October 2016 Spam-athon Thread

[einatlanta PhD PE]

The reason why I hate mornings so much is that they start while I’m still sleeping.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Life is beautiful… from Friday to Monday.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Guys, if you want girls to be running after you............................become a bus driver.[/COLOR]

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

I you really love someone....... you have to set them free. If they come back to you, it probably means nobody else liked them. Thus, set them free again.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Success is like pregnancy...........everyone congratulates you but they don’t know how many times you had to get f**k to achieve it.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

George Carlin Spam:

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

George Carlin Spam:

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

George Carlin Spam:

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

George Carlin Spam:

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

George Carlin Spam:

Fun Stuff: Walk into a gun store, buy three guns and a bunch of ammunition, then ask them if they have any ski masks.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Emo Phillips Spam:

T-shirts that get you out of jury duty will not get you through air port security.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Emo Phillips Spam:

My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating; it was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Emo Phillips Spam:

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around......because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Emo Phillips Spam:

And I always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, “A truck!”

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Emo Phillips Spam:

My parents were very protective; I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited and… placing bets.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Robin Williams Spam:

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Robin Williams Spam:

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

Robin Williams Spam:

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Mitch Hedberg Spam:[/COLOR]

[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. [/COLOR]
 

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]Mitch Hedberg Spam:[/COLOR]

[COLOR= rgb(0, 0, 0)]I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry," so it died. [/COLOR]