Dear Road Guy [advice thread - careers, love, relatives, you name it]

[Road Guy]

Dear W,

I get this same question a lot on my talk show and no you're not a stalker, especially in this day and age.

I would need to refer you to a YouTube video that a man presented where the traits of women were plotted on XY axis based on level of hotness and level of mother fucking crazy.

Assuming she was the appropriate level of hotness and crazy then your perceived stalking like this is acceptable because a lot of bitches like To hide how fucking crazy they are.

RG

 

[Sapper PE LS]

To The Honorable and Venerable Road Guy,

It is with great clarity of conscious that I must presume to pressure you for the details of your observations on the following matter within which I find myself mired. Having recently become more active in the noble sport of off road vehicle operation over thoroughly uneven and rugged terrain, it has become forthright apparent that the quality of shock absorbing technology and vulcanized rubber shodding on my stallion is lacking and untenable. Therefore, I beseeched upon the tiresmith and implored of him the weight in currency that one should need to balance the difference between fine knobby treaded thirty four inch diameter rolling stock and hydro impact attenuated stability. But alas, the cost is excessively high and I am left with but one option, and that is to enter violently a local vaulted stronghold under the cover of darkness and dressed in oil black clothing including a mask, take the contents of the vault and quickly make off in a non-descript sedan. This seems alarmingly dangerous and perhaps a bit unethical, but I do believe I have outlined sufficient justification in the body of this text and now I seek your sage advice on how to proceed.

Signed,

Feloniously Tempted

 

[cement]

Who let the surveyor in?

 

[Wolverine]

Dear Road Guy;

So now I have a ... gathering? get together? group date?... er, "meetup",... with Buddy, GF, and GFF at a local sports bar for team trivia.

What is the protocol for paying at the end of the night? Do I:

A) Pay for myself only

B) Pay for myself and the GFF

C) Make like a magnanimous gentleman and pay for everybody just to avoid the hassle (and hopefully impress the GFF enough to make it through the second round of screening.)

What to do?

 

[Krakosky]

B

 

[Supe]

A. No gold diggers.

 

[mudpuppy]

That's really tricky. Some women find B to be chauvinistic. Others think it's sweet. Kinda have to get a feel for which way she swings. But I'll defer to whatever the all-knowing RG says.

 

[Road Guy]

Dear Sapper,

It is with great fucking regret that I reply to your situation in this manner.. Having been in the situation you are in, it fucking irritated me to no avail to receive those god damned 4-wheel parts magazines full of shit them motherfuckers know we can't afford... I mean who the fuck can afford to put a $10,000 lift on a jeep? Don't get me wrong, they sure as shit look sweet......

I can just offer that you can do a shit load of off roading with a 3" lift and 33's....

Fuckin Regretfully your,

RG

 

[Krakosky]

Dear Road Guy,

I recently moved across the country from the arctic to the Equator. I was lucky enough to have my relocation paid for by my employer. Or so I thought. Several items were damaged during transport and several boxes and a vacuum never arrived. Now, the items were not very valuable but some cannot be replaced (photo album of baby pics etc). The cost of the lost items alone is a couple thousand dollars. The moving company assigned a case worker and every time I inquire about my lost items they say they are "still looking". How can I light a fire under their ass?

Sincerely,

Krak

 

[NJmike PE]

Dear RG,

So tomorrow is Mrs NJ's birthday. I wasn't gonna go crazy, I got her a gift card to her favorite salon and was gonna make her a nice meal for dinner and get her a cake to celebrate with the kiddos. Mentally, I had this planned for a while and expected that the weekend was going to be a continuation of the celebration. Then I find out that Mrs. NJ wants to make her own cake because she wants to do it with the kiddos. No biggie. Still have the dinner and gift tomorrow, my family on Saturday and hers on Sunday. Then I find out that Monday we are also seeing them (inlaws) to a town wide fair. Now I just get a text from my weasel in-laws informing me that my BIL will be getting out of work at 1300 tomorrow and asking if I could do the same so that I could join them for pizza and cake. First, I have a job that requires me to WORK. Second, didn't it ever dawn on them that maybe I wanted to do something with/for her on her birthday??? At this point, at the 11th hour it feels like my entire plan for her birthday has been ruined. In fact, I'm half expecting to find out that they gave her the same exact gift that I/we (kiddos) will be giving her, leaving me to feel completely worthless.

So I ask, am I making too much of this? Should I just let it go, knowing that this is the shit that they do? Do I just let her have her birthday and run the risk of seeming like I didn't plan anything?

Sincerely,

Disgruntled NJ

 

[Road Guy]

Dear K,

Moving fucking sucks.

I'm assuming you've already aggressively called several times using colorful metaphors such as fuck, motherfucker, cunt bitch, etc.

On the phone I would be a dickhead however I would also mail them a official letter attached to an invoice for the goods that are lost or broken.

I would make the payment terms on the invoice 30 days and then state after that interest shall apply at 5%.

On the letter you write add a cc to a Fictional attorney with the Esq. title I would prefer you use a Jewish name to maybe let them know you are serious about this.

Good luck and see the first sentence of this reply if you are still confused.

RG

 

[Road Guy]

Dear NJ,

I apologize for taking so long to reply however you need to nip this in the fucking butt right now.

I would reply via text and state that you already have plans and you can't get off work and for them to mind their own fucking business.

I also want to offer my standard reply to in law issues which is to threaten to withhold access to grandkids over the holidays.

Good luck working all that out and tell them to go fuck themselves.

RG

 

[NJmike PE]

Spot on dude. Spot on. I really felt the same way and actually already handled some of it that way. The problem is they don't see themselves as being wrong. They see me as the ass just causing trouble in their family.

 

[blybrook PE]

NJ, Not to step on RG's toes, but my advice is to get the biggest damn jar of KY possible and present it to them for their birthday with a note that says "This should help you get your head up there further, now go fuck yourself".

Good luck!

 

[Road Guy]

That is an acceptable answer.

 

[NJmike PE]

Wooly was right. Moving to Alaska would have fixed this too

 

[csb]

Dear RG,

My car needs a new engine after only 80,000 miles. How should I word my communications to Ford?

Still biking it,

csb

 

[P-E]

Dear Road Guy,

My favorite local brewery changed all their original beers to cater to the masses.  Now they taste sweeter and kinda chalky.  Should I just learn to like it or find a new brewery?

Bitter in MA

 

[Road Guy]

Beer time should be happy time - if they don’t have something you like then move on...