I was drunk (continue the story)......

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My girlfriend at the time gave a sheepish smile and said it was still a good size, but I'm still thinking she meant

 
"I'm only with you for your dad's money." Little does she know...

 
That Dad stole that money.

 
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You see, my Dad was never that smart. He always wanted to be a...

 
He thought he could "supercharge" it by connecting directly into the power substation next to his trailer park.  So that night he and my brother...

 
...the cops showed up. They weren’t there for the break-in, but to bust a crack dealer operating out of a dumpster out back. Little did they know, but...

 
that crack dealer was actually my mother. I hid...

 
behind a hobo taking a leak by the dumpster. I then waited.....

 
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