FBI Job interview

[MetsFan]

The Volume of the Red Ball

An engineer, mathematician, and physicist are each asked to determine the volume of a red metal ball.
The mathematician measures the diameter, divides it by two to obtain the radius, and then performs a double intergration.

The physicist weighs the ball and then weighs it again when immersed in water. Knowing the density of water and the difference in the two weights, she calculates the displaced volume of water, which is the volume of the ball.

The traditional engineer turns to her reference text The Physical Properties of Balls and in the chapter entitled "Metal", finds the table labelled "Red". Searching for a row that the contains the appropriate model number (which is stamped on the ball), she reads across to the column "volume", ignoring those dealing with "coefficient of thermal expansion" and "software rev. level".

 

[Supe]

A Czech and Russian wildlife researcher went to a national park to study bear mating habits.

They checked in with the park rangers and the rangers said they would have to radio in once in the morning and once in the evening before they went to sleep.

One morning, no radio message came so the rangers went out looking. They found a campsite that was disturbed and no people; two bears were found wandering near by, a male and female. The rangers had no choice but to shoot both and do an autopsy to find the remains of the researchers.

The female bear was the first to be operated on and they found the remains of a person that they identified as the Russian researcher.

The coroner then remarked, "The Czech is in the male".

 

[Road Guy]

Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and a...s they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up…
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."

 

[Supe]

An Engineer finishes a project for his customer, and when collecting his check, says to the customer; "I wish I had 10 customers just like you."

The customer, who had fought, argued, complained and withheld payment, looks at him with puzzlement and says; "Really? After all the grief I gave you, now you say you want 20 customers just like me?"

The Engineer replies; "Yes. I HAVE 50 customers just like you, I wish I had 10..."

 

[goodal]

^this hits close to home.

 

[Audi Driver P.E.]

An Engineer finishes a project for his customer, and when collecting his check, says to the customer; "I wish I had 10 customers just like you."

The customer, who had fought, argued, complained and withheld payment, looks at him with puzzlement and says; "Really? After all the grief I gave you, now you say you want 20 customers just like me?"

The Engineer replies; "Yes. I HAVE 50 customers just like you, I wish I had 10..."

Clearly the customer can't pay attention.

 

[Supe]

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."

 

[Supe]

A wife says to her husband, "Honey, please get me a carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get me 6."A short time later, the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"He replies, "They had avocados."

 

[Supe]

An engineer dies . . . and goes to Hell.

Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.

The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"

Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on staff. I'm keeping him."God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue.""Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"

 

[Bot-Man]

A brunette goes into the doctors office completely distraught. She tells the doctor that her entire body hurts. Every square inch. She shows the doctor by first touching her knee. "Oww" she says almost in tears. Then she touches her elbow. "Owwww" She says again this time with tears flowing. She then touches her forehead. "Owwwwww" and she starts to sob. The doctor examines her and runs some tests. He then asks her "You aren't a natural brunette are you?" "No, I'm not" she says. "How did you know?" The doctor replies "Your finger is broken."

 

[Supe]

A grizzled old Nebraska cowboy happened to make a rare visit to town. While there he always liked to enjoy a store bought haircut and a shave. His face was so deeply lined from the years in the saddle that getting a clean shave was almost impossible.

The barber being new to town told the old Cowboy not to worry and that he had the solution for that very thing. He said "take this small wooden ball and put it in your cheeks and that will smooth out those lines on your face".

The old cowboy did just that and was amazed.

"That is the best shave I have had in years he exclaimed, but what happens if I would have swallowed that wood ball?"

The barber said, "that's no problem, just wait three or four days and then bring it back like everyone else has."

 

[jeb6294]

My wife and I went to the Nash County 4H agricultural show last week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR '
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy *** and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice! A week ! ..........You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.

 

[jeb6294]

Nice mouse. Wait...what did you think it was?

 

[Audi Driver P.E.]

Nice mouse. Wait...what did you think it was?

 

[Supe]

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt .

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What in the world are ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob . "But me ’n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

 

[Supe]

A driver was stopped by highway patrol around 2 AM. He was asked where he was going in the wee hours of the morning.

The driver replied that he was going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.

So the officer asked, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The driver replied, "That would be my wife."

 

[Supe]

Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? 

Ireland. Every day it's Dublin! 

 

[Ble_PE]

Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? 

Ireland. Every day it's Dublin! 

Get out Dad.

 

[Road Guy]

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?





The food was great but there is no atmosphere.....

 

[Supe]

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family. His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it. You never sausage a tragic thing.