# Dleg 2012!



## ElCid03 (Aug 18, 2009)

Folks,

Dleg and Roadguy on the EB.com ticket for 2012! We engineers are neither counted on nor listened to by the government so let's send our own to Washington for some real change!

How about it people? Let the grass start growing roots here on EB!


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## cement (Aug 18, 2009)

are they willing to produce birth certificates?


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## csb (Aug 18, 2009)

If they don't promise me any hope or change, I'll vote


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## Dleg (Aug 18, 2009)

Thank you for your vote of confidence.

Before we hear from Roadguy and determine who is going to be in which position (I always like to be on top), let me share my platform:

*National Health Care: * The best National Health Care plan is one that prevents expensive illnesses, and one that is simple. Obama's proposal is 1,200 pages long. My national Health Care plan will be only 1 page long. IN fact, my National Health Care plan is only one sentence long:

"You get sick, we kill you."

I might add another sentence if this comes across as harsh: "Humanely."

*National Defense:* The best National Defense is deterrence. We have nukes. We spent trillions of dollars on them. I will use them. Welcome to a new age of World Peace, people!

*Taxes and federal spending:* I promise a top-rate education for every American, paid for by tax dollars. And I will not raise taxes. How will I do that? With all the money I save by offing the sick and nuking our enemies. No more costly illnesses, no more costly wars. It's party time.

*Abortion* Whatever. Literally - I'll say whatever it takes to get your vote. Because I know damn well there's nothing I can do about it once I am in office.

*Energy* Fusion baby, Fusion! The rest of the money I save by offing the sick and nuking our enemies will be poured into nuclear fusion research. It's not just a pipe dream: My administration WILL deliver usable Fusion energy within 8 years (because I know you'll re-elect us). Because if the scientists don't deliver, I'll have them all killed.

Solar and Wind - eh. Whatever. We'll throw a trickle of money at it just in case all the scientists die on my Fusion project. But keep in mind: We will control the Middle East oil fields un-questionably, once we have nuked everyone within 2000 miles of the place. That should keep our country swimming in free oil for at least the next 8 years. After that, I can't say. I'll be sailing away on my self-contained, solar-powered yacht.

*Welfare* Funding will continue at present levels. I'll make one simple modification to the welfare program: I will add the words "And you will be terminated" to the line "Unemployment benefits cease if you have not found a job after 4 months". Unused funds will revert to the general fund for re-programming by ME. Again, this should solve more than one problem.

All hail Dleg 2012!


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## csb (Aug 18, 2009)

WHERE DO I SEND MY CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION?!?!


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## EM_PS (Aug 18, 2009)

Dleg said:


> All hail Dleg 2012!


And what about those dastardly russians? I just want to make sure somebody's watching them, now that Sarah P's flippin burgers or whatever she got going on.


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## Dleg (Aug 18, 2009)

I'm pretty sure we still have more nukes than they do.

At any rate, they're too chicken to use them on us. I'll be careful not to let too many of them go off near Russian territory, and I'll only nuke the Middle East on days when the winds are blowing away from Russia.


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## Guest (Aug 18, 2009)

Count me in .... where do I sign the petition!! 

JR


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## Flyer_PE (Aug 18, 2009)

Count me in, but only if I get to fly the campaign airplane.


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## Dleg (Aug 18, 2009)

I've been thinking.... My platform could sound a lot like "Dictator" to some people. Maybe not a majority of people. but perhaps just enough of the wrong kind of people to cause me some trouble once elected. Thus, I have added the following to my strategy:

I will run as a Republican. This will get all the gun nuts on my side. I will further court the gun nuts by privatizing a portion of the military. Only the "domestic defense" part of the military. This should protect me from insurrection - Hippies never were very good at anything but making a big stink. They aren't armed and even if they were (can't institute any gun control - gotta keep the NRA on my side, too), I would also make sure I legalize pot so that they would be constantly too high to do anything about it.

I will leave the real military intact for dealing with the delivery of the nukes and policing the wastelands of the Middle East (preferably remotely via unmanned aircraft - it should be easy to pick up living humans on the sensors, what with the background of lifeless, radioactive sand).


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## MGX (Aug 18, 2009)

Socrates said a benevolent dictatorship is the best form of government.


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## Dleg (Aug 19, 2009)

Well, I'm torn between honesty and needing your vote.

I guess I need your vote, so I'll say "Yes, I'm benevolent. Yeah, that's the ticket..... Benevolent...."


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## Dleg (Aug 19, 2009)

Oh yeah, I forgot the other part of my platform:

*Climate Change:* Two word solution: *Nuclear Winter.* I will hire scientists to model exactly how many nukes we need to offset the projected increase in global temperature that will be caused by the runaway burning of fossil fuel I have planned, prior to the mass roll-out of portable fusion devices. I won't deny Global Warming. I will fix it! I'll kill two birds with the same stone I use to send the Middle East back into the stone age. Oh wait, they already are. Just sit back and relax, and I will take care of everything.

A glimpse of the future: Transition 2012:


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## DVINNY (Aug 19, 2009)

^^^ Freakin' Awesome right there...


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## Supe (Aug 19, 2009)

I'm either voting for Dleg or Kodos, so get on that ticket!


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## Capt Worley PE (Aug 19, 2009)

I like the nuclear winter to offset global warming. that was classic!


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## bigray76 (Aug 19, 2009)

Sign me up...

Any chance I can get a cabinet position out of this?


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## chaosiscash (Aug 19, 2009)

Dleg said:


> I'm pretty sure we still have more nukes than they do.


No comment.

I would like to head up the NNSA in the DOE if possible. There are a bunch of folks I'd like to see fired. I'll leave the head of DOE to Wolverine, he'd be much better than me.


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## cement (Aug 19, 2009)

Dleg said:


> I will leave the real military intact for dealing with the delivery of the nukes and policing the wastelands of the Middle East (preferably remotely via unmanned aircraft - it should be easy to pick up living humans on the sensors, what with the background of lifeless, radioactive sand).


nuke em till they glow, then shoot em in the dark?

just be careful of delicate wetland environments.

and I'm writng my check for Dleg 2012!


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## Master slacker (Aug 19, 2009)

What is your stance on hope?

What is your stance on change?


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## csb (Aug 19, 2009)

Nuclear winter is the kind of change I can believe in.

Yes we can! Yes we can!


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## Flyer_PE (Aug 19, 2009)

I don't want a cabinet position or anything. I just want to barrel-roll Air Force One.


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## FLBuff PE (Aug 19, 2009)

^^^Bonus points: Do it over Ground Zero or the Pentagon.


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## Wolverine (Aug 19, 2009)

chaosiscash said:


> I would like to head up the NNSA in the DOE if possible. There are a bunch of folks I'd like to see fired. I'll leave the head of DOE to Wolverine, he'd be much better than me.


I'm not begging or anything, but could I have DOE, ED (the other DOE), and DNR?

I'll spinoff the NNSA so Chaos can have his way with those beeches, then abolish DOE &amp; ED, and use DNR authority to create a world where everything is connected by bike trails, paths, or bicycle-only roads, thus solving the automobile emissions crisis, the obesity epidemic, and the lack of cool riding places near my house travesty all in one fell swoop.

Dleg, I put $5 in the mail for you to help kickoff your campaign and, you know, grease the skids a little for my ascension into DNR Czar. :17:


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## maryannette (Aug 19, 2009)

An engineer in the White House?

HELL, YEAH!!!


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## Dark Knight (Aug 19, 2009)

How about a slogan?

Dleg is D-man for the job....Dleg 2012!!!!!!!!!!!


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## maryannette (Aug 19, 2009)

Dark Knight said:


> How about a slogan?
> 
> Dleg is D-man for the *D* - job....Dleg 2012!!!!!!!!!!!



I fixed it.


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## csb (Aug 19, 2009)

Wolverine said:


> I'm not begging or anything, but could I have DOE, ED (the other DOE), and DNR?
> I'll spinoff the NNSA so Chaos can have his way with those beeches, then abolish DOE &amp; ED, and use DNR authority to create a world where everything is connected by bike trails, paths, or bicycle-only roads, thus solving the automobile emissions crisis, the obesity epidemic, and the lack of cool riding places near my house travesty all in one fell swoop.
> 
> Dleg, I put $5 in the mail for you to help kickoff your campaign and, you know, grease the skids a little for my ascension into DNR Czar. :17:


With that promise, I want to contribute $5 to you...


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## bigray76 (Aug 19, 2009)

^^^If $5 gets me the Secretary of Agriculture... what do I get for $10???


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## FLBuff PE (Aug 19, 2009)

bigray76 said:


> ^^^If $5 gets me the Secretary of Agriculture... what do I get for $10???


An intern position? With special access to the oval office after hours?


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## Dark Knight (Aug 19, 2009)

FLBuff PE said:


> An intern position? With special access to the oval office after hours?


Pawn3ed...or whatever(I can never remember the right way)


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## EM_PS (Aug 19, 2009)

Flyer_PE said:


> I don't want a cabinet position or anything. I just want to barrel-roll Air Force One.





FLBuff PE said:


> ^^^Bonus points: Do it over Ground Zero or the Pentagon.


:bann: That would be, and is, SO not funny



bigray76 said:


> ^^^If $5 gets me the Secretary of Agriculture... what do I get for $10???





FLBuff PE said:


> An intern position? With special access to the oval office after hours?


this is funny! - lets not forget about the "special disappearing" cigar


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## FLBuff PE (Aug 19, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> :bann: That would be, and is, SO not funny...


I know...I was debating. Sorry. :suicide1:


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## Flyer_PE (Aug 19, 2009)

^In light of the antics played over NYC with AF1 with fighter escort, I figured it was fair game.

I'd do the roll as a surprise arrival at Oshkosh. If you're going to barrel-roll a 747, might as well do it in front of a bunch of people that can appreciate it.


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## Capt Worley PE (Aug 19, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> :bann: That would be, and is, SO not funny


Really? I snorted at it. But I'm pretty irreverent.


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 19, 2009)

Can I be an economic adviser? Or maybe Treasury Secretary. I'll cheat on my taxes and donate all the money I would have paid to your campaign.


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## EM_PS (Aug 19, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> Really? I snorted at it. But I'm pretty irreverent irrelevant.


fixed it


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## wilheldp_PE (Aug 19, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> Can I be an economic adviser? Or maybe Treasury Secretary. I'll cheat on my taxes and donate all the money I would have paid to your campaign.


You can be Treasury Secretary and I'll be Chairman of the FED. We'll bring the bastards down from the inside.


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 19, 2009)

I'm not sure how we'll be able to do that with the boss watching. He's not all that fond of our monetary policy.


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## MGX (Aug 19, 2009)

I want less corruption or more chance to participate in it.


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## Dleg (Aug 19, 2009)

^^Not a problem. We'll find something for you.



Master slacker said:


> What is your stance on hope?
> What is your stance on change?


"Hope is for pussies. I deal in absolutes."

"Things are gonna change, allright. You can quote me on that."



bigray76 said:


> ^^^If $5 gets me the Secretary of Agriculture... what do I get for $10???


You can be chief estimator. You job will be estimating how much bootie we'll get if we plunder certain foreign vessels, countries, or corporations, versus how much it will cost us to do so. We'll run this pirate operation in as rational a manner as possible. Until we actually engage the target, then it's pure whoop-ass.



error_matrix said:


> :bann: That would be, and is, SO not funny


Here's the deal: I'll make both you anf FL Buff co-Press Secretaries. That way, you can stop FL Buff before he embarasses me. Plus, I'll issue swords to you both, and you can duel it out for the Cabinet's entertainment if you can't come to agreement.



Chucktown PE said:


> Can I be an economic adviser? Or maybe Treasury Secretary. I'll cheat on my taxes and donate all the money I would have paid to your campaign.





wilheldp_PE said:


> You can be Treasury Secretary and I'll be Chairman of the FED. We'll bring the bastards down from the inside.


I've come to the conclusion that Chucktown and Wilheld need to lighten up and get a different perspective on government. Thus, I will appoint Chucktown as chief of collections at the IRS, with the official title of "Sherriff of Nottingham", and Wilheld will be placed at the NSA as head of the domestic wiretapping program. He will alert me to plots against the Presidency, so I can send in Dark Knight, who will be Chief of the Domestic Vigilante Ninja Corps.

Other assignments I am mulling:

*Captain Worley:* Captain of the Pirate Fleet Flagship, the USS Enterprise.

*SapperPE:* Commander of all regular military forces (Five Stars, buddy. Six, if you want.)

*Cement: * DOT

*csb:* FAA

*Wolverine: *DOE, as requested. And those other things, too. Whatever they are. You're in charge of whipping the scientists on my Fusion project. Try to be encouraging, though. We'll provide them with plenty of women and Bling as long as they're making good progress.

*Chaosiscash:* NNSA as requested. Whatever that is.

*Flyer PE:* Captain of Air Force One, Commander of Decoy/dummy Presidential entourage (stock up on those anti-missile flares, buddy - I'll be one unpopular President to certain factions. But, I will give you carte-blanche to add whatever equipment and personnel you see fit - be it 100 F-22s, a space-laser system, or a Guitar Army)

*Mary *- Minister of Engineering, and secret advisor on most things.

*JR* - Head of EPA. Yeah, I'll keep EPA around - they'll be in charge of the Global Warming/Nuclear Winter calculations that will decide how many nukes we use. It will have to be done fast, though - so I suggest you just stick to Excel or MathCAD, and best professional judgment. And, I want you to start working on "The Dome" as our fall-back. OK? And terraforming the Moon. Ha! I'd like to see those bastards get us when we're on the Moon!

*Supe:* A special new position: He will report to the Nation every Monday, on the sexual exploits of the weekend for the Nation, as a whole. He's free to embellish, but somehow I think that with 325 million citizens, and wilheld's domestic surveillance program, there will be plenty of kinky stuff to report without having to resort to exaggeration.

*DVINNY:* You get Arnold Schwarzenegger's job. Whatever that is. Plus, I will pronounce you Supreme Leader of Appalachia, which will pretty much automatically place 9/10 of the armed citizen militias under your control.

*MGX:* Treasury secretary. Hey, you said you wanted in on the corruption. You now have access to all the cash you can print.

Anyone else looking for a position?


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## Flyer_PE (Aug 19, 2009)

I've got some really cool ideas for that space-laser system and some Pink Floyd music. It'll make the stuff they used to show at the planetarium look pretty pathetic.


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## Dleg (Aug 19, 2009)

^That gives me another idea. You may already be planning on it, but if not, I hereby order you to convert Air Force One to have the Rockin'est PA system around. I want people on the ground to be able to hear Floyd in 5.1 surround, with killer bass, as you fly by at 35,000 feet. The laser show must accompany you. From space, of course.


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## ElCid03 (Aug 19, 2009)

Roadguy we want to hear your voice too! Are you going to be a John Adams VP or an Aaron Burr? The voters demand an answer!

I had a thought about Supe's job.....how about reduced student loan balances in exhange for "quality" dorm videos?

:40oz:

:Banane20:


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## Dleg (Aug 19, 2009)

^Good idea! I hereby pronounce you Secretary of Education.

Unless you want something different.


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## csb (Aug 19, 2009)

I can't wait to be in charge of the FAA! The first thing I'm going to do is fire everyone and then I'm going to go fight TSA...which is under someone yet to be named to Homeland Security.


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 19, 2009)

Wait a second, I just got the shaft on Treasury and you gave it MGX. I'm bowing out. I probably couldn't get through the Senate confirmation anyway. However, if a Supreme Court justice happens to croak while in office maybe put me at the top of the list.


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## Dleg (Aug 19, 2009)

Dude, you get to collect Taxes. I'll even let you carry a gun, and have a posse.

You can be in the Supreme court if you like, but I don't see a very long life span for most of them under my administration...


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## DVINNY (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> Anyone else looking for a position?


Try the Kama Sutra


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## bigray76 (Aug 20, 2009)

MGX said:


> I want less corruption or more chance to participate in it.


Ever consider relocating to NJ? We have plenty of corruption to go around!


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## bigray76 (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> You can be chief estimator. You job will be estimating how much bootie we'll get if we plunder certain foreign vessels, countries, or corporations, versus how much it will cost us to do so. We'll run this pirate operation in as rational a manner as possible. Until we actually engage the target, then it's pure whoop-ass.


Awesome... it will be like having 'Talk like a pirate day' be every day!!! Arrrrr!


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## Capt Worley PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> *Captain Worley:* Captain of the Pirate Fleet Flagship, the USS Enterprise.


Hey, if I promise to throw nukes around the middle east like confetti, can I be promoted to Secretary of the Navy?

16 empty missile tubes, the middle east is glass, and now it's Miller Time.


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## Supe (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> *Supe:* A special new position: He will report to the Nation every Monday, on the sexual exploits of the weekend for the Nation, as a whole. He's free to embellish, but somehow I think that with 325 million citizens, and wilheld's domestic surveillance program, there will be plenty of kinky stuff to report without having to resort to exaggeration.




Thank you, sir. I will never have a job I love more than my role as Secretary of Sexual Exploits.

I will need a Wet T-Shirt Chairman, and a Shaky Camcorder Stimulus Bill passed ASAP.


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## Guest (Aug 20, 2009)

Wow ... I see this is rolling out quite nicely ....

Secretary of EPA ... if only ....

I will begin devising my complicated plan immediately! 

JR



cement said:


> just be careful of delicate wetland environments.


Dude ... they are called riparian buffers ... get with the program!! 

JR


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 20, 2009)

> Anyone else looking for a position?





DVINNY said:


> Try the Kama Sutra


I've always been a fan of the Kennebunkport Surprise.

so anyway, what office do I get to hold in DLeg's new world order?


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## roadwreck (Aug 20, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> so anyway, what office do I get to hold in DLeg's new world order?


I nominate you to be the White House Historian. Surely your adept scrapbooking skills make you the perfect candidate to fill that position.

If that doesn't work out maybe you can be the white house chef. Scotch Ramen anyone?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 20, 2009)

roadwreck said:


> I nominate you to be the White House Historian. Surely your adept scrapbooking skills make you the perfect candidate to fill that position.
> If that doesn't work out maybe you can be the white house chef. Scotch Ramen anyone?


I've always thought the Declaration of Independence would look a little less stuffy if it had some lace doilies and stickers of kittens on it.

I think the chef position might be a better fit. Take the scotch ramen you mention. It really is more than a dish, its a symbol of unity between 3 continents.

Traditional Asian cuisine, the finest in European distilling, and abject drunken American debauchery.


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## Capt Worley PE (Aug 20, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> I think the chef position might be a better fit. Take the scotch ramen you mention. It really is more than a dish, its a symbol of unity between 3 continents.
> Traditional Asian cuisine, the finest in European distilling, and abject drunken American debauchery.


:appl:


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## cement (Aug 20, 2009)

I need to dust off the plans for that bridge from Saipan to Guam. Or do you want to change order it for Alaska?


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## Sschell (Aug 20, 2009)

fudgey needs a title...


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## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

cement said:


> I need to dust off the plans for that bridge from Saipan to Guam. Or do you want to change order it for Alaska?


The FAA is already building an airport to nowhere in Alaska, so I say go for the bridge. I'd also like one from Cali to Hawaii. Flights can be finicky to the island.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 20, 2009)

sschell_PE said:


> fudgey needs a title...


Secretary of the Posterior?


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## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

Superfund Supervisor


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## Capt Worley PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Rear Admiral?


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> Dude, you get to collect Taxes. I'll even let you carry a gun, and have a posse.
> You can be in the Supreme court if you like, but I don't see a very long life span for most of them under my administration...



I'll weigh my options and think about it. If MGX doesn't want treasury secretary can I have it? Technically the treasury secretary is the head of the IRS.

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe Secretary of State. I'm kind of pompous and prone to flying off the handle and I have a bad temper so there is a good chance I could start all kinds of wars to use the nukes in.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 20, 2009)

Variations on a theme...



csb said:


> Superfund Supervisor


Pooperfund Supervisor



Capt Worley PE said:


> Rear Admiral?


Smear Admiral


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## roadwreck (Aug 20, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> I'll weigh my options and think about it. If MGX doesn't want treasury secretary can I have it? Technically the treasury secretary is the head of the IRS.
> Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe Secretary of State. I'm kind of pompous and prone to flying off the handle and I have a bad temper so there is a good chance I could start all kinds of wars to use the nukes in.


I nominate you for Custodial Engineer.


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## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> I'll weigh my options and think about it. If MGX doesn't want treasury secretary can I have it? Technically the treasury secretary is the head of the IRS.
> Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe Secretary of State. I'm kind of pompous and prone to flying off the handle and I have a bad temper so there is a good chance I could start all kinds of wars to use the nukes in.


How do you look in a polyester pant suit?


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 20, 2009)

csb said:


> How do you look in a polyester pant suit?



I could probably pull it off. Plus if it were tight in the crotch I could impress all the female foreign dignitaries.


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## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

Don't screw up our relations with Europe. One sex scandal with the queen and we lose all that's good in the world.


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## bigray76 (Aug 20, 2009)

cement said:


> I need to dust off the plans for that bridge from Saipan to Guam. Or do you want to change order it for Alaska?


Change Order. I'll get the paperwork started.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 20, 2009)

csb said:


> Don't screw up our relations with Europe. One sex scandal with the queen and we lose all that's good in the world.


This kind of queen?


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 20, 2009)

csb said:


> Don't screw up our relations with Europe. One sex scandal with the queen and we lose all that's good in the world.



I was thinking that I would be more eye candy than anything else.


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## Wolverine (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> *Wolverine: *DOE, as requested. And those other things, too. Whatever they are. You're in charge of whipping the scientists on my Fusion project. Try to be encouraging, though. We'll provide them with plenty of women and Bling as long as they're making good progress.


With your permission sir, all the scientists on the Doc Brown Mr. Fusion Home Reactor project will be female, single, and gyuh-hot (that's the level above hot where you have to say that gyuh noise before saying "She's hooottt!".) There will be no whipping (unless it's requested and a safe word is in play), but there will be plenty of positive encouragement in the form of frequent special attentions from the Director (me) to the every needs of the scientists (possibly involving baby oil), since they will have to be sequestered from the general population in order to help them stay focused on their work.

As a backup plan, if the scientists can't deliver on the fusion, we'll bring in some enginerds and just use the GHS (Gyuh-Hot Scientists) in a more motivational role. One way or another, there will be fusion.


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## roadwreck (Aug 20, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> I was thinking that I would be more eye candy than anything else.


I suppose there are some cultures that find that sort of thing attractive


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## Supe (Aug 20, 2009)

Wolverine said:


> With your permission sir, all the scientists on the Doc Brown Mr. Fusion Home Reactor project will be female, single, and gyuh-hot (that's the level above hot where you have to say that gyuh noise before saying "She's hooottt!".) There will be no whipping (unless it's requested and a safe word is in play), but there will be plenty of positive encouragement in the form of frequent special attentions from the Director (me) to the every needs of the scientists (possibly involving baby oil), since they will have to be sequestered from the general population in order to help them stay focused on their work.
> As a backup plan, if the scientists can't deliver on the fusion, we'll bring in some enginerds and just use the GHS (Gyuh-Hot Scientists) in a more motivational role. One way or another, there will be fusion.



I'm fairly certain I can assist you in gathering the required resources to make your venture successful.


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## wilheldp_PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Supe said:


> I'm fairly certain I can assist you in gathering the required resources to make your venture successful.


Yeah, but you'd need the armed forces to protect the gate to keep crazy ex-boyfriends of the GHSs from breaking in and startin' some shit.


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 20, 2009)

As a possible nominee for Secretary of State I could arrange for some smokin hot foreign women to help as well, the variety that shaves their armpits of course. No crazy ex-boyfriends to worry about there.


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## MGX (Aug 20, 2009)

If ex boyfriends become problematic, I recommend routing them into the final solution healthcare plan.


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## Supe (Aug 20, 2009)

wilheldp_PE said:


> Yeah, but you'd need the armed forces to protect the gate to keep crazy ex-boyfriends of the GHSs from breaking in and startin' some shit.



I will simply host a wet t-shirt contest outside the gate. They will forget the reason why they were even there.


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## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

MGX said:


> If ex boyfriends become problematic, I recommend routing them into the final solution healthcare plan.


It appears that Dleg's platform is flawless already!


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## bigray76 (Aug 20, 2009)

Free pints for all!!!


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 20, 2009)

csb said:


> It appears that Dleg's platform is flawless already!



Did you have doubts that it would be. If so the head of the NSA may want to speak to you. By the way, who is the head of the NSA.


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## FLBuff PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> ...Here's the deal: I'll make both you anf FL Buff co-Press Secretaries. That way, you can stop FL Buff before he embarasses me. Plus, I'll issue swords to you both, and you can duel it out for the Cabinet's entertainment if you can't come to agreement.
> 
> ...


Personally, I'd rather be the Ambassador to the Bahamas.


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## Dark Knight (Aug 20, 2009)

FLBuff PE said:


> Personally, I'd rather be the Ambassador to the Bahamas.


It is a shame Hawaii does not need an ambassador there. I'd take that job in a heart beat.


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## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

I'd also like to be MLB Commissioner. I know it isn't a government position now, but by the time 2012 rolls around it will be.


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## wilheldp_PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> Did you have doubts that it would be. If so the head of the NSA may want to speak to you. By the way, who is the head of the NSA.


It may or may not be me. h34r:


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 20, 2009)

> I'd also like to be MLB Commissioner. I know it isn't a government position now, but by the time 2012 rolls around it will be.


If I give you a handsome campaign donation, can you rig it where the Mets win the title?

Actually, the commish is stepping down in a year or two, now is your chance to strike!


----------



## FLBuff PE (Aug 20, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> If I give you a handsome campaign donation, can you rig it where the Mets win the title?...


Dleg wants to be President, not Miracle Max.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 20, 2009)

wilheldp_PE said:


> It may or may not be me. h34r:



Can you set up some secret wire tapping for me. I'm concerned that there are some people in the administration that are sabatoging our plans. They may need to be eliminated. I'll PM you.


----------



## Wolverine (Aug 20, 2009)

FLBuff PE said:


> Dleg wants to be President, not Miracle Max.


ZING!






"Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your Mets are only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive."


----------



## snickerd3 (Aug 20, 2009)

FLBuff PE said:


> Dleg wants to be President, not Miracle Max.


but miracle max would be a great advisor to have on call.


----------



## wilheldp_PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> Can you set up some secret wire tapping for me.


Maaaaay-be.


----------



## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> If I give you a handsome campaign donation, can you rig it where the Mets win the title?
> Actually, the commish is stepping down in a year or two, now is your chance to strike!


Every 13th season when the Cardinals aren't winning.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 20, 2009)

do you have a head of the FBI yet? of course I am talking about the grade school variation on this acronym.


----------



## Dleg (Aug 20, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> I've always been a fan of the Kennebunkport Surprise.
> so anyway, what office do I get to hold in DLeg's new world order?


BAN-HAMMER of the US! (aka Secretary of Homeland Security - we'll re-name it - you will have teh power to BAN and pwn anyone in the country. Or heck, anyone int he world.



cement said:


> I need to dust off the plans for that bridge from Saipan to Guam. Or do you want to change order it for Alaska?


You're not thinking big enough. I want an interstate (I'm thinking of naming it I-69) that runs from California to Hawaii to Guam and then through the CNMI. Phase two would be to loop it back through Alaska.



Chucktown PE said:


> I'll weigh my options and think about it. If MGX doesn't want treasury secretary can I have it? Technically the treasury secretary is the head of the IRS.
> Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe Secretary of State. I'm kind of pompous and prone to flying off the handle and I have a bad temper so there is a good chance I could start all kinds of wars to use the nukes in.


You're right- you might be good at starting wars. How about Cultural Attache to Europe?



Wolverine said:


> With your permission sir, all the scientists on the Doc Brown Mr. Fusion Home Reactor project will be female, single, and gyuh-hot (that's the level above hot where you have to say that gyuh noise before saying "She's hooottt!".) There will be no whipping (unless it's requested and a safe word is in play), but there will be plenty of positive encouragement in the form of frequent special attentions from the Director (me) to the every needs of the scientists (possibly involving baby oil), since they will have to be sequestered from the general population in order to help them stay focused on their work.
> As a backup plan, if the scientists can't deliver on the fusion, we'll bring in some enginerds and just use the GHS (Gyuh-Hot Scientists) in a more motivational role. One way or another, there will be fusion.


I like what I'm hearing!



Chucktown PE said:


> Did you have doubts that it would be. If so the head of the NSA may want to speak to you. By the way, who is the head of the NSA.


That would be WilheldPE.


----------



## Dleg (Aug 20, 2009)

FLBuff PE said:


> Personally, I'd rather be the Ambassador to the Bahamas.


OK fine, have your way. But keep in mind, it will require some serious Pirate duties. It's the Caribbean, for Pete's sake!



Dark Knight said:


> It is a shame Hawaii does not need an ambassador there. I'd take that job in a heart beat.


You're already Commander of the Vigilante Forces. But I suppose the CVF needs a secret alter-ego. Ambassador to Hawaii would work nicely. We'll take away some of their rights as a State, so they'll need additional representation in the form of an Ambassador. An Ambassador who mysteriously disappears when the sign of the Bat appears in the clouds.



csb said:


> I'd also like to be MLB Commissioner. I know it isn't a government position now, but by the time 2012 rolls around it will be.


Done.



Chucktown PE said:


> Can you set up some secret wire tapping for me. I'm concerned that there are some people in the administration that are sabatoging our plans. They may need to be eliminated. I'll PM you.


Uh oh. I changed my mind - you are now Cultural Attache to Greenland.



wilheldp_PE said:


> Maaaaay-be.


Careful, or I'll change that title to "Chief of the Wire-Stripping Program". At Radio Shack.



sschell_PE said:


> do you have a head of the FBI yet? of course I am talking about the grade school variation on this acronym.


Hmmmm...... No, I do not have a chief of the FBI yet. Sure, why not. And, let's go ahead and change their mission to match the grade-school definition. Who needs a separate federal police force, when I've got the nearly invincible combination of the NSA, Dark Knight's vigilante forces, and DVINNY's Appalachian Militias?


----------



## FLBuff PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> OK fine, have your way. But keep in mind, it will require some serious Pirate duties. It's the Caribbean, for Pete's sake!...


Aye aye!


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 20, 2009)

> BAN-HAMMER of the US! (aka Secretary of Homeland Security - we'll re-name it - you will have teh power to BAN and pwn anyone in the country. Or heck, anyone int he world.


Secretary of Pwnland Security!


----------



## EM_PS (Aug 20, 2009)

i accept the press secretary responsibilities - please understand, there may be an inherent amount of embarrassment built-in for your prestigious adminstration in taking me in with this role. That said, i'd like to volunteer for the 1st manned mission to Mars that your administration will surely undertake! I will take the Dleg 'death' flag to the Red Planet!!


----------



## wilheldp_PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> I want an interstate (I'm thinking of naming it I-69) that runs from California to Hawaii to Guam and then through the CNMI. Phase two would be to loop it back through Alaska.


I-69 currently runs from Indianapolis, IN to Port Huron, MI, from Fulton, KY to Henderson, KY, and from Tunica, MS to Memphis, TN. There are plans in the works right now to connect the dots, and make it a complete Mexico to Canada interstate.


----------



## Dleg (Aug 20, 2009)

^Screw that. I'm taking the name. They can have "I-68" or whatever. But I get 69.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 20, 2009)

Well I certainly have gotten the shaft. I think I'll just keep on being an engineer. I don't think I'd like Greenland.


----------



## Guest (Aug 20, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> i accept the press secretary responsibilities - please understand, there may be an inherent amount of embarrassment built-in for your prestigious adminstration in taking me in with this role. That said, i'd like to volunteer for the 1st manned mission to Mars that your administration will surely undertake! I will take the Dleg 'death' flag to the Red Planet!!


Do you have a flag ???!!





wilheldp_PE said:


> I-69 currently runs from Indianapolis, IN to Port Huron, MI, from Fulton, KY to Henderson, KY, and from Tunica, MS to Memphis, TN. There are plans in the works right now to connect the dots, and make it a complete Mexico to Canada interstate.


I was just driving on a stretch of I-69 as I was driving from Monroe, MI to Bay City MI! :bananapowerslide:



Chucktown PE said:


> Well I certainly have gotten the shaft. I think I'll just keep on being an engineer. I don't think I'd like Greenland.


You need to be thinking more creatively ....

JR


----------



## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> ^Screw that. I'm taking the name. They can have "I-68" or whatever. But I get 69.


Sir, with all due respect, it would have to be named another odd number because it runs north-south. Maybe cement can fix that.

Will NCEES and ELSES still exist?


----------



## Dleg (Aug 20, 2009)

^You're damn right cement will fix that. I'll name it "Shit Avenue" if I want.

Yeah, NCEES will still exist. Got to protect my PE license, so I have something to fall back on after 8 years in the Presidency.


----------



## Dleg (Aug 20, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> Well I certainly have gotten the shaft. I think I'll just keep on being an engineer. I don't think I'd like Greenland.


You only have yourself to blame - you were plotting against other cabinet members already.

Greenland might be nice. I'll throw a few nukes over there if you want. See if we can warm the place up a little.


----------



## Dleg (Aug 20, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> i accept the press secretary responsibilities - please understand, there may be an inherent amount of embarrassment built-in for your prestigious adminstration in taking me in with this role. That said, i'd like to volunteer for the 1st manned mission to Mars that your administration will surely undertake! I will take the Dleg 'death' flag to the Red Planet!!


No problem - you are now both Press Secretary and Chief of NASA. I expect you to be on Mars before elections in 2016. You don't have to come back, if that simplifies things for you.


----------



## ElCid03 (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> ^You're damn right cement will fix that. I'll name it "Shit Avenue" if I want.
> Yeah, NCEES will still exist. Got to protect my PE license, so I have something to fall back on after 8 years in the Presidency.



Just do what Putin did, Glorious Leader; make yourself the "Prime Minister."

:bananalama:


----------



## csb (Aug 20, 2009)

Dleg said:


> ^You're damn right cement will fix that. I'll name it "Shit Avenue" if I want.
> Yeah, NCEES will still exist. Got to protect my PE license, so I have something to fall back on after 8 years in the Presidency.


besides the whores and blow?


----------



## Dleg (Aug 20, 2009)

I'll always have whores and blow to fall back on....


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 21, 2009)

Dleg said:


> ^You're damn right cement will fix that. * I'll name it "Shit Avenue" if I want. *


Is that near the Hershey Highway?


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Aug 21, 2009)

Hey Dleg, can I have an Ohio class SSBN instead of the Enterprise? I'm not sure they have nuke rated aircraft anymore and I sure would love to toss a few 'party favors' around, if you catch my drift.


----------



## EM_PS (Aug 21, 2009)

jregieng said:


> Do you have a flag ???!!


i was thinking his campaign flag actually. . .



Dleg said:


> No problem - you are now both Press Secretary and Chief of NASA. I expect you to be on Mars before elections in 2016. You don't have to come back, if that simplifies things for you.


Sweet! well, a swishy kinda fella once said that 'Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids - in fact its cold as hell' - so yeah, it would be easier certainly to do the one-way trip, but i may have to enlist HVAC's finest &amp; storm water's finest to assist in calculating the return trip. Screw that actually, as Chief of NASA i'll 'stock' the NASA org w/ the planet's best female international scientists &amp; physicists; key qualities being smoking hot &amp; uber-smart in that order (hoping that isnt inversely proportional)


----------



## Wolverine (Aug 21, 2009)

Dleg said:


> No problem - you are now both Press Secretary and Chief of NASA. I expect you to be on Mars before elections in 2016. You don't have to come back, if that simplifies things for you.


I'll see if I have any Gyuuhh-Hott Scientists to spare for the project.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 21, 2009)

this is my new favorite thread... mainly because I am chief of the Female Body Inspectors...


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Aug 21, 2009)

sschell_PE said:


> this is my new favorite thread... mainly because I am chief of the *Female* Body Inspectors...


You misunderstood the title, I'm afraid. You're going to have to be female. Prepare for gender reassignment procedures.


----------



## FLBuff PE (Aug 21, 2009)

ZING!


----------



## Wolverine (Aug 21, 2009)

> (Dleg @ Aug 20 2009, 10:49 PM) No problem - you are now both Press Secretary and Chief of NASA. I expect you to be on Mars before elections in 2016. You don't have to come back, if that simplifies things for you.





Wolverine said:


> I'll see if I have any Gyuuhh-Hott Scientists to spare for the project.


Sorry - I checked, but they're all being fully utilized right now.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 21, 2009)

^I am currently inspecting them.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 21, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> You misunderstood the title, I'm afraid. You're going to have to be female. Prepare for gender reassignment procedures.


trust me... you don't want me to have my own pair of boobs. I would never leave the house again.


----------



## FLBuff PE (Aug 21, 2009)

sschell_PE said:


> ^I am currently inspecting them.


I have a picture of you doing your 'job':


----------



## csb (Aug 21, 2009)

Wolverine said:


> Sorry - I checked, but they're all being fully utilized right now.


I am pretty busy at work.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 21, 2009)

FLBuff PE said:


> I have a picture of you doing your 'job':


I call that inspection "the bowling ball" its my own twist on the shocker.


----------



## EM_PS (Aug 21, 2009)

Wolverine said:


> Sorry - I checked, but they're all being fully utilized right now.


:BS:

aww hell, alright give me the smart ones then. . .i do kinda want to come back from my "get-your-punk-ass-alien-asses-away-from-this-here-Red-Planet-claimed-by-Supreme-Leader-Dleg" mission



FLBuff PE said:


> I have a picture of you doing your 'job':


Wtf? is that Michael Chiklis aka Vic Mackey from The Shield?

That guy gets all the trim. . .

and i think its actually called the 'six-pack' lift - he will certainly be getting a good upperbody workout in


----------



## Wolverine (Aug 21, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> aww hell, alright give me the smart ones then. . .i do kinda want to come back from my "get-your-punk-ass-alien-asses-away-from-this-here-Red-Planet-claimed-by-Supreme-Leader-Dleg" mission


I can spare some ugly smart ones.

And now for something completely different:

Top ten reasons why that ^^^pic is wrong on so many levels:

10.) That guy's not me.

9.) There are dudes in the background practicing the same manuever.

8.)


----------



## Sschell (Aug 21, 2009)

that pic might make for a good caption this picture thread...


----------



## Dexman1349 (Aug 21, 2009)

sschell_PE said:


> that pic might make for a good caption this picture thread...


"At the National Center for Noxious Gas testing facilities, Dr. Michael Chiklis checks on a couple potential plumbing blockages."


----------



## Dleg (Aug 21, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> Is that near the Hershey Highway?


Yeah - it's just to the south.



Capt Worley PE said:


> Hey Dleg, can I have an Ohio class SSBN instead of the Enterprise? I'm not sure they have nuke rated aircraft anymore and I sure would love to toss a few 'party favors' around, if you catch my drift.


Well, you are Captain of the flagship of the pirate fleet. You are free to assume command of any vessel within the fleet. Or just sit in the command ship and tell them what to do. Your choice.

I'll probably be spending about half my time as president inside a nuclear sub, for security reasons.


----------



## Guest (Aug 21, 2009)

I rode down I-69 today ... there seemed to be same lane closures due to work. I am not sure you want to ride down *THAT* highway if it needs work!!

Just sayin' ....

JR


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 21, 2009)

^I took a road trip several years back and stayed at the Super 8 in Angola, IN right off I-69. I've got like 10 pics of me as a an immature 22 year old in front of signs that say I-69. Now that I've had a few years to reflect on it, I realize 10 was nowhere near enough!

I also loved the infamous 'Been Laid Off?' signs they used to have in Spokane. Everyone just sat in front of the 'off' part with an 'oh yeah, I just was' grin on their face.


----------



## EM_PS (Aug 21, 2009)

sschell_PE said:


> that pic might make for a good caption this picture thread...


How about "I've been looking for you assholes!"


----------



## Guest (Aug 24, 2009)

I have heard that the Dleg 2012 ticket is considering big pushes on two of Obama's big policy reform changes - 'greening' of the environment and tackling the expense of healthcare. Why not merge them?

Have you thought about Soylent Green? I think bring together votes from both sides of the political aisle - reform in healtcare and the environment in a fiscally restrained manner. Think about it ... total genius:


Stem the tide of rising health care costs
Increase the recycling rate
Feed the hungry masses
Reduce overcrowding in longterm care facilities
The ultimate green solution - it really is green
Reduce the soaring deficit
Reduce payouts for medicare and medicaid


Just sayin ....

JR


----------



## Road Guy (Aug 24, 2009)

my administration would bring back a period of isolationism.. i.e.. f___ the rest of the world for a while, we will only venture outside of our borders to take stuff we need


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Aug 24, 2009)

Dleg said:


> Well, you are Captain of the flagship of the pirate fleet. You are free to assume command of any vessel within the fleet. Or just sit in the command ship and tell them what to do. Your choice.


Rock on! I always wanted to see if those 20 MT warheads would f up a city the way I heard they would.

Hey, maybe I could liase with the Urban Renewal director to test a few of 'em out.


----------



## csb (Aug 24, 2009)

I think JR just cemented his place for Surgeon General by helping reform healthcare with solution that I think will appeal to everyone's palate.

Plus, I like what RoadGuy has to say...it worked for Japan!


----------



## Dleg (Aug 24, 2009)

Road Guy said:


> my administration would bring back a period of isolationism.. i.e.. f___ the rest of the world for a while, we will only venture outside of our borders to take stuff we *want*


Fixed it for you RG.


----------



## Supe (Aug 25, 2009)

Can we have a Plastic Surgeon General? This world needs more great boobs.


----------



## bigray76 (Aug 25, 2009)

Free boob jobs as part of Supe's Stimulus Program???


----------



## csb (Aug 25, 2009)

Cash for Clunkers? Surgery for Saggers?


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 25, 2009)

Funds for Funbags

Nickles for Knockers

Dollars for D-Cups


----------



## Supe (Aug 25, 2009)

bigray76 said:


> Free boob jobs as part of Supe's Stimulus Program???




It will be called Bucks for Boobs.

If they can provide a pay stub indicating that their breasts have been used for an entertainment-related career, cost of the surgery is fully tax deductible.


----------



## csb (Aug 25, 2009)

Lift the Economy Up by Lifting Your Cup

Hmm...that could also be a beer stimulus plan...


----------



## Dleg (Aug 25, 2009)

Supe said:


> It will be called Bucks for Boobs.


WINNER!


----------



## csb (Aug 25, 2009)

Does this mean he gets his own pair?


----------



## Dleg (Aug 25, 2009)

LOL! if he wants... we'll have the Plastic Surgeon General perform the operation.

Then again, no - he would probably never leave the house again. I need him working. He has an important job.


----------



## ElCid03 (Aug 25, 2009)

Supe said:


> It will be called Bucks for Boobs.
> 
> If they can provide a pay stub indicating that their breasts have been used for an entertainment-related career, cost of the surgery is fully tax deductible.



The Secretary of Education gives it two thumbs up! We will teach the benefits of working in the entertainment industry to every high school student. We'll teach both boys and girls though so that we look all PC and everything....


----------



## Dexman1349 (Aug 26, 2009)

ElCid03 said:


> ...so that we look all PC and everything....


First thing I would do under Dleg's reign would be to start a campaign to ban all things PC.

Since everyone seems to be applying for jobs under Dleg's command, I would like to make a request for myself and roadwreck: we could be joint legal consultants for all pro sports.


----------



## bigray76 (Aug 26, 2009)

csb said:


> Lift the Economy Up by Lifting Your Cup
> Hmm...that could also be a beer stimulus plan...


Pints for Pennies!

Forget $2 pints, let's keep the American breweries busy with Pints for Pennies!!!


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 26, 2009)

> First thing I would do under Dleg's reign would be to start a campaign to *ban all things PC*.


Hello, I'm a Mac...


----------



## Guest (Aug 26, 2009)

csb said:


> I think JR just cemented his place for Surgeon General by helping reform healthcare with solution that I think will appeal to everyone's palate.


I still l like the EPA spot though .... I could really do some good wrangling in costs and it wouldn't just be pro forma like some other administrations! &lt;_&lt;



ElCid03 said:


> The Secretary of Education gives it two thumbs up! We will teach the benefits of working in the entertainment industry to every high school student. We'll teach both boys and girls though so that we look all PC and everything....


That's awesome!! I also believe we should legalize gambling, prostitution, and marijuana in addition to your manatory course of 'adventures in the adult entertainment industry' and add a sin tax to the regulation of those activities. Just imagine how quickly you would shore up the national budget deficit!!  Not to mention that is a ticket that you could get A LOT of people behind! 

Just sayin' ....



Dexman1349 said:


> First thing I would do under Dleg's reign would be to start a campaign to ban all things PC.


That would be a good start ...

JR


----------



## bigray76 (Aug 26, 2009)

jregieng said:


> That's awesome!! I also believe we should legalize gambling, prostitution, and marijuana in addition to your manatory course of 'adventures in the adult entertainment industry' and add a sin tax to the regulation of those activities. Just imagine how quickly you would shore up the national budget deficit!!  Not to mention that is a ticket that you could get A LOT of people behind!


Can I be in charge of the gambling, prostitution, and marijuana??? Or at least the first two anyway??? After all, I live in one of the most corrupt states and work in an industry that is not exactly squeeky clean.... plus I have Sam 'Ace' Rothstein as my avatar.....


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 26, 2009)

You can be in charge of the vice squad. But instead of fighting it, you'll be promoting it!


----------



## csb (Aug 26, 2009)

I'll be legal drug czar! If I can have that and keep the FAA position, we can bring back the days of pilots on cocaine! Never again will people be stranded on a plane for a crew change.


----------



## Flyer_PE (Aug 26, 2009)

^I'm all for that. Of course, since I'll have access to air force transport, I'll never have to set foot on a commercial flight ever again.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 26, 2009)

Supe said:


> It will be called Bucks for Boobs.
> 
> If they can provide a pay stub indicating that their breasts have been used for an entertainment-related career, cost of the surgery is fully tax deductible.


These enhancements will be subject to inspection by the FBI, of course.


----------



## Supe (Aug 26, 2009)

sschell_PE said:


> These enhancements will be subject to inspection by the FBI, of course.



I will have a select group of perverts Licensed Body Inspectors to ensure that no fraud will take place. A thorough before and after review will also be mandatory, to ensure nobody sneaks by a pair of fabulous natural jumblies as being post-operative.


----------



## ElCid03 (Aug 26, 2009)

Supe said:


> I will have a select group of perverts Licensed Body Inspectors to ensure that no fraud will take place. A thorough before and after review will also be mandatory, to ensure nobody sneaks by a pair of fabulous natural jumblies as being post-operative.


We could teach body inspection in trade school as an alternative for young people who do not wish to go to college. Our young people will be more engaged with our education system when they know that there are options....


----------



## Dleg (Aug 26, 2009)

Dexman1349 said:


> First thing I would do under Dleg's reign would be to start a campaign to ban all things PC.
> 
> 
> Since everyone seems to be applying for jobs under Dleg's command, I would like to make a request for myself and roadwreck: we could be joint legal consultants for all pro sports.


No problem - you and roadwreck can be joint sports czars.

But keep in mind, my first directive to you is to legalize all forms of perfomance-enhancing drugs, surgeries, and gender modifications. I think watching sports would be a LOT more entertaining to me if baseball players were routinely ripping their arms off their bodies in steroid-fueled over-swings, or if the average weight of professional football players exceeded 500 pounds, or if the finish line of the Women's 800 meter was the scene of intense, full-contact, transgender ass-whoopin's.


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Aug 27, 2009)

Ooo...ooo! can I be the car czar, too? I'd so love to mandate that all American cars be designed so that the Shelby Cobra becomes regarded as a 'grandma's car.'


----------



## csb (Aug 27, 2009)

But what does this all mean for the middle class?


----------



## MGX (Aug 27, 2009)

csb said:


> But what does this all mean for the middle class?


It means government subsidized 600HP toys for all!


----------



## Wolverine (Aug 27, 2009)

Let me see if I can spare any hot scientists for that noble endeavor...

-

-

-

...Nope, sorry. Apparently I still have them all pretty busy doing, uh, research and stuff.


----------



## ElCid03 (Aug 27, 2009)

Wolverine said:


> Let me see if I can spare any hot scientists for that noble endeavor...
> -
> 
> -
> ...



This Education seems rather extensive, perhaps this Secretary can be of assistance?


----------



## Dexman1349 (Aug 28, 2009)

Dleg said:


> No problem - you and roadwreck can be joint sports czars.
> But keep in mind, my first directive to you is to legalize all forms of perfomance-enhancing drugs, surgeries, and gender modifications.


I shall also implement this with the cheerleaders and player wives (including the addition of cheerleaders to hockey &amp; baseball)... well except the gender modification part.


----------



## csb (Aug 28, 2009)

Gender modified player wives might balance out the shrunken steroid gonads.


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 28, 2009)

^Raisin balls!


----------



## MA_PE (Aug 28, 2009)

All these positions being filled. I like to apply for head of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms....well really just Alcohol. And also I want to run the state-mandated Calssic Rock radio stattion/music television network. Who do I need to service er speak to about an appointment?


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 28, 2009)

> And also I want to run the state-mandated Calssic Rock radio stattion/music television network.


FCC Commissioner?

While you're at it, can you please find a way to ban and wholeheartedly smite the country station the woman in the next cube listens to a bit too loudly? It's Boston, MA - not Bozeman, MT for cryin' out loud.

Also, as a nominal kickback for my substantial campaign contribution, can you please play Pink Floyd's _Wish You Were Here_ in its entirety at some point? Or at least _Animals_?


----------



## MA_PE (Aug 28, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> FCC Commissioner?
> While you're at it, can you please find a way to ban and wholeheartedly smite the country station the woman in the next cube listens to a bit too loudly? It's Boston, MA - not Bozeman, MT for cryin' out loud.
> 
> Also, as a nominal kickback for my substantial campaign contribution, can you please play Pink Floyd's _Wish You Were Here_ in its entirety at some point? Or at least _Animals_?


sure whatever you want to call it.

Tell her, country has its place.....which I believe is OUT IN THE F'N COUNTRY!!!!

I will definitely play Wish You Were Here uninterrupted and commercial free. The same with Anilmals. Does Rupert bark when you play "dogs"? My first dog used to, because he thought dogs were barking outside.


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 28, 2009)

Rupert is chatty like a 14 year old girl gossiping on the phone, very vocal and has different sound effects for different moods. 'I need to go outside' is a classic, as is 'Why aren't you paying attention to me even though I'm shoving a toy in your lap while drooling on your foot.' Yet he's fairly nonplussed by barking dogs on TV/radio.



> Tell her, country has its place.....which I believe is OUT IN *OF* THE F'N COUNTRY!!!!


Took care of that for ya.


----------



## csb (Aug 28, 2009)

if it ain't country, it ain't music


----------



## Dleg (Aug 28, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> Ooo...ooo! can I be the car czar, too? I'd so love to mandate that all American cars be designed so that the Shelby Cobra becomes regarded as a 'grandma's car.'


sure why not?



MA_PE said:


> All these positions being filled. I like to apply for head of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms....well really just Alcohol. And also I want to run the state-mandated Calssic Rock radio stattion/music television network. Who do I need to service er speak to about an appointment?


But of course.

You see, the thing is, there are dozens (hundreds?) of cabinet positions out there, and so far only a few are filled. There's plenty fo space, for everyone! All I ask is your support.

And your unquestionable loyalty. Don't end up in Greenland like Chucktown.

Hey, we still don't even have a Secretary of State. Who will be Our Hillary Clinton?


----------



## EM_PS (Aug 28, 2009)

Dleg said:


> And your unquestionable loyalty. Don't end up in Greenland like *Chucktown*.
> Hey, we still don't even have a Secretary of State. *Who will be Our Hillary Clinton?*


I think you anwered your own query prior to asking it


----------



## MGX (Aug 28, 2009)

I'd like to nominate myself for Internets Czar.

The purveyors of the prodigious pipeline producing porn o' plenty need someone to ensure the 'proper' use of said internets.


----------



## ElCid03 (Aug 28, 2009)

Perhaps the time has come for a preliminary cabinet meeting, perhaps the noble Secretary of Sexual Exploits can suggest a venue appropriate for the difficult tasks ahead?


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 31, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> I think you anwered your own query prior to asking it



I volunteered for Secretary of State. I figured I was combative and argumentative enough to start all the wars that were going to need starting. But I got shot down. Something about unquestionable loyalty for initiating wire taps on fellow administration members? My only point being that there should be an infrastructure in place to make sure there is no chance for a coup to be set up and us all lose our jobs. I mean if we're wire tapping the citizenry it just makes sense to wire tap ourselves. The only people that would find that objectionable would be the ones that have something to hide. We really need to adopt a big brother mentality if we're going to be doing all that we're planning on doing. Long story short, I think he said I could be cultural attache to Greenland, at which point I figured I would continute to focus on my engineering career. Greenland sounds cold and the fishing/hunting probably sucks.


----------



## roadwreck (Aug 31, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> Long story short, I think he said I could be cultural attache to Greenland, at which point I figured I would continute to focus on my engineering career. Greenland sounds cold and the fishing/hunting probably sucks.


You seem to think you'll have a choice in the matter. I think you will find you are sorely mistaken. I'd start shopping for that winter wardrobe if I were you.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 31, 2009)

I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to put someone in that position that is going to be bitter about it. There are plenty of other people that will be clamoring to be a part of the administration. He doesn't need a lowly peon such as myself.


----------



## Supe (Aug 31, 2009)

ElCid03 said:


> Perhaps the time has come for a preliminary cabinet meeting, perhaps the noble Secretary of Sexual Exploits can suggest a venue appropriate for the difficult tasks ahead?



Book your flights for Vegas airport. Preliminary meetings will be held at the Bunny Ranch. We need to think outside the box, by thinking inside another "less traditional" box.


----------



## csb (Aug 31, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> I mean if we're wire tapping the citizenry it just makes sense to wire tap ourselves.


Whoa whoa whoa...the whole point of being a politician is to be above the law and exempt from things that affect the common people.

And can I just phone into the meeting at the Bunny Ranch?


----------



## Supe (Aug 31, 2009)

csb said:


> Whoa whoa whoa...the whole point of being a politician is to be above the law and exempt from things that affect the common people.
> And can I just phone into the meeting at the Bunny Ranch?



That's fine. You can expense it out later since it's a 1-900 number.


----------



## csb (Aug 31, 2009)




----------



## Dark Knight (Aug 31, 2009)

I am available to be Assistant of the Assistant of Some Assistant. Wanna keep a low profile.


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 31, 2009)

Junior adjutant to the assistant chair of the subcommittee of widgets, 4th circuit.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 31, 2009)

I've been thinking about this. Maybe I should run for the Senate. I know the administration is going to dissolve the legislative and judicial branches of government, or at least diminish their responsibilities, but there will need to be someone to push these nominees through the confirmation process. Maybe that should be me.


----------



## ElCid03 (Aug 31, 2009)

I could use an assistant to travel the country and teach high schoolers the merits of the "entertainment" industry. Wonder if the Bunny Ranch ladies are mobile.....


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Aug 31, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> I've been thinking about this. Maybe I should run for the Senate. I know the administration is going to dissolve the legislative and judicial branches of government, or at least diminish their responsibilities, but there will need to be someone to push these nominees through the confirmation process. Maybe that should be me.


I don't think Generalissimo Maximum Leader Dleg will smile upon your efforts to weasel out of your Greenland job posting. It might be best to follow rw's advice and just start shopping for winter clothes.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 31, 2009)

I guess I'm going in to hiding. It's been nice posting here. However, I never thought it would have caused a forced relocation.


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Aug 31, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> I guess I'm going in to hiding. It's been nice posting here. However, I never thought it would have caused a forced relocation.


 There will be no hiding. 
You have to admit, you did bring it on yourself.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 31, 2009)

:bag:

I suppose I did make a mistake in assuming that his excellency Dleg would want to keep tabs on all his minions and make sure we were all loyal. What have I done, what have I done?

Now you guys are going to be playing at the bunny ranch and I'm going to be living in a freaking cave like the Taliban.

Oh well, best of luck to you folks.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 31, 2009)

is he gone yet?


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 31, 2009)

Yeah...boxed up and sent to Greenland, COD no less. We did punch a couple airholes in the box and sent along a batch of t-shirts from Orlando's Most Prestigious engineering firm as a goodwill gesture.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 31, 2009)

... so whens the party?


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 31, 2009)

h34r:


----------



## csb (Aug 31, 2009)

ElCid03 said:


> I could use an assistant to travel the country and teach high schoolers the merits of the "entertainment" industry. Wonder if the Bunny Ranch ladies are mobile.....


I don't know about mobile, but I hear they're flexible...


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 31, 2009)

They're both. I ordered a couple up for Greenland. I used the campaign credit card. Hope you don't mind. I'm busy starting a war up here so we can get going on firing off those nukes as soon as Dleg takes office. I must say bunny ranch girls in tight shirts are great up in Greenland.


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 31, 2009)

sschell_PE said:


> ... so whens the party?


Not until he gets there. We sent him as 4th class freight, and left out half the custom forms, so it may be a while.


----------



## csb (Aug 31, 2009)

You didn't hide any fruit in him, did you? The dogs will sniff that out.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 31, 2009)

^what did we classify him as on the paperwork?

special documentation must accompany any biohazardous shipments...

at very least an MSDS should be attached.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Aug 31, 2009)

Damn, ya'll are just mean.


----------



## Sschell (Aug 31, 2009)

OK... who let him have interweb in his crate?


----------



## Dleg (Aug 31, 2009)

Aw, let Chucktown have a few bunnies up in Greenland. Heck, he can do whatever he wants up there, as long as he is representing the "culture" of the great United States of America up there. And as far as I can see, bunnies, porn, nukes and corruption fit in just fine.

Meanwhile I am working on another plan to extend my term and influence beyond 8 years.... Do we have a genetic engiener in the house? and an entomologist?


----------



## Dexman1349 (Aug 31, 2009)

^^^ that's all part of the paperwork that's missing. Think of delays if they can't figure out the smell...


----------



## Guest (Aug 31, 2009)

Dleg said:


> Aw, let Chucktown have a few bunnies up in Greenland.


That's part of why I moved to Michigan ... for the snowbunnies ... but then one of the sunbunnies made a pre-emptive strike, so no snowbunnies.

Hang tough Chucktown ...

And don't go weepy on my when the Gators have their way with Charleston Southern .... 

JR


----------



## Wolverine (Aug 31, 2009)

Greetings;

I just wanted to give an update on the state of the fusion project.

All scientists are working very hard and I am encouraging them a lot.

Here's a pic from the lab to show that we are really doing stuff. I think we're close to a breakthrough. Send more money. And tequila. Fusion requires tequila, a lot of it. And limes.


----------



## Dleg (Sep 1, 2009)

I think you're working the scientists too hard. When's the last time she ate anything?

I order you to take a break. I'll send Air Force One down to take you and the scientists wherever you want to go for the next week.

I'll fly down in a B-2 Stealth Bomber and join you for a day or two.


----------



## Supe (Sep 1, 2009)

Wolverine: Please let me know when you can spare some of your scientists. I would like to call a few of them down to the Bunny Ranch for a progress meeting.


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Sep 1, 2009)

csb said:


> You didn't hide any fruit in him, did you? The dogs will sniff that out.


Nope, no fruit. Just the 8-ball we agreed upon.


----------



## bigray76 (Sep 1, 2009)

Supe said:


> Wolverine: Please let me know when you can spare some of your scientists. I would like to call a few of them down to the Bunny Ranch for a progress meeting.


Hey Supe... you seem to be busy with meetings at the Ranch... do you want to deputize me as your Chief Talent Scout and let me travel the country looking for 'entertainment prospects'? I have quite an eye for, ummmmm, talent!


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Sep 1, 2009)

Here at the Ministry of Horsepower, our engineers are doing aerodynamic studies of our 'economy car.'

We want the best bag for the buck.


----------



## Wolverine (Sep 1, 2009)

Dleg said:


> I think you're working the scientists too hard. When's the last time she ate anything?
> I order you to take a break. I'll send Air Force One down to take you and the scientists wherever you want to go for the next week.
> 
> I'll fly down in a B-2 Stealth Bomber and join you for a day or two.


Dude, I thought you were kidding, ... until the black Humvees showed up!

They repeated your offer to take us anywhere and I told them no thanks, here is just fine, but they insisted, since it was by executive order or something important sounding like that. So now we are headed over to Captain Worleys to do a little technology exchange. See you back in a week. Thanks for the tequila, the limes, and the other special gifts you sent - you know what I'm talking about...


----------



## Supe (Sep 1, 2009)

bigray76 said:


> Hey Supe... you seem to be busy with meetings at the Ranch... do you want to deputize me as your Chief Talent Scout and let me travel the country looking for 'entertainment prospects'? I have quite an eye for, ummmmm, talent!



You can indeed be Chief Talent Scout.

Dress code is leisure suits Monday through Thursday, and VERY casual Fridays.


----------



## bigray76 (Sep 1, 2009)

Supe said:


> You can indeed be Chief Talent Scout.
> 
> Dress code is leisure suits Monday through Thursday, and VERY casual Fridays.


Score!

Time to hit the road...


----------



## ElCid03 (Sep 1, 2009)

Dleg said:


> I think you're working the scientists too hard. When's the last time she ate anything?
> I order you to take a break. I'll send Air Force One down to take you and the scientists wherever you want to go for the next week.
> 
> I'll fly down in a B-2 Stealth Bomber and join you for a day or two.



Glorious Leader! I will shortly be banned for standing up to the new moderator so before I leave forever I wanted you to know it is an honor to be in your service. You were right to punish Chucktown's disloyalty; let his cahones turn blue and then freeze.

I remain your faithful servant.

:wave2:


----------



## PE-ness (Sep 2, 2009)

Can I be the Washington Monument?


----------



## bigray76 (Sep 2, 2009)

PE-ness said:


> Can I be the Washington Monument?



Can you stand at attention that long? I mean, anything over 4 hours and you should probably seek medical help, right?


----------



## Dexman1349 (Sep 2, 2009)

^^^Anything over 4 hours and he starts looking up the phone # for the Guiness book of records...


----------



## Wolverine (Sep 2, 2009)

WAAASSSSSUUOOOPPP BBeeaaaathheddsss&gt;&gt;&gt;!!!!!

Me an na CAPtiiinaa are ssttfiiuudyiung rly rly rly hard foi rth e coldfusion

tequila limne super basdaaass car project . ROCK AND ROLL!!! WOOOO!!

SCientissts are kewl. We are renaming the projhject Cold FUZIOn Rocker Car

and iss going to go rly rly fast.

DLEG WERE YOU BE MAN??"?! you should come check this tuff out. Scientists roick!

Almost out of tequila though, but thats cool/. Iss all kewl. kewl kewl kewl man

'Preciate the vacashun +rip and i htink wel lbe done a back in the lab for some more work at the end of the week.

ROIACK AND ROILL!!! :beerchug: :Banane35: :drunk1: :winko: :drunk:


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 2, 2009)

Yo Wolvi,

WASSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

Just getinag m dariknl on up he Up hwer in G-vegas. Thas right. These Inuit injun girls rock at the stirp club. Thay dodnt have tekilia up here. Is mostely nasteee azz beeeer ut that shit'll ge t you durnk.

Oh yean, i'n pissin peeeple off left and straight, well be at war in no time.

:15:


----------



## Dark Knight (Sep 2, 2009)

Wolverine said:


> WAAASSSSSUUOOOPPP BBeeaaaathheddsss&gt;&gt;&gt;!!!!!
> Me an na CAPtiiinaa are ssttfiiuudyiung rly rly rly hard foi rth e coldfusion
> 
> tequila limne super basdaaass car project . ROCK AND ROLL!!! WOOOO!!
> ...


Hall of Fame Nominee!!!!!!!!!! :appl:


----------



## csb (Sep 2, 2009)

Uh oh...first scandal pre-election...this girl is saying a Mr. "Chucktown" fathered her child...







We're going to need some PR to clean this up


----------



## EM_PS (Sep 2, 2009)

Shhiittt, this isnt a press secretary kind of need is it?


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 2, 2009)

Don't worry guys. There aren't any news people up here, or video cameras, electricity, or running water for that matter. That's why this makes such a great place to instigate the first war. It'll be a real suprise.

I've decided to throw my full energy behind this assignment. Gotta crawl before you walk right. Happy campaigning. Damn it's cold. :wave2:


----------



## EM_PS (Sep 2, 2009)

csb said:


> Uh oh...first scandal pre-election...this girl is saying a Mr. "Chucktown" fathered her child...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


hmmm ok. . .how about this kind of spin

"In a genuine goodwill display, an inuit woman came to the rescue of the US's ambassador to Greenland, pulling him from a marauding band of gangraping elephant seals, saving him from certain death. In reciprocation and following local customs, she was allowed to 'pass' the night with the ailing ambassador. A local wedding following tribal custom is expected."


----------



## bigray76 (Sep 2, 2009)

csb said:


> Uh oh...first scandal pre-election...this girl is saying a Mr. "Chucktown" fathered her child...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


One less potential applicant in my task of finding adult talent... I think with the upcoming college football season I will attending as many homecoming events as I can handle to drum up some new 'talent'!

It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.... and that might as well be me!!!


----------



## csb (Sep 2, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> hmmm ok. . .how about this kind of spin
> "In a genuine goodwill display, an inuit woman came to the rescue of the US's ambassador to Greenland, pulling him from a marauding band of gangraping elephant seals, saving him from certain death. In reciprocation and following local customs, she was allowed to 'pass' the night with the ailing ambassador. A local wedding following tribal custom is expected."


Whoa! That there is some professional BS!


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 2, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> hmmm ok. . .how about this kind of spin
> "In a genuine goodwill display, an inuit woman came to the rescue of the US's ambassador to Greenland, pulling him from a marauding band of gangraping elephant seals, saving him from certain death. In reciprocation and following local customs, she was allowed to 'pass' the night with the ailing ambassador. A local wedding following tribal custom is expected."



I'm a "Cultural Attache'", not a US ambassador. But I don't know how it got assumed that I had "relations" with an Inuit woman. If she's already claiming that I'm the father then she's just trying to extort money from the campaign. I was just taking some of the local government officials out for a friendly drink. I was totally above board with my conduct and I would never cheat on my wife. You really don't have anything to worry about here. I'm representing the administration well. em, I appreciate the efforts but it looks like some of our cabinet officials may be heading down to Florida to "take care of business" if you know what I mean. You may want to start working on that press release.


----------



## Dleg (Sep 2, 2009)

Chucktown, I had to pull my rank, but they finally let me have a look at the stash of alien weaponry stored at Area 51. I pulled out a nice human-exploder ray for you to get started on your one-man war against Greenland.

Please make sure you only explode those who deserve exploding.

Let me know when you need backup. I've got a "special" team standing by on some nearby Navel vessels, ready for immediate deployment.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 2, 2009)

Sweet. It's cold up here (have I mentioned that yet) and those exploder rays will probably provide some heat. No backup needed. After I'm done here can I go wreck some shit in Siberia? That'll be a good start for our war with Russia. They're already without power with that whole dam accident.


----------



## EM_PS (Sep 2, 2009)

csb said:


> Whoa! That there is some professional BS!


:thankyou:



Chucktown PE said:


> I'm a "Cultural Attache'", not a US ambassador.


Isnt that like wanting to be a cabana boy over a lifeguard?

Oh and LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!



Chucktown PE said:


> em, I appreciate the efforts but it looks like some of our cabinet officials may be heading down to Florida to "take care of business" if you know what I mean. You may want to start working on that press release.


just doing my thing, TCB. . .yeah i actually have no idea what you talkin bout, but i got this Mars mission thing goin on too. Whats going on in FLA then? Remember, try not to talk (at all), the Dleg administration cant afford too much more wacky scandals (yeah it can but anyways)


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 2, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> just doing my thing, TCB. . .yeah i actually have no idea what you talkin bout, but i got this Mars mission thing goin on too. Whats going on in FLA then? Remember, try not to talk (at all), the Dleg administration cant afford too much more wacky scandals (yeah it can but anyways)


you're selling yourself short man. With a press secretary such as yourself we can afford many many more sandals. We probably need a few more so you can hone your craft a little bit before the campaign really heats up. The FLA issue is that there is a certain stormwater engineer that may be at the bottom of a stormwater pond fairly soon.


----------



## Guest (Sep 2, 2009)

Dleg said:


> Let me know when you need backup. I've got a "special" team standing by on some nearby Navel vessels, ready for immediate deployment.


You see there Chucktown, Dleg 2012 is really a benevolent ruler .... much better than Bill Clinton when he deployed very special forces into Iraq ...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29257

Just sayin' ...

JR


----------



## EM_PS (Sep 3, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> you're selling yourself short man. With a press secretary such as yourself we can afford many many more _sandals_. We probably need a few more so you can hone your craft a little bit before the campaign really heats up. The FLA issue is that there is a certain stormwater engineer that may be at the bottom of a stormwater pond fairly soon.


oh right, the suddenly structural expert stormwater engineer. I'm trying to 'out' him already (he is somebody in this room type of thing). They do wear sandals alot down in FLA.

remember, just cuz a story's been spun to cover up a (your in this case) scandal, doesnt mean it actually truthfully happened 

but you WILL marry that woman. . .whatcha do w/ her after that is up to you, though tribal custom has some kind of crazy 'endurance' thing between the groom and all the elder tribeswomen or something


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 3, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> but you WILL marry that woman. . .whatcha do w/ her after that is up to you, though tribal custom has some kind of crazy 'endurance' thing between the groom and all the elder tribeswomen or something



I don't think my wife and kids are going to take kindly to that Inuit woman. Sorry man, no marriage here. You jumped the gun on this one by assuming she was pregnant and that I was the father so you'll have to come up with something else.


----------



## EM_PS (Sep 3, 2009)

but my source was the 'net. . .how can that be wrong?! :brickwall:


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Sep 3, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> Oh and LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!


You took his bucket again, didn't you?


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 3, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> but my source was the 'net. . .how can that be wrong?! :brickwall:



Happens to the best of us. I really don't think we need a press release at this time. Now I am trying to get the prime minister or whatever the hell they call the leader of this shithole to impregnate an Inuit woman so I can use it as blackmail. I will need you to coordinate the "leak" of this to the public.


----------



## benbo (Sep 3, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> You jumped the gun on this one by assuming she was pregnant and that I was the father so you'll have to come up with something else.


This sounds remarkably similar to what another Carolina politician said while running for president.


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Sep 3, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> Happens to the best of us. I really don't think we need a press release at this time. Now I am trying to get the prime minister or whatever the hell they call the leader of this shithole to impregnate an Inuit woman so I can use it as blackmail. I will need you to coordinate the "leak" of this to the public.


I'm really beginning to doubt your abilities to start a war. Oh well. I have some SSBN's at my disposal. i'll just do it myself.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 3, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> I'm really beginning to doubt your abilities to start a war. Oh well. I have some SSBN's at my disposal. i'll just do it myself.



Easy for you to say from the comfort of your nuclear submarine. Meanwhile I'm up here freezing my ass off in a tee-pee. Believe me, no one wants this war started faster than me so I can GTF out of here ASAP.


----------



## EM_PS (Sep 3, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> Happens to the best of us. I really don't think we need a press release at this time. Now I am trying to get the prime minister or whatever the hell they call the leader of this shithole to impregnate an Inuit woman so I can use it as blackmail. I will need you to coordinate the "leak" of this to the public.


"More scandal erupts when grainy, amateur video of Greenlands' primeminister &amp; an Inuit woman engaging in what appear to be forced sexual activities surface. . .the 'cultural attache' to Greenland currently had no comment on the timing of this video's surfacing to allegations that the inuit woman was pregnant with his child. . ."


----------



## Sschell (Sep 3, 2009)

at least there are no shrimping pics.

yet.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 3, 2009)

error_matrix said:


> "More scandal erupts when grainy, amateur video of Greenlands' primeminister &amp; an Inuit woman engaging in what appear to be forced sexual activities surface. . .the 'cultural attache' to Greenland currently had no comment on the timing of this video's surfacing to allegations that the inuit woman was pregnant with his child. . ."



I'm tired of arguing about it. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Seriously.


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Sep 3, 2009)

^Bill?


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 3, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> ^Bill?



I've been reading up on his memoirs. Truly good reading for everyone in the administration.


----------



## EM_PS (Sep 3, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> I'm tired of arguing about it. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Seriously.


trust me, this whole scandal is sucking all my time away from my Mars mission, which i have dubbed "The Blessed Hellride" after Black Label Society's song of same name.

your scandal is kind of like the Rick Pitino thing going on at Louisville. . . was she pregnant?. . .was there an abortion?. . . was it his?. . .. fine time for Flbuff to punk out of his press secretary 'sponsitilities; did he hop a banana boat to Nassau or something? oking:


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 3, 2009)

What I'm saying is you don't have anything to worry about. Things are fine up in G-Vegas. To reiterate: No need for a press release or press secretary or anything of that nature.


----------



## Dleg (Sep 3, 2009)

Good news!

I found a genetic engineer and a willing entomologist, and my plan to live forever as the supreme ruler of America is underway!


----------



## EM_PS (Sep 3, 2009)

dude, the whole Shelob / Ungoliath thing didn't pan out too well. . .

oh and +100 LOTR!!!


----------



## Wolverine (Sep 4, 2009)

[SIZE=8pt]. . . . . . . gyuuuhhhh . . . . . .[/SIZE]

. . . . . . . . scinetists rck . . . . . .

. . . . . u u u u u u h h h h . . . . .

. . . . . out of tequila . . . . .

. . . . . . . . send aspirin . . . . .


----------



## Dleg (Sep 4, 2009)

Right away!

By the way, any progress on fusion?


----------



## bigray76 (Sep 4, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> I'm tired of arguing about it. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Seriously.


We all have skeletons in our closets, how do you think we climb the ranks here in this administration. Granted that Inuit is a larger skeleton than what I like, but I am not here to judge (anything other than scout out adult talent that is).


----------



## Chucktown PE (Sep 4, 2009)

bigray76 said:


> Granted that Inuit is a larger skeleton than what I like, but I am not here to judge (anything other than scout out adult talent that is).



She's just big boned. And not "boned" in the sense that VTE is going to joke about.


----------



## RIP - VTEnviro (Sep 4, 2009)

No jokes here. I wish I was a little bigger boned. I wouldn't get injured running/biking/hiking/etc. so damned easily.


----------



## Wolverine (Sep 11, 2009)

Okay, so I think I've sobered up enough to start telling some of the stories of the “rest week" spent over at Captain Worley’s, mixing the Gyuh-Hot Scientists from the Fusion Project with the lovely ladies from the Automotive Aerodynamics Research Lab, as was so ordered by the Illustrious Potentate. In his tremendous wisdom, he recognized that we were putting work before play a little too much, even though to me it all seems like play since I truly love my job, but he ordered us to take a break. Let me just say, we went through a LOT of tequila over at CW’s and had a good time “relaxing”, but now we are hard back at work “Getting Our Fusion On” as we like to jokingly say around here when it’s time to get down to business. It’s kind of like our motto.

So the black Humvees dropped us off at the airport, right on the tarmac next to Air Force One, so we just breezed right on. Let me tell you that plane is lush and we started the dancing right away – wall-to-wall plush carpet, nitrogen cooled full bar, margarita machine – “If the jet is a rockin’, don’t bother knockin’” is what it has stenciled on the door. Nice touch there Dleg.

So we get to CW’s, and I hit the bar next to the wind tunnel, and all of the sudden I’ve got a big problem on my hands. See, one of the GHS girls, that I must admit I’ve been interested in in an unprofessional way, and one of the AAR girls it turns out were sorority sisters from way back when, and they fired up a conversation, chatting, giggling, and laughing just like they were back at the sorority house. I started to feel like the third wheel, but then all of the sudden one of them grabbed my knee under the table, and then suddenly the other one also grabbed my other knee, and I started to fear that I was going to have to choose between them, since it seemed like they were both interested. They were still chatting about how much fun they used to have and how they used to do everything together, and then all of the sudden one says, “Hey remember that thing we talked about doing together but never got around to? We should do THAT,” and then they both looked straight at me.

Well, I panicked a little - you know exactly what I was thinking THAT meant - but then I thought, NO WAY, they can’t be thinking THAT, and then I tried to figure out what it was they were really talking about, maybe Scrabble or table tennis or something. So I jumped up and said, “I have to go check on The Captain.”

So I consulted with The Captain and he says, “Heck yeah, THAT’S what they were talking about! Bro’, you need to go for The Belt.” Of course I said, “What’s the Belt?” He explained about how he and a buddy once had a bet that whoever could pull THAT off - and you know what I’m talking about - would be the winner of The Belt, and he even went so far as to have a belt made. He brought it out and it looked like a WCW championship wrestling belt. He said he was once in the running for The Belt, but at the last minute, the pressure of the glory of achieving Belt Status got to him and he had to abort the mission.

So then I start thinking about the pressure of the glory of achieving Belt Status myself and I started to freak out even worse. Visions of The Belt were floating through my head. What if it doesn’t work? What if there’s a system failure? What if the third wheel is outside the design parameters? What if Fusion and Aerodynamics don’t need Management? So much pressure! But CW slapped me across the face and said, “Go for The Belt bro’!” I fixed my hair (it took a few minutes) and out I went to wrestle for The Belt.

The girls were gone.

But just then, I noticed across the way a door to a side room near the wind tunnel slightly ajar, so I went over and peeked inside. What happened next – well, I’d tell you, but stenciled over the AAR Lab it says, “What happens at The Lab, stays at The Lab.” Nice touch, CW.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Sep 11, 2009)

^Sure you aren't huffing the fumes from the auto lab again? :screwloose:


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## Capt Worley PE (Sep 11, 2009)

Well, when you're breathing witches brew of nitromethane, nitrous oxide, and oxygen that has been compressed, ignited, and exhauseted, you might see a thing or two that may make you question your sanity.

The Lab is no place for the faint of heart.


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## Chucktown PE (Sep 11, 2009)

Are you guys hiring? I think we're all set to go to war up here. I've definitely pissed everyone off, there aren't but 33,000 people up here anyway. Maybe the Illustrious Potentate would see fit to make me the chief of bartending for the administration. I could be in charge of stocking the bars for all of our events and get lots of our enemy politicians drunk so they'll yell inappropriate comments during your speeches to Congress. I mean, look how successful I was with that Joe Wilson character. Two shots of Makers Mark bourbon and that douche bag will say anything.


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## Dleg (Sep 11, 2009)

Wolverine: That's what I'M talking about there! Shit, maybe you're VP material. Road guy only showed up once.

Chucktown, just hang in there. Things will warm up, the population will increase. Who knows, Greenland could be the next Hawaii. Just give it some time.


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## Chucktown PE (Sep 11, 2009)

You're right. After you guys start firing off those nukes it's bound to go from an average temperature of 20 degrees to at least 34 degrees.


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## Chucktown PE (Sep 15, 2009)

Great work Sapper. Now when can you get some troops in winter gear up here in Greenland to start instilling some fear in the citizenry. I need a damn occupation force if this coup is going to hold up.


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## Chucktown PE (Sep 15, 2009)

Thanks Sapper. I'm sure when his excellency awakes this morning he'll be more than pleased. However, little picky detail here. Would it be possible for me to GTFO of here before the nuclear weapons start falling? What's my next assignment anyway?


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## Dleg (Sep 15, 2009)

^No, you need to dig in and await Gen. Sapper's forces. You have vital intelligence that they will need.

Sapper, that there ^^^^ is frickin' AWESOME!!!!

Once Greenland is secured, I authorize you to begin planning for the Democratization of Tahiti.


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## Chucktown PE (Sep 15, 2009)

Dleg said:


> ^No, you need to dig in and await Gen. Sapper's forces. You have vital intelligence that they will need.
> Sapper, that there ^^^^ is frickin' AWESOME!!!!
> 
> Once Greenland is secured, I authorize you to begin planning for the Democratization of Tahiti.



How is he going to get my vital intelligence if I'm dead? Dude, if I'd known this was going to be a suicide mission I think I probably would have taken my chances with the secret police. Oh well. It was nice knowing you. Waiting on the bombs to fall.


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## Dleg (Sep 16, 2009)

The purpose of the bombs in Greenland is mostly just to reduce the ice cover a bit and warm the place up, to make it more habitable for ... Dleg Democratization. Just find some high ground to avoid the floods and the sea level rise, and you should be safe. I mean, really, Greenland is HUGE. On my map, it's bigger than the whole USA !!!! You should be fine.







Edit - OH SHIT! You didn't tell me Greenland was owned by Denmark! I have a secret trade agreement with Denmark! What the hell kind of Cultural Attache are you????


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## wilheldp_PE (Sep 16, 2009)

Does anybody else find it funny that Greenland is 50 times larger than Denmark, yet Denmark owns it?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Sep 16, 2009)

^I think its just a big hunk of mostly unpopulated ice.


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## wilheldp_PE (Sep 16, 2009)

Denmark: Size - 16,640 Sq. Miles, Population - 5,519,441

Greenland: Size 836,109 Sq. Miles, Population - 57,564

Greenland is 50 times larger and 96 times less populated.


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## csb (Sep 16, 2009)

Do we get all the Danish we can eat?


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## Capt Worley PE (Sep 16, 2009)

csb said:


> Do we get all the Danish we can eat?


Hope so.


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## Wolverine (Sep 16, 2009)

Oh cool! - the day at the beach from our visit to the AARL. Glad you got a pic of that.

We were just kind of waking up from an all night bender, and I had just recovered and re-fired my half smoked stogie leftover from the night before, as I popped the cap on a fresh beer (it was a little early for tequila yet), when the Danish contingency of scientists &amp; researchers (there were some on either team) said "Hey, let's go to the beach!" So we did.

You can see the Automotive Aerodynamics Research Lab there in the background. That's Ingmar up on the boardwalk talking on the phone, calling inside trying to have some margaritas brought out, but no one inside was really stirring yet except for me, CW, and the Danes.

On the front you've got Haldana, Arisje, Helsa, Mariel (she's a firecracker, that one), and Jetta. Of course we joked with Jetta about how she should be on the Automotive Aerodynamics Team instead of the Fusion Research team, but I tell you when it comes to Applied Physics, there's is no one I'd rather have in my group. She is HOT! (with numbers, I mean).

Oh well, memory time is over. Back to work.


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## Chucktown PE (Sep 16, 2009)

Dleg said:


> The purpose of the bombs in Greenland is mostly just to reduce the ice cover a bit and warm the place up, to make it more habitable for ... Dleg Democratization. Just find some high ground to avoid the floods and the sea level rise, and you should be safe. I mean, really, Greenland is HUGE. On my map, it's bigger than the whole USA !!!! You should be fine.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Man, I need to get up north more often. If at all possible please avoid Nuuk as a target. This is the only place with running water and power. We'll need some basic infrastructure so members of the Dleg Democratic Republic can have some creature comforts, or is this supposed to be a Gulag? So what's this trade agreement? Those boys in Copenhagen are a bunch of pansies. They'll probably roll over like Neville Chamberlain.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Sep 16, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> Hope so.


I just hope there not much cheese on my Danish.


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## Chucktown PE (Sep 16, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> I just hope there not much cheese on my Danish.



uke:


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## frazil (Sep 16, 2009)

:lmao: This thread is HOF


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## csb (Sep 16, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> I just hope there not much cheese on my Danish.


After Wolverine's done with them, I doubt there will be any cherry left...


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## Dleg (Sep 16, 2009)

.... and their cinnamon rings, well, does it need to be said???


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## wilheldp_PE (Jun 4, 2010)

Why isn't this thread in the HoF?


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## Dleg (Jun 5, 2010)

Wow - I just read through it all again. Good stuff! I love the detailed Orders written by General Sapper/ Highway.


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## csb (Aug 15, 2011)

Crap...did we miss the Iowa primaries? We're going to need to buckle down and make this happen.


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## Flyer_PE (Aug 15, 2011)

Just the Iowa state fair and the straw poll. Note to candidate Dleg: Please consume all corn dogs (and almost any other state fair staple) in private.


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## PE-ness (Aug 22, 2011)

I don't get it. ^


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## csb (Aug 22, 2011)

It would be best if our candidate wasn't too closely associated with you, PE-ness.


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## Capt Worley PE (Aug 22, 2011)

csb said:


> It would be best if our candidate wasn't too closely associated with you, PE-ness.


Are you insinuating something might rub off on our candidate?


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## Dleg (Aug 23, 2011)

I'm disgusted.

Stay away from me, PE-ness.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 24, 2011)

csb said:


> It would be best if our candidate wasn't too closely associated with you, PE-ness.


Does PE-ness still have those couple of nuts as his aids? They might turn his campaign into a sticky situation.


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## csb (Aug 24, 2011)

Yes, but they've been kinda down lately. Not much action has left them a little blue.


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## Undertaker (Aug 24, 2011)

csb said:


> Yes, but they've been kinda down lately. Not much action has left them a little blue.


Its the opposite. They are blue 'cause the saw too much action.


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## ElCid03 (Oct 5, 2011)

DLEG!!! The time has come for you to take your place on the world stage.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Oct 6, 2011)

VTEnviro said:


> csb said:
> 
> 
> > It would be best if our candidate wasn't too closely associated with you, PE-ness.
> ...





csb said:


> Yes, but they've been kinda down lately. Not much action has left them a little blue.


What if one is red and one is blue, and they are just tearing apart in opposite directions?


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## Dleg (Aug 16, 2019)

Wow this trump guy is really starting to piss me off with all of the intellectual theft he has perpetrated on my 2012 platform:

https://edition.cnn.com/2019/08/15/politics/trump-buy-greenland-wall-street-journal/index.html


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## Road Guy (Aug 16, 2019)

That's kind of brilliant! We buy Greenland, get all the libtards to move there because it has the word "green" in it, sell Greenland to Venezuela for $1 and boom!  addition by subtraction!


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## csb (Jun 11, 2020)

So are we getting bumper stickers or what?


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## Supe (Jun 11, 2020)

Someone call YMZ and get the logo done ASAP.


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## ElCid03 (Jan 19, 2021)

I smell a Dleg 2024 campaign brewing.


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## Supe (Jan 19, 2021)

We just ran out of time for 2020.


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## ElCid03 (Jan 19, 2021)

LMAO!


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