Did not end as dramatically as I wanted, but I also wanted to get this out before I got bogged down with work stuff:
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With the numbers dwindling, but the premiums climbing due to all the claim submittals, nobody was looking forward to the next fitness-based torture they were about to be forced into: healthy eating.
"So. You're saying we can't eat monster truck cake?" asked
@DuranDuran, looking skeptical at the instructor standing near the front of the room. "What if we eat...non-monster truck themed cake, is that okay?"
@LyceeFruit PE sighed. "You are allowed to eat whatever food you want. It's all about moderation."
"But what about ice cream!?"
"Again. In moderation. You should be able to eat anything you'd like."
@RBHeadge PE frowned down at their phone, which had been encased in triple-layer plastic and bubblewrap to avoid damages during the last rounds. "My calorie app isn't working. It's said I ate 3 cups of butter today, which...doesn't seem right." The fact that they didn't sound truly convinced of their butter consumption made some of their nearby co-workers understand why corporate was concerned about premiums going up.
"I don't believe you should be tracking calories or wondering if you're obese. You need to start rotating to less processed food with less sugar and things will naturally get better. Think vegetable-based meals with a side of protein versus making the protein the main part of a dish."
Silence.
"But...what about shortbread?"
@LyceeFruit PE sighed deeper this time, cheat heaving from the effort. "If you want shortbread, have shortbread, but don't eat the entire box. If a food isn't thought of as 'forbidden', would you still eat as much? If there is no guilt eating ice cream, will you binge and eat it all as once and then feel guilty about it? Everything in moderation!"
"I think you're wrong! My doctor put me on a meat-based diet and I've never been healthier!"
@BlueBlueprint_PE said from their seat, "In fact, my doctor told me to stop working out because I was pushing my body too hard!" A murmur went through the attendees. "My doctor is the greatest! They said I should use more International Delights in my coffee so my saturated fat levels would go up, which is to good fat your body needs."
@MadamPirate PE was super sus when they asked, "What's this doctor's name?", expecting
@BlueBlueprint_PE to not respond, as most people did when asked to provide receipts, but they happily responded with a name of a Doctor located in South Miami Beach: the 'best' location to get a doctor, according to them.
Upon googling the doctors name, and finding them to be something similar to Dr. Oz, the group as a whole threw
@BlueBlueprint_PE out the window. Of course, it being a one-story building, the fall was not very dramatic, but
@BlueBlueprint_PE was so out of shape that they lay, winded, on the grass for a solid 45-minutes before they were able to roll over and grab a nearby street scooter to make their escape.
The remaining players are:
@MadamPirate PE,
@EyehatethePEexam,
@RBHeadge PE, and
@DuranDuran
Unfit co-workers win! Premiums lower by $3.23 per payperiod (though it is a moot point corporate-wise, since they took away floating holidays to cover the increase on their end).
Final vote:
4
@BlueBlueprint_PE (RBH, IH8, MP, Duran)
1
@MadamPirate PE (blueblue)
Doctor: RBH
Cop: Duran
Mafia: Beccabun + Blueblue