a bit...odd on the shelf.  “Hey, did the taxidermy stuff for Halloween come in late?  It’s already August and I thought we were on Christmas already?” They asked, turning to their coworker in confusion.  There, near the break staff couches, was a freakishly realistic stuffed wolf.  It looked oddly offended, as if it had attempted to be friends with a chipmunk speaking another language, but then had been cut down mid-apology.

“Maybe it’s a 97 that got forgotten behind the surplus toilet paper we just got in?  Same thing happened when we lost Sandy for a couple shifts.”

“Huh.  Weird.  I’ll put it out near the sneakers.”

@Roarbark was killed by the Costco mafia.

The remaining players are:

@MadamPirate PE, @NikR_PE, @txjennah PE, @jean15paul_PE, @RBHeadge PE, @Audi driver, P.E., @SaltySteve, and @LyceeFruit PE

Ugh...
8 players remaining. How many did we start with? I'm hoping there are 2 mafia, not 3

 

[tj_PE]

suspish

 

[Tiger15]

Ugh...
8 players remaining. How many did we start with? I'm hoping there are 2 mafia, not 3

14 players means 3 mafia. We HAVE TO get one today!!!

 

[LyceeFruit PE]

yea this game is odd lol