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Leaky tub; I think I have a better chance of repairing that.

Hammock or rocking chair for a lazy afternoon?

 
Rocking chair. Too many (x2) bad experiences with rotten hammock ropes and as a consequence, a busted tailbone.

Promiscuous teenage daughter or promiscuous teenage son?

 
Credit Card. I charge everything and get cash back. Besides, credit cards are just free money, right?

Complete your bucket list but know the exact time you will die, or do nothing on your bucket list and be oblivious as to the time of your death?

 
Oblivious. My bucket list isn't particularly exciting and knowing when I'd die would make me even more sarcastic than I already am.

If you had to lose a sense, which would it be?

 
Pay for the gas. I may be an enviro, but I love driving.

Let the housekeeper look at your tax returns so she can give you daughter her SSN for taking a test at school (because she forgot to tell you), or miss an important meeting at work to drive home and do it yourself so your housekeeper doesn't see your tax return and family SSNs? (true story today!)

 
Call the school and tell them they don't need no stinking SSN's to administer a test! I think I'd drive home.

Work on a big project at home after wife and kids go to bed in order to be successful at work, or go to bed because you were up all night the night before thinking about the big project that you needed to work on?

 
^Sometimes you just gotta get the work done.

Walk 300 feet to your car in a driving rainstorm, with no umbrella or rain jacket, just so you go eat something healthy for lunch, or stay indoors and eat something from the snack lady downstairs, which results in diarrhea 60% of the time?

 
Roll the dice and go for the snack lady food.

You find and are offered your dream job but you have to choose between the office that's way up north (hence very long & cold winters) or the office that's way down south (very hot & humid summers).

 
Way down south. Been there, done that, f*ck the snow.

Drink a large jar of pickle juice, or eat a small jar of mayonnaise?

 
ummm... pickle juice is consumed as a beverage in my house all the time... mayonnaise alone is not what I would want, but that on a hot dog.

Ask for a raise even though you know that the person you are asking doesn't have the authority to approve it, or just keep your mouth shut and do additional work that should be done by someone paid more because you need the job?

 
The answer to most un-asked questions is no, so if you want it, you must ask for it.

Coffee+ no food = jitters for the rest of the morning, or drink a nasty flavored hot tea (they're out of the tea I normally drink)?

 
Both. I only wake-up to drive from one to the other and to eat.

For the zombie apocalypse, a tactical 12guage shotgun or a 9mm handgun?

 
If I believed in zombies, I could answer better, but I guess I'd choose the 9mm.

Silk sheets or fine Egyptian cotton?

 
Egyptian cotton.

Sleep on the couch or suck it up and suffer in bed until the wife finishes catching up on a months worth of Keeping up with the Kardashians. For the record, I keep telling her that 3/4 people who watched that show when it first came on are no longer watching it, and the 1/4 are 20-something's trying to hold onto their glory days from college, and her. She told me to sleep on the couch, and I might just do it!

 
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