Favorite Monty Python Quotes

[mudpuppy]

"'e must be a King!"

"Why?"

"'e 'asn't got shit all over 'im"

 

[roadwreck]

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

 

[K19]

If I was to run around claiming to be emperor just because some moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, why they'd put me away!

 

[engineergurl]

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,

Suspenders and a bra.

I wish I'd been a girlie

Just like my dear papa.

I didn't know this was from that... I know that song

 

[roadwreck]

Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage, idn'it?

 

[roadwreck]

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,

Suspenders and a bra.

I wish I'd been a girlie

Just like my dear papa.

I didn't know this was from that... I know that song

Everyone else is quoting "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", they did a lot of other stuff.

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZa26_esLBE

 

[roadwreck]

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqz_4OgMi7M

 

[roadwreck]

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnTmBjk-M0c

 

[MA_PE]

I've been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.

Stig No, no. Never, never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to give his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.

But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.

Stig Oh yeah, well - he did that, yeah.

Why?

Stig Well he had to, didn't he? I mean, be fair, there was nothing else he could do. I mean, I had transgressed the unwritten law.

What had you done?

Stig Er... Well he never told me that. But he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't want to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. There's nothing Dinsdale wouldn't do for you.

And you don't bear him any grudge?

Stig A grudge! Old Dinsy? He was a real darling.

I understand he also nailed your wife's head to a coffee table. Isn't that right Mrs O' Tracey?

Camera pans to show woman with coffee table nailed to head.

Mrs O' Tracey Oh, no. No. No.

Stig Yeah, well, he did do that. Yeah, yeah. He was a cruel man, but fair

 

[roadwreck]

New Bruce, are you a POOFTAH?!??!?

 

[YMZ PE]

"House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!"

"You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!"

"Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph."

 

[mudpuppy]

New Bruce, are you a POOFTAH?!??!?

Rule #1: noooo POOFTAHS!

"House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!"

"You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!"

"Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph."

This is one of my favorite skits. That and the BJ one.

 

[Road Guy]

I've always wanted to be able to flip back-and-forth between game of thrones and Monty Python if I can get them to be both on the same time I think it would be funny as shit

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great.

If ever a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

 

[roadwreck]

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great.

If ever a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

Ha! I'd forgotten about that one.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Honey, there's a Mr. Death at the door. He's here about the reaping.

 

[MA_PE]

There's a dead bishop on the landing.

Another one?

 

[MA_PE]

A one... two-- A one... two... three... four...
Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

Singing...

La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.

Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee!

Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.

I love this hive, employee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.

He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.
The end.

Cyril Connelly?
No; semi-carnally!
Oh.

Cyril Connelly.
[whistling]

 

[matt267 PE]

MA_PE, you sounded a little tinny there.

 

[MA_PE]

And now... A man with a tape recorder up his nose