Major Parenting Failure

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Oh dear... I'd like to have a daughter, but I'd like for her to go from newborn to 8 normally, then skip right to 18 with good solid decision making skills and a full ride scholarship to some Ivy League school.

That's basically my wife and her sister in a nutshell. It's scary.

 

[MGX]

My mom had "the talk" with me when I was six. Dad gave his own version when I was 8 or so.

That wasn't all of it, the subject was discussed many times while growing up with my parents.

Mom's talk was very scientific with defined terms and an illustrated anatomy book. Dad's was more colorful; alot more colorful but the two stories matched and we (sister and I) understood quite well how the plumbing works.

My nephew (7) knows the basics because we told him and the 3 year old nephew and niece will have the same.

There's nothing to be ashamed or embarrased about. However it will probably be different when I have kids.

 

[Road Guy]

I've got a soon to be 11 years old but I hadn't planned on the talk until 8th grade, incant see doing it now?

My parents copped out and left a book on my bed one day, I don't plan on doing that.

 

[benbo]

I can't remember when I got the talk as a kid, but I do remember not believing it would fit.

I guess I had delusions of grandeur in those days.

 

[MA_PE]

tough call these days where sex and sexual innuendo is thrown at the kids from many sources - prime-time TV shows, cable networks airing stuff at all hours (I believe the TV-mature ratings actually attract the "immature") video games, and yes the internet, too.

I'm one of the old fashioned guys that feel it not necessarily doing the kids any favors getting explicit to pre-teens. Also I have two boys and my kids didn't really show any interest during the little league days (they were too busy with sports and others stuff to focus on girls) so I didn't think it was necessary for me to start anything focusing on it. They eventually noticed and I had an abbreviated talk but told them if they ever had any questions or issues at all don't hestitate to come to me...and they didn't. Cop out on my part? I don't know but (so far) it seemed to work. God was good to me, because I really don't know if I could handle girls.

 

[Dleg]

Yeah, girls are a little different. I was hoping for another year or two, but our daughter had her first period when she was still just 11. You can't wait at that point. (and Holy Jebus is it ever uncomfortable to even say the "p" word about your own little girl).

Boys can pretty much just walk away from any trouble they cause. Girls (and their parents....) have to live with it, forever. But, you better believe I would do anything in my power to make sure the boy didn't just walk away from it if that were to ever happen. That little bastard and his parents would pay....

 

[maryannette]

It has to start early in a casual way that is comfortable for everyone. (Well, as comfortable as possible.) I think my girls were 8 or 9 when we started talking about sex, but not specifically. They just knew there was stuff that they were not involved in yet and that there was more information if they wanted it. It is important to answer the questions honestly. Sometimes a very simple answer is enough. In middle school, I think 6th or 7th grade, they had basic sex education in health classes. Parents had to consent and also had to be involved in discussions at home. I bought a picture book of anatomy and used it. I think both parents need to be involved in some way - at least to acknowledge that there is a discussion with the other parent and it's alright to ask questions.

AND ... you dad's of little girls need to get real. Teenage girls do the same things that teenage boys do. Who do you think the teenage boys are getting it from? My best advice is to let them know that sex is a huge responsibility and should be reserved for serious relationships, but in the event they decide to engage in sex, they should take precautions. Yes, precautions. If more teenage girls were on birth control, there would be less teenage moms.

I'm sure that all will not agree with me, but it's an opinion to think about.

 

[Chucktown PE]

Ugggghhhhhhh. I have a 4 year old little boy and a 2 year old little girl who I absolutely adore. I know I come across as a total pervert on this board but I just cannot fathom having to deal with all this stuff one day. I remember my dad giving me the sex talk when I was 8 when we were on the way to a hunting trip. I don't remember much about it. I guess I'll be having the sex talk with my kids in 6 and 8 years.

I do despise the fact that young children are bombarded with such inappropriate material from such a young age. Hannah Montana is wearing totally inappropriate clothing and teaching young girls to do the same. Even dolls aren't safe, I cringe every time I walk through Target and see Bratz dolls.

 

[maryannette]

That's the world we live in. I have to think that 50 years ago, people had the same thoughts about Barbie. Smart parents adjust to the times, the child, the region, and all of the other variables.

 

[Supe]

It's threads like these that make me glad that I have a relatively intimidating appearance. MIAF's daughter is a very cute little girl, and if she grows up to be anything like her mother, I'll be kicking teenage asses until I'm in my grave.

 

[Road Guy]

my 7 year old boy took the program from the last thrashers game we went to and taped the page of (whatever you call the chearleaders in Hockey) up in his room... I think I am in for a rough road with that one...

 

[Capt Worley PE]

My parents copped out and left a book on my bed one day.

HAHA...mine did too.

I know it was a long time ago, but back in the eighties, most girls I knew were on the pill and those who had unexpected pregnancies got abortions. That seemed to change radically by the early nineties. I never really understood what caused this cultural shift.

 

[Road Guy]

back in the eighties I had a hard time finding those types of girls to be honest, not for a lack of looking!

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Well, the AIDS uncertainties back in the day put a wet blanket on a lot of the escapades.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Well, the AIDS uncertainties back in the day put a wet blanket on a lot of the escapades.

By the time I was a wild horny teenager, AIDS was less of a new scare, but they did a good job of scaring you silly with other STDs.

Nothing like the shock and awe pics of herpes ridden genitals in health class to help you keep it in your pants.

 

[TouchDown]

Damn it. I have 2 daughters 8 and 6. They are both in elementary so I know they're hearing crap.

My wife and I have given very vague / brief discussions with both about differences between boys / girls. I have to start having this conversation now?

It's too early for this crap.

 

[Chucktown PE]

I think it's the mom's job to have the conversation with girls and the dad's job to have the conversation with boys.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Damn it. I have 2 daughters 8 and 6. They are both in elementary so I know they're hearing crap.

Unfortunately, yeah, they are.

I was amazed to hear my wife telling me what was going on with the girls in elementary school. They really are trying to grow up too fast. And a lot of them don't have very much parental supervision.

 

[Dark Knight]

I think it's the mom's job to have the conversation with girls and the dad's job to have the conversation with boys.

We will agree to disagree on this one. It is the same responsability for Mom and Dad.

 

[Dexman PE]

I have purposfully ignored this thread because my daughter turns 3 in March. I don't want to think about having "the talk" with her, and I hope if I don't think about it enough, she will automatically be 25 and I won't have to deal with it.

I never really got "the talk" from my parents, although my dad did try once. It was a very basic, but uncomfortable 30 second exchange:

Driving home from one of my high-school sporting events...

Dad: Son, do you know what your balls are for?

Me: Yeah.

Dad: Ok.

Only other time I talked about sex with my parents before college was during my senior year of high school. At the time I was dating my wife (a long distance relationship which required sleep-overs if we wanted to see each other). When we visited each other, we would sleep in each other's guest bedroom until I asked my parents if the cared if we shared a bed. My mom's response: "You're 18 which means you're an adult, you know what happens if you slip, so be careful." It didn't hurt the fact that my bedroom and my parent's bedroom were both lofts over the living room. I was on the west side, my parents on the north of an "L" shaped house. I could see my mom's pillow from my bed if I sat up. <--- really good sex deterant.

I probably won't be that basic with my kids, and I probably won't wait until HS to have the talk either.