Dleg 2012!

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ElCid03

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Folks,

Dleg and Roadguy on the EB.com ticket for 2012! We engineers are neither counted on nor listened to by the government so let's send our own to Washington for some real change!

How about it people? Let the grass start growing roots here on EB!

 
Thank you for your vote of confidence.

Before we hear from Roadguy and determine who is going to be in which position (I always like to be on top), let me share my platform:

National Health Care: The best National Health Care plan is one that prevents expensive illnesses, and one that is simple. Obama's proposal is 1,200 pages long. My national Health Care plan will be only 1 page long. IN fact, my National Health Care plan is only one sentence long:

"You get sick, we kill you."

I might add another sentence if this comes across as harsh: "Humanely."

National Defense: The best National Defense is deterrence. We have nukes. We spent trillions of dollars on them. I will use them. Welcome to a new age of World Peace, people!

Taxes and federal spending: I promise a top-rate education for every American, paid for by tax dollars. And I will not raise taxes. How will I do that? With all the money I save by offing the sick and nuking our enemies. No more costly illnesses, no more costly wars. It's party time.

Abortion Whatever. Literally - I'll say whatever it takes to get your vote. Because I know damn well there's nothing I can do about it once I am in office.

Energy Fusion baby, Fusion! The rest of the money I save by offing the sick and nuking our enemies will be poured into nuclear fusion research. It's not just a pipe dream: My administration WILL deliver usable Fusion energy within 8 years (because I know you'll re-elect us). Because if the scientists don't deliver, I'll have them all killed.

Solar and Wind - eh. Whatever. We'll throw a trickle of money at it just in case all the scientists die on my Fusion project. But keep in mind: We will control the Middle East oil fields un-questionably, once we have nuked everyone within 2000 miles of the place. That should keep our country swimming in free oil for at least the next 8 years. After that, I can't say. I'll be sailing away on my self-contained, solar-powered yacht.

Welfare Funding will continue at present levels. I'll make one simple modification to the welfare program: I will add the words "And you will be terminated" to the line "Unemployment benefits cease if you have not found a job after 4 months". Unused funds will revert to the general fund for re-programming by ME. Again, this should solve more than one problem.

All hail Dleg 2012!

 
All hail Dleg 2012!
And what about those dastardly russians? I just want to make sure somebody's watching them, now that Sarah P's flippin burgers or whatever she got going on.

 
I'm pretty sure we still have more nukes than they do.

At any rate, they're too chicken to use them on us. I'll be careful not to let too many of them go off near Russian territory, and I'll only nuke the Middle East on days when the winds are blowing away from Russia.

 
I've been thinking.... My platform could sound a lot like "Dictator" to some people. Maybe not a majority of people. but perhaps just enough of the wrong kind of people to cause me some trouble once elected. Thus, I have added the following to my strategy:

I will run as a Republican. This will get all the gun nuts on my side. I will further court the gun nuts by privatizing a portion of the military. Only the "domestic defense" part of the military. This should protect me from insurrection - Hippies never were very good at anything but making a big stink. They aren't armed and even if they were (can't institute any gun control - gotta keep the NRA on my side, too), I would also make sure I legalize pot so that they would be constantly too high to do anything about it.

I will leave the real military intact for dealing with the delivery of the nukes and policing the wastelands of the Middle East (preferably remotely via unmanned aircraft - it should be easy to pick up living humans on the sensors, what with the background of lifeless, radioactive sand).

 
Well, I'm torn between honesty and needing your vote.

I guess I need your vote, so I'll say "Yes, I'm benevolent. Yeah, that's the ticket..... Benevolent...."

 
Oh yeah, I forgot the other part of my platform:

Climate Change: Two word solution: Nuclear Winter. I will hire scientists to model exactly how many nukes we need to offset the projected increase in global temperature that will be caused by the runaway burning of fossil fuel I have planned, prior to the mass roll-out of portable fusion devices. I won't deny Global Warming. I will fix it! I'll kill two birds with the same stone I use to send the Middle East back into the stone age. Oh wait, they already are. Just sit back and relax, and I will take care of everything.

A glimpse of the future: Transition 2012:

obama-pirates.jpg


 
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I'm either voting for Dleg or Kodos, so get on that ticket!

 
I'm pretty sure we still have more nukes than they do.
No comment.

I would like to head up the NNSA in the DOE if possible. There are a bunch of folks I'd like to see fired. I'll leave the head of DOE to Wolverine, he'd be much better than me.

 
I will leave the real military intact for dealing with the delivery of the nukes and policing the wastelands of the Middle East (preferably remotely via unmanned aircraft - it should be easy to pick up living humans on the sensors, what with the background of lifeless, radioactive sand).
nuke em till they glow, then shoot em in the dark?

just be careful of delicate wetland environments.

and I'm writng my check for Dleg 2012!

 
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