Bad advice to previous poster

[Dexman PE PMP]

Just put everything in a pile and drape a tarp over the top.

Boss just handed me the form for my "exit interview". Despite the form saying in bold letters that the one conducting the interview should fill it out, she wants me to do it and just give it back to her. 1) Should I fill it out? 2) Should I burn any bridges in the process?

 

[Dleg]

Write your name on it, and then use it to wipe your anus after defecating.  On the top of her desk.

Let's say I was out hiking for the first time in Alaska, and a brown bear stands up in front of me and starts roaring?  What's the best approach to take?

 

[matt267 PE]

Kick it in the nuts.

What should I get my mom for mother's day?

 

[envirotex]

SPAM.

How do I get off a project that I hate?

 

[scatsob]

Send an ugly transvestite stripper to his office with a note. 

How should I study for the PE if I don't pass this time around?

 

[einatlanta PhD PE]

I think the best way has been repeated many times on this board by using a tried and true method that helps every time..........hookers and blow.

So how do I recover from the gorgeous woman at the bar laughing at me after I say to her, "How you doin'......I am a PE"?

 

[southernbelle]

Kick her in the nuts and walk away.

What should I get my husband for our Anniversary?

 

[matt267 PE]

Give him a human baby. Men love that kind of stuff.

How do I prioritize house projects?

 

[Supe]

Burn the house down.  Now they're all priority 0.

How can I keep my breath smelling minty fresh all day long?

 

[matt267 PE]

Drink Peppermint Schnapps through out the day.

How do I stop the dog from raiding the garden?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

Attack drones set to kill.

How do I get more people interested in buying my house?

 

[Supe]

Burn down the rest of the neighborhood.

What to do about this stupid cankersore?

 

[Dleg]

Own that bitch.  Tell everyone it's AIDS.  Then when it goes away, hey I'm OK now!

How do I convince my wife that living in Alaska now means I must be allowed to own guns?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

Let a Bear into the house and show her how using "nice words" just won't work.

I really don't want to compile all these city comments on my project.  Should I delegate them to my replacement or just tell the city to f-off?

 

[Dleg]

Go ahead and compile the comments, but no need to treat them individually.  Comments can usually be grouped and paraphrased.  For example, "74 out of the 81 comments received were of an asinine nature, and were rejected because clearly the reviewer did not fully read and/or understand the material.  The remaining 7 comments were of the stupid category, as in they revealed a profound lack of experience and/or formal education on behalf of the reviewer. Therefore, none of the comments received were relevant and there is no need for revision."

I have a grant that is coming to an end, and because of several vacancies earlier in the year, the money allocated for salaries will not be spent. What should I propose to the granting agency as a way to spend this money before the end of June?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

All-expense paid eb.com meet in New Zealand.  Oh wait, this is the bad advice thread.  Hookers and Blow party? Shit, still a good suggestion.   I got nothin.

Since you're in Alaska and dealing with fatty money, the only other logical use would be to buy an airplane and hangar.

The moving company will be taking all of our stuff on the 24th, but we don't leave until the 28th. What should we do for those 4 nights for living arrangements? Sleep on the floor? Live in a hotel?

 

[Dleg]

Live at the airport.  There's lots of food and plenty of floor space to sleep, and it will take you 3 days to get through security anyway, with a full family headed on an international trip.

I forgot to bring a lunch today and I'm sick and tired of the sandwich place across the parking lot.  What should I do to get some food in me?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

Use your newly purchased gun to go shoot the first animal you discover, then roast it over an open fire in the parking lot. Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing in Alaska anyways?

Would I be burning bridges if I just called in sick for the last 2.5 weeks I have left here?

 

[Wolverine]

Better yet, show up sick for the last 2.5 weeks.  They'll probably send you home after the first few days anyway depending on the amount of disgust you're able to generate.

I have several weeks vacation piled up. Should I take a week off just to putz around the house or save it for some epic adventure later in the year?

 

[Dleg]

Epic adventure. I hear Syria is particularly enchanting at this time of the year, especially if you wear your American Flag t-shirt.

Today is clean-up day at the buildings owned by my employer. I did a quick preview and the litter on the premises include lots of broken vodka bottles and used condoms.  Word has it that we will not be issued rubber gloves prior to cleaning. How should I protect myself, you know, health-wise?