# Condoms



## Parks and Rec (Jun 9, 2009)

I have a friend who has recently gone through a separation/divorce, and I need to buy some condoms so he can safely get back on the horse. Seeing that I have not bought condoms in a while, I wanted to see if there was a preferred brand here...


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## Sschell (Jun 9, 2009)

Magnum XL for me...

:true:


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## Dexman1349 (Jun 9, 2009)

I am not a good source of info either. I haven't had to purchase them in over 5 years...


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## Dleg (Jun 9, 2009)

Where's the choice for Hefty drawstring? I like mine black.


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## MA_PE (Jun 9, 2009)

I buy the ribbed ones and wear them inside out for my pleasure.


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## csb (Jun 9, 2009)

Dleg said:


> I like mine black.


Me too!

Wait, what were we talking about?


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## Master slacker (Jun 9, 2009)

I never "preferred" any as they all felt the same to me. Though, once my wife got the feel of it without... well... we haven't used condoms for a looooooooong time.


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## DVINNY (Jun 9, 2009)

DO you REALLY want to know about my condom story?

here's the punchline....... we had kid #3 in February.

(they were Durex, BTW)


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## squishles10 (Jun 10, 2009)

DVINNY said:


> DO you REALLY want to know about my condom story?
> 
> 
> here's the punchline....... we had kid #3 in February.
> ...


dang. ouch. really? didnt change brands after #2???


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jun 10, 2009)

Parks and Rec said:


> I have a friend who has recently gone through a separation/divorce, and I need to buy some condoms so he can safely get back on the horse. Seeing that I have not bought condoms in a while, I wanted to see if there was a preferred brand here...


Why are you buying condoms for somebody else?


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## Chucktown PE (Jun 10, 2009)

^^ Didn't you read? Parks and Rec's friend needs to get back on the horse. Maybe Parks and Rec is the horse?

:blink:


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jun 10, 2009)

Maybe he should get his 'friend' this?


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## Master slacker (Jun 10, 2009)

^^^ What if he's a righty?


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## Supe (Jun 10, 2009)

Dleg said:


> Where's the choice for Hefty drawstring? I like mine black.



[SIZE=24pt]HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY[/SIZE]

*wimpy wimpy wimpy*

That aside, what's a condom?


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 10, 2009)

MA_PE said:


> I buy the ribbed ones and wear them inside out for my pleasure.


That's all the rage in Europe.

Why isn't Saran Wrap on the list?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jun 10, 2009)

Master slacker said:


> ^^^ What if he's a righty?


Well, if he's right handed, it means he should be using his left hand to 'notify the moderator.' So the picture is valid.


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## MA_PE (Jun 10, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> That's all the rage in Europe.
> Why isn't Saran Wrap on the list?


That's why I do it that way. Europeans know best. They usually use sheep skin. (or is it just sheep?).


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jun 10, 2009)

> (or is it just sheep?).


Montana - where men are men and sheep are scared.

Or at least that's what I've been told.


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 10, 2009)

^Uh-huh. Sounds like the voice of experience.


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## frazil (Jun 10, 2009)

Chucktown PE said:


> ^^ Didn't you read? Parks and Rec's friend needs to get back on the horse. Maybe Parks and Rec is the horse?
> :blink:


:lmao:


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## Parks and Rec (Jun 10, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> Maybe he should get his 'friend' this?



Is this one fore every day of the work week?


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## GulfCoastCivil (Jun 10, 2009)

I have no brand preference. DH does not like the ones that claim to prolong because all they really do is numb stuff, which with a condom is overkill. As a woman, I like the ones with ribbing or the nodules for her pleasure.


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## MGX (Jun 10, 2009)

Riveted.


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## Parks and Rec (Jun 10, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> Why are you buying condoms for somebody else?


My friend was saying that he wasn't sure where to start when shopping for condoms, and was saying that he would be uncomfortable going into the store to make a purchase. I was making fun of him for being a sissy, and offered to buy them for him.


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## Wolverine (Jun 10, 2009)

Please people, stop being so juvenile. This is a serious research subject and some of us are very interested in the conclusions.

Is there any hard data available?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jun 10, 2009)

^ Good call. I'm sick of this soft science stuff.


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## Supe (Jun 10, 2009)

If you weed through the posts in this thread, I think you'll find pertinent information. It just seems to come in spurts.


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## Sschell (Jun 10, 2009)

dude said:


> Magnum XL for me...
> 
> :true:


of course... I do like to bag up the accessories with the main attraction... if you know what I mean.


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## MA_PE (Jun 10, 2009)

old joke time:

What did one ovary say to the other ovary?

"Hey, there's two nuts down there trying to push an organ in here."


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## Wolverine (Jun 10, 2009)

So the main thrust of this mass-debate is that Durex's performance is flaccid, but Trojan comes in first?


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## csb (Jun 10, 2009)




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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 10, 2009)

Be careful what you wish for....


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## MA_PE (Jun 10, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> Be careful what you wish for....


wasn't there a thread dedicated to that concept?


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 10, 2009)

MA_PE said:


> wasn't there a thread dedicated to that concept?


Yes, yes there was!

http://engineerboards.com/index.php?showto...&amp;hl=corrupt


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## cement (Jun 10, 2009)

I think that was the morning wood problem.


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## Road Guy (Jun 10, 2009)

wait, so how come he cant buy his own condoms?


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## GulfCoastCivil (Jun 10, 2009)

Last time I had to return something to Walmart I was helped by a very grandmotherly type woman. I got to chit chatting with her about her job. She said sometimes she is a cashier and sometimes works in the returns. I asked what she preferred and she said returns. I was surprised because I would think the customers going there would be more irate and harder to deal with. She said that is true, but getting to see what people return and why made it fun. Then she leaned over and whispered in my ear that just earlier that day a man returned a box of condoms.... his reason is they were too small, and they were regular sized condoms. The story itself was funny, but hearing it from someone that looked like this....


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## vollEngineer (Jun 10, 2009)

I have thought and thought about this but have to stop now - my head is throbbing.


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## Chucktown PE (Jun 10, 2009)

I've been banging my head against a wall all afternoon and for the life of me I can't remember.


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## csb (Jun 10, 2009)

vollEngineer said:


> I have thought and thought about this but have to stop now - my head is throbbing.


you might want to size up


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## NCcarguy (Jun 10, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> Why are you buying condoms for somebody else?



I was thinking the EXACT same thing!!!

and best I could tell, we have about 25 responses, and NOT ONE good usable response!!!! You guys certainly are my people!!


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## csb (Jun 11, 2009)

I think DVINNY had a very good usable response...whatever Parks and Recs decides, do NOT buy Durex from Big Lots


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## Sschell (Jun 11, 2009)

The whole "parks and Rec" asking about condoms thing paints a disturbing image of used-condom-in-the-drainage-ditch-next-to-the-swing-set type of thing... anyone else creeped out?


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 11, 2009)

Damn, dude. Where do you hang out?


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## Sschell (Jun 11, 2009)

grew up in LA... seedy parks around there...

There was a park across the street from my house... a pretty nice one. OJ used to play golf there before he killed those people... I remember once they found a body in the drainage ditch there... hmmmmmm.....


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jun 11, 2009)

dude said:


> The whole "parks and Rec" asking about condoms thing paints a disturbing image of used-condom-in-the-drainage-ditch-next-to-the-swing-set type of thing... anyone else creeped out?






Capt Worley PE said:


> Damn, dude. Where do you hang out?


I grew up in a middle class neighborhood in a white bread suburb of NY. We had a park across the street and it was not at all uncommon to find used condoms, dime bags, used tampons, scraped out tobacco from a blunt, beer bottles, etc. all over the place there.

Then in the winter when the lake froze, people would take picnic tables out to the middle and leave them there for when the water thawed. Lawnmowers too.

Not much going on in that town.


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## Chucktown PE (Jun 11, 2009)

I too grew up in a middle class suburb. This was outside of Columbia, SC and I remember our neighborhood park (which had tennis courts and a swing set) often had soiled panties lying around the place. Yuck.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jun 11, 2009)

The local panty fetish guy must have had a field day there.


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 11, 2009)

VTEnviro said:


> I grew up in a middle class neighborhood in a white bread suburb of NY. We had a park across the street and it was not at all uncommon to find used condoms, dime bags, used tampons, scraped out tobacco from a blunt, beer bottles, etc. all over the place there.
> Then in the winter when the lake froze, people would take picnic tables out to the middle and leave them there for when the water thawed. Lawnmowers too.
> 
> Not much going on in that town.


Buch of savages in that town.


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## DVINNY (Jun 11, 2009)

csb said:


> I think DVINNY had a very good usable response...whatever Parks and Recs decides, do NOT buy Durex from Big Lots


I'm glad someone got the moral to the story.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jun 11, 2009)

Capt Worley PE said:


> Buch of savages in that town.


I'm not even supposed to be here today!


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## vollEngineer (Jun 14, 2009)

ok, ok. I'll bite.

He should buy ribbed condoms - not necessarily because they're any better, but because the woman will think he is buying them for her pleasure. (gross, i just said "for her pleasure") some sort of lubricant is also a must. i've only ever used trojans. there. i said it. i'm going to go take a shower now.


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## Guest (Jun 14, 2009)

When I left ex Mrs. JR over a year ago, I had no idea either. Getting back on the horse is a pretty difficult thing when you have been with the same person for a decade.

As far as condoms, somone pointed me out to Durex, Ultra-Thin - I haven't had any problems.

As far as the ranch - make sure your friend doesn't hook up with the first philly that seems to work. Dating is a complicated thing, especially when coming out of a longterm relationship and if it has been awhile (like it was for me) A LOT of things have changed, so make sure he has some time to experience what is new and different. 

I have left a few Do and Don't stories here in Shoot The Breeze as warnings to others to follow (or not).

:2cents:

JR


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## Supe (Jun 15, 2009)

jregieng said:


> As far as the ranch - make sure your friend doesn't hook up with the first philly that seems to work.


Just getting back into dating? I thought the key was to hook up with EVERY philly at the ranch, just don't park yourself in one stable.


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## Guest (Jun 15, 2009)

Well, I agree that the more phillys in the stable the better ... however, don't take the FIRST philly that comes along. It takes time and finesse to develop the psycho date girl radar.

I am not sayin' ... just sayin' ...

JR


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## Paul S (Jun 15, 2009)

Psychos are awesome, just never let them know where you live.


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## Supe (Jun 15, 2009)

Paul S said:


> Psychos are awesome, just never let them know where you live.


X2!

And some of them aren't even really psycho, just wrongly accused (or so said their profiles on the prison dating websites).


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## Sschell (Jun 15, 2009)

^There is a direct relationship between how crazy a chick is and how good she is in bed.


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## DVINNY (Jun 15, 2009)

^^ Very true.


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## TouchDown (Jun 15, 2009)

> Well, I agree that the more phillys in the stable the better ...


Who is this Phillys lady? Sounds like a Grandma. Are you saying older women are better lovers?


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## Dleg (Jun 15, 2009)

Yeah, but I heard Phyllis has herpes...


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 16, 2009)

^Your thinking Sith Phyllis.


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## cement (Jun 16, 2009)

jregieng said:


> Well, I agree that the more phillys in the stable the better ... however, don't take the FIRST philly that comes along. JR


I thought a philly was a cheese steak?


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## Supe (Jun 16, 2009)

Well, kind of, but only if you turn it long-ways. But you've got problems if it comes wit' onions and cheese.


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## Sschell (Jun 16, 2009)

yuk.


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## Dleg (Jun 17, 2009)

... and unlike a hotdog, ketchup is OK. If you've got mustard, you've got problems.


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## PE-ness (Jun 17, 2009)

Tell me about it.

As far as the original question goes, I prefer no condom at all. But being a practical fellow, I realize there are times when using one may prevent greater discomfort down the road.

But I really hate that suffocating feeling of using one....


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