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csb said:
This one is huge...because it sounds like the real problem is not the money. It might also be a listening thing...did she ask you to tell her brother you weren't going and you forgot? Or maybe this is like another situation? It's got to be something deeper, I'm guessing. If it's not, I would echo the pick your battles.
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The real problem is that I lost my temper on Friday about her parents buying too much stuff for our kids. She's been pissed off at me ever since. In retrospect, the $60 is a side issue but one of the many that's being heaped on the pile.

 
so you threw $60 away on a limo.

How much would you have spent had you actually gone to the club? In my case, it would probably have been a lot more + the $60.

 
Chucktown PE said:
The real problem is that I lost my temper on Friday about her parents buying too much stuff for our kids. She's been pissed off at me ever since. In retrospect, the $60 is a side issue but one of the many that's being heaped on the pile.
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You did provoke the bull, you're def getting the horns. I love my wife to death, but she disses on my immediate kin (even when I f'n know where she's coming from), it raises up my hackles. Its no diff for her & her (whacko imo) side of the familia. Some skirmishes simply cannot be won no matter how in the right or justified your position may be. marriages truly are realizing that never ever are you in sole control of, or at the helm all by yourself - nor should you be.

Scale back on the wedding gift.

 
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I just avoid her family, she avoids mine, its made a huge difference, probably not the best but it works..

 
I'm sorry, this is where I'd stand on my principles. You told him a week ahead, you took a boat and paid for the gas in the boat. Screw it.

Then again, this is coming from about 10 years of realizing that no one ever "hits you back". I used to buy rounds of drinks for my friends, assuming they would get the next one. Yeah, they never do.

Maybe that's the bitter guy in me that was taken advantage of on numerous occasions for years, but I wouldn't pay it. Be damned if I paid it in fact.

 
Sometimes, you just have to give up your money, give up winning the battle, say you're sorry, and move on. That's just part of being in a relationship. Do you want to keep the battle going or keep the relationship going?

 
That's just it, sorry for what? Sorry for not wanting to throw their cash away?

Apologizing when you think you're doing the best thing for you and your family makes a man very resentful. Eventually, it will become too much.

I don't agree with apologizing just for the sake of ending a fight. That only, in my experience, leads to a bigger fight down the road. Agree to disagree, but don't blindly apologize.

 
I understand apologizing for that. Heck, I have to do that a lot.

Maybe I'm just youngish and a fool. I concede to those that have been married for a long time.

 
I don't think you can survive any long-term relationship without developing the ability to apologize for things you KNOW are not your responsibility. Whether it's marriage or even work.

The older I get, and the fewer and fewer "successful" people I meet (successful in work, marriage, etc.), the more I believe in "amiable indifference" as a way of being..... It really doesn't hurt you to just let it go.... and those who can't.... don't last.

 
Dleg said:
I don't think you can survive any long-term relationship without developing the ability to apologize for things you KNOW are not your responsibility. Whether it's marriage or even work.
The older I get, and the fewer and fewer "successful" people I meet (successful in work, marriage, etc.), the more I believe in "amiable indifference" as a way of being..... It really doesn't hurt you to just let it go.... and those who can't.... don't last.
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I guess I'm taking it to the extreme.

I'm relating this to a different yet similar situation in my life. Not with my wife, but with someone else I care about.

All I know is that years and years of always being the "wrong" one and having to apologize for the sake of ending an argument has lead me to be indifferent to her fits. She's mad now, and it really doesn't bother me. And that's sad.

I understand what most of your are saying, and I do try to live that way. I'd rather be happy and wrong than unhappy and right. But, I just know what years of always being the wrong one leads to.

 

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