I know I'm a far better parent because of all I learned from the people who helped care for my kids...plus they got exposed to things I couldn't give them like Spanish language, same age peers, and latin dance. They're both social and comfortable with a wide range of situations and people because it's normal to them. We're all drawn to spend time together and enjoy each other's company, but I think one reason why is because we bring so much experience from outside our family back into it.
Personally, I think that's awesome. FMJR and I have talked A LOT about this, and if we have children, that is certainly something we both want to encourage: exposure to lots of different things; especially different cultures. We both strongly feel that helps in developing a better sense of who you are and a healthy respect of those around you.
It's a combination of parent personalities, kid personalities, economics and realistic options....and we all make different choices.
Truer words were never said ...
Interestingly, I read an article recently about the CA budget crisis - it started off with single mother, 19 yrs old, will lose education support and child daycare funds and proceeded to paint a picture of bleakness on an apocalyptic scale. I often get frustrated because we come from all different walks of life and the struggle to define who we are and what we want in life. That struggle, IMHO, is critical to defintion and whether you stay at home to be a mother or go to trade school, college, or whatever you chose to do - it's your life to do it. Our country is awesome that it affords you the ability to have choices - not gurantee your successes.
I digressed momentarily, but my point here is that you are right - many different things factor into how one would chose to raise their children and there is no one right way of doing it.
IMy mother used to say, "....you better marry a man who likes to cook and clean or have enough money to hire someone to do it for you..."Although it wasn't make or break, my husband is very willing to share in those responsibilities.
I agree that a partner who is willing to pick up the slack and is committed to giving their best effort at all times is not only critical to a happy marriage, but also for raising children.
I'd call it a toss-up who is the better cook -- he cooks more than I do right now because I commute and he doesn't.
Interesting, when I was with ex-Mrs. JR, I did most of the cooking because she was working all kinds of crazy hours as the Supreme Allied Commander of Nurses for her faciity. The responsibility for cooking came down on my squarely as well, because she her son was still a minor and her elderly mother was living with us as well. At first I didn't mind it because it was one of the first times in our marriage that I had some discretion with grocery shopping and meal choices. That quickly eroded when everyone realized I could cook as well as ex-Mrs. JR and didn't seem to mind it then I had all sorts of 'requests' foisted upon me and it became a chore. Especially after being the primary responsible party after a year or two.
However, don't take that as a gripe on my part - I learned MANY things from that period of my life. I am very grateful for what I have now, especially in FMJR.
He does our laundry because he's way more picky than I am. (My way - dark or light in warm or cold. His way - 6 categories each with special requirements) I do most of the social plans, buying gifts, keeping in touch with friends etc - because he hates that....but likes socializing if I arrange it all.
He's read to kids most nights for 12-13 years now. It's not my thing, so I bond with kids other ways.
We trade off financial stuff and bills.
We both drive when we're together in one car.
Is he emo? I can guarantee he'd never ever describe himself that way -- that should be answer enough! I think the latest book he's reading is on war.
What I see is someone who is willing to be a partner in the responsibilities you both share. I don't consider that emo ... I consider that to be equitable and balanced ... and if anything healthy as both of you are happy with how things are working.
Right now FMJR has been at home, not working. She's been volunteering at a hospital, considering additional/alternate education, but she is very considerate about doing everything ... cooking, cleaning, laundry, ... she's very doting. More so than ex-Mrs. JR. Sometimes I feel guilty because I am not reciprocating in the same way but I realize that FMJR is happy to do the things she does for me. Part of it is my mind set of expectation vs. doing because you want to and I know that is something I still need to break-out from my old mindset.
How's that for emo?
My grandma was one of the those scandalous girls, dyed her hair, smoked cigarettes, and drank beer with the boys.
My great grandmother was apparently very scandalous! She left her playboy husband with four children in tote - settled in south florida. When she went to re-marry, she told the guy her daughters were her little sisters, so she could still go out freely without the social stigma attached.
My grandmother was quite crazy too - her official political voter registration was communist, she was a self-professed wiccan, and actively smoked pot until her dying day.
Apparenlty, I am the boring one in the family.
JR