I need some advice

[Fudgey]

How do I fart on command?

I know burping on command is easy to do, but how do I fart on command by sucking air in my butt and farting it out? I have seen people on YouTube doing it successfully. I have been trying to figure this one out for a long time. I've been searching the web for how to do it, but a lot of the suggestions won't work.

My friends are trying to figure it out too, but no success so far. I figure this would be a good trick to pull off at the office or a part.

Suggestions are welcome!

 

[Ble_PE]

I think that you should NOT try to do that considering your past history. If you do learn this trade though, be sure to let us know what happens when you shart.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

This sounds like it will ruin a perfectly good pair of trousers along the way.

 

[Sschell]

I dont know about butt sucking... but... if you swallow air, similar to how you burp on command, but do not burp, that will turn into a fart eventually.

You can speed this process up significantly by lying on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor (or whatever you're laying on).

Just relax... just start swallowing air... do not burp it back out. This will become uncomfortable as your body tries to figure out how to route the air to youe ass... once you start farting though, the discomfort goes away, and you are equipt with unlimited farts.

 

[TouchDown]

Eat cabbage and beans constantly, as your only source of nutrition...

It will take a couple days, but the hard work on your diet will pay off.

 

[MA_PE]

Canada Dry ginger ale or any other heavily carbonated drink will help you build up a good internal gas supply that will need some form of relief, either a belch or a fart. You also need to train your s%&t to accumulate on one side of your intestines and not block the whole thing (think of a partially filled gravity flow pipe as opposed to a full conduit) that will mionimize your chances of a having your fart contain some unanticipated solids.

Sounds like a worthwhile project you should apply for some gederal grant money to fund the study.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Always keep one in the chamber, Fudgey. You never know when you might need to clear a room.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

(think of a partially filled gravity flow pipe as opposed to a full conduit) that will mionimize your chances of a having your fart contain some unanticipated solids.

What is the Manning's number for human intestine anyway?

 

[roadwreck]

Maybe you should try what they do for a colonoscopy and "inflate" you. Do you have access to an air compressor?

 

[Supe]

A few years in prison would probably do the trick, though you'll lose a couple decibels.

 

[Sschell]

:banhim:

 

[MA_PE]

A few years in prison would probably do the trick, though you'll lose a couple decibels.

:Locolaugh: :lmao:

 

[Wolverine]

I had a roommate in college that could fluff on command.

His secret was that every day (no, I mean EVERY day) he would eat three bean burritos from Taco Bell. They were about 59 cents apiece back then and he would proudly tout his total daily lunch bill of $1.88.

We were poor back then.

 

[Sschell]

^sound like the ability to poot on demand comes with a high probability of volunteer toots.

 

[MGX]

I had a roommate in college that could fluff on command.
His secret was that every day (no, I mean EVERY day) he would eat three bean burritos from Taco Bell. They were about 59 cents apiece back then and he would proudly tout his total daily lunch bill of $1.88.

We were poor back then.

My secret weapon back in the day was a six pack of taco bell tacos and a six pack of MGD the night before. When it vented to atmosphere the fumes could melt paint!

 

[Dleg]

Eat cabbage and beans constantly, as your only source of nutrition...
It will take a couple days, but the hard work on your diet will pay off.

But after a couple of months, your body will develop the enzymes it needs to more completely digest the beans, and you won't have as many farts.

I had a roommate in college that could fluff on command.
His secret was that every day (no, I mean EVERY day) he would eat three bean burritos from Taco Bell. They were about 59 cents apiece back then and he would proudly tout his total daily lunch bill of $1.88.

We were poor back then.

This news throws a big wrench in my theory above.

 

[Master slacker]

How do I fart on command?
I know burping on command is easy to do, but how do I fart on command by sucking air in my butt and farting it out? I have seen people on YouTube doing it successfully. I have been trying to figure this one out for a long time. I've been searching the web for how to do it, but a lot of the suggestions won't work.

My friends are trying to figure it out too, but no success so far. I figure this would be a good trick to pull off at the office or a part.

Suggestions are welcome!

Should I be ashamed to admit that I am able to perform such actions? :mellow:

And, yes, I am serious. And, no, jail time (or ANY related type of jail time activity) was not involved in the development of this talent.

 

[Sschell]

How do I fart on command?
I know burping on command is easy to do, but how do I fart on command by sucking air in my butt and farting it out? I have seen people on YouTube doing it successfully. I have been trying to figure this one out for a long time. I've been searching the web for how to do it, but a lot of the suggestions won't work.

My friends are trying to figure it out too, but no success so far. I figure this would be a good trick to pull off at the office or a part.

Suggestions are welcome!

Should I be ashamed to admit that I am able to perform such actions? :mellow:

And, yes, I am serious. And, no, jail time (or ANY related type of jail time activity) was not involved in the development of this talent.

you can ass-suck?

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

You never go ass to mouth!

 

[Sschell]

but...