Bad advice to previous poster

[Dleg]

Even better than stay home, take the wife and kids on a road trip!

My wife's car smells like a dead animal on the inside. The only problem is I can't find a dead animal, so it must be in the ventillation ducts. How can I take care of this situation?

 

[csb]

I'm supposed to speak to City Council tonight. My city councilwoman is an idiot. How can I best express that?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

My son really hates doing his homework, so he doesn't do it and gets bad grades. How do I convince him to do it?

 

[TESTY]

My 10 year old daughter loses hundreds of dollars of clothes each year + is an organizational disaster. How do I get her to not lose things + keep them organized?

 

[Dleg]

I am going to be called in to a Board meeting today and I just know I am going to be pounded with dumb questions that have absolutely nothing to do with my project, from Board members who have absolutely no knowledge of what I or our organization even does on a day to day basis. What can I do to keep from blowing up and coming off as an arrogant asshole?

 

[knight1fox3]

Prior to the meeting, take two of these.......no, three just to be sure. Your contribution to the meeting should be stellar.

My frequency drive thermal testing isn't going fast enough to meet scheduling. How should I break the news to project management?

 

[matt267 PE]

Don't tell them anything. Let it be a surprise.

Should I buy a snow blower?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

If it's your thing, who am I to judge?

Suspension in the car is getting creaky, how should I fix that?

 

[Supe]

Remove nuts from suspension. It'll move more freely, no more squeaks.

Can no longer handle the stress of work and unrealistic expectations. What to do?

 

[Master slacker]

Tell your cell mate your name isn't "Sally" and you are no longer his bitch.

My pens keep disappearing from my desk. How can I stop this from happening?

 

[Dleg]

^Glue them to the desk with 5-minute epoxy.

Or an office fire. Your choice.

I'm giving a training class to wastewater workers tomorrow on how to avoid becoming infected from pathogens found in sewage. It'll be a big audience at a hotel conference center, and I need to keep their attention and not just rely on powerpoint. What would be a good demonstration to get their attention?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

Hire Kate Upton to stand on stage in a bikini and jump rope.

Designer decided that instead of fixing the grading limits on the project, they instead recommended that we purchase additional ROW. How should I tactfully tell them its not an option?

 

[Dleg]

Send him a contract termination letter by e-mail, then follow it with a second e-mail saying "Sorry, I was saving this for later. I was supposed to e-mail you about that grading limits problem and the ROW we can't afford"

(By the way, I solved my problem by showing them the "Shitter's Full" clip from Christmas Vacation, and having the audience critique Cousin Eddy's personal hygiene and PPE)

I need to convince my funding agency to give 10% of my time away to another funding agency (which will reimburse for the time), so that I can learn some new skills. How do I convince them to go for it, even though it technically takes away from the job they are paying me to do?

 

[knight1fox3]

You should probably send a mass email to the entire company. And when making subsequent responses, be sure to utilize the "reply-all" button.

Motivation for grad school this semester is severely lacking. What should I do?

 

[envirotex]

Take a sabbatical and learn to sculpt with Legos.

Where's the best place to stay in New York City?

 

[TESTY]

Harlem, and be sure to wear a white "hoodie".

OK, I cut up the propane tank the propane company would not pick up after year of discontinuing business with them. It's cut in half stashed on the property with a tarp over it. I am going to make a meat smoker/BBQ when I have time. What do I say if someone from the propane company knocks on the door and questions where the tank is and what is under the tarp?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

Answer the door with a bloody axe or shotgun. That should prevent any questions from being asked in the first place.

Need to go do an inspection on some traffic control in place for my project but it's really cold outside. Good excuse to not have to go?

 

[Dleg]

Drive over all of the cones on the way to your office, then call the contractor and tell him that you checked the site out on the way in, and it was all f'd up so you expect them to re-do everything and call you tomorrow to inspect again. If it's cold then, just do it again.

I have dumb politicians who want to pass a law that would tube our entire state energy plan that we are working on. What can I do to convince them to hold off until we are finished?

 

[Supe]

Have Brian Williams do a story on all of his wonderful achievements.

Have an Engineer trying to send a loaded question that inaccurately describes the condition to a committee for interpretation he plans to use for leverage - what to do?

 

[P-E]

Bribe the committee and then expense the cost.

My folks are constantly trying to reach me through face time. How do I discourage this?