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Just read this funny story

Killer Chilli, Be Afraid, VERY AFRAID...

>

> I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure

> that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I

> had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my chili. Tasty stuff,

> albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written

> guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt

> cheeks WILL fall off.

> Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups

> of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No

> 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanero peppers swimming their way

> through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning

> symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as 'thunder and

> lightning'.

> Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just

> when, I bravely set off for the market, a local Wal-Mart grocery store

> that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

> Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart

> and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.

> It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the

> restrooms that the pain hit me Oh, don't look at me like you don't

> know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, gotta go'

> pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time The thing is, this

> pain was different.

> The habaneros in the chili from the night before were staging a

> revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the

> small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and

> before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which

> would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning

> shot.

> There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped

> in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded.

> I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might

> escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the

> lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of

> it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.

> I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her

> reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to

> dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions

> emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least

> will be able to relate.

> I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she

> walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor

> so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and

> running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her

> head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made

> Me feel terrible, but then made me laugh... BIG mistake!!!!!

> Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped

> down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive

> issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and

> echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked,

> fearing that at the very least, someone was robbing the store and

> firing off a shotgun; or, at the worst, Islamic terrorists had invaded

> Wal-Mart with AK-47's blasting away, and launching a toxic nerve gas

> attack.

> Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced

> off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the

> whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took

> place.

> Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john,

> began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat

> because my butt is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in

> while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and

> Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and then quickly left.

> Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled

> cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee

> approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a

> few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the

> store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute

> or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

> That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me.

> The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover

> his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S

> YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was

> unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly

> not to return.

> Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing

> to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls.

 
When my son was 6 months old, he managed to crawl over to the coffee table and eat the cover off of a Reader's Digest. His next diaper had an "R" still in tact sitting on top. My wife freaked out something fierce because she did the diaper change and didn't know he had eaten the paper. There are some classic times when I wish I had a video camera in every room...
Oh my gosh. This made me laugh out loud.

 
Funny story nashbatt! Which reminds me of a true story about my brother-in-law, who was shopping at the Gap when a similar condition overtook him. He released some odors so noxious they temporarily closed the store and called security because they thought someone had let off a stink bomb.

 
My uncle farted in a grocery store one time, and it smelled so bad that a lady in a neighboring aisle called the manager over because she thought that some kind of food had spoiled.

My parents were out shopping one time, and my mom asked my dad to look at something after she had just farted. He said "I'll look at it as soon as my vision clears!" I laughed so hard I cried that time.

 
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