--**-- Going to Mom's and/or Dad's House --**--

[Guest]

I thought I would try something a little different. I figured it might appeal to those who have parent(s) that are as neurotic as mine.

My mom called me Friday around lunchtime and asked if I could stop and visit her on my way home. I do this frequently, but it extends my trip home from 35 minutes to just over 2 hrs. The conversation proceeded as follows:

JR: Well mom, it's been a long week. Can I come by this weekend when I am in town?

Mom: Isn't that just great. You are too important now. Too important to see your poor 'ol mom, especially when she is having an emergency. Why can't you just ....

JR: Okay mom - I will be there for 6 PM after I get off work.

So I arrive at 6:15 PM.

JR: What is the emergency??

Mom: My lightbulb in the kitchen blew out and I was having trouble seeing.

She did make 8 pork chops, a 6-quart pot of scalloped potatoes, and a dozen ears of corn for dinner. I was like .... um mom, I have a healthy appetite, but this is just for you and me. Who is going to eat all of this ??!!!

Dinner conversation proceeded as follows:

Mom: Isn't that awful about Walter Reed Hospital ?? They just shouldn't be treating our veterans like that !! This is like this movie Born on the 4th of July.

JR: It is a bad situation but at least it looks like somebody will be looking into the care and treatment veterans receive at these VA Hospital facilities.

Mom: Were the conditions like that when you were admitted to the VA hospital ??

JR: Not anything like what you are reading about at Walter Reed.

Mom: But I thought it was a horrible experience??

JR: Well .. I was having surgery and I was in bad shape after losing a lot of blood, but I did live, right ?? How about we change the subject here - I don't really like recalling that incident.

Mom: Okay. How come you haven't finished your theses (rhyme with feces) and graduated yet ??

My mom is pretty harmless, she just doesn't get a lot of company. I always dread going over but I never regret doing it. As I was saying my goodbyes, my mom asked ... so are you still coming by this weekend??

JR

 

[cement]

Sure, your Mom can smother you, but she has nowhere else to direct that unconditional love.

But before I get all weepy eyed, tell us about this military incident that required treatment? Sounds like a good story. lusone:

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

This is why I keep my parents a minimum of 3 states away.

I get along with mine fine enough, just usually don't have tons in common or a lot to talk about. I went 2 months without talking to my mom recently and when she finally got on the line we made it all of about 10 minutes before we ran outta stuff to report.

 

[Guest]

But before I get all weepy eyed, tell us about this military incident that required treatment? Sounds like a good story. :GotPics:

Heh .. this is one that Fudgey will like. WARNING: DO NOT READ IF EASILY GROSSED OUT OR OFFENDED

I enlisted in the service right out of high school - US Navy, Construction Battallion (SeaBees). While I was in Boot Camp, Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait. While I was going through my 'A' School training, our military was preparing to repel Hussein back to Iraq. At that time Iraq was considered to have the fourth largert MOBILIZED army in the world. :true: Well I was going through all sorts of training - not just my usual SeaBee training. I was automatically going to be placed in the battallion that would make the next rotation to iraq. We were embedded with marine expeditionary forces so we were considered 'front line' if you will.

Okay ... I used to be pretty uptight sorta guy - everything would freak me out. I always had a very high stress level. The news of impending assignment to iraq and the oh, so cruel marines telling me that 2 out of 3 weren't going to make it because of the chemical weapon arsenal/onslaught that was anticipated I went into hyper-stress mode. So much so, I developed ulcerations in my intestine.

It didn't take long for me to start passing dried blood. It wasn't a large quantity, but it is one of those things where you know it when you see it (and smell it). It took a while to be able to convince my PO (Petty Officer) that I was having trouble, but he finally granted me leave to go to sick call. The base hospital didn't have the specialist that I needed, so they sent me out to the nearest 'local' regional base hospital. It was a bit of a ride (3-hrs) and when I arrived, waited all day, it turns out that they didn't have a gastroenterologist either (remember this is height of deployment to Iraq-Part I). However, they had a surgeon on call that felt he was up to the task to evaluate what was going on.

So this session in torture proceeded as follows:

1. I was told to undress below the waist and stand in the room - no sitting, stand. This room was a surgical examination room - very cold. I wasn't given a towel for warmth (or even privacy for that matter).

2. The surgeon's assistant (nurse) came in to prepare me for the procedure (colonoscopy). There was no preparation - she said lie on the table and the surgeon will be in. Keep in mind, no anethesia, pain killer, or any medicine for that matter to calm me down or prevent further anxiety.

3. The surgeon (and his able assistant) proceeded to violate me. Most of you are too young to have needed this type of procedure and actually it was unusual for someone of my age at the time (18 yrs old). It involves sliding bundled tube of instruments (yes it's plural) while blowing air up your .. well you know where we at. Usually the procedure is an up, look at your colon and back out. My procedure was far more invasive - they didn't stop at the colon. They went up, and up, and up ....

4. The surgeon, as all surgeon's do, felt the need to collect biopsies. Not one, two, or three, but several. You aren't suppose to feel the 'snips', but I did.

5. Okay, so the surgeon completes his scoping, retracts the bundle of instruments, and says they will be getting back to me once the get results on the biopsies. The nurse says I will have some discomfort, just get up and go to the bathroom to release the 'residual'.

6. Without assistance (because I was left in the room alone), I manage to pull myself off the table and limp towards the bathroom. However, I can't make it in my weakend condition though, and I hit the bulkhead and then the deck. I proceed to release what I thought was gas and a little bit of lubricant - um .. not even close. It was a considerable mass of lubricant, dried blood, LOTS of new fresh blood, and other unidentifiable bodily secretions and fluids. I was sick for a long, long time, but recovered.

So, the end story to this drama was that the surgeon diagnosed me with ulcerative colitis - a degenerative ulceration of the intestines. I was placed on light duty and unable to deploy with my unit to Iraq. I served my country between Operation Paper Cut, during my active enlistment and then Operation Backyard BBQ while enrolled in the reserve. I ended up receiving a medical discharge from the reserve after I couldn't be cleared for duty due to additional 'intestinal complications' and another surgery that remained unresolved -- but that is another story for another time. lusone:

Morale of the story here

I ended up not having ulcerative colitis - just really bad nerves. These days, I don't get stressed out. I laugh most things off, but I think most everyone has figured that part out. :th_rockon:

JR

 

[benbo]

I know as well as the next guy that parents can be a pain. And it sounds like JR has a very good and caring relationship with his mom. But just to tell my story (I think I've told it before)- I was signed up to take the October 2005 PE exam on October 27. My wife and I had been caring for my ailing mother all through my study process (and before). She was feeling horrible, but always asked me how my studying was going. On October 22 she went into the hospital, on October 23 she passed away. One of the last things she told me was good luck on the exam. I almost didn't take it, but decided I should. It was the same day as her rosary, and I was late to her rosary. Add to that, I at first thought I failed (I did pass). Moral of story - be nice to your folks (like JR) no matter how aggravating. Doesn't mean you have to jump at their command, but just remember they won't always be around. My 2 cents.

 

[FusionWhite]

Anytime I get phone calls from my mom its the same way. "You never call", "I could be dead for a month and you wouldnt know"...etc etc.

 

[ktulu]

Well put, Sapper.

I agree 100%

 

[Road Guy]

I love my parents and all, but we have a very distant relationship, I dont know why but its always very awkard whenever were around each other.

I think since I was an only child they were able to get back to having a "normal life" easier when you only have one kid, they seem to be more involved in doing stuff with friends and their cult, I mean,church than their own kids & grankids. We invited them to my oldest sons "Blue & Gold" ceremony last weekend (A big deal for cub scouts) & they couldnt come because that was "their card night" ?? Always weird stuff like that.

every year they rent a houseboat at lake lanier for a week. Since we had recently bought "boats" we asked if we could ride up and see them for a few hours one day while they were on the houseboat (I thought my kids, their grandkids) would get a kick out of that. And they said they were having a bunch of other couples and there wasnt room or time??? maybe they are swingers or something but it just always seems weird to me.. Well eventually their grandkids will be teenagers, and then not only will they not want to see them as much, but by then I will have probably gotten grown tired of asking to do things together.

But soon it will be time for them to take the cover off their swimming pool, so I guess I better expect that phone call to come help..

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

I love my parents and all, but we have a very distant relationship, I dont know why but its always very awkard whenever were around each other.

Same with me to a degree. I have a friendly relationship with them but not terribly close. But I'd rather have that than a meddlesome pair that were always on me for something or shoving their nose in my business.

 

[FusionWhite]

I love my parents and all, but we have a very distant relationship, I dont know why but its always very awkard whenever were around each other.

Wow RG you nailed me and my family right on the head too. My parents were great growing up. But I can remember not EVER wanting to go to my parents for anything personal. I remember dreading telling my parents when I was dating someone or when I got enagaged. Something in my brain makes me creeped out by telling my parents personal stuff. I can sit and discuss work, movies, traffic, weather, or nuclear physics with my dad all day but the second he asks "hows married life" I usually grunt and say I have to go to the bathroom. Im kind of the same way with my brother too. Its not as bad with him but its there. I can tell he hates talking to my parents about stuff like that too.

I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

but the second he asks "hows married life" I usually grunt and say I have to go to the bathroom.

Is that your way of saying, it's "shitty"? lusone:

 

[FusionWhite]

Is that your way of saying, it's "shitty"? lusone:

Nahh, its great actually. Maybe Ill start saying "Fine" and then head off to the bathroom.

 

[MetroRAFB]

Wow RG you nailed me and my family right on the head too. My parents were great growing up. But I can remember not EVER wanting to go to my parents for anything personal. I remember dreading telling my parents when I was dating someone or when I got enagaged. Something in my brain makes me creeped out by telling my parents personal stuff. I can sit and discuss work, movies, traffic, weather, or nuclear physics with my dad all day but the second he asks "hows married life" I usually grunt and say I have to go to the bathroom. Im kind of the same way with my brother too. Its not as bad with him but its there. I can tell he hates talking to my parents about stuff like that too.
I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Nothing wrong with you Fusion. I've got a strange relationship with my folks too. My folks divorced 5 years ago after 30 years of marriage and raising 3 children to adulthood. Neither of them gave us much of a reason, it wasn't an infidelity issue, they just "grew apart". lmao. Doesn't make any sense to me but it's been awkward since then, and even beforehand to a lesser degree. My mom lives in the same town as us now and absolutely loves her grandkids, she's always helping us out with babysitting and stuff, it's great. Dad's still 3 states away and they probably won't even know him when they get older. They see him about once a year. It's a 13hr drive from here to go see him and dragging 4 young kids that far is not exactly easy or terribly fun for that matter. He's gonna be getting remarried soon, for what purpose I have no idea. If it doesn't work after 30 years with wife #1 I don't really see the point of having a wife #2. I basically lost a great deal of respect for both of my folks when they got divorced. I love them both, and I think I have a "good" relationship with both of them, but it bugs me that Dad seems to be OK with not having a relationship with my kids. He loves them, but if you're not going to see someone more than once a year you'll never really know them. I just hope I can strike a balance with my own kids when they're adults and have families of their own. I'm sure my wife and I will want to do more stuff for "us" when the kids are out of the house, but I can't imagine not wanting to do meaningful things with my grandkids on a regular basis.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

but it bugs me that Dad seems to be OK with not having a relationship with my kids.

Why does that bother you? It would seem to me like they're your kids, not his. I'm curious not trying to break your balls.

I pretty much thought of my grandmas (didnt know either of my grandpas) as the people who sent me a fat check for Xmas or my birthday, never had much of a relationship with either of them. They've both been dead 10+ years and I can't say I ever think of them.

 

[Road Guy]

wow. you certainly missed out vt. one set of my grandparents lived 4 blocks from the beach and the other owned a house boat. some of my best memories of my early childhood are either fishing from the pier with one grandpa or "driving" the houseboat with the other set.

my parents would generally "dump" me off at each for about half the summer, but it was a total blast

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

My one granny was a crotchedly old misanthrope who was never in great health, didn't drive, cooked like shit, and took the guilt trip route with my Dad and uncle. Her not driving cut down on visits significantly as she lived 2 hours away on Long Island no less which is a pain to get in and out off. My parents were definitely none too comfortable leaving me with her.

My other one was a little better but she lived in Florida half the year and way out in the boonies of central NY the rest of the time where there wasn't much a kid would be interested in doing. So we pretty much barely saw her. She also didn't like that my Mom and uncle would go years without speaking, so she was annoying about that. She did bequeath me $3k when she died which was coincidentally about the same time I was looking to buy my first car, which was pretty sweet.

 

[Road Guy]

well I guess I can see where that wouldnt be ideal

I actually was closer to my dad's dad than I am my own dad.

 

[FusionWhite]

Nothing wrong with you Fusion. I've got a strange relationship with my folks too. My folks divorced 5 years ago after 30 years of marriage and raising 3 children to adulthood. Neither of them gave us much of a reason, it wasn't an infidelity issue, they just "grew apart". lmao. Doesn't make any sense to me but it's been awkward since then, and even beforehand to a lesser degree. My mom lives in the same town as us now and absolutely loves her grandkids, she's always helping us out with babysitting and stuff, it's great. Dad's still 3 states away and they probably won't even know him when they get older. They see him about once a year. It's a 13hr drive from here to go see him and dragging 4 young kids that far is not exactly easy or terribly fun for that matter. He's gonna be getting remarried soon, for what purpose I have no idea. If it doesn't work after 30 years with wife #1 I don't really see the point of having a wife #2. I basically lost a great deal of respect for both of my folks when they got divorced. I love them both, and I think I have a "good" relationship with both of them, but it bugs me that Dad seems to be OK with not having a relationship with my kids. He loves them, but if you're not going to see someone more than once a year you'll never really know them. I just hope I can strike a balance with my own kids when they're adults and have families of their own. I'm sure my wife and I will want to do more stuff for "us" when the kids are out of the house, but I can't imagine not wanting to do meaningful things with my grandkids on a regular basis.

Once again this is scarily similar to my story Metro. My parents got divorced about 2 years ago (the divorce was finalized exactly 1 week before my wedding). I was 25 and my brother was 20 so its not like we were kids who didnt know what was going on. We knew my mom had been gambling away my dads life savings for years, but I lived 1,000 miles away and was finishing school and starting a career while my brother had just moved out to start college. So I guess we basically turned a blind eye to it. Now my mom has moved near me (she loved living down here when my dad was stationed at Fort Knox) while my dad stayed in Minnesota with my brother.

As for grandparents my parents and I lived with my moms parents for a long time while we were stationed in Germany. It was amazing. I loved my moms parents. My dads parents were completely weird. I saw them for a few Christmas's at most. I could see my kids not really getting to know my parents but I know my wifes dad will be all over our kid.

 

[MetroRAFB]

Why does that bother you? It would seem to me like they're your kids, not his. I'm curious not trying to break your balls.
I pretty much thought of my grandmas (didnt know either of my grandpas) as the people who sent me a fat check for Xmas or my birthday, never had much of a relationship with either of them. They've both been dead 10+ years and I can't say I ever think of them.

Like RG said, I had tons of fun with my grandparents when I was a kid and I wish my kids would get the same kind of experience. My mom's folks took us via motorhome all over the country during the summers, it was a blast. They'd take us for a month or so at a time while my folks stayed home and worked. My dad's folks were a lot farther away (upstate NY) but I even spent a whole summer with them on their small family farm. My kids just won't get that kind of experience, my folks are split and my wife's folks are great but aren't really very hands on. They help out in other ways, but they're not really the "sleep over" kind of grandparents. They'll babysit if we ask them, but they'd rather interact with all of us at once and then go home. Everybody's different I guess, I'd like to be the kind of grandparent that does a lot with their grandkids as they're growing up.

 

[Guest]

My mom came by my house for dinner this evening. I was really trying to do some other things today, but I told her to stop by even though it meant nothing much would get done chore-wise. It was a nice visit overall - parents, like everything else are best taken in moderation.

Funniest moment of the day - My mom has a tendency to get REALLY noisy (she's italian and born/raised in NYC). When her volume and energy became overwhelming, I got to tell her she needed to use her INSIDE VOICE.

Sometimes getting older does have it's benefits :happy:

JR