A Long Week For Me ...

[Guest]

As many of you know, my mother-in-law (MIL) lives with me due to her failing health. She suffered another heart attack this past Wednesday. She is doing remarkably well considering her doctor told her she would not be able to survive another heart attack after the first one + triple bypass surgery. The doctor was able to be in two 'stints' that opened up blood flow in the arteries that appeared to be the locations that caused the heart attack. She still only has less than 50% function of her heart, less than 40% functioning of her lungs, abnormally low blood pressure, and a leaky heart valve.

I brought her home from the hospital this afternoon since Mrs. JR had to work. On the way home, I told her ... "You know they say only the good die young. I think this is a sign you are going to live forever." She got a good laugh out of it.

I thought I would share with everyone because there are also some take home messages in this experience:

1. My MIL knew the signs/symptoms of a heart attack - she is an LPN by education/trade and has already suffered from a previous heart attack. As soon as she was convinced she was in the throes of a heart attack she popped three (3) aspirin during the course of the event. The doctor said that while he would not necesssarily advocate taking so much aspirin, the aspirin thinned her blood enough to minimize the severity of the heart attack and that actually saved her life.

Most of us don't think much about 81 mg of aspirin - to a cardiac patient it really means life or death.

2. At the time my MIL realized she was in the throes of a heart attack, she was watching my 14-month old nephew. She was home alone with him. She called 9-1-1 for parametics and they hooked her up and realized her E-K-G was clearly abnormal though they couldn't interpret what the signal meant.

Those !@#$%^&* bozos didn't want to carry my MIL to the hospital because they didn't want to be responsible for the care of my nephew. While I can understand why having a baby would be something of an imposition - it is clearly beyond my comprehension how you could sit around for nearly 30 minutes debating how they would handle the baby + my MIL.

First they wanted me to come to the house to take my nephew. I live 35 minutes from my house - no can do. Then they wanted to meet me half-way so they could drop him off to me. Well, I work 5 minutes from the hospital and I don't have a !@#$%^&* child seat morons !!!!! ldman: It took a pretty long string of expletives to get them off thier ass and down to the hospital. I was utterly shocked that these guys had NO CLUE what to do - I can't imagine this is the first time they came across someone with a child who was home alone when an emergency struck.

3. Whenever you have someone in the hospital - you have to advocate, advocate, advocate. While the doctors were trying to take care of my MIL's heart attack they were very attendant to her needs. Once they were cautiously optimistic about her condition - they nearly forgot about her. I had to let them know that each day I would be at the hospital to make sure she was fed and taken care of (bathroom, medication, etc.) during her stay. Fortunately, once she was out of the emergency room she was placed in Cardiac ICU - I knew most of the nurses because two of them went to school with my wife. That made things a little easier but I still had to remain vigilant.

4. Upon discharge from hospital, you really have to go through the orders and medications with a fine tooth comb. It is up to the discharging nurse to make sure everything is straight and that the patient understands what s/he needs to do. Not only was my MIL confused about her care after discharge, the doctor left off one of the medications that I KNOW that I had the nurse add to her chart (a prescription antacid she said worked well).

Well, this week was really long and I am glad that the ordeal is over. It really isn't over though because my MIL will slowly find out about her new limitations based on how much she will be able to exert herself over time. Not to mention that I have lingering concerns over her abnormal (low) blood pressure and ability to cope with the restrictions the doctor is placing on her. It will be interesting.

At any rate, I thought I would pass along for others in case they find themselves in the same position.

JR

 

[maryannette]

Thanks, JR. Life is never easy, but it sounds like you are making it easier for your MIL and wife. Take care of yourself, too.

 

[Wolverine]

Thanks for sharing that. Good stuff.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

Wow, I hope she's feeling better and her quality of life doesn't suffer too much. I think that's the hardest part about watching someone's health deteriorate...

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Good for her that she knows the warning signs! It pays to listen to your body.

 

[NCcarguy]

Well......a couple of things here. It sure does show what type person you are to go to that much trouble for your Mother in law, not everyone would go that much out of thier way!

secondly, It's stories like this that's got people thinking if the government would get involved with healthcare, they could fix it. It's sad, because I believe that most of us here believe that government control will only make things worse, but the medical industry better pay attention. Start getting it right, or you're gonna be told what to do. It's a shame that they can't do for your MIL what they need to do, and that's to be very clear about what she needs to take, where to get it, how much it's going to cost.....really, this can't all be that tough!

 

[kevo_55]

Thanks JR.

The info is really good to pass on. I'm sorry that this kind of stuff is going on to you.

 

[maryannette]

ANOTHER WARNING:

I have known several men who had very serious health problems and allowed themselves to stay in denial long enough to cause more physical damage than if they had immediately gone to the hospital. These were heart attacks and strokes that happened to men in their 40's.

If you think you MIGHT be having a heart attack or stroke, GET MEDICAL HELP IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!

 

[benbo]

I've spent a significant amount of time around hospitals the past few years, since my dad died in 2002 and my mom in 2005. Generally, I don't have a lot of problems with nurses, but you do have to stay on top of them. Doctors on the other hand, are really annoying They will never let you know when they are coming around, and you sit and wait forever for them. While my mom was in the hospital, my sisters spent full days waiting to talk to a doc, and they were so frustrated. I came in, and for some reason the nurse at the desk got the impression I was another doctor. So she paged the doctor saying "Dr. Benbo for Dr. Lame-o". When the doctor came they found out that I wasn't a doctor and got all mad at me for not correcting her. I lost it, and went off on them both. I know they are overworked, but they really treat you badly sometimes.

 

[TouchDown]

Dr. Benbo... paging Dr. Benbo.

JR - it took the realization that Dr's are only human to really put things in perspective. With kids, and I think soon enough with our parents, you have to advocate for them. I used to feel like a bother if I pestered someone, nurse or Dr, but now I feel empowered and want to be informed.

I hope your MIL makes a speedy and surprising recovery. It doesn't sound promising that her std of life will be the same, but I certainly hope she can surprise a few people.

My grandfather was told by Dr's that he'd not last more than 6 months. 5 years later, he was still going strong. He was very active being a farmer and until he lost his ability to remain active, he was very good. Once the activity stopped, it seemed like he just didn't care anymore. Hopefully, you can be there for your MIL in her transition. If it is going to be lifechanging, then at least she has caring family like you and your wife to care for her. Good luck.

 

[maryannette]

My husband's granny was a character. The doctors made comments about how much longer she might live and her response was, "If you're not careful, I'll throw dirt on YOUR grave, Sonny."

 

[Dleg]

I can't believe the EMTs didn't have a procedure in place for dealing with a small child at the scene. Unbelievable.

I know what you're saying about advocating. Asking questions is another important thing, too. There have been a lot of very sick people in my wife's family, and I have spent a lot fo time in our local hopsital. In fact, she's taking the entire week off right now to attend to one of her uncles who's liver is failing (not from alcohol, but somehow related to his diabetes). I am always shocked by how her relatives will just sit there silently as the doctor explains, or doesn't explain, what is happening or what they should be doing. Then after the doctor leaves, they all start talking to each other "did you understand what he said?" It drives me nuts. I have finally gotten my wife to start talking to the doctors, and she is slowly attempting to get her relatives to do the same thing.

What good is medical care if you don't even understand what you are supposed to do once you leave the hopsital?

 

[maryannette]

I also encourage my MIL to write questions down and go to her appointments with a list. She sometimes forgets while she is with the doctor if it's not on the list.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

I can't believe the EMTs didn't have a procedure in place for dealing with a small child at the scene. Unbelievable.

True, I'm sure that's not all that uncommon of a scenario.

 

[kevo_55]

I guess it's a good thing to get screened for heart disease early!!

 

[cement]

good luck JR, and thank you for the advice.

This will be a trying time for you, we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Times like this also test your character, and you are certainly up for the challenge.

you are so right about self advocacy too. I have a story that I will save for another time, but the self interested doctors would have made my family's life a living hell if a kind ICU nurse had not given a frank and honest answers to our questions and gave us the strength to make the right decision. you have to question them, you have the right to an explanation and second opinions in such critical matters.

as for those boneheads on the EMT, heads should roll, or at least policies need to change. delays in treatment could have huge impacts in cases such as your MIL's.

 

[rudy]

jregieng, not only are you a good son-in-law, but also a good husband. this is a testament to the awesome job your parents did raising you. i am sure they are very proud of you. thank you so much for sharing your experience. we can all learn from it. you and your family are in our prayers.

oh... and those stupid paramedics should have had more compassion to remember that their directive is to save lives without hesitation. i am relieved that regardless of their indecision, your mother-in-law was able to make it to the hospital. how is your nephew holding up? i'm sure it was a scary experience for him too.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

I also encourage my MIL to write questions down and go to her appointments with a list. She sometimes forgets while she is with the doctor if it's not on the list.

I do that for my OWN appointments! Too often, I remember something that I wanted to ask the doctor about 10 minutes AFTER I've left the office!

 

[Guest]

Thank you for all of the well wishes everyone!

Since my MIL has been back home she has fallen back into her old routine, which loosely translates to engaging in the same 'poor' habits that have continued to accelerate the erosion in her quality of life. While it is disheartening (no pun intended) to watch, it isn't entirely unexpected. Sometimes you just accept things for what they are but it is still difficult to watch the slow progression towards demise.

My little nephew seems to overcome his trauma quite well. My sister-in-law (SIL) stopped by with him and let him roam about so that my MIL had a chance to enjoy him under a watchful eye. For his part, it's as if he never had to endure the screaming wail of an ambulance alarm or the shuffling about with a soiled diaper, no juice, no meal, and no sleep. It was quite enjoyable receiving him in that agitated state - NOT! It was good to see that he appeared this event was a distant memory for him.

For me, I am glad I ended up posting something about this event because I have found it to be something of therapy to tell my extended EB.com support network about this event. Not as a rant or diatribe - just a wow .. guess what happened. I am still disgusted with the paramedics and find thier behavior during this ordeal inexcusable - I am following up with the local EMS services in a tactful way to find out how they can patch this hole in thier response. The hospital stay was okay - the nurses and other providers were attentative, it was just the doctors that seemed to drop the ball. That doesn't surprise me, so I am only mildly ruffled by thier lack of thoroughness.

I guess the other message in this really relates towards how we touch other people's lives in a big way even though it may seem be small by our own standards. My MIL has repeatedly thanked me for being around (even these past few mornings to make sure her BP doesn't bottom out).

My own experience taught me how even the smallest of gestures can factor to be huge in someone's life. For me, I had surgery when I was younger because I was slowly bleeding out from some widespread ulcerations throughout my digestive tract. After the surgery, I was sedated and in ICU for well over a week. When I woke up, I was hooked up to a respirator and COMPLETELY miserable from having been unmoved and prone for a week. When the nurse realized I was awake, she came in and asked if there was anything that I needed - the most important thing at that moment to me was that my back was miserably itchy from having laid on it for so long. I asked if she could scratch my back - which she kindly obliged me. To this day, that is my most vivid memory waking up from my long slumber.

When you live to experience a life altering event like that - you appreciate the small things in not only your life but realize how they mean something BIG in someone else's life as well. I am much more empathetic to small children, elderly, animals, and anyone who is 'helpless' through no fault of thier own. A little bit of humble pie goes a long way ...

So, in closing, I want to thank everyone for thier well wishes and an ear for me to air my thoughts. Thanks again!

JR