squaretaper LIT AF PE
UNCE UNCE UNCE
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EB Mafia
- Thread starter ChebyshevII PE PMP
- Start date
Help Support Professional Engineer & PE Exam Forum:
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Sorry for the quick one tonight. Super tired from gym and making cookies and want to get to bed before midnight. I’ll have something fun for mafia death tomorrow (hopefully…*sweats*)
---
“Oh no,” groaned @ChebyshevII PE when they saw the looming block of a building, “I thought you said we were going to Culver’s…” They moaned in despair when the details of the structure came into further focus. The institutional block-like shape. The hundreds of parking spaces, all full. The Futura Extra Bold Oblique typeface in an eye-catching red. They were going to the last place they should even attempt to visit on a Saturday. They were going to hell on earth.
They were going to Costco.
“I’m going to need something to drink,” @Audi driver, P.E. announced from the driver’s seat, which was concerning, since a DD hadn’t been designated before everyone had piled into the Miata. It was a very tight squeeze and was similar to a championship round of tetris. One wondered how any groceries would fit in such a small vehicle. Obviously, some of the initial group...wouldn’t be making it home.
“I think we’re in a state that allows alcohol to be sold inside the store.” @RBHeadge PE added helpfully from the back of the group once they had all un-stuck themselves from the mid-life crisis mobile.
“Neat-o,” deadpanned @SaltySteve, who somehow already had a flask in hand and was making their way towards the entrance.
@squaretaper LIT AF PE looked nervous. “Should you really be drinking that before we get indoors?” They glanced at other shoppers approaching the bulk-purchase mecca, trying to see if anyone else was sipping on something illegal. There were rules! And strictures! Even here in the parking lot of a Costco, the most lawless of lands!
As one, the group turned, to reveal that every single person in the group -sans @squaretaper LIT AF PE- was already drinking some type of alcoholic beverage. @LyceeFruit PE had a Bloody Mary with lots of pepper and @tj_PE had pulled out an entire coconut that had somehow been hollowed out and filled with something much boozier than water with a long and exciting name. Hell, even @NikR_PE was getting into it as well, albeit, slightly lower class with their dual-dispenser beer koozie headwear.
Saturday has already been tough and it was only 10am.
Realizing their faux pas, @squaretaper LIT AF PE slowly began to back up, not realizing that alcohol was required on what was beginning to be realized semi-hazardous Costco trip.
A group of four made their way towards @squaretaper LIT AF PE, menacing with Natty Lights and Schaefers, already making them dread their carb counts.
They let out a yelp when they tripped on the cart stopper lip on the group, falling backwards into the cart corral. Staring dazedly up at the sky, they didn’t realize that a large cart train of at least 10-carts was slowly moving closer...as if someone was pushing them. Before they were able to roll onto their feet, the first cart had gained enough momentum to slowly but steadily make a path over @squaretaper LIT AF PE. Everyone present winced at the cut-off scream that turned into gurgles when the squeaky wheels made their way over a collarbone (that snapped like a twig under the combined weight and inertia), only to give a slight jerk of resistance when the first cart hit an obstacle slightly more robust than a thin bone.
Luckily, it had more cart behind it that kept pushing.
@squaretaper LIT AF PE’s chest held up a moment longer before it succumbed to the never-ending trail of carts, caving in like a poorly proved loaf of bread. Once the ribs were out of the way, it was much easier for the carts to follow the diagonal that they had struck out. 14 carts rolled through @squaretaper LIT AF PE’s liver and lungs, bits of tissue and blobs of gray getting caught in the cart undercarriage and staining the cart corral. One cart became caught on @squaretaper LIT AF PE's necklace, which had been under their now shredded shirt, and it gave a strange scraping noise to the passing brigade as it was tugged along until it was able to slip through a masticated vertebrae.
@Roarbark bent down to pick it up gently between their teeth, nose wrinkling at the metallic smell, and turned to give it to @txjennah PE with a wag of their tail.
“Aw, shit,” @txjennah PE said, lowering their margarita complete with a little pink umbrella. In their other hand was the slightly bent and blood covered detective shield.
@squaretaper LIT AF PE was the cop.
The remaining players are:
@ChebyshevII PE, @MadamPirate PE, @NikR_PE, @txjennah PE, @DuranDuran, @tj_PE, @jean15paul_PE, @Dothracki, @RBHeadge PE, @Roarbark, @Audi driver, P.E., @SaltySteve, and @LyceeFruit PE
The final vote was:
3 @DuranDuran
1 @LyceeFruit PE
4@squaretaper LIT AF PE
---
“Oh no,” groaned @ChebyshevII PE when they saw the looming block of a building, “I thought you said we were going to Culver’s…” They moaned in despair when the details of the structure came into further focus. The institutional block-like shape. The hundreds of parking spaces, all full. The Futura Extra Bold Oblique typeface in an eye-catching red. They were going to the last place they should even attempt to visit on a Saturday. They were going to hell on earth.
They were going to Costco.
“I’m going to need something to drink,” @Audi driver, P.E. announced from the driver’s seat, which was concerning, since a DD hadn’t been designated before everyone had piled into the Miata. It was a very tight squeeze and was similar to a championship round of tetris. One wondered how any groceries would fit in such a small vehicle. Obviously, some of the initial group...wouldn’t be making it home.
“I think we’re in a state that allows alcohol to be sold inside the store.” @RBHeadge PE added helpfully from the back of the group once they had all un-stuck themselves from the mid-life crisis mobile.
“Neat-o,” deadpanned @SaltySteve, who somehow already had a flask in hand and was making their way towards the entrance.
@squaretaper LIT AF PE looked nervous. “Should you really be drinking that before we get indoors?” They glanced at other shoppers approaching the bulk-purchase mecca, trying to see if anyone else was sipping on something illegal. There were rules! And strictures! Even here in the parking lot of a Costco, the most lawless of lands!
As one, the group turned, to reveal that every single person in the group -sans @squaretaper LIT AF PE- was already drinking some type of alcoholic beverage. @LyceeFruit PE had a Bloody Mary with lots of pepper and @tj_PE had pulled out an entire coconut that had somehow been hollowed out and filled with something much boozier than water with a long and exciting name. Hell, even @NikR_PE was getting into it as well, albeit, slightly lower class with their dual-dispenser beer koozie headwear.
Saturday has already been tough and it was only 10am.
Realizing their faux pas, @squaretaper LIT AF PE slowly began to back up, not realizing that alcohol was required on what was beginning to be realized semi-hazardous Costco trip.
A group of four made their way towards @squaretaper LIT AF PE, menacing with Natty Lights and Schaefers, already making them dread their carb counts.
They let out a yelp when they tripped on the cart stopper lip on the group, falling backwards into the cart corral. Staring dazedly up at the sky, they didn’t realize that a large cart train of at least 10-carts was slowly moving closer...as if someone was pushing them. Before they were able to roll onto their feet, the first cart had gained enough momentum to slowly but steadily make a path over @squaretaper LIT AF PE. Everyone present winced at the cut-off scream that turned into gurgles when the squeaky wheels made their way over a collarbone (that snapped like a twig under the combined weight and inertia), only to give a slight jerk of resistance when the first cart hit an obstacle slightly more robust than a thin bone.
Luckily, it had more cart behind it that kept pushing.
@squaretaper LIT AF PE’s chest held up a moment longer before it succumbed to the never-ending trail of carts, caving in like a poorly proved loaf of bread. Once the ribs were out of the way, it was much easier for the carts to follow the diagonal that they had struck out. 14 carts rolled through @squaretaper LIT AF PE’s liver and lungs, bits of tissue and blobs of gray getting caught in the cart undercarriage and staining the cart corral. One cart became caught on @squaretaper LIT AF PE's necklace, which had been under their now shredded shirt, and it gave a strange scraping noise to the passing brigade as it was tugged along until it was able to slip through a masticated vertebrae.
@Roarbark bent down to pick it up gently between their teeth, nose wrinkling at the metallic smell, and turned to give it to @txjennah PE with a wag of their tail.
“Aw, shit,” @txjennah PE said, lowering their margarita complete with a little pink umbrella. In their other hand was the slightly bent and blood covered detective shield.
@squaretaper LIT AF PE was the cop.
The remaining players are:
@ChebyshevII PE, @MadamPirate PE, @NikR_PE, @txjennah PE, @DuranDuran, @tj_PE, @jean15paul_PE, @Dothracki, @RBHeadge PE, @Roarbark, @Audi driver, P.E., @SaltySteve, and @LyceeFruit PE
The final vote was:
3 @DuranDuran
1 @LyceeFruit PE
4@squaretaper LIT AF PE
Roarbark
Topographic Memory🌄
1. @JayKay PE you have outdone yourself. Miatia=Championship Round of Tetris....Bravo!!
2. @squaretaper LIT AF PE WTF DUDE!!!
2. @squaretaper LIT AF PE WTF DUDE!!!
LyceeFruit PE
Woodchipped Voice of Reason
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Eeeep.
Soz for not voting but as mentioned up thread, the notifications are MIA on the mobile site. This update has made the mobile version largely unfriendly to me so I haven't been checking post work.
Even when I drank @JayKay PE I never tried a bloody mary lol
Soz for not voting but as mentioned up thread, the notifications are MIA on the mobile site. This update has made the mobile version largely unfriendly to me so I haven't been checking post work.
Even when I drank @JayKay PE I never tried a bloody mary lol
Dothracki PE
Where is my mind?
LyceeFruit PE
Woodchipped Voice of Reason
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It's morning! I do not like that it shows who posts the most in each thread...I feel very called out. ( @Roarbark, last night's writing seemed much shorter on my screen). Same thing with today.
---
@DuranDuran wandered up to the group, who still hadn't entered the Costco, with a $1.50 combo in hand. The hot dog was smothered in onions, relish, what appeared to be all the condiments, and...potentially a mini brownie. The straw of the soda was smeared with yellow, red, and green, and was heavily chewed on the end. "So, what'd I miss?" They drawled, following it with a heavy slurp of their drink that appeared to be more air than liquid, based on the rattling of the ice.
"How'd you get that?" @jean15paul_PE asked as they stepped over @squaretaper LIT AF PE's body; for some reason they were ravenous now.
"From the food court?"
@NikR_PE scoffed, "I thought you needed to be a member to get into the food court now?"
"I mean, yeah, I have a membership? Isn't that the whole point of these stores?" @DuranDuran flashed their executive membership card that had a grainy black-and-white photo that might have been them. If they had a full handlebar mustache. And were a woman.
@NikR_PE and a nearby @RBHeadge PE were cowed. They didn't actually have memberships. They just mooched off friends and family members, usually stuffing wads of cash into pockets for large supplies of Kirkland products like toilet paper and horse pills of Vitamin D.
"What's the point of coming to Costco without a membership? That's like a death sentence."
Everyone present looked at @Dothracki in aghast. Yes, he was new, but didn't he know how things worked here?????
A muted gasp came from behind and they turned to see @tj_PE on the ground, brown-tinted foam squeezing through their clenched teeth. Next to them, a food court chicken bake that had obviously been the vehicle for evil. But who could resist something so decadent and calorie-heavy? Who could say no to chicken, three kinds of cheese, bacon, and Caesar salad dressing shoved into a mutant Hot Pocket that was the length of your forearm?
@tj_PE's face was now a blotchy mix of white and red and their eyes appeared to almost be popping from their skull. You could visibly see the veins in the side of their neck pulsing, a burst blood vessel causing the skin to blossom into an array of different purples spidering into a constellation that looked a little like the 'Big Dipper'. With one last wheeze from behind their teeth, @tj_PE succumbed to a cheese-based poison.
@tj_PE was killed by the Costco mafia last night.
The remaining players are:
@ChebyshevII PE, @MadamPirate PE, @NikR_PE, @txjennah PE, @DuranDuran, @jean15paul_PE, @Dothracki, @RBHeadge PE, @Roarbark, @Audi driver, P.E., @SaltySteve, and @LyceeFruit PE
---
@DuranDuran wandered up to the group, who still hadn't entered the Costco, with a $1.50 combo in hand. The hot dog was smothered in onions, relish, what appeared to be all the condiments, and...potentially a mini brownie. The straw of the soda was smeared with yellow, red, and green, and was heavily chewed on the end. "So, what'd I miss?" They drawled, following it with a heavy slurp of their drink that appeared to be more air than liquid, based on the rattling of the ice.
"How'd you get that?" @jean15paul_PE asked as they stepped over @squaretaper LIT AF PE's body; for some reason they were ravenous now.
"From the food court?"
@NikR_PE scoffed, "I thought you needed to be a member to get into the food court now?"
"I mean, yeah, I have a membership? Isn't that the whole point of these stores?" @DuranDuran flashed their executive membership card that had a grainy black-and-white photo that might have been them. If they had a full handlebar mustache. And were a woman.
@NikR_PE and a nearby @RBHeadge PE were cowed. They didn't actually have memberships. They just mooched off friends and family members, usually stuffing wads of cash into pockets for large supplies of Kirkland products like toilet paper and horse pills of Vitamin D.
"What's the point of coming to Costco without a membership? That's like a death sentence."
Everyone present looked at @Dothracki in aghast. Yes, he was new, but didn't he know how things worked here?????
A muted gasp came from behind and they turned to see @tj_PE on the ground, brown-tinted foam squeezing through their clenched teeth. Next to them, a food court chicken bake that had obviously been the vehicle for evil. But who could resist something so decadent and calorie-heavy? Who could say no to chicken, three kinds of cheese, bacon, and Caesar salad dressing shoved into a mutant Hot Pocket that was the length of your forearm?
@tj_PE's face was now a blotchy mix of white and red and their eyes appeared to almost be popping from their skull. You could visibly see the veins in the side of their neck pulsing, a burst blood vessel causing the skin to blossom into an array of different purples spidering into a constellation that looked a little like the 'Big Dipper'. With one last wheeze from behind their teeth, @tj_PE succumbed to a cheese-based poison.
@tj_PE was killed by the Costco mafia last night.
The remaining players are:
@ChebyshevII PE, @MadamPirate PE, @NikR_PE, @txjennah PE, @DuranDuran, @jean15paul_PE, @Dothracki, @RBHeadge PE, @Roarbark, @Audi driver, P.E., @SaltySteve, and @LyceeFruit PE
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Did I count wrong/write this wrong?!?!?!?!?! PLEASE TELL ME I AM PANICKING SINCE THE MOBILE SITE DOESN'T SHOW NOTIFICATIONS STILL
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TRRRRRRRIPLE POST
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I feel many things in my lower intestine. Hunger. Existential dread. Friendship for @DuranDuran.
A cornucopia of feelings that I have become interested in exploring more.
You did nothing wrong. It's not you, it's me. I'm merely using the 'thinking emoji' to show that I am in-fact thinking about who voted for who last night, adding the context of square being the cop, and parsing it all for clues.
I voted for @squaretaper LIT AF PE simply because he claimed to be mafia. I wished in hindsight I would have just retracted my vote and voted for myself. At least we would have just lost a regular townie.
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Uhhhhh fuck.
One of these days y'all are gonna NOT listen to Square when he insists he's maf.
