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The thin man glanced nervously at the dark, stormy seas around them. "Yeah? What makes you think I can't get a whale myself? I'm the smartest stormwater engineer on the entire eastern coast! If I can work out times of concentrations for 5000 acre watersheds, who are you tell me I can't find a whale myself?"

But still, the muzzle of the gun lowered just a little....

 
'dude stormwater are you serous? lol I remember they used to teach stormwater to the ag tech grads in undergrad. if some lowlife who shovels manure for half his degree can run tr-55 then i hardly think its real engineering. i hear you don't even need to be an engineer to get a certified professional in stormwater management certificate. plus whats the big deal about any form of engineering that is done primely on computers anyway. lol i can run a spredsheet as good as anyone. but don't get me wrong its sweet you can make the fatty money doing work a trained monkey could pump out of its ass while jerking itself off looking at little retarded kids at the zoo lol...."

 
The thin man's face flushed red and he angrily jabbed the gun at cutiepie "Trained monkey?? Take that back!!!!"

Just then, the sound of a ship's horn came across the water, from the opposite direction where the MV PPI had just gone down.

 
"Ha ha!" shouted the thin man, "Right on time! That would be the SS Engineer Trades, my friend. I hope you are comfortable, because you're going to die in this lifeboat!"

 
Unbeknownst to the two in the lifeboat, a strange series of events was taking place under the waves, a series of events which would change everything in their world.

Deep down in the hadalpelagic zone, almost 18000 feet down, in fact, a medium sized angler fish missed the attack on his fourth hatchetfish of the day, sending the lucky hatchetfish on a fateful escape trajectory, straight into the eye of a passing giant squid. Bewlidered, the giant squid released an enormous cloud of ink and shot upwards at an incredible velocity. The massive bulk of the surprise squid set off a cascade of smaller events, as shoals of various baitfish, jellyfish, smaller squid, and finally a lone swordfish, became startled by the events beneath them, and spooked upward.

Now, some say the swordfish is a highly intelligent creature, but this one was not. It swam blindly forward and upward away from the commotion, and did something no other swordfish would have thought to do; it looked back! And just as it did, it slammed with full force into a very large passing narwhal. Ordinarily one would think "lucky narwhal!" and in some respects that would be correct, at least in the respect that the narwhal narrowly avoided impalement by the swordfish, but what happened next was extraordinarily unlucky for the narwhal, as well as the thin man in the lifeboat.

 
The ship's horn sounded again, much closer , but this time the sound was followed by sudden flash of orange that lit up the salt spray in the air all around them.

"Dear Jesus! What just hap.."

KABOOM! The sound of an enormous explosion cut the thin man off mid-sentence. --

 
"Dude, clearly the Engineer Trades has gone down! its just you and me out here now so why don't you put away that gun already you know i was only trying to state a different point of view and i don't no why you need to take things personally it was nothing to do for you just chatting and HEY! Come on man, don't shoot me!"

 
The thin man suddenly lowered his pistol and burst into tears. He then raised his arms to the sky, silhouetted against the glow from the flames of the Engineer Trades, and cried out "Why hast thou forsaken me????"

 
"Oh man, your really reminding me of my ex wife right now, lol, she used to always do that stuff during sex. "

 
"Fudge this!" said the thin man, and he turned the gun on himself, taking the muzzle in his mouth, and pulled the trigger.

 
The sound of the gunshot was muffled and died nearly instantly in the wind. The gun fell out of the thin man's hand as his head jerked violently backward. Cutiepie looked on in stunned silence.

 
But the thin man raised his head again, and, with smoke leaking from his open mouth, said "Owww! Whath pthe ppphhhuuck! Whath pthe ppphh.... OWWWWWW!" and he reached for his gun, which was sloshing around in the icy water at his feet. --

 
But Cutiepie had beaten him to it, and took the gun back to the stern of lifeboat and started examining it closely "Oh i see youre problem here" he said as he opened a small port in the top, ejecting a tiny brass cartridge, "this things a starter pistol. you cant kill youreself very good with one of these you now they dont chute bullets they just chute blanks. i shute blanks too you no. i got a, whats it called, histerektimmy? right after getting married so i woodent have any children. i really think kids are a drag, how can anybody afford to have kids on a meesely 65k a year i dont get it."

 
"Whath pthe hell isth your phroblem? Ssstheriously! Sthere'sth thomething wrong with thyou!" Said the thin man, still clutching his jaw, and moving for the starboard oar.

 
Cutiepie grabbed the other end of the oar and held it firmly down. "Whoa whoa whoa there buddy! take it easy im just chatting with you no need to get all hostile or suicidal or whatever you are. i dont no about you but im pretty sure nobuddys cumming to get us soon. you need a friend and i can see that and I can be that friend. but most of all you need some warmth or you going to freeze you nutz off this isnt orlando anymore you know this is alaska and up here you won't last 10 minnutes in wet clothes like that."

The thin man let go of the oar and sank back onto his bench, taking a second flask from inside his jacket and drinking heavily.

"what do you say we get those wet clothes off of you. i dont bite lol!"

 
"You sthay the hell away from me you wierdo! Ishtn't sthere thome thort of emergenthy blanket in sthe thurvival boxth there? Oh thcrap my mouthhh thtings!"

the thin man took another swig from the flask, "OWWWWWW!"

 
"lol! yeah there might a space blanket in their or something like that but it wont do you any good if you already got hypnothermia. dude your shaking like crazy and your hands are blue and shit. the only way your going to survive is to get out of those clothes and get close to me under the blanket. lol don't be hatin' i'm not gay or anything like that i mean i may like it anal but not in my own ass and yes i've tried it;s only fair if you ask your honey to take it up the rear youve gotta let her try it on you first lol"

The thin man just stared at cutiepie silently, thinking over his options.

 
President Dleg stared out the windows of the Oval Office. The deep lines in his forehead betrayed the worry on his otherwise ruggedly handsome face.

"Sir, I have Admiral Elcid here to see you, as you requested."

Dleg turned around and got straight into business. "Chief, what the hell happened out there in the Bering Sea? I want answers!"

 
"Mr. President, all we know at this time is that the containment vessel was breached, and the PPI went down. The SSN Chucktown was tracking her, sir, and confirmed that the cargo survived."

 
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