Great Quotes

[Capt Worley PE]

Sometimes folks just don't like hearing the news they are being given and decide to take it out on you. Here are some great quotes I've heard during dealings with our customers:

“You’re worse than a politician!”

“My pastor told me it is a Butler Building and they don’t have blueprints for them.”

“You’re breaking my heart this morning.”

“You guys are like a bunch of Nazis!”

“You have to find away around these codes for me.”

“The preacher died of cancer three years ago and this daycare was his dream. Do we need plans?”

On being told that his seal was signed but not dated: “Can you just put the date on the seal for me? I finished it Thursday, that was July 12. Could you just write that in there? I’m on vacation.”

“I knew it would be a waste of time calling you guys. Thanks for nothing.”

 

[kevo_55]

“I knew it would be a waste of time calling you guys. Thanks for nothing.”

Classic!!

I had some crazy stuff happen in my first job working in manufacturing. One guy had a really nice quote on a plaque on his wall. I don't remember the actual words but it said something on the order of: "Emergencies that happen every day and by the same person are simply not emergencies, they are grounds to being fired"

You have to love customer service!

 

[Guest]

One of the funniest things I ever heard from a customer came out when I was part of a large facility tour. The responsible person for the project (a geologist) was insisting on more monitoring wells to characterize the nature of the contaminant plume. This particular geologist is reknown for wanting 'one more well'.

As we were being provided the nickel tour, I could tell things were already becoming confrontational because I could hear disagreements being exchanged between the geologist and the customer's consultant. As the exchange became a little more heated, the customer's attorney decides to speak up. He says, "The best way to get this project moving forward again would be to have <PITA geologist> climb on to the roof of the building and jump off."

What was really funny in the statement was that he really wasn't joking when he said that ....

JR

 

[kevo_55]

I just found this quote from a cool site:

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. -- Muhammad Ali

Here's the site: http://www.amusingquotes.com/

 

[FLBuff PE]

Just got off the phone with a client. She asked when her rport would be ready. I said 'We just finished the laboratory testing, I expect that the report will be finalized by mid-next week'. Quothe the client, 'Well, feel free to speed that up'. Click from her end.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

I had a guy call me one time and rant on and on about how ridiculous the International Building Codes were and how it was impossible to build things because of it, yadda, yadda, yadda. Mid-rant, the phone goes dead.

I'd been having problems with the phone, and this guy was so tweaked that I figured he'd call the higherups and say I hung up on him. I decided to call him back.

Me: "Mr X, this is Captain Worley. It appears we wee disconnected."

Him: We were. I HUNG UP ON YOU!!!!" rant continues for five more minutes.

My coworkers still laugh about that one.

 

[FLBuff PE]

I had a guy call me one time and rant on and on about how ridiculous the International Building Codes were and how it was impossible to build things because of it, yadda, yadda, yadda. Mid-rant, the phone goes dead.
I'd been having problems with the phone, and this guy was so tweaked that I figured he'd call the higherups and say I hung up on him. I decided to call him back.

Me: "Mr X, this is Captain Worley. It appears we wee disconnected."

Him: We were. I HUNG UP ON YOU!!!!" rant continues for five more minutes.

My coworkers still laugh about that one.

'DOH!

 

[Dleg]

I just found this quote from a cool site:

I'm printing that and hanging it on my wall.

I love this thread already. I don't even know where to begin.

Two days ago, an attorney for a contractor who is simultaneously under an enforcement order from us, and is also applying for a big air permit, told our attorney "You're picking on my client!" right after we informed him of another regulatory requirement that had come up as the result of something additional we had found on the site, which they had not disclosed to us.

Why does this make me mad? Because I have already spent more than 40 hours, and will probably spend 40 more, running the air quality models for his client because my boss asked me to "assist" them in getting their permits out as fast as possible. Yes, the government is doing work that ordinarily he would have had to pay a private conulstant to do, and consequently saving him several thousand dollars. Yeah, we're really "picking on" this guy.

 

[EM_PS]

One of the funniest things I ever heard from a customer came out when I was part of a large facility tour. The responsible person for the project (a geologist) was insisting on more monitoring wells to characterize the nature of the contaminant plume. This particular geologist is reknown for wanting 'one more well'.
As we were being provided the nickel tour, I could tell things were already becoming confrontational because I could hear disagreements being exchanged between the geologist and the customer's consultant. As the exchange became a little more heated, the customer's attorney decides to speak up. He says, "The best way to get this project moving forward again would be to have <PITA geologist> climb on to the roof of the building and jump off."

Yeah, lawyers are an F'N laff riot! While employed as a geologist, working with a municipal board of light & power (client) concerning a couple UST's they'd pulled that were confirmed to have leaked, client's rep. questions every little job task we perform for him - nothing wrong with that, except they were drawing from a financial assurance fund (State provided) which was very particular about reimbursing the LUST owners. So all he was doing was jeopardizing his own ability of getting reimbursed! We were simply following State fire marshall & DEQ requirements in performing the hydrogeo investigation. He gets some dipwad lawyer involved, who knew absolutely nothing about environmental law or ordinances. At one point during a semi-confrontational meeting between client, dipwad, me & my manager, lawyer makes the crack "jeez, i think i got in the wrong business" implying we were raping this client & making a significant killing [not the attorney!].

Yes, out of the mouths of lawyers. . .. . if only i had time to put my boot in all of 'em :210:

 

[sehad]

I work as a project engineer. I frequently get calls from very angry people in the public about driveways, lack of driveways, etc..........One elderly woman called and i met her at her house(after the "meeting" I found out that she had killed her husband with a FREAKING SHOVEL". After about 2 hours I finally consented to have the contractor come out, replace her ENTIRE driveway, add slotted drains in the driveway to allow drainage, put a swell ditch in her front yard(she lived in a low spot with no ditches and of course it was MY FAULT her yard didn't drain), made recommendations to have scupper drains installed on her house(even called a favor in to have them installed for her at almost 3/4 cost!). Mosty did all of this cause there was no way of getting her off my back. I left, drew up the agreement, came back to have her sign it and she asks(AND I QUOTE).

"I know you're a company man so how are you trying to F**K me with this?"

 

[sehad]

Yes, out of the mouths of lawyers. . .. . if only i had time to put my boot in all of 'em :210:

My office was being sued by a man that claims we damaged his foundation while driving 80' concrete pile on a particular project. OUR defense attorney shows up at my office to get information to defend us. I've got all kind of vibration monitoring data with explanations of soil layers, documentation that shows stomping your foot will cause more vibration that what this home experienced through very complicated wave analysis based off of vibration monitors that were set up throughout the project. I'm thinking that we're going to shut this guy down.

OUT DEFENSE LAWYER says "I have written down a few questions. Number 1.......What is a concrete pile?"

Somehow I think I'm screwed on this one!

 

[squishles10]

those are great. howd you find out about the shovel?

 

[bigray76]

To steal some thunder from Pulp Fiction (call with a real pain in the ass concrete sub):

Me: Hey pal, do you think I look like a bitch?

Sub: No....

Me: Then why are you trying to fuck me like one?

 

[Vishal]

^^ can't stop laughing about this one....

 

[SSmith]

I work as a reliability engineer for the Army. Pretty much my job is to take operational usage requirements (or develop them) and convert them into reliability, availability, and maintainability metrics that someone else can then turn into contract language.

I support a very large program of a group of 8 wheeled vehicles. And one day I get the random phone call who was just put on the program trying to figure out what is going on. In the first phonecon I had with this guy, set to discuss reliability strategies and tradeoffs for the program. His first question was "what is all this reliability stuff?" I give him the 5 minute that ended with its mandated by DoD, its good for the taxpayers, and sent him the spreadsheet with the analysis I conducted for that program. He calls me back and says that he doesn't understand what he's looking at because he stopped caring about math when they stopped using numbers.

He stayed on the program for another week or so making similar interjections along the way before being transferred into some black hole somewhere.

Another time I was working with an engineer customer explaining my analysis. He was smiling and nodding all the way through my talk. At the end, he said he was with me up to the 'LN' part. LN of course referring to the natural logarithm.

The joys of government work...

 

[sehad]

those are great. howd you find out about the shovel?

From a foreman that was from that town. Makes me nervous when she calls now, which is about once a week.

 

[sehad]

Makes for fun conversations though

 

[maryannette]

To steal some thunder from Pulp Fiction (call with a real pain in the ass concrete sub):
Me: Hey pal, do you think I look like a bitch?

Sub: No....

Me: Then why are you trying to fuck me like one?

I don't think this one will work for me. ??!!!

:wacko: :dunno:

 

[frazil]

^ :lmao:

 

[Guest]

One of my favorite Tarantino quotes (following the bitch theme) ... "If you keep talking like a bitch, I am going to slap you like a bitch." (Resevoir Dogs)

JR