I'll add to the which college debate - I have a unique perspective
I won't name colleges here, but you can message me if you'd like to know more specifics
I didn't get my act together for too long and did the bulk of my growing up in places where I paid dearly for the privilege. I do what I can to let others learn from experience and avoid a similar path:
directly from high school to:
top five engineering school - by far the most stimulating and challenging environment I've ever been in. It changes you in such a way that you can often identify others who have had the experience in mere minutes of conversation. The academics were exceedingly challenging and although I probably could have cut it with adequate grades re: pure academic potential I didn't then have the other required skills to give me the success package. I hadn't yet learned to learn on my own, appropriately prioritize a volume/difficulty of work that was impossible to complete, how to ask for and get help (was familiar with giving it) and how to balance work and fun. The other students, administration and faculty created a truly unique atmosphere that brought out and developed certain aptitudes and points of view... intense curiosity for who else has something interesting going on (within and outside those walls), and willingness to share, respect for the individual, entrepreneurial bent, a crush you until you rebel and excel mode....Grading was on a curve and I've never seen curves so high. Anything that had ever been taught was assumed to be fully grasped and available to you without review. There was never ever review of any concept. My very first class there started with a review of homework - the prof was truly astonished we hadn't ALL picked up the syllabus and completed the pre-course assignment in our eagerness to learn (some students had). (My not in Kansas moment....) In direct contrast to reputation, students had broad broad interests...there was never a glazed look with mention of ANY major. Constant surprises at discovering pockets of expertise in strange places can be expected (ie. detailed discussion of who and what's on Broadway with a newly arrived Detroit native etc.) A sense of fun and cleverness were celebrated. Professors saw students as collaborators from day 1 and they deserved to be. You were taught the skills required to switch careers successfully without re-education. Graduates from that school seek out other grads because a particular valued mindset is a given - that begins with careful selection of those offered entrance. Instead of limping through, I moved on (after becoming of that place in most ways).....
next was a visiting semester a former women's college (one of seven sisters) - I was stunned at the difference in atmosphere. The curiosity was turned inward in direct contrast to my previous college. There was little culture of reaching out and noticing what was special elsewhere. No doubt it was a good education, but money and status mattered more here - you didn't stand only on your work. There seemed to more little cliques and hidden (to me) rules and expectations. At the same time, there was a homey contrast - profs were always addressed as "Mr. Ms. Mrs..." and usually taught small classes and were very approachable and available to students (not just during office hours).
next was community college - high school deluxe (while working full-time). Very very clear expectations and requirements. "The test will cover page 37, but not the example problem on page 38" Many students were not especially interested in learning. Still--this is where I got a handle on study habits and learning on my own...and rising to the near top helped my battered self-esteem. As far as the critical problem-solving skills and basic concepts, I probably didn't learn less than other places, but the creative thinking and peer challenge was harder to find -- you had to seek it out, instead of getting slapped with it at every turn. I got a two-year degree, cleaning up my past into a known quantity so I could transfer.
next was transfer to a top ten engineering school - much bigger than all the others, authentic school spirit which threw me at first (They're singing the REAL words to the school song....holy carp!) I didn't find the same broad interests combined in one person very often (like I routinely did at the first college) but I could explore those interests to the same depth by interacting with several people. The academics were still quite challenging, but a test result that would have been a mid-C at school #1 would be a high B here. Profs did quick review now and then -especially when bringing up not-seen-for-a-while concepts. (you didn't need to be perfect)... It turned out to be the right fit and I graduated from this one.
I gotta say - the best choice depends on the kid, the major, the career goals and the finances available. I wouldn't give back any of the education I got. My time at #1 hasn't (yet?) translated into big bucks or high visibility in my field, but I'm a different engineer, wife, mother, friend than I'd be without it. (I love that my husband is a grad so a little bit of that place is always with me.) I just reconnected with a friends from that time via LinkedIn and they're same as ever, but better....that's a tremendous professional and emotional resource to have access to....not to mention, it's way fun! That spark of intellect never dims....And some of the friends from there that I've kept in touch with all along have significant roles in shaping life in our country - by knowing them and being part of their "pit crew" I've had an indirect part in that.
Right now, I don't want to start or run a company, but I have plenty of working years left and a growing interest...
I do believe in the concept from Outliers (Malcolm Gladwell) that you don't need the best education to excel - just a good enough one....if you have the rest of the package. Still putting yourself into an environment where certain things are repeatedly thrown at you leaves you no escape -- they shape and form you. A self-driven person with the right skills can create a similar outcome, but it needs to be self-directed and sustained....which can be tough for some people.
How will I advise my two kids (now 13 & 9)? Honestly no idea yet -- so far they're following in parents' footsteps with very broad interests and talents, including some we didn't give them. I have no idea if I'll get actors, engineers, lawyers or social workers.....and if it's the right fit, any of those is fine with me. My goal is to try to assist them in focusing their interests on a job that they can love enough that it won't feel like a job. And if I can help them get to that place more quickly, cost-effectively and efficiently than I did, better yet!
