This Story Sucks

[Dleg]

It was a dark and stormy night.

 

[Dleg]

The two strangers in the lifeboat looked each other over, in the fading fire light of the sinking ship....

 

[Dleg]

The man in the bow of the lifeboat was a slender fellow, almost anemic, with a black goatee and paranoid eyes.

 

[Dleg]

The man in the stern was a little more thickly built, a real "cutiepie" as some women had called him in his past.

 

[Dleg]

But his rugged, Alaskan good-looks could not hide the fear in his face.

 

[Dleg]

The thin man in the bow glanced nervously at him and blurted out "Jesus Saves!" in an almost reflexive manner.

 

[Dleg]

"I don't know about that. Jesus culdnt even save my marrege after years of counseling and prairs and going to church at 6o am every sunday, and he never answered my pairs for making fatty money, either. What make syou think he gives a crap about two engineers in a lifeboat stranded in the bearing sea?"

 

[Dleg]

"It's spelled 'marriage' and 'couldn't' and 'prayers' and it's the 'Bering Sea', and what's with the poor punctuation and grammar??? I'm surprised you ever passed the PE exam with grammar and spelling skills like that. If I wasn't stranded on this lifeboat, I'd contact the Alaska Board of Professional Licensing and suggest they revoke your license! " Said the thin man, reaching inside his jacket and pulling out a small flask.

 

[Dleg]

"Dude way to harsh my mellow I was just saying that Jesus never did me any favors and if he was so all great and powerful why couldn't he get my wife to let me give it to her up the rear. Its not like it's against the rules or anythign I think the whole saddam and gonnorhea thing was about homosexuals and not about consenting anal sex between two married partners. Hey what are you drinking there anyway?"

 

[Dleg]

The thin man looked at his boat mate in disgust. "It's 'sodomy' and sodomy is an affront to God and an insult to your marriage! It also violates the Florida Engineering Ethics act and is one of the many reasons I have have never gone there. Oh, but just to clarify, one or two fingers does not qualify as sodomy!"

 

[Dleg]

"dude what fun is just a finger or two if fingers could get off then i guess it would be ausome and all and id probably never leave the house but to really get my rocks off i need to have my little fatty in there if you no what i mean. You no its going to get pretty cold soon once the oil stops burning Mr. Orlando, what's in the bottle there anyway?"

 

[Dleg]

The thin man stared long and hard into the burning water where the ship had been, and took another drink from the flask. "Say, what were doing on board anyway? I never saw you at any of the dining hours, and I made sure I was there for every one of them."

 

[Dleg]

"dude i didnt do all the long hours of advance math and computer stuff to jut sit around making 60 bills an hour filling some fat cats poccets while he golfs in Juneau, OK? lol, everyone knows if you want to make the fatty cash you need to move to another cooperation or even start a new career."

 

[Dleg]

"Stop calling me "Dude" and answer the God Damned question! What were you doing on the ship???" Said the thin man, followed by another swig from the flask.

 

[Dleg]

Cutiepie stared back at the thin man for a long time, looking straight into his eyes. A slow, strange smile crept across his face as he finally answered "You don't recognize me? I was your cabin boy!"

 

[Dleg]

The flask slipped from the thin man's hands and splashed in the icy water at the bottom of the liferaft. "But! But! I killed you!"

 

[Dleg]

The smile remained fixed on Cutiepie's face as he reached for the zipper of his parka. But the thin man was faster, and had the silenced PPK drawn and pointed at Cutiepie almost instantly.

 

[Dleg]

Cutiepie continued unzipping his parka, slowly revealing a crudely made steel breastplate, which was heavily dimpled with the impact dents of six nine milimeter slugs.

 

[Dleg]

"I'll be sure not to make that mistake again" said the thin man, adjusting his aim for the center of Cutiepie's forehead.

 

[Dleg]

"lol!!! you wont kill me because you know i am the only way you will survive out here - i can get you a fatty whale and you woodent no what to do without a good alaskan guide with you. come on man i no you make the fatty cash and all i want is a peace of it and ill make sure you get out of this alive if you put that gun down. lol." --