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Emo Phillips Spam: T-shirts that get you out of jury duty will not get you through air port security.

George Carlin Spam: Fun Stuff: Walk into a gun store, buy three guns and a bunch of ammunition, then ask them if they have any ski masks.

George Carlin Spam: If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

George Carlin Spam: Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

George Carlin Spam: If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

George Carlin Spam: If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Success is like pregnancy...........everyone congratulates you but they don’t know how many times you had to get f**k to achieve it.

I you really love someone....... you have to set them free. If they come back to you, it probably means nobody else liked them. Thus, set them free again.

Guys, if you want girls to be running after you............................become a bus driver.

Life is beautiful… from Friday to Monday.

The reason why I hate mornings so much is that they start while I’m still sleeping.

Happy spamming guys!   The waiting sucks but stay calm.....remember the burbon be sittin' on the counter and the beer be gettin' cold for a great start to the weekend. 

Well hellllooooo! Heard someone needed a PhD to talk to. I have actually been in the engineering field for around 20 years. First 10 in mechanical and the second decade in electrical. I have sized, designed and commissioned juuust a few projects. To characterize a particular group because...

Unfortunately I think one of the few things that would work is the same system in place for parking garages using spikes if you go the wrong way. My question for the water warning is how does the sensor know which direction the vehicle is traveling? I am just guessing a two point sensor is...

Maybe if we all sit extremely still........ Monday won't be able to see us. Now on to the weekend!!!

Typical Friday Night: Woman: "I'm not interested in casual sex." Me: "Alright, I'll keep my tie on."......(Dangerfield)

I was tired Friday night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.  (Dangerfield)

If being drunk before 3pm on a Friday is wrong, I never want to be right.

My boss also just informed me that “It’s FRIDAY” is not a legitimate excuse to start drinking at 8am......bummer

My boss yelled at me this morning “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?”…..