FBI Job interview

[MA_PE]

Subject: BUBBA & COOTER'S BOOK OF SURE FIRE PICK-UP LINES!

Thank you for purchasing 'Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines' brought to you by Bubba & Cooter. Enjoy!

1) Did you fart?

cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?

cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea

I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?

cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?

cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,

I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,

but beauty's only a light switch away.

Man - 'Fat Penguin!'

Woman - 'WHAT?'

Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,

but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?

I think he went inta this cheap motel room...

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,

we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,

every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Excellent, I have a long car ride down to NY with the Mrs. tonight and I think that would be an excellent time to break some of these out.

Remind me to tell you sometime over a $2 pint how I almost ended a marriage before it started on the way down there one time.

 

[wilheldp_PE]

Excellent, I have a long car ride down to NY with the Mrs. tonight and I think that would be an excellent time to break some of these out.
Remind me to tell you sometime over a $2 pint how I almost ended a marriage before it started on the way down there one time.

*Hands VTE a $2 pint*

*waits*

 

[MA_PE]

VT: when are you gonna stop using these candy-ass excuses and actually show up for some $2 pints on Friday.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Next Friday, it's booked on my schedule. No candy, no asses.

This weekend its off to visit my old man and his beleaguered pancreas. Good times, or something.

 

[MA_PE]

Next Friday, it's booked on my schedule. No candy, no asses.
This weekend its off to visit my old man and his beleaguered pancreas. Good times, or something.

sounds like a plan.

Hope dad is making out ok.

Have a good ride, you and the wench (I mean wrench).

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Wrench Wench?

 

[MA_PE]

she's so hot she has a blow torch

 

[TXengrChickPE]

Boys will be boys...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. Ft. House 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. Room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) 'Play Dough' and 'microwave' should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super Glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject PB &J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

 

[FLBuff PE]

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Sounds like a fun activity for tonight!

 

[snickerd3]

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

Neither do furnances.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

After I read number 19, I was thinking about trying that.

 

[wilheldp_PE]

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Consider me part of that 80%.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Dammit, I already made plans tonight. I want to try the clorox trick!

 

[snickerd3]

I wonder what type of brake fluid they used...we have DOT3 in the garage.

 

[FLBuff PE]

And does it have to be regular clorox? My wife buys the scented crap. I hope scented clorox and DOT3 will work. I suppose that I should think about setting up some sort of contraption to mix the two together, to prevent splashback. Or I could just say screw it, set up the video camera, and stand directly over a puddle of clorox and dump the DOT3 on it.

My phone is ringing...it's from the Darwin Award people...they want a copy of the tape from my wife when available....

 

[mudpuppy]

From the quick research I just did, Clorox doesn't work very well for this trick. Need to use granulated pool chlorine. Of course, no one should acutally attempt this.

 

[FLBuff PE]

From the quick research I just did, Clorox doesn't work very well for this trick. Need to use granulated pool chlorine. Of course, no one should acutally attempt this.

You do realize this is a dare, right? Look for YouTube footage, shortly followed by a winning bid for a Darwin Award and an AFV win!

 

[Dleg]

I want to try the dust bunnies trick.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

[SIZE=14pt]Can you solve this puzzle? [/SIZE]

You are riding on a beautiful white horse.

On your left side is a drop off.

On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.

In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way

and you can't seem to overtake them.

Behind you is a stampede of horses.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.

[SIZE=14pt]* [/SIZE]

Spoiler

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

*

 

[What!!]

LOL good one :laugh: