This is my first post here and I just want to get this off my chest. It's been a bit of a rough year for me and I figured writing something down might help me cope with all of it.
My father passed away from brain cancer last year, a month after my graduation. We couldn't afford a nurse, so most of my family travelled back to Mexico (me included), to take care of him.
I had to watch him slowly lose all of his functions, from his ability to walk, he wasn't able to stand up by himself, and at the end he even had trouble breathing. Me and my family did everything we could to make his last moments as comfortable as possible. Even after 11 months I don't think I'm over the experience, I'm not sure I'll ever be to be honest...
Two months later I lost my aunt to COVID. She was a wonderful woman with such a wonderful attitude. She helped take care of my father and went above and beyond. She was the person that was there to console me, to tell me that everything was going to be fine for me, even though she had just lost her brother. I miss her a lot and I wish I could've said goodbye in person.
Some time in November my appendix gives out and I have to go to the hospital to get it removed. Not being able to move sucked and just made me feel even more useless that I already felt...
Throughout all of this I'm just trying to find a job, I just wanted to start my career and leave all of that behind me. But I can't. No matter how hard I've tried I haven't been able to find one, done over 500 applications, had a couple of recruiters contact me, had some interviews, but no luck. I just feel like such a failure and I can't help but feel like I've let my father down. The man came to the US so he could give his kids a better future and I can't help but feel like I wasn't good enough to meet his expectations.
I'm just tired. Tired of the applications, updating my CV, looking at companies, getting my hopes up only for them to come crashing down, seeing my classmates move on with their lives, while mine just seems to be stuck, of everything really.
I know this sounds a little morbid, but don't take it as a cry for help. I'm not about to off myself or anything like that. I just wanted to write all of my frustrations down, confront them at least a little bit, and just try and move on.
Here's to some better luck in the future.
My father passed away from brain cancer last year, a month after my graduation. We couldn't afford a nurse, so most of my family travelled back to Mexico (me included), to take care of him.
I had to watch him slowly lose all of his functions, from his ability to walk, he wasn't able to stand up by himself, and at the end he even had trouble breathing. Me and my family did everything we could to make his last moments as comfortable as possible. Even after 11 months I don't think I'm over the experience, I'm not sure I'll ever be to be honest...
Two months later I lost my aunt to COVID. She was a wonderful woman with such a wonderful attitude. She helped take care of my father and went above and beyond. She was the person that was there to console me, to tell me that everything was going to be fine for me, even though she had just lost her brother. I miss her a lot and I wish I could've said goodbye in person.
Some time in November my appendix gives out and I have to go to the hospital to get it removed. Not being able to move sucked and just made me feel even more useless that I already felt...
Throughout all of this I'm just trying to find a job, I just wanted to start my career and leave all of that behind me. But I can't. No matter how hard I've tried I haven't been able to find one, done over 500 applications, had a couple of recruiters contact me, had some interviews, but no luck. I just feel like such a failure and I can't help but feel like I've let my father down. The man came to the US so he could give his kids a better future and I can't help but feel like I wasn't good enough to meet his expectations.
I'm just tired. Tired of the applications, updating my CV, looking at companies, getting my hopes up only for them to come crashing down, seeing my classmates move on with their lives, while mine just seems to be stuck, of everything really.
I know this sounds a little morbid, but don't take it as a cry for help. I'm not about to off myself or anything like that. I just wanted to write all of my frustrations down, confront them at least a little bit, and just try and move on.
Here's to some better luck in the future.