Okay so I was driving up to Canada a few years back, the same way I've done with the family every other summer for about 30 years (pre 9-11), with three kids in the car, two of them actually mine since my other one was in the car behind with her cousin and I was carrying an extra nephew, no wife with us since she didn't fancy driving to Canada, and I come to the border crossing.
"Are these all your children?" . . . . Um, no. (Bad answer)
"Do you have passports for them?" . . . Um, no. (Bad answer #2)
"Do you have birth certificates" . . . Um, no. (This conversation is heading rapidly down the toilet)
"Do you have proof that they're yours?" . . . Um, well no, and one isn't mine, only two are.
"Where's your wife" . . . Um, she's not here.
"How do I know you're not kidnapping these children?" . . . Um, because my mom in the car behind will vouch for me? (Officer looks back; Grammy in the convertible behind us waves enthusiastically at the nice Border Patrol Agent)
"Pull to the side sir" . . .
I was thinking I had one more summer before the rules tightened but apparently I'm a moron. End of the story is they let me CALL my wife and hand them the cell phone (apparently they're morons too) and she told them it was ok for me to take her kids to Canada, but that they'd better keep a close watch on me because I was a troublemaker.
Next time - passports, births certs, and DNA match papers all the way around.
Then the US guy gave me grief a week later for smuggling my kids BACK INTO the country.