Seriously Dex, hit the wallgreens on the way home and get some Tiger Balm. Then when the wifey gets home, politely ask her to aide you in application and then tell her to go make you a sammich. Hit the recliner with a heat pack applied. Tiger Balm, heat pack, sammich, recliner, 3x cold beers, and the history channel for two hours. You'll be a new man.