Help Support Professional Engineer & PE Exam Forum:
TouchDown
Is it Friday yet?
It's not a girl answering, but coming from a similar place...
Keep in mind that just like you said in another thread about "loss of independence" with a baby in the house. Combine that with the "I'm a Mom now" factor and multiply that by everything else going on that you will never have time to complete pile... It's difficult to keep up on a relationship.
But, as others can probably attest - you have to be able to find perspective that your relationship is as important to mini-Buff as mini-Buff's needs. If this is your "only" issue, then (although probably an uncomfortable conversation/argument) discuss how you feel (girls like that I hear).
Mary's right - studies have shown that "chore-play" is the new thing, where if a guy will help to take stress off the wife, it CAN end up being a good thing all around.
Again, do you have any "couple's" celebration coming up? Anniversary? Any damn excuse to spend some time just together? Time together is essential to remember that your relationship is just as important as family needs.
If you are like me and you just go around being pissy because you haven't been laid in 10 weeks... well, that doesn't seem to excite the wife into jumping into bed with you.
OR. You could just give up now, your sex drive will fall off in another 10 years and you will be beat down and won't give a shit anymore... j/k (sort of).
Keep in mind that just like you said in another thread about "loss of independence" with a baby in the house. Combine that with the "I'm a Mom now" factor and multiply that by everything else going on that you will never have time to complete pile... It's difficult to keep up on a relationship.
But, as others can probably attest - you have to be able to find perspective that your relationship is as important to mini-Buff as mini-Buff's needs. If this is your "only" issue, then (although probably an uncomfortable conversation/argument) discuss how you feel (girls like that I hear).
Mary's right - studies have shown that "chore-play" is the new thing, where if a guy will help to take stress off the wife, it CAN end up being a good thing all around.
Again, do you have any "couple's" celebration coming up? Anniversary? Any damn excuse to spend some time just together? Time together is essential to remember that your relationship is just as important as family needs.
If you are like me and you just go around being pissy because you haven't been laid in 10 weeks... well, that doesn't seem to excite the wife into jumping into bed with you.
OR. You could just give up now, your sex drive will fall off in another 10 years and you will be beat down and won't give a shit anymore... j/k (sort of).
wilheldp_PE
PE, LEED AP, SPAM KING
Along similar lines to TD's response, Mrs. Buff figured out what caused mini-Buff and doesn't ever want to do that again.
FLBuff PE
Multi-disciplinary engineer
Our anniversary is on Tuesday. Both she and I will be in Denver, but due to some extenuating circumstances, so will mini-Buff. We don't get much time together alone.
I meant this more as a general question to the ladies, what affects your drive? Not a pity/whiney party for me.
I meant this more as a general question to the ladies, what affects your drive? Not a pity/whiney party for me.
FLBuff PE
Multi-disciplinary engineer
G
Guest
Fluvial
The Ditch Witch
If I am in the situation where I have a lot of things I'm responsible for ... I get to obsessing over all that stuff and I forget all about 'marital relations'.
One thing about wimmins, their sex drive is connected to their feelings about themselves - when they feel good about themselves, and feel rested and emotionally "full", they feel like giving back emotionally which includes expressing love sexually. If a woman feels all frazzled out and emotionally drained then sex turns into "one more thing I have to do", kind of like another chore.
I also think that ladies don't like to ever feel taken for granted, but that is true for men too. The thing is, if you hurt a man's feelings he might still have sex with you. If you hurt a woman's feelings, she won't. I think a woman feels more vulnerable in the sexual act itself; so it's like "I'm not going to open myself up to you because you hurt me" or "took me for granted" or whatever.
What would make all this easier to understand would be for women to be encouraged/taught to express this stuff clearly, instead of being taught to be coy and to soften their requests with a bunch of flowery language. You have to tell a guy straight up what your concern is. Men don't want to listen to a bunch of blah blah blah.
In my experience, anyway.
:2cents:
TouchDown
Is it Friday yet?
Sorry dude, sounds like things with the Anniversary aren't going "according to plan".
So, girls FL sounds desperate, what say ye?
Sounds like Snick's drive is closely related to banana hammocks, or plum smugglers, anything to accentuate your junk.
TouchDown
Is it Friday yet?
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klk
Well-known member
I apologize for not remembering how old mini-Buff is, but could she be affected by a change in hormone levels with respect to having a baby? I've never given birth so I can't say how that affects hormone levels, but I do know that changes in hormone levels (whether synthetic or natural) can have a huge impact on the drive. Yes, I can imagine stress and lack of alone time are also factors, so if nothing changes after the stress is reduced and alone time is acheived, then there might be underlying issues to consider.
I've also heard/read that women who give birth have a "changed perspective" of their bodies (especially after breast feeding), and in some cases feel "less attractive" than they used to be, no matter what their guy may be telling them. You might try increasing how many times you compliment her looks and give her positive feedback in case her "real" reason is related to body image insecurities. Many women, no matter how beautiful, always notice the flaws that they think makes them ugly. Maybe some of the women here who have given birth can give some their opinion on this.
The other things Fluvial said are factors too.
I've also heard/read that women who give birth have a "changed perspective" of their bodies (especially after breast feeding), and in some cases feel "less attractive" than they used to be, no matter what their guy may be telling them. You might try increasing how many times you compliment her looks and give her positive feedback in case her "real" reason is related to body image insecurities. Many women, no matter how beautiful, always notice the flaws that they think makes them ugly. Maybe some of the women here who have given birth can give some their opinion on this.
The other things Fluvial said are factors too.
FLBuff PE
Multi-disciplinary engineer
Fluvial
The Ditch Witch
Ble_PE
I need a beer.
FLBuff PE
Multi-disciplinary engineer
No worries, klk. Mini-Buff is ~1.5 years old.
Thanks for the discussions and taking me seriously (which is how I meant it).
TouchDown
Is it Friday yet?
In all seriousness... other things that haven't been mentioned:
1. birth control pills (- sex drive)
2. Other medications, ie. anti-depressants (- sex drive)
3. Health problems, ie. herniated disc in back or just being sick MORE because you have a kid now (- sex drive)
I've asked my wife to approach her doctor about "counteracting" the drugs / etc. and she's too embarassed to ask if there are drugs available to "boost" her drive. But, I'm sure there may be options there as well if you're dealing with a medical / medication side effect.
FLBuff PE
Multi-disciplinary engineer
#1 is a posibility. Mrs. Buff asked her OBGYN about it (at my request), and the OBGYN said it's likely just stress. Which never seems to ease.
snickerd3
Taking suggestions
sorry i can't be of more help flbuff...every women's tastes are a bit different. I wouldn't give up trying.
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Fluvial
The Ditch Witch
How old is the mini-Buff? The first two to three years with a child seem to keep moms in a frazzled state. Not that later years are easier, just that the mom has gotten her 'sea legs' by then.
Oh, and you're welcome. I could tell it wasn't just a juvenile question like the boobs one.
Oh, and you're welcome. I could tell it wasn't just a juvenile question like the boobs one.
wilheldp_PE
PE, LEED AP, SPAM KING
I like this thread.
I've had an interesting work history with women. My first job was in the oil field, and almost immediately after finishing the 6-month training period, I was given a brand-new female engineer to train. She was a tough girl and wanted to show everyone how tough she was. There were very, very few women in the oil field at that time (1991 - and probably hasn't changed). We got along very well and remained friends outside work as well, and she even dated one of my roommates for a while. (I lost track of her though and have no idea how she turned out). As far as the way she fit in to the work environment, she was one of those who seemed to want to try very hard to show the men that she could do anything they could, but the problem was that us men engineers didn't have to do all the things the regular crew did, and she ended up kind of insulting the crew by taking away some of their work, and then also occasionally messing up the engineer's job by spending too much time on the stuff the crew could have been doing, and neglecting the stuff the engineer needed to be doing. So, IMO, she ended up hurting herself by trying too hard.
She eventually burned out and quit, like 99% of the engineers there, but she just burned out a little faster. To us men, there was never any doubt she was a hard worker and could do the job. So she kind of messed up by over-compensating. And, I have to say, the vast majority of men we worked with treated her exactly the same as the male engineers. The only bad treatment she would get was from the rig hands, but they didn't work for the company, and it was somewhat expected, and it never got out of hand because her crew was always there.
After that, I worked at an A&E firm out here and got to see another situation - our architect was a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Drop-dead gorgeous. I think the A&E office is a far worse place than the oil field when it comes to the treatment of women - it seemed like half the guys in that office were always over "chatting" at her cubicle. But she handled it well - that didn't last very long after she made it clear that she had no interest in anyone and needed to work. She ultimately married one of the younger engineers in the office, but you would have never know they had anything going on between each other. It was very covert. But once it was out in the open, her troubles at the office were over.
On the other hand, I worked in a field office for that firm, and had a local secretary who was one of the most fun women I ever worked with. She didn't work very much, but she was hilarious and knew how to "command" if you know what I mean. The other engiener I worked with on the project would always tease her about stuff, and sometimes she would get genuinely mad and then throw stuff at him. Beaned him in the head with a stapler once. But it was a very family-like atmosphere in that office, and we are all still friends today.
Working in the environmental field has been totally different. It seems like there are a lot more female professionals in the environmental world than any other technical profession I am familiar with. I rarely see any discrepancies in the way women are treated (beyond the local islander culture that is, which is very chauvinistic). And because of that, all the female professionals I work with seem to be very much at ease, and I don't sense any "gender issues" at all, except for the occasional young, freshly-graduated environmental professional. I've run into a few of them that seem like they're tryingt o hard to impress, but that goes for both genders, to be honest.
Me, I am a perfectly modern male and have never offended any woman I have ever worked with.
:BS:
But I do try. (and I married a co-worker - so my workplace flirting succeeded at least once)
I've had an interesting work history with women. My first job was in the oil field, and almost immediately after finishing the 6-month training period, I was given a brand-new female engineer to train. She was a tough girl and wanted to show everyone how tough she was. There were very, very few women in the oil field at that time (1991 - and probably hasn't changed). We got along very well and remained friends outside work as well, and she even dated one of my roommates for a while. (I lost track of her though and have no idea how she turned out). As far as the way she fit in to the work environment, she was one of those who seemed to want to try very hard to show the men that she could do anything they could, but the problem was that us men engineers didn't have to do all the things the regular crew did, and she ended up kind of insulting the crew by taking away some of their work, and then also occasionally messing up the engineer's job by spending too much time on the stuff the crew could have been doing, and neglecting the stuff the engineer needed to be doing. So, IMO, she ended up hurting herself by trying too hard.
She eventually burned out and quit, like 99% of the engineers there, but she just burned out a little faster. To us men, there was never any doubt she was a hard worker and could do the job. So she kind of messed up by over-compensating. And, I have to say, the vast majority of men we worked with treated her exactly the same as the male engineers. The only bad treatment she would get was from the rig hands, but they didn't work for the company, and it was somewhat expected, and it never got out of hand because her crew was always there.
After that, I worked at an A&E firm out here and got to see another situation - our architect was a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Drop-dead gorgeous. I think the A&E office is a far worse place than the oil field when it comes to the treatment of women - it seemed like half the guys in that office were always over "chatting" at her cubicle. But she handled it well - that didn't last very long after she made it clear that she had no interest in anyone and needed to work. She ultimately married one of the younger engineers in the office, but you would have never know they had anything going on between each other. It was very covert. But once it was out in the open, her troubles at the office were over.
On the other hand, I worked in a field office for that firm, and had a local secretary who was one of the most fun women I ever worked with. She didn't work very much, but she was hilarious and knew how to "command" if you know what I mean. The other engiener I worked with on the project would always tease her about stuff, and sometimes she would get genuinely mad and then throw stuff at him. Beaned him in the head with a stapler once. But it was a very family-like atmosphere in that office, and we are all still friends today.
Working in the environmental field has been totally different. It seems like there are a lot more female professionals in the environmental world than any other technical profession I am familiar with. I rarely see any discrepancies in the way women are treated (beyond the local islander culture that is, which is very chauvinistic). And because of that, all the female professionals I work with seem to be very much at ease, and I don't sense any "gender issues" at all, except for the occasional young, freshly-graduated environmental professional. I've run into a few of them that seem like they're tryingt o hard to impress, but that goes for both genders, to be honest.
Me, I am a perfectly modern male and have never offended any woman I have ever worked with.
:BS:
But I do try. (and I married a co-worker - so my workplace flirting succeeded at least once)
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