job dilimena

[MechGuy]

For what its worth, I understand completely about moving to the South from the North far away from family. I'm originally from Detroit, and when I went into the military I was stationed in both Georgia and then Texas. But I ended up meeting my wife in Georgia, and after I got out of the military I decided to stay in Texas because we both loved it so much.

but before I moved here I had a completely different notion of what "the south" was like, especially Texas. Once I got here, all those sterotypes ended up not being true (at least where I am in Texas!)

But the family part is really hard. My wife's parents moved to Texas from Atlanta to be closer to her and the grandkids. My family is still all in Michigan and takes 2 days to drive there, so I only see them once a year or so.

 

[udpolo15]

All tied up. Thanks for advice. I think I will continue to pursue because something about the opportunity is screaming at me. The job is a unique opportunity and while I won't find a similar opportunity, I am sure if I decide to stick around Chicago, I will eventually find something.

End of the day, I need to do what is best for my family (what this is, I still don't know).

 

[mizzoueng]

well, what is best for the family is different everywhere. If you go to this opp, and its as grand as you think, then you could gain invaluable experience that you can use 5 years down the road to move back to Chi-town or whereever you want to go.

The family thing is tough, but grandparents will travel to see kids and as long as you have a spare room to house them in it should be okay. Plus (at least this is how Mrs Mizzou and I see it) where you are doesn't really start mattering until the kids have to start school. You want to be in a good school district, one that you have looked into and perhaps know about. So if the misses is due this year you have a good 6 years to get back if that is what you are wanting to do.

 

[Mike in Gastonia]

I also have a theory on our generation moving up the food chain. With the economy/stock market taking a big dump, a lot of the baby boomers are going to be around a lot longer than any of us expected. They won't be able to retire because their 401(k)s were decimated, a lot of them borrowed on their houses during the housing bubble, and so they have to keep working in order to be able to avoid what Dave Ramsey calls an Alpo plan retirement.
Without the boomers retiring, we're going to be stuck in lower/middle management for a while.

Holdin' us back from grabbing their fatty salaries!! Damn them.....

 

[benbo]

I also have a theory on our generation moving up the food chain. With the economy/stock market taking a big dump, a lot of the baby boomers are going to be around a lot longer than any of us expected. They won't be able to retire because their 401(k)s were decimated, a lot of them borrowed on their houses during the housing bubble, and so they have to keep working in order to be able to avoid what Dave Ramsey calls an Alpo plan retirement.
Without the boomers retiring, we're going to be stuck in lower/middle management for a while.

Holdin' us back from grabbing their fatty salaries!! Damn them.....

I am a boomer.

Where's my fatty celery?

 

[Chucktown PE]

I also have a theory on our generation moving up the food chain. With the economy/stock market taking a big dump, a lot of the baby boomers are going to be around a lot longer than any of us expected. They won't be able to retire because their 401(k)s were decimated, a lot of them borrowed on their houses during the housing bubble, and so they have to keep working in order to be able to avoid what Dave Ramsey calls an Alpo plan retirement.
Without the boomers retiring, we're going to be stuck in lower/middle management for a while.

Holdin' us back from grabbing their fatty salaries!! Damn them.....

I wouldn't say damn them. But anecdotally, speaking from my own experience with my company, I think our profession is very top heavy right now. We just reorganized and I have about 4 or 5 different bosses. All of them are either close to or over 50. There are very few people in my company between the ages of 35 and 50. I do think that it will supress salaries for some time for two reasons, 1) there are fewer spots available for internal promotion, 2) due to the fact that a large portion of our company is making "fatty" money, they have to keep the peons/ditch diggers salaries down so overall, our costs are competitive.

 

[Chucktown PE]

I also have a theory on our generation moving up the food chain. With the economy/stock market taking a big dump, a lot of the baby boomers are going to be around a lot longer than any of us expected. They won't be able to retire because their 401(k)s were decimated, a lot of them borrowed on their houses during the housing bubble, and so they have to keep working in order to be able to avoid what Dave Ramsey calls an Alpo plan retirement.
Without the boomers retiring, we're going to be stuck in lower/middle management for a while.

Holdin' us back from grabbing their fatty salaries!! Damn them.....

I am a boomer.

Where's my fatty celery?

Come on man, it's spelled salery.

 

[wilheldp_PE]

I am a boomer.
Where's my fatty celery?

 

[klk]

The family thing is tough, but grandparents will travel to see kids and as long as you have a spare room to house them in it should be okay. Plus (at least this is how Mrs Mizzou and I see it) where you are doesn't really start mattering until the kids have to start school. You want to be in a good school district, one that you have looked into and perhaps know about. So if the misses is due this year you have a good 6 years to get back if that is what you are wanting to do.

I sort of disagree with this statement. Its not necessarily about the schools or making sure the grandparents see the kids that's the problem with relocation. The bigger issue is removing all support options for the wife who is going to be raising their first child in a new city, with no friends and family close by.

It all depends on how she would feel about moving away during this time. Yes, maybe making more money and getting more experience might help your family several years down the road, but if your wife is completely miserable as a result, that could have a significant effect on the quality of your marriage. I can empathize with her situation as I've never lived more than 200 miles away from where I grew up and am currently expecting our first child. If my husband asked me to relocate across the country with an infant so he could take the first job opportunity he found, I would be very apprehensive to leave all my friends and family. On the other hand, if there was no other opportunity like this and this was totally what he wanted to do with his career, I might be willing to make the sacrifice.

That said, I wouldn't see the harm in pursuing the opportunity. You might find you really like it, or you might not. Judging by what others are writing in other threads about their new jobs, (excessive workload, stress, lack of family time, etc), you might try to determine if your new job will cause more stress to your home life, other than the relocation aspect.

Thats my :2cents:

 

[TouchDown]

...The bigger issue is removing all support options for the wife who is going to be raising their first child in a new city, with no friends and family close by.
It all depends on how she would feel about moving away during this time. Yes, maybe making more money and getting more experience might help your family several years down the road, but if your wife is completely miserable as a result, that could have a significant effect on the quality of your marriage....

That said, I wouldn't see the harm in pursuing the opportunity. You might find you really like it, or you might not. Judging by what others are writing in other threads about their new jobs, (excessive workload, stress, lack of family time, etc), you might try to determine if your new job will cause more stress to your home life, other than the relocation aspect.

I'm in agreement with klk. We've never lived more than 120 miles from any parent. Once my Dad passed away, my Mom moved to town. Now, we're within 10 miles of both sets of grandparents. I can tell you that family is a very important aspect to raising our kids. I could be making more money if we relocated somewhere else, but until I'm pressured to do so, I'm not making a move. It may be about the kind of relationship you have with your parents and the new baby... how involved that they would be.

I grew up 2 miles from my grandparents, and my kids get to see both sets of grandparents multiple times a week. But, I know a lot of people who have kids, live 2 blocks from their parents, and they get together on the holidays. So, it can be dependent upon your situation and relationships. Kids change things - especially priorities.

Just like klk said, take your wife's situation into consideration and be open to listening to her concerns. More money can provide for your family, but if you're happy in Chicago, and your family is there - then if this new opportunity is South - there are probably going to be other opportunites closer by. Not saying you shouldn't pursue looking into the other offer, It doesn't hurt to shop around. Good Luck!

 

[snickerd3]

If you do end up moving away from family webcams are great for keeping the grandparent/child in touch. THat was xmas presents this past year for almost everyone since we are 5 hr drive (with baby intow) away from family.

 

[jmbeck]

Does your wife share your aversion to "the South"? What relationship do you have with your parents now? Are they "see them once a month", or "see them every Sunday for dinner, and sometimes through the week"?

As Mary said, there is no amount of money that is worth living in a place where you don't want to be. And if your wife doesn't want to move, and your job is secure, and she's close to her/your mother, it's going to put a huge strain on things with a newborn.

But, nothing that is insurmountable.

Whenever there's not a clear-cut right choice, usually it's because neither are wrong. Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[Slugger926]

I would prefer the south. Everything I have been approached for has been up in the North.

 

[EM_PS]

i personally think the family dynamic point is overrated. My parents announced well before any of us 'kids' had kids of our own that they wouldn't be "that type of grandparent" in terms of willing support, help, or even doting on the grandkids - true to their word they have not budged from that stance, and nor do i begrudge them that in that their both in / near their 80's now. My brother & sisters only see my kids a handful of times a year, and really dont interact w/ 'em much anyways. Now my wife's side...neither she nor I can really take her mom in but the smallest of doses, and her dad was one not really well equipped for helping w/ kids. The MIL does & has helped out immensely, but its typically been at the expense of our nerves in some way or another (she invariably F's something up in whatever involvement she has w/ the kids). In terms of friends neither wife or I really have close friends w/ similar family makeup or that we see on an everyday basis where they might be able to help in some capacity. If we were to move out-of-state (we came close a year ago), even with the lack of support i would miss my family & friends though. but clearly for me, the family / friend support network is a non-issue in consideration of moving.

 

[udpolo15]

Well, provided the $$ work out, I am going to take the job. Went down to interview and the folks were really nice and the opportunity is tremendous. I was surprised that my wife didn't take that much to say we should go. End of the day, the potential long term benefits (not to mention it would be a big salary bump initially) outweigh the short-term sacrifice. It sounds like they are willing to let me travel initially to give us some more breathing room before I need to move the wife and newborn.

 

[Ble_PE]

That's great, udpolo! I hope it works out for you and your family.