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My parents definitely were done with me and my room at 22. At 18, when I left for college, that was it for living with them. I would come home for Christmas break, but not the summers. My room is a guest bedroom now and little of my junk remains. I told my dad I'm leaving my stuff there so my mom can't collect other junk to put in the basement.

I think I was more thinking he won't be a kid that wants to hang with me much longer and I definitely won't be controlling his life in the same way when he turns 18.

 
the "consulting being that more intrusive to your QOL is really a misnomer".. you have peaks every now and then where your super busy and work a little more, but when I compare my 10 years in consulting versus 10 years government they are about the same (granted in the government role I was "higher up" and more exposed to late night work, on call, attending stupid committee meetings outside of normal work hours, etc) . but most of the times I have had to work tons of OT in consulting it was a result of either mismanaging my time or something else that was poorly planned... most of the "chaos / fire drills" that I see at my shop are a result of poor upper management....

 
& I don't want my kids to be living at home with me when they are 23.. I don't think that is good for anyone.. they can come visit for a few days..

what I mean by "when the kids move out" is:

Right now I am paying an insane amount for a house to be in a good school district. When they no longer go to High School I have a ton of flexibility of where I can live when I don't have to worry about my kids being in a bad school district anymore... for example I could move 10 miles to the north or east and get 4 times the house and land for 4 times less the price of what I am in now. & end result save money..

my true desire is to move into the actual rocky mountains when they get out of high school. I am not sure how I am going to work that out as of yet but that is the plan...

 
So all my consulting friends should stop calling me a lazy state worker?


I would say yes- granted my 10 year comparison is local government not state.

I was threatened to be fired 100X more in the public sector than I was in the private sector.. well it was more of a reminder that " if your crazy idea doesn't work keep in mind your position serves "at the pleasure of the director"

 
I think I was more thinking he won't be a kid that wants to hang with me much longer and I definitely won't be controlling his life in the same way when he turns 18.
That happens around 13yo. LOL

Actually I've told my kids that I need to declutter and they either need to take their crap or I'll throw it out. I think both my wife and I are procrastinating at it (I know she is) because it's tough to let them go, but I'm on board with the "it's time to fly". the older on is essentially gone. He's got a 5-6 year commitment to the Army and he's not coming back to the house. The younger one is getting a taste of the real world and needs to start taking responsibility for himself.

 
I recently compared parenting to running a wild bird sanctuary. You take them in, get them all ready, then release them into the wild. You hope you see them flying around.

 
I recently compared parenting to running a wild bird sanctuary. You take them in, get them all ready, then release them into the wild. You hope you see them flying around.
or the real mama bird approach. When they get to a certain stage it's time to give them a boot out of the nest and make them fly on their own. If they don't start flappin' they'll drop like a rock.

 
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We recently found ourselves offering our 23-yo daughter a room at home. She crashed and burned and decided to finish her degree locally, so what are parents supposed to do? She is currently living with her boyfriend, but I think she is getting ready to dump him. Tough love can only be so tough.

 
The pressure is mounting.... The Bremerton folks called my boss and my old boss for references today. Both gave me positive references and told me to expect an offer, soon.

I had breakfast with my mentor, the Captain, today to mull over the positives and negatives:

positives:

- a geographic move would all but guarantee I make O-5 during next year's promotion cycle (my first year up for it). That represents a modest raise ($270 a month) and of course much more "prestige" and all that.

- We'd be in the mainland, which means more fun stuff to do and we'd be closer for visiting my family and our daughter, wherever she ends up in college

- It would be a cool job.

- It would be a beautiful area to live in

- We wouldn't (couldn't) have to pay a housekeeper any more, and no associated liabilities

- Schools would (presumably) be better for my son

negatives:

- my job now is really good, and I would miss out on some really good resume stuff over the next couple of years (developing new programs, publications, big projects, etc.)

- I have a coveted and very "cool" job now, in a place where my work actually makes a difference - I've been told it's not as much that way for the Bremerton job (all my references and mento worked there before). So for USPHS purposes, the only thing that would keep the new job from looking like a step down, is that it satisfies the geographic move, which is still viewed as the holy grail of "mobility".

- I would be dropped from the Region 9 Rapid Response Team, which I just got on to, and is something that would help me get my next promotion.

- the new job is temporary - max of 4 years, while my current job has no time limit.

- my boss and I have recently worked out new duties for me, which will translate to new orders/a new position here, so that partially satisfies the "mobility" criteria, and potentially puts me into an O-6 billet, which makes promotion to O-5 much easier.

- I would take a hit of nearly $11,000 per year by moving to Bremerton, purely due to the difference between the overseas allowances I get here and BAH there.

- I would take an indeterminate hit on my paycheck due to taxes, but this may be less than I thought because there is no state tax in WA (plus I can still claim residency in the CNMI).

- I would take a huge financial hit because I would have to pay for housing. My house now is all mine - I don't pay a dime for rent or mortgage, but I also can't sell it.

- I would take an additional financial hit because my wife wouldn't be working, but she doesn't contribute much these days anyway - her salary goes mostly to paying the housekeeper (which keeps increasing every year) and her family.

- my wife would no longer have her own money to give to her family, when they ask.

- my wife would be away from her family (could be bad...)

- my wife would not be working (which could also be bad, although she thinks it sounds great)

- my son would be away from his "friends" (his cousins), and he doesn't make friends too easily with his autism symptoms.

- No housekeeper (I have forgotten how to take care of myself)

- Not a tropical island

Just the financials alone are reason enough to reject it, but it is going to cost me more to live in the states no matter what, so this is less of an issue than it otherwise may seem. In other words, if I am going to ever move to the states, I might as well just do it now, since it would give me more time to pay off a small house or condo before I retire. Otherwise, if I wait to long, it just becomes even more unattractive. Kind of like ripping off a bandaid - it's going to hurt no matter what, so might as well just get it over with. So "being in the states" is really the only argument in favor of moving, otherwise I would be moving only to satisfy some primitive, ladder-climbing instinct, which I really don't need because I am doing very, very well as I am.

Ugggghhhhh..... I just want to drink and not think about this stuff.

 
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^Sorry, that was a big post and I don't expect anyone to read it carefully. It was just beneficial for my mental health to type it out.

 
That's a tough decision dleg. How does your family feel about it? How long before your daughter goes to college? Does she already know where she's going?

(...wait, did you just post somewhere that she's turning 18?! How long have I been on this board??? she was 10 when I got here)

Are these opportunities rare? what if you just waited for a better fit - not temporary, step up, stay on rapid response team - would that take a long time?

 
My wife told me at lunch that she wants to move. Her number one criteria is being closer to our daughter while she is in college. She doesn't care about finances. I started to wear her down when I listed all the expenses we would have, and what would happen when her relatives have the next emergency and ask for money. She said that of course, I (me) would have to give the money, which is where I started to wear her down with the listing of all the expenses we would have, how much less income, etc. We're making fatty money here, but it wouldn't be so fatty there.

Yes, my daughter is turning 18 in a couple of weeks, and will start college next fall. Yikes.... and no, she was not 10 when I joined EB - she was 9!!!!! Where on Earth does the time go...

 
wow, tough choices. the Olympic Peninsula would be pretty amazing though.

has your daughter done any early decision applications?

 
Wow Dleg. Those are some big changes for the whole family. Best of luck to you whichever way it goes.

 
cement, yes, she applied for early action to Colo. State. I am sure she will get in. There was another early action school, but I can't remember now, maybe DU? (no way - too expensive!). She just put in 6 apps this week, I am not sure to which schools. She also recently applied to the Naval Academy and Air Force Academy, but the Navy has already rejected her on grounds of GPA and her SAT scores - they have very high thresholds (she's got a 3.89 but that's not enough, I guess). She's still in the running for the USAF, and I have her on a workout routine now to try to hit the physical fitness requirements, which she has to pass by Jan. 31. The Marianas gets 2 slots at each academy, so it's not too outrageous to think she can get in. She's also applying for the Gates Millennium scholarship, and that one's my dream... I hope she can get it. $50k a year x 4 years, no strings attached. They usually award that to about 4 students here every year.

 
Wow dleg, talk about tough decisions. The financials would the hard to swallow, but if you are planning on moving back to the states at some point in the future, you might as well come back now. Would relocation be provided? Also, can you keep your place on the island as a retirement home? That way you would have a place to retire that's paid off in a tropical location. I don't know what the best decision for you is, but I'm sure that you'll make the right one. Good luck!

 
A six income salary with kids and a mortgage won't nail you too bad on taxes if your wife Isnt working.....

If the only reason your wife wants to move is to be closer during college what is she going to do after 4 years when she will be on her own somewhere?

I think if your ultimate goal is to get back to the states then this may be a good opportunity? I assume the job is funding the move?

It's just going to be tough if you have regrets after you move because it's not like you can probably easily go back? Hell I tried going back just six states away and it wasn't very easy.

I would research the hell out of the job and dealing with the "tribe". The little I hear from a guy at our office who does a lot of federal lands contracts on tribe land sounds like they are a huge fucking PIA to deal with...

 
That's a good point that Ble makes, your house would make for an awesome retirement. Can you rent it out in the mean time?

How cool would AFA be for your daughter! Our son's friend studied meteorology there.

Do the Utes need help with waste water treatment?

 
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