# Hilarious or disgusting?



## Sschell (Aug 17, 2010)

So far, I have told this story to six people, and three of them have laughed hysterically, and the other three have looked at me like this was the worst story ever told... since I am batting 500 now, I wanted to submit the story to the board for vote: gross or funny (and if you are somewhere in between, then either dont vote or pick which ever one is closest.)

Anyways... last weekend I went to visit my wife, who is in New York on business. I arrived on Friday afternoon and after getting settled, my wife and I went out to a club. After we have been there for a while, my wife decides she wants to dance on the platform next to the dance floor where all the drunk chicks dance... So I am sitting there watching her, relaxing, having a good time.

Along comes this dude, who gets up on the platform and starts dancing with my wife... whatever, doesnt bother me. Then he starts trying to dance closer and closer to her, to the point where she is obviously uncomfortable and then starts trying to push him away. He is not phased and keeps trying to touch her and get closer, rubbing up on her.

AHH HELL NAW!

So I pop up on the platform and swiftly wedge myself between him and her, face to face with him. I firmly grab his ass in my left hand, pull him in close and tight, look him right in the eyes and start slowly grinding on him, with my right hand in the air like a bull rider.

He gets a look of horror and panic in his eyes, and starts to squirm frantically trying to escape.... with no luck. I have him trapped, with my hand still planted on his ass, he is pinned betwen my legs with no way out... being thoroughly grinded upon. Finally he says "ok ok I get it!" and I release him from my grip and he runs away, obviously traumatized.

I was pretty proud of myself, turned to my wife with a shit eating grin on my face... her response: "did he still have a boner when you did that to him?"


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## snickerd3 (Aug 17, 2010)

oh my gosh i'm still laughing my ass off. :appl: :thankyou: :lmao: :th_rockon: :Locolaugh: :bananapowerslide:


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## Flyer_PE (Aug 17, 2010)

Words fail me. So -&gt; :lmao:


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## MA_PE (Aug 17, 2010)

funny, but in a gross sort of way.

Did he? uke:


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## Sschell (Aug 17, 2010)

nope... pretty sure all his blood rushed straight to his head (the big one) as soon my hand touched his ass and his survival instincts kicked in.


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## Road Guy (Aug 17, 2010)

:appl:


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## snickerd3 (Aug 17, 2010)

i'm sure all women who have been in your wifes position would thank you for teaching him a lesson...and one he hopefully wont forget anytime soon


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## Master slacker (Aug 17, 2010)

Fan-f'ing-tastic! :appl:


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## csb (Aug 17, 2010)

That was an awesome story!


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## Paul S (Aug 17, 2010)

I think that is a great story!


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## chaosiscash (Aug 17, 2010)

:lmao:


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## Capt Worley PE (Aug 17, 2010)

:thumbs:


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## benbo (Aug 17, 2010)

sschell_PE said:


> I was pretty proud of myself, turned to my wife with a shit eating grin on my face... her response: "did he still have a boner when you did that to him?"


More importantly, did you happen to notice if he was wearing a small metal ring on his pinkie finger?


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## Road Guy (Aug 17, 2010)

I will have to remember this, at one of our neighborhood parties we have a guy who is constantly ass grabbing the "ladies" of course were all friends and its in good fun but next time we have an event I am totally pulling a schell!


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## Chucktown PE (Aug 17, 2010)

I'm just wondering why you didn't punch him in the face? I think I would have gone with that tactic.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 17, 2010)

Wow, not where I saw this one going.

As soon as ass grab grind guy got involved, I imagined Schell swearing off women and moving to Idaho with this guy to raise sheep.


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## EM_PS (Aug 17, 2010)

hilarious camp got my vote! :lmao: I'm picturing when Doug Butabi (Chris Kattan - Night at the Roxbury) is trying to dance with someone - anyone - at the club...and then of course there's the recurring line "did you just grab my ass?"


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## Sschell (Aug 17, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> I'm just wondering why you didn't punch him in the face? I think I would have gone with that tactic.


I'm a lover not a fighter.


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## csb (Aug 17, 2010)

I can't vote again, but I told the story to my husband at lunch and he thought it was hilarious.


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## Dark Knight (Aug 17, 2010)

:Locolaugh: :Locolaugh: :Locolaugh:

Sorry...What were you asking?


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## snickerd3 (Aug 17, 2010)

who voted gross?


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## FLBuff PE (Aug 17, 2010)

God damn hippy Californian. (I voted hillarious, BTW).


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## MA_PE (Aug 17, 2010)

snickerd3 said:


> who voted gross?


not me. I just said it was funny in a gross sort of way.


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## Dark Knight (Aug 17, 2010)

snickerd3 said:


> who voted gross?


Maybe whoever was dancing with the wife.


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## Sschell (Aug 17, 2010)

It is interesting, when I tell people the story in person, I get a mixed reaction... I just told 3 more people, and two started laughing loudly, the third looked at me like I just farted in his mouth.

But on this board, the vast majority seem to be more amused than disgusted.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 17, 2010)

sschell_PE said:


> the third looked at me like I just farted in his mouth.


What's with the continued Human Centipede references? Sicko.


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## frazil (Aug 17, 2010)

sschell_PE said:


> It is interesting, when I tell people the story in person, I get a mixed reaction... I just told 3 more people, and two started laughing loudly, the third looked at me like I just farted in his mouth.
> But on this board, the vast majority seem to be more amused than disgusted.


when you told them did you act it out with the third guy?

another thought - I wish I could hear the story from the other guy at the bar smile... 

hilarious, btw


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## Sschell (Aug 17, 2010)

frazil said:


> when you told them did you act it out with the third guy?


I just pantomimed... I did not use anybody as a prop in my story telling.



frazil said:


> another thought - I wish I could hear the story from the other guy at the bar smile...


I would bet that he is not sharing that story with his friends...

edit: I was just thinking of how his story might go...

"hey guys, I just got dry humped by some dude at the club... I'm going to go take a rape shower."


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## Dleg (Aug 17, 2010)

LOL! Well done, sschell!

I could never pull something like that off.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Aug 17, 2010)

I think he just grabbed the other guy's butt. I don't think he was pulling anything off...


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## Dleg (Aug 17, 2010)

Oh, well in THAT case.....


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## frazil (Aug 17, 2010)

sschell_PE said:


> I would bet that he is not sharing that story with his friends...


I would bet that he will forever be looking over his shoulder when he hits on a girl.

Well done!


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## kevo_55 (Aug 17, 2010)

LOL!

I think that's funny!!


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## Dexman PE (Aug 17, 2010)

Well played, sir. Well played.


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## Ble_PE (Aug 18, 2010)

:appl: :lmao:


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## Santiagj (Aug 18, 2010)

Wow that is hilarious. That was a genius way to solve that situation. I would have used the "violent/easy" button.


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## ElCid03 (Aug 18, 2010)

I laughed.....I cried......now I have to pee.....


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## DVINNY (Aug 19, 2010)

How gross. You used the word 'boner'.


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## ktulu (Aug 19, 2010)

Nice job!


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## Kephart P.E. (Aug 19, 2010)

hilarious, although if it was my gf I probably wouldn't have been so quick thinking and would have instead stomped a mud hold in his.....well you know.


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## TouchDown (Nov 2, 2010)

That would not have been the first thing to cross my mind if I was watching that happening, but that is freaking hilarious.

HOLY CRAP if I was in the bar and that happened, I would have had to shake that... nevermind, I know where your hand has been.

I told it to my wife and she was belly laughing. She said she's been there before, but normally would be with girlfriends who could assist in some separation from drunk morons like that.


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## Supe (Nov 3, 2010)

Do husbands and wives really go to night clubs together?


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## Sschell (Nov 3, 2010)

^we do.

(it is a bit like BYOB to the brewery)


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## Supe (Nov 3, 2010)

Sounds like a terrible idea.


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## DVINNY (Nov 3, 2010)

I just posted a more heart warming husband and wife story in Shoot the Breeze "NEWS STORY"


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## Sschell (Nov 3, 2010)

Supe said:


> Sounds like a terrible idea.



except in this metaphor my home brew is vastly superior to anything you'll find at one of those breweries... so its not so terrible.


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## Supe (Nov 3, 2010)

sschell_PE said:


> Supe said:
> 
> 
> > Sounds like a terrible idea.
> ...



In that case, I'd rather sit home and get tanked than go out and have people trying to steal my beer.


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## Sschell (Nov 3, 2010)

No matter how much I like one beer, I still like looking at the other bottles...


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## roadwreck (Nov 3, 2010)

sschell_PE said:


> No matter how much I like one beer, I still like looking at the other bottles...


I prefer the cans myself.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 3, 2010)

I like jugs.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 3, 2010)

VTEnviro said:


> I like jugs.



That's a growler, not a jug.


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## blybrook PE (Mar 1, 2012)

Very good! I'm trying NOT to laugh out loud! I'll have to go outside in a while to laugh this one off.


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## Master slacker (Mar 2, 2012)

Well hurry up already. We finished over a a year ago.


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## blybrook PE (Mar 2, 2012)

someone else musta revived an OLD thread, I didn't read it back then, but was worth the laugh this go around!


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## roadwreck (Mar 2, 2012)

Anytime someone votes in a poll it gets bumped to the top again. This has happened to this thread multiple times before.


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## engineergurl (Mar 28, 2012)

yeah, polls have a way of returning to haunt a person...


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## YMZ PE (Apr 6, 2012)

Thanks blybrook for reviving this post! I don't care how old this poll is - I can't stop laughing!


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## Krakosky (May 1, 2012)

Alright I just added that to my list of qualities I'm looking for in a man. He must be willing to grab another man's ass for me if a situation like this arises. Lol.


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## wilheldp_PE (May 24, 2012)

Krakosky said:


> Alright I just added that to my list of qualities I'm looking for in a man. He must be willing to grab another man's ass for me if a situation like this arises. Lol.


I think you'll find that those types of men have many other qualities that you are looking for....other than, you know, being attracted to women.


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## humner (May 25, 2012)

I have done similar things like this. One time I had a bad result. Most times it gets a great laugh.


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## ptatohed (May 29, 2012)

5% funny and 95% way too gay for me.


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## Master slacker (Jul 9, 2013)

sschell_PE said:


> So far, I have told this story to six people, and three of them have laughed hysterically, and the other three have looked at me like this was the worst story ever told... since I am batting 500 now, I wanted to submit the story to the board for vote: gross or funny (and if you are somewhere in between, then either dont vote or pick which ever one is closest.)
> 
> Anyways... last weekend I went to visit my wife, who is in New York on business. I arrived on Friday afternoon and after getting settled, my wife and I went out to a club. After we have been there for a while, my wife decides she wants to dance on the platform next to the dance floor where all the drunk chicks dance... So I am sitting there watching her, relaxing, having a good time.
> 
> ...


The Gay Avenger is on this board!!!


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## Supe (Jul 10, 2013)

:Locolaugh:


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