Dirtiest Joke Thread- potentially X-rated, NSFW, etc...you've been warned

[csb]

Here you go folks...a place for jokes so bad, you've been afraid to post them in the funny joke thread. We'll have a prize for the best joke.

P.S. And I don't think I need to mention it, but if you have to post pictures, keep them legal and little.

 

[roadwreck]

A little boy is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying. A priest approaches and says: "My child, why are you so upset?"

The boy tells him: "My mummy and daddy were in their car, and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says: "It's just not your day, is it?"

 

[frazil]

 

[csb]

That right there is an awesome poster.

 

[NCcarguy]

A wife tells her husband that she wants to get a boob job...and it'll cost around $10,000....The husband is extrememly upset that his wife would even think about spending that kind of money in this terrible economic time, so he offers a cheaper solution.....he tells his wife that first thing EVERY morning, when she wakes up, wrap her hand in toilet paper, and rub the paper between her boobs.....The wife, with a silly look on her face asks.....how the HELL does THAT make my boobs grow??? The husband responds.....Hell, I don't know, but it's been working on your ASS since the day I married you!!!!

 

[roadwreck]

A wife tells her husband that she wants to get a boob job...and it'll cost around $10,000....The husband is extrememly upset that his wife would even think about spending that kind of money in this terrible economic time, so he offers a cheaper solution.....he tells his wife that first thing EVERY morning, when she wakes up, wrap her hand in toilet paper, and rub the paper between her boobs.....The wife, with a silly look on her face asks.....how the HELL does THAT make my boobs grow??? The husband responds.....Hell, I don't know, but it's been working on your ASS since the day I married you!!!!

Ha! I'm going to have to send this one to a few people.

 

[FLBuff PE]

Not super-dirty, but still...

How are women and tornadoes alike?

 

[csb]

^ do I even want to hear the end of that one?

 

[FLBuff PE]

I don't think you'll be disappointed, but I want some guesses.

 

[cement]

does it have to do with country music?

 

[FLBuff PE]

Sort of. But it does not involve burping or removing meat.

 

[cement]

is the punch line about a trailer?

 

[FLBuff PE]

No it is not about a trailer, but it is about a house.

 

[csb]

does it have to do with blowing?

 

[FLBuff PE]

No. But I have to go do a site visit, so here you go:

They both moan like hell when they come, and take your house when they leave.

 

[cement]

what's the difference between a steroid and a hormone?

 

[csb]

do we have to guess this one too?

 

[cement]

you can't hear a steroid

 

[csb]

That was awesome. I applaud that joke.

 

[cement]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f&ck your brains out, and suck your t*ts dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."