Fudgey
Master of Disaster
Hey everyone! Miss me lately? As some of you already know, I lost my old job and ended up taking a new one in sales as a rep for a water treatment vendor. It's going really well so far. It's pretty hectic, and I'm on the road a lot. But my personality is better suited for laying the charm on towns and consultants than it was trying to do design work. And there's no rush to get my PE here. The people are a lot of fun.
After I had gone through my interviews locally and got the job, the regional manager had me fly into St. Louis the day before, as he was a having a happy hour celebration for his sales team, which was doing very well all things considered, and wanted to introduce me to the team before I went through all my processing and paperwork with HR the next day.
At the happy hour we all ate, drank margaritas until our eyes turned green, and then inhaled up nachos and greasy Mexican inspired pub foods for several hours. Luckily the hotel was next door so I didn't have to drive. I felt weird about getting tipsy in front of people I had just met and would be working with, but just tried to go with the flow of things. I stumbled in around 10 and passed right out.
The next morning, I woke around 5:30 am, somewhat surprised that I didn't have a killer hangover. I needed to meet with my new boss around 9 am. I had plenty of time to lounge around bed, doze off, drink coffee, shower, shave, etc. You know, get all prepped for a day of HR, paper signing, orientations, meet and greets. All in all, a long and stressful day.
Knowing it was still early, I decided to stay in bed another hour. I did though get up make a small hotel room pot of coffee to get rid of the margarita haze, drank a cup and went back to bed.
This turned out to be a bad mistake. At first I started to fart. Okay I thought, I'd let a few pass through, then went back to sleep. While asleep or in a semi unconscious state, I farted again and didn't realize but it was actually a nice liquid propelled toot, which in turn lead to serious of margarita infused squirts, which then led to a full blown episode of shit in the bed. Basically, the sheets were coated in my own special, homemade brownish salsa.
While not hungover, my drinking and eating from the night before had hit me in the gut. I was still somewhat drunk and didn't realize what I was doing. Somewhere between sleep, dreaming and being half awake, I was convinced that all I was doing was enjoying a few post alcohol farts.
When I finally woke up. I was amazed at the smell of my few farts. Still not realizing I had had a case of the runs, I climbed out of bed and started to walk to the bathroom when I felt something wet and icky drip dow from my butt on my leg. Putting two and two together I turned on the light, and to my chagrin realized there was shit all over the sheets. Didn't even realized I gambled and lost.
It wasn't a pretty scene, then to make it worse, my gut rumbled again and let loose on the carpet. I had a case of good old uncontrollable taquito splatters!
I made it to the bathroom, dripping as I went. I got cleaned up again, and spent some time on the pot, was lucky to realize that it was an isolated incident, as my gut only wanted to get rid of the poison I ate and drank.
Regarding the bed sheets, I pulled them off the bed. The mattress cover had absorbed only a little. I piled the sheets up near the bathroom. When I left I put a note on them apologizing and left a $10 tip, seeing as the carpet was no bargain either.
When I got to work that morning, I found out that 3 of the 7 at the party had called in sick with stomach problems. I think now there must of been some bad food served. Being my first day and all, I knew I couldn't just call out. Made it through the day without incident, and flew home that night, with no one the wiser to what I had been up to.
Luckily I was there for only one day and didn't have to go back to the hotel. I'm sure housekeeping was less than amused.
After I had gone through my interviews locally and got the job, the regional manager had me fly into St. Louis the day before, as he was a having a happy hour celebration for his sales team, which was doing very well all things considered, and wanted to introduce me to the team before I went through all my processing and paperwork with HR the next day.
At the happy hour we all ate, drank margaritas until our eyes turned green, and then inhaled up nachos and greasy Mexican inspired pub foods for several hours. Luckily the hotel was next door so I didn't have to drive. I felt weird about getting tipsy in front of people I had just met and would be working with, but just tried to go with the flow of things. I stumbled in around 10 and passed right out.
The next morning, I woke around 5:30 am, somewhat surprised that I didn't have a killer hangover. I needed to meet with my new boss around 9 am. I had plenty of time to lounge around bed, doze off, drink coffee, shower, shave, etc. You know, get all prepped for a day of HR, paper signing, orientations, meet and greets. All in all, a long and stressful day.
Knowing it was still early, I decided to stay in bed another hour. I did though get up make a small hotel room pot of coffee to get rid of the margarita haze, drank a cup and went back to bed.
This turned out to be a bad mistake. At first I started to fart. Okay I thought, I'd let a few pass through, then went back to sleep. While asleep or in a semi unconscious state, I farted again and didn't realize but it was actually a nice liquid propelled toot, which in turn lead to serious of margarita infused squirts, which then led to a full blown episode of shit in the bed. Basically, the sheets were coated in my own special, homemade brownish salsa.
While not hungover, my drinking and eating from the night before had hit me in the gut. I was still somewhat drunk and didn't realize what I was doing. Somewhere between sleep, dreaming and being half awake, I was convinced that all I was doing was enjoying a few post alcohol farts.
When I finally woke up. I was amazed at the smell of my few farts. Still not realizing I had had a case of the runs, I climbed out of bed and started to walk to the bathroom when I felt something wet and icky drip dow from my butt on my leg. Putting two and two together I turned on the light, and to my chagrin realized there was shit all over the sheets. Didn't even realized I gambled and lost.
It wasn't a pretty scene, then to make it worse, my gut rumbled again and let loose on the carpet. I had a case of good old uncontrollable taquito splatters!
I made it to the bathroom, dripping as I went. I got cleaned up again, and spent some time on the pot, was lucky to realize that it was an isolated incident, as my gut only wanted to get rid of the poison I ate and drank.
Regarding the bed sheets, I pulled them off the bed. The mattress cover had absorbed only a little. I piled the sheets up near the bathroom. When I left I put a note on them apologizing and left a $10 tip, seeing as the carpet was no bargain either.
When I got to work that morning, I found out that 3 of the 7 at the party had called in sick with stomach problems. I think now there must of been some bad food served. Being my first day and all, I knew I couldn't just call out. Made it through the day without incident, and flew home that night, with no one the wiser to what I had been up to.
Luckily I was there for only one day and didn't have to go back to the hotel. I'm sure housekeeping was less than amused.
