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Final tally:       The crew has all landed at Logan Airport in Boston and they are ready to make the drive up 95 for their Maine Vacation - it is Vacationland afterall. @Jay

I GOT MY LICENSE NUMBER

“18 beautiful contestants.   “18 wonderful dates. “18-" The announcer paused when they noticed the frantic waving of a stage hand and the frowning director, who kept making aggressive c

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“18 beautiful contestants.  

“18 wonderful dates.

“18-"

The announcer paused when they noticed the frantic waving of a stage hand and the frowning director, who kept making aggressive cut motions across their neck.  Their eyes slowly traveled to the vacant spots that had been filled by large, potted ferns and not thoroughly eligible participants.

“Did I say 18?  I meant 16!” They ignored the director face-palming and soldiered on, “16 beautiful contestants here to fight for the hand of our eligible lover for this season of ‘Will you be my EB lover?  Let’s meet this seasons lucky eligible: @Will.I.Am!!!!”

“I am married.”

“They are so excited to be here!”

“Very happily married.”

“SO EXCITED TO BE HERE.” The announcer enunciated, eyes widening in a firm, but silent, ‘shut the fuck up, you were living on the street before this show’, before they turned back to the 16 participants who were all wearing the same low-cut, crimson red, evening gown.  The amount of hair present would obviously need to be removed in post-editing and well as some of the...questionable tattoos.  

“Let’s introduce some of our wonderful contestants who will be competing to win your heart!”

“...we’ve been in a relationship for a very long time?” Questioned @Will.I.Am, beginning to wonder if maybe they weren’t married as their chair turned to face the cornucopia of carnal opportunity presented ever so tantalizingly in front of them.

@blybrook PE is a bear.  Figuratively and literally,” A flash of hairy, well-sculpted, thigh and then a guttural grunt as the 8-foot tall bear sat back on its haunches. “They love long hikes, fishing, and taking long naps!”

@tj_PE, a repeat contestant, has decided that life in the ballet studio wasn’t exciting enough for them!  In their search for eternal love they’ve discovered a deep-rooted enjoyment of rodeos and riding bucking cowfolk!”  A yee-haw was said by the person who had been transformed into a...thing of country glory.

“Our next contestant we’ll be introducing this round is @RBHeadge PE.  A very mysterious individual, they seem to spend copious amounts of time swimming laps.”  More sculpted thigh was again flashed, caught on camera for the viewers back home but strangely hairless and damp looking.  “It’s almost like they’re part fish or something!” The announcer joked, laughing uncomfortably at the sustained eye contact from @RBHeadge PE.

The awkward pause between the announcer and the contestant was recorded and, ultimately, left in the episode.

Clearing their throat awkwardly, the announcer turned back to @Will.I.Am.  “These lucky contestants will be the first to be interviewed in the classic ‘Dating Game’ format before we move onto group, and then, individual meetings.”  Eyebrows were wiggled in a highly lascivious manner. “I’m sure we’re all excited about those, eh?”

@Will.I.Am looked blankly into the camera, frightened by determined to see this through.  Maybe they had their significant other captured in a different castle.

As they were debating how exactly they had been brought to the studio (drugs?) the three contestants walked over.  Well, @tj_PE walked with dancer-like grace, @RBHeadge PE left puddles behind them, and @blybrook PE lumbered in a halting serpentine until they reached the one chair with a large trout on it.  With the three “lucky” contestants situated, the announcer moved over to @Will.I.Am and shoved a stack of cards into their hand.

“Uh, oh-” they shuffled through the cards, clearing their throat, “Um, what’s your idea of a romantic evening?  I know mine is when my wife and I are able to rel-” @Will.I.Am was cut off when the camera swung away and the announcer elbowed them in the throat.

@tj_PEs reply wasn’t heard due to the coughing from @Will.I.Am, usually the result from blunt force trauma.  @blybrook PE gave a series of grunts before resuming to tear into the carcass of the fish, seemingly oblivious to the disgust, and fear, in @RBHeadge PE’s eyes as bits of cold flesh were scattered on the floor and their matching outfits.

“Um, as @blybrook PE said,” @RBHeadge PE said when the announcer gestured at them to answer the question.

Slapping their hand to their forehead, the announcer plastered on a fake smile as the camera panned back to them.  “Okay! First group down, let’s see what our other fantastic contestants have to say to win-”

There was a cut off scream from where the others had been congregating, some of them stumbling back on tall heels to reveal @vhab49_PE straddling @ChebyshevII PE, both attempting to choke the other.

“They had all the questions written down!” @Spickett said, gesturing with their beautifully manicured hand, “And they were friends with @Will.I.Am in high school!  They definitely did not disclose that during the on-boarding process!” They wailed, stepping back further when @leggo PE hobbled over in their own heels, hair in a staggeringly high beehive hairdo, only to wince as the beige platform crushed down on @ChebyshevII PE’s shoulder in an attempt to help.

@ChebyshevII PE released @vhab49_PE with a yelp and attempted to squirm out from their grip, unaware that their movements mirrored that of a spawning Atlantic salmon returning to its birthplace.

@blybrook PE let out a huge roar as they charged the group, massive bulk pushing through the others they weren’t interested in and burying their huge incisors into @ChebyshevII PE’s leg.  With a jerk of their head the limb bounced across the room, landing in front of @Will.I.Am, potentially in a show of affection. Without a moment wasted, their large paws came up to land either side of their head effectively covering @ChebyshevII PE’s shrieking face and the other holding their remaining leg down as it kicked and squirmed in a futile attempt to escape.

The brown bear let out a wet grunt as it dove back in to take a huge chunk out of @ChebyshevII PE’s chest, swallowing the piece of fat and muscle with a gulp and a puff of air from their nostrils.  The cameras were shut off as the search for the delicious liver continued, followed by the soft, snuffled sounds of intestines being nosed out of the way and subsequent victory bites. @blybrook PE paused for a moment to catch their breath, muzzle coated in various body fluids, before the paw that had been on @ChebyshevII PE’s twitching leg was raised to crack back one half of the now-exposed rib cage. 

It was quite a sight to see a bear in a sequined evening wear gown eviscerating a fellow contestant in a love competition.  

@ChebyshevII PE’s lungs attempted to inflate, but only one was able to accomplish that goal; the other only gave a sad hissing sound.  The crunching of bones and muted slurping of bone marrow made for a gory symphony, but @blybrook PE seemed happy...and a happy bear didn’t seem like too bad of a result, to be honest.  

The announcer chuckled nervously. “Maybe we should move onto the next portion of the show with our 16-I mean, 15 amazing contestants!”  The contestants all murmured in agreement and began, cautiously, leaving the room, assuming @blybrook PE would be cleaned up for the group date.  @squaretaper PE could be heard in the background saying, “I knew a bear shouldn’t be on a dating show! Didn’t the Russians teach us anything?”, as they were forced into the next room.

@ChebyshevII PE was mafia

The remaining players are:

@squaretaper PE, @jean15paul_PE, @blybrook PE, @Roarbark, @chart94, @txjennah PE, @leggo PE, @tj_PE, @NikR_PE, @Spickett, @LyceeFruit, @RBHeadge PE, @vhab49_PE, @MadamPirate, and @Audi driver, P.E.

The final vote was:

6 @ChebyshevII PE

3 @Spickett

1 @blybrook PE

1 @squaretaper PE

Edited by JayKay PE
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18 minutes ago, JayKay PE said:

“18 beautiful contestants.  

“18 wonderful dates.

“18-"

The announcer paused when they noticed the frantic waving of a stage hand and the frowning director, who kept making aggressive cut motions across their neck.  Their eyes slowly traveled to the vacant spots that had been filled by large, potted ferns and not thoroughly eligible participants.

“Did I say 18?  I meant 16!” They ignored the director face-palming and soldiered on, “16 beautiful contestants here to fight for the hand of our eligible lover for this season of ‘Will you be my EB lover?  Let’s meet this seasons lucky eligible: @Will.I.Am!!!!”

“I am married.”

“They are so excited to be here!”

“Very happily married.”

“SO EXCITED TO BE HERE.” The announcer enunciated, eyes widening in a firm, but silent, ‘shut the fuck up, you were living on the street before this show’, before they turned back to the 16 participants who were all wearing the same low-cut, crimson red, evening gown.  The amount of hair present would obviously need to be removed in post-editing and well as some of the...questionable tattoos.  

“Let’s introduce some of our wonderful contestants who will be competing to win your heart!”

“...we’ve been in a relationship for a very long time?” Questioned @Will.I.Am, beginning to wonder if maybe they weren’t married as their chair turned to face the cornucopia of carnal opportunity presented ever so tantalizingly in front of them.

@blybrook PE is a bear.  Figuratively and literally,” A flash of hairy, well-sculpted, thigh and then a guttural grunt as the 8-foot tall bear sat back on its haunches. “They love long hikes, fishing, and taking long naps!”

@tj_PE, a repeat contestant, has decided that life in the ballet studio wasn’t exciting enough for them!  In their search for eternal love they’ve discovered a deep-rooted enjoyment of rodeos and riding bucking cowfolk!”  A yee-haw was said by the person who had been transformed into a...thing of country glory.

“Our next contestant we’ll be introducing this round is @RBHeadge PE.  A very mysterious individual, they seem to spend copious amounts of time swimming laps.”  More sculpted thigh was again flashed, caught on camera for the viewers back home but strangely hairless and damp looking.  “It’s almost like they’re part fish or something!” The announcer joked, laughing uncomfortably at the sustained eye contact from @RBHeadge PE.

The awkward pause between the announcer and the contestant was recorded and, ultimately, left in the episode.

Clearing their throat awkwardly, the announcer turned back to @Will.I.Am.  “These lucky contestants will be the first to be interviewed in the classic ‘Dating Game’ format before we move onto group, and then, individual meetings.”  Eyebrows were wiggled in a highly lascivious manner. “I’m sure we’re all excited about those, eh?”

@Will.I.Am looked blankly into the camera, frightened by determined to see this true.  Maybe they had their significant other captured in a different castle.

As they were debating how exactly they had been brought to the studio (drugs?) the three contestants walked over.  Well, @tj_PE walked with dancer-like grace, @RBHeadge PE left puddles behind them, and @blybrook PE lumbered in a halting serpentine until they reached the one chair with a large trout on it.  With the three “lucky” contestants situated, the announcer moved over to @Will.I.Am and shoved a stack of cards into their hand.

“Uh, oh-” they shuffled through the cards, clearing their throat, “Um, what’s your idea of a romantic evening?  I know mine is when my wife and I are able to rel-” @Will.I.Am was cut off when the camera swung away and the announcer elbowed them in the throat.

@tj_PEs reply wasn’t heard due to the coughing from @Will.I.Am, usually the result from blunt force trauma.  @blybrook PE gave a series of grunts before resuming to tear into the carcass of the fish, seemingly oblivious to the disgust, and fear, in @RBHeadge PE’s eyes as bits of cold flesh were scattered on the floor and their matching outfits.

“Um, as @blybrook PE said,” @RBHeadge PE said when the announcer gestured at them to answer the question.

Slapping their hand to their forehead, the announcer plastered on a fake smile as the camera panned back to them.  “Okay! First group down, let’s see what our other fantastic contestants have to say to win-”

There was a cut off scream from where the others had been congregating, some of them stumbling back on tall heels to reveal @vhab49_PE straddling @ChebyshevII PE, both attempting to choke the other.

“They had all the questions written down!” @Spickett said, gesturing with their beautifully manicured hand, “And they were friends with @Will.I.Am in high school!  They definitely did not disclose that during the on-boarding process!” They wailed, stepping back further when @leggo PE hobbled over in their own heels, hair in a staggeringly high beehive hairdo, only to wince as the beige platform crushed down on @ChebyshevII PE’s shoulder in an attempt to help.

@ChebyshevII PE released @vhab49_PE with a yelp and attempted to squirm out from their grip, unaware that their movements mirrored that of a spawning Atlantic salmon returning to its birthplace.

@blybrook PE let out a huge roar as they charged the group, massive bulk pushing through the others they weren’t interested in and burying their huge incisors into @ChebyshevII PE’s leg.  With a jerk of their head the limb bounced across the room, landing in front of @Will.I.Am, potentially in a show of affection. Without a moment wasted, their large paws came up to land either side of their head effectively covering @ChebyshevII PE’s shrieking face and the other holding their remaining leg down as it kicked and squirmed in a futile attempt to escape.

The brown bear let out a wet grunt as it dove back in to take a huge chunk out of @ChebyshevII PE’s chest, swallowing the piece of fat and muscle with a gulp and a puff of air from their nostrils.  The cameras were shut off as the search for the delicious liver continued, followed by the soft, snuffled sounds of intestines being nosed out of the way and subsequent victory bites. @blybrook PE paused for a moment to catch their breath, muzzle coated in various body fluids, before the paw that had been on @ChebyshevII PE’s twitching leg was raised to crack back one half of the now-exposed rib cage. 

It was quite a sight to see a bear in a sequined evening wear gown eviscerating a fellow contestant in a love competition.  

@ChebyshevII PE’s lungs attempted to inflate, but only one was able to accomplish that goal; the other only gave a sad hissing sound.  The crunching of bones and muted slurping of bone marrow made for a gory symphony, but @blybrook PE seemed happy...and a happy bear didn’t seem like too bad of a result, to be honest.  

The announcer chuckled nervously. “Maybe we should move onto the next portion of the show with our 16-I mean, 15 amazing contestants!”  The contestants all murmured in agreement and began, cautiously, leaving the room, assuming @blybrook PE would be cleaned up for the group date.  @squaretaper PE could be heard in the background saying, “I knew a bear shouldn’t be on a dating show! Didn’t the Russians teach us anything?”, as they were forced into the next room.

@ChebyshevII PE was mafia

The remaining players are:

@squaretaper PE, @jean15paul_PE, @blybrook PE, @Roarbark, @chart94, @txjennah PE, @leggo PE, @tj_PE, @NikR_PE, @Spickett, @LyceeFruit, @RBHeadge PE, @vhab49_PE, @MadamPirate, and @Audi driver, P.E.

The final vote was:

6 @ChebyshevII PE

3 @Spickett

1 @blybrook PE

1 @squaretaper PE

She is too good at this!! 

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2 hours ago, Will.I.Am said:

*checks wedding ring*

*surveys surroundings*

*checks wedding ring again*

...I mean, think of it this way?  Guaranteed not to be written up/killed by JK?

Edited by JayKay PE
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“Okay, okay!  Who’s ready for romance!”  The announcer said, twirling around to face the contestants, who were starting to wonder if this was even a legit dating show.  “Time for our 16-wait-“  Their plastic-face forced itself into a frown as they counted the bodies in evening gowns once again, excepting @blybrook PE (it had been deemed safer to hose them down and remove the ripped gown due to family values in the viewership). 

“We said 16, right?”  They asked one of the production crew, who shrugged and kept eating their doughnut.  “We’re missing one.  Jesus, will you people never get this right?”  The announcer huffed, throwing their rhinestone-encrusted microphone to the floor and stomping off to their sectioned-off area of the set. 

Eventually, an older janitor came in and said, “Yeah, I found ‘em.  Stuffed in a bathroom can with a bathing suit stuffed in their mouth.  Was I supposed to tell you people about that?  I thought it was just part of the game you weirdos play.”

As the other contestants crammed themselves into the single stall bathroom to weep over (or silently confirm) @squaretaper PE’s body, @Will.I.Am milled nervously near the buffet table, wondering if they ate something they would be trapped here the rest of the mortal life.

@squaretaper PE was killed by the mafia last night.

The remaining players are:

@jean15paul_PE, @blybrook PE, @Roarbark, @chart94, @txjennah PE, @leggo PE, @tj_PE, @NikR_PE, @Spickett, @LyceeFruit, @RBHeadge PE, @vhab49_PE, @MadamPirate, and @Audi driver, P.E.

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Ok I have a report due today so am gonna get my vote out of the way early - @JayKay PE I vote for @MadamPirate. Clearly people must have known something was up with @ChebyshevII PE to change their votes at the last minute, but she didn't and kept hers on a townie. I think she was trying to protect @ChebyshevII PE.

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Daily analysis. I writing from the viewpoint on a neutral third party observer with hindsight (as we know it now) and not one that is omnipotent.

There are few things we can learn from last night’s vote, knowing that cheb is mafia. Let’s start with the sequence as it existed a little after 9:00 PM est.

The vote was tied Spickett 3 (tj, lycee, leggo), Square 3 (cheb, madam, spickett); I will leave out the vote for me and bly, as they are irrelevant going forward.

  1. vhab voted for cheb: Spickett 3 (tj, lycee, leggo), Square 3 (cheb, madam, spickett), cheb 1 (vhab). This is a “safe vote” so no firm conclusions can be drawn

  2. txjenneh voted for cheb. Spickett 3 (tj, lycee, leggo), Square 3 (cheb, madam, spickett), cheb 2 (vhab, txjen). This is a “safe vote” so no firm conclusions can be drawn

  3. RB voted for cheb. Three way tie Spickett 3 (tj, lycee, leggo), Square 3 (cheb, madam, spickett), cheb 3 (vhab, txjen, rb). This now threatens a mafia – implying Rb is not-mafia

  4. Cheb changes vote to spickett. Spickett 4 (tj, lycee, leggo, cheb), Square 2 (madam, spickett), cheb 3 (vhab, txjen, rb). This move says a lot. First that square is not mafia (confirmed by nightkill), nor* is spickett. It’s possible square is mafia and cheb changed his vote to save himself, but the circumstances around this seem slim.

  5.  Spickett votes for cheb.  Spickett 4 (tj, lycee, leggo,cheb), cheb 4 (vhab, txjen, rb, spickett). This could have been a retaliatory vote, or an self-saving vote. Hence the * above as it could be two mafia  just trying to make it 50/50 against each other near the end of the round.

  6. Leggo changes vote to cheb. Spickett 4 (tj, lycee, leggo,cheb), cheb 5 (vhab, txjen, rb, spickett, leggo). This is the tie breaker. Shows the leggo, except in * above, is not mafia.

  7. Further votes are irrelevant for drawing firm conclusions.

Votes 2-7 all happened in quick succession.

One day 2, jean voted for cheb, but this was a “safe vote” so we can’t draw firm conclusions.

 

Tl;dr

Not mafia:

RB


 

Very Likely not mafia:

Leggo, spickett


 

implied not mafia, but can’t confirm:

vhab, txjen


 

leaning not mafia, but can’t confirm:

bly, jean


 

Everyone else:

?

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24 minutes ago, Spickett said:

That's suspiciously early to vote for me isn't it?  What's your reasoning?

not related to your question but i see you like bourbon. we can be friends.

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15 minutes ago, tj_PE said:

not related to your question but i see you like bourbon. we can be friends.

I talked a friend into bringing back a bottle of Blantons Gold edition from Germany that I'm trying to find an excuse to open. If...no, when I pass this damn test I might just do that. 

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I love KY bourbons, but I can't bring myself to buy them because they're from, well, KY.

I love Jack Daniels, but it's a bit pricey so I like to find less expensive alternatives that taste good enough that you don't necessarily have to mix with soda (Coke is my choice) to enjoy it.

I went on a Coopers Craft kick a couple of years ago.  Right now "Ten High" is great for the price.

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