Thank you for your vote of confidence.
Before we hear from Roadguy and determine who is going to be in which position (I always like to be on top), let me share my platform:
National Health Care: The best National Health Care plan is one that prevents expensive illnesses, and one that is simple. Obama's proposal is 1,200 pages long. My national Health Care plan will be only 1 page long. IN fact, my National Health Care plan is only one sentence long:
"You get sick, we kill you."
I might add another sentence if this comes across as harsh: "Humanely."
National Defense: The best National Defense is deterrence. We have nukes. We spent trillions of dollars on them. I will use them. Welcome to a new age of World Peace, people!
Taxes and federal spending: I promise a top-rate education for every American, paid for by tax dollars. And I will not raise taxes. How will I do that? With all the money I save by offing the sick and nuking our enemies. No more costly illnesses, no more costly wars. It's party time.
Abortion Whatever. Literally - I'll say whatever it takes to get your vote. Because I know **** well there's nothing I can do about it once I am in office.
Energy Fusion baby, Fusion! The rest of the money I save by offing the sick and nuking our enemies will be poured into nuclear fusion research. It's not just a pipe dream: My administration WILL deliver usable Fusion energy within 8 years (because I know you'll re-elect us). Because if the scientists don't deliver, I'll have them all killed.
Solar and Wind - eh. Whatever. We'll throw a trickle of money at it just in case all the scientists die on my Fusion project. But keep in mind: We will control the Middle East oil fields un-questionably, once we have nuked everyone within 2000 miles of the place. That should keep our country swimming in free oil for at least the next 8 years. After that, I can't say. I'll be sailing away on my self-contained, solar-powered yacht.
Welfare Funding will continue at present levels. I'll make one simple modification to the welfare program: I will add the words "And you will be terminated" to the line "Unemployment benefits cease if you have not found a job after 4 months". Unused funds will revert to the general fund for re-programming by ME. Again, this should solve more than one problem.
All hail Dleg 2012!
