# Bad advice to previous poster



## Sapper PE LS (Sep 16, 2013)

Gameplay is simple. Just give bad advice to the previous posters question then ask for advice on a new question. First question:

What is the best way to start your day?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 16, 2013)

Open up the fridge and have a tall boy, yeah.

What should I get my husband for Christmas?


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## blybrook PE (Sep 16, 2013)

Get him hookers &amp; blow.

Who should I call about the drunk tweaker thats trashing shit in the back yard of my g/f's apartment complex?


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## Supe (Sep 17, 2013)

Troubled teens.

Should I take an HSD at the hotel, or wait until after I eat at the training facility?


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## Master slacker (Sep 17, 2013)

Go ahead and be the engineer you always wanted to be. You take that HSD while eating. Mass in = mass out. You know, conservation of mass!

What's the best way to handle the flat tire on my wife's car?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

slash the other three

How hot should I make my boss' coffee?


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## envirotex (Sep 17, 2013)

Room temperature, then suggest to him that his new energy conservation measures are really helping the bottom line.

What's the best way to ask my boss for a raise?


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## Flyer_PE (Sep 17, 2013)

Naked.

Where's the best place to buy a bed cover for my truck?


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## snickerd3 (Sep 17, 2013)

bed bath and beyond

what should i buy for lunch today


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 17, 2013)

Qdoba.

Where can I find an i7-990x CPU for under $400?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

The back of a delivery truck at a truck stop in the middle of the night.

How much should I invest in domestic stock?


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## Ble_PE (Sep 17, 2013)

Everything.

Where should I go on vacation next year?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

Syria

What should I wear to work tomorrow?


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## Master slacker (Sep 17, 2013)

Body paint in the form of a tuxedo.

How much cash should I bring on vacation?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

Just enough to tip the strippers

What should I eat for lunch?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 17, 2013)

An entire DQ ice cream cake.

What should I tell a bunch of new-hires to get them all jazzed about working here?


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## snickerd3 (Sep 17, 2013)

Fridays are Luau theme...grass skirts and coconut bras are mandatory

what's the best way to find a new job?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 17, 2013)

Full-frontal nude photo as a cover-sheet to your resume

How should I find funding to finish my basement?


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## snickerd3 (Sep 17, 2013)

rent the kids out to other people

what wine goes best with steak


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

Rancid wine

How much should I charge the plumber for right of access to my home when he comes to fix the leaky faucet?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

Solve the previous posts challenge with a magical engineering solution, you know, the kind your boss would suggest.

How do I relieve congestion on the Cross Bronx Expressway?


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 17, 2013)

With baloons.

How do I get a 60-ton refrigeration unit to fit in 5'x5' area?


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## snickerd3 (Sep 17, 2013)

build a shrinkray gun to reduce the size of the unit

how do you fix stupidity?


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## engineergurl (Sep 17, 2013)

let them be stupid and remove all protective warning labels and guidance in place, they'll die off eventually

how can I defy the laws of entropy when it comes to my home?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

Mary Poppins the shit out of that.

How do I make 2 million widgets in one production unit of time?


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## mevans154 (Sep 17, 2013)

Speed up the conveyor belt!

How do you get blood from a stone?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 17, 2013)

Hit someone really hard with it.

How do you speed up the design review process?


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## mevans154 (Sep 17, 2013)

Schedule the Design Review at 4PM on a Friday.

How can you test that the refrigerator light really went out when you closed the door?


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## snickerd3 (Sep 17, 2013)

mevans154 said:


> Schedule the review at 4PM on a Friday.
> 
> How can you test that the refrigerator light really went out when you closed the door?


take the shelves out and put a small child inside to test the theory.

what is a good type for fish kabobs


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## mevans154 (Sep 17, 2013)

Ones where someone else picks up the dinner check.

How do you collect the data of the number of woman who have fallen in the toilet becuase the man forgot to put the seat back down?


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## engineergurl (Sep 17, 2013)

estimate the number of women living in homes with indoor toilets with a man, then add on any woman who has spent more than 3 weekends at their boyfriends house, and any woman who has allowed their boyfriend to stay at their house more than 8 weekends, multiply by 100,000 and subtract one

Create some box plots and then sample 3% of the population of every country in the world to verify

how do I decrease fat and increase muscle with out changing my diet and exercise?


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## Ble_PE (Sep 17, 2013)

^Have boob reduction surgery.

How can I pick the winning lottery numbers for tomorrow's Powerball?


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## mevans154 (Sep 17, 2013)

Read the following day's news paper.

How can I get that 10 pounds of crap into that 5 pound bag?


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## engineergurl (Sep 17, 2013)

buy a ticket for every single possible combination

how do I convince my husband boob reduction surgery is a good idea?


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## engineergurl (Sep 17, 2013)

mevans154 said:


> How can I get that 10 pounds of crap into that 5 pound bag?




dehydrate it by cooking it over a long period of time

wait is this the magic or the bad advice thread? :Locolaugh:


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## mevans154 (Sep 17, 2013)

engineergurl said:


> buy a ticket for every single possible combination
> 
> how do I convince my husband boob reduction surgery is a good idea?




Show him 1000's of pictures of other woman's boobs, and let him decide which ones he likes best! 

How can you validate time travel exists?


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 17, 2013)

Travel to Libya and smuggle some Plutonium to run some tests.

When will warp drive be available?


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## engineergurl (Sep 17, 2013)

it is already available, just too costly to mass produce

how can we prevent the tire pressure from changing with the altering temps


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## mevans154 (Sep 17, 2013)

Liquid gel centers...

How can I teach my wife that our Visa card has a "Credit Limit" and NOT a "Credit Goal"?


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## csb (Sep 17, 2013)

Call up and report the card as stolen. When she says it's being declined, tell it's because the credit limit was lowered. Never give her the new card.

How do I get a raise?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 17, 2013)

Provide story-time where you read the instructions to them (picture books help too).

How do I get my cat to stop pissing all over my house?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

Take it off the roof and let it piss inside the house.

How do I get a mod to merge this thread with the engineering by magic thread since that one devolved into a bad advice thread too.


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 17, 2013)

Delete your account and all of your posts and....

How do I merge threads?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

Give me admin powers... No wait that was bad advice, real answer is to check the thread to merge and then select merge from the mod options

How do you tell the guy buying lotto tickets in front of you in line that he's better off giving me the money and then we'd both be happy... He wasted money, I got money and move ahead in line.


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## YMZ PE (Sep 17, 2013)

Call RG an idiot until he does it for you.

*EDIT* That was for Dex. Sap interfered.

In response to Sap's: Just do it.

What's a nice place I can take my in-laws for dinner?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 17, 2013)

Popeyes

How do I suggest to my in laws that they pay for dinner?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 17, 2013)

Dine and dash when you go out to dinner with them.

How do you like my first merge job?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 17, 2013)

Your merge job is so good, you should quit your job and stay home admin-ing EB.com full time.

Where's a good place to buy a set of bunk beds?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 17, 2013)

A whore house clearance sale.

How do I watch live sporting events without cable/satillite?


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## blybrook PE (Sep 17, 2013)

By buying season tickets and extra airfares to watch every game possible in person across the country.

How can u get people to throw their garbage in the dumpster instead of the back of a truck on their other side (truck on left, dumpster on right, walking in between) ?


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## mevans154 (Sep 18, 2013)

Sell the truck and buy a scooter.

What is the procedure for getting out of the infinite loop printed on the back of my shampoo bottle...

"Lather, Rinse, Repeat"


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## YMZ PE (Sep 18, 2013)

No need to terminate the process. Eventually you'll encounter a stack overflow and die.

How do I get bubble gum out of my hair?


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## engineergurl (Sep 18, 2013)

chew on it, until it disintegrates... if your jaw gets tired, have some one else take a turn

how do I get the dogs to understand that the baby gate is not there as a challenge/game for them to see how long it will take to get to the other side as soon as I walk out the door but it's intent is to keep them out of the litter box and kitty food?


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## Supe (Sep 18, 2013)

Electric baby gate.

What should I order from Chili's tonight?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 18, 2013)

No food, just margaritas. Many margaritas.

What's a good Pandora station to play when having company over?


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 18, 2013)

Death metal.

What should the topic of my term project be?


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## blybrook PE (Sep 18, 2013)

How Genocide in Syria causes a strong support &amp; sense of pride for our commander and chief with the general population.

What restaurant should I go to for horrible Chinese food?


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## Supe (Sep 18, 2013)

Ask Kim Jong Un's personal chef for some.

What should I make my racing side skirts out of so they don't catch fire?


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## engineergurl (Sep 18, 2013)

that material they put on Katniss

How do I add more hours into a day so I don't have to choose between sleep and getting things accomplished?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 18, 2013)

Meth.

How do I reduce useless meeting time and increase real work time?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 18, 2013)

Meth.

How do I make meth to sell to eg and sycamre?


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## blybrook PE (Sep 18, 2013)

By requesting the exact formulas / ingredient list from yer local FBI or Sheriff Office.

Who else should we have join Dex on his new life goal to be a meth distributor?


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 18, 2013)

Miley Cyrus.

Who would distribute the meth?


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## blybrook PE (Sep 18, 2013)

Lindsey Lohan

Anyone else?


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## Dleg (Sep 18, 2013)

The elementary school cafeteria staff.

It's raining but I am supposed to go running. What should I do?


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## blybrook PE (Sep 19, 2013)

Strip to your skivy's, take a bar of soap and enjoy the run. It is even better if during a deluge that is causing evacuations &amp; flooding of your neighborhood.

Will the neighborhood watch actually catch the drunk wandering down the road, or should I go offer the fella another round?


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## Flyer_PE (Sep 19, 2013)

Give him your car keys. He's obviously too drunk to walk.

How do I increase my income to afford a bigger plane?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 19, 2013)

Sell meth

How do I get more sleep?


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## roadwreck (Sep 19, 2013)

Quit your job.

How do I fix my sprinkler system?


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## Ble_PE (Sep 19, 2013)

Hire this guy:







How do I get my kids to pick up their toys at night?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 19, 2013)

Tell them if they don't pick them up you will burn the toys in a huge bon fire on Christmas Eve sending a signal to Santa that naughty children live within and to go on to the next house.

How do I get rid of all the packing paper in my house?


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## Dark Knight (Sep 19, 2013)

Light a match!!!

I am not looking for an advice. Please someone else use my turn to ask.


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## envirotex (Sep 19, 2013)

Well, let me just say then that I dig your tool belt.

How can I keep my coffee hot all the way down to the last drop in my cup?


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## mevans154 (Sep 19, 2013)

Drink REALLY fast!!

If a cat always lands on its feet, and a buttered piece of bread will always land buttered side down...

What will happen if I glue a piece of buttered bread on the back of a cat and drop it??


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## engineergurl (Sep 19, 2013)

The dog will come flying out of nowhere, snatch the bread off the cat ripping all of the cats hair out and angering the cat beyond belief so that the cat will not only is the cat going to land on it's feet (because the bread isn't attached any more)... it's going to proceed to launch itself at the happy dog that is eating the hairy buttered bread.

what should I do with the broken elliptical that I forgot to put out with the bulky pick up?


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## mevans154 (Sep 19, 2013)

Sell it on Ebay... List it as 'Good condition &amp; Gently Used"

What happens when you get "scared half to death" twice?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 19, 2013)

Try it. If we don't hear back from you, we'll assume the worst.

What should I name my unborn baby?


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## mevans154 (Sep 19, 2013)

Mini-me

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 19, 2013)

Just cut the remaining arm off.

How do I make my fantasy football players play better?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 19, 2013)

Stop playing fantasy football.

How do I fix that wierd buzzing coming from the Camaro's exhaust


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## Supe (Sep 19, 2013)

An HSD in the tailpipes should dampen the resonances.

What should I do to help fall asleep tonight?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 19, 2013)

Drink a 2-liter of Mountain Dew, munch on some chocolate covered espresso beans, and tell your wife she needs to sleep on the couch tonight because you've got a raging case of ghonarhea.

How do I get rid of the pesky mosquito in my bedroom.


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## Supe (Sep 19, 2013)

Mosquitos hate smoke... so set the bedroom on fire.

I'm almost out of TP, but don't want to call the cute girl at the front desk for more. What should I do?


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## envirotex (Sep 19, 2013)

Knock on the wall, ask the guy next door to slide some under the door.

Should I sell the family truckster and buy a sports car?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 19, 2013)

Yes, a red Ferrari, preferably one that costs over $900k.

Should I go to bed or continue trash talking my fantasy league?


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## mevans154 (Sep 20, 2013)

Go to bed, everyone knows you are just really surfing porn anyway!!!

If you were at heaven’s gates, and God asked you "why should I let you in?”, what would you say?


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## engineergurl (Sep 20, 2013)

"well if You don't know, how the heck should I?"

should I stop and pick up some cab's on the way home tonight?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 20, 2013)

Yes, and drink them before you get home so nobody knows.

Should I go to the sketchy fish sandwich restaurant within walking distance for lunch today or eat at the crummy cafeteria downstairs where as of yet I've not been food poisoned.


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 20, 2013)

Neither, try foraging around outside to see if you can find some berries and/or mushrooms.

How can I determine if light is considered to be a wave or a particle?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 20, 2013)

Easy. Quit your job and go back to school to study theoretical physics. Preferably at MIT or Cal Tech. You should be able to formulate a coherent opinion on this matter after that.

What should I make for dinner with family visiting next weekend?


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## csb (Sep 20, 2013)

Thai people.

Should I pace myself at the pub crawl tomorrow?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 20, 2013)

It's a crawl, so you should pace yourself so that you're crawling as soon as possible.

How do I get motivated to restart p90x?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 20, 2013)

Do a pub crawl with CSB.

Halloween costume suggestions?


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 20, 2013)

Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball.

What kind of pizza should I order while in Chicago?


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## csb (Sep 20, 2013)

New York Style

Should I bet money on the 49ers this weekend?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 20, 2013)

Not money, bet gold

Should I bring my wife home flowers after her stressful day?


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## Supe (Sep 20, 2013)

Yes, nothing brightens the day of a loved one like the Little Shop of Horrors venus fly trap.

I don't know if it is going to be too cool for a t-shirt tonight. What should I wear?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 20, 2013)

RG's favorite costume...





Thinking of replacing the exhaust system on my car. Suggestions?


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## Supe (Sep 20, 2013)

The new Pepsi catback setup is pretty sweet.







Beer first, or rum and coke?


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## csb (Sep 21, 2013)

Beer before liquor, where are my pants.

Should I try to nap this morning?


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## Dleg (Sep 23, 2013)

Maybe just a catnap, but preferably just like a cat - high on a ledge on the third or fourth story of your office building.

I have a problem with endangered bats preventing me from getting one of my waterline projects approved. What should I do?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 23, 2013)

Hire an indigenous tribe from South America to go hunting...

After a few beers, I really dont want to go to work tomorrow, should I just call in sick?


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## mevans154 (Sep 24, 2013)

You need to multi-task...Bring the beers to work!

When playing golf with the CEO of my company tomorrow. How bad should I "pretend" to suck to let him think he won?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 24, 2013)

There is no "pretending to suck" if you want that pearl necklace...

What should I tell my boss so that I don't have to go to this change order negotiation meeting?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 24, 2013)

You blew the budget on purpose and its a waste of time because the change order will be court ordered anyway after the law suit.

How do you get blood out of car seat upholstery... Asking for science, um, no other reason.


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 24, 2013)

Try tomato juice.

I need a new flashlight for inspections and walk-downs. What should I get.


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## Supe (Sep 24, 2013)

How should I get this bottle of rum on the plane this coming Friday?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Sep 24, 2013)

In your blood supply.

What should I watch on Netflix tonight?


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## envirotex (Sep 24, 2013)

Leaving Las Vegas.

Should I tailgate Thanksgiving for game day, or go for the traditional set up?


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## Supe (Sep 24, 2013)

Why compromise? Deep fry that turkey in the back seat of your car.

This soap is drying out my skin. What should I do?


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## sycamore PE (Sep 24, 2013)

Stop bathing.

What's a good way to minimize the cold I'm coming down with?


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## knight1fox3 (Sep 24, 2013)

Start drinking heavily. Preferably whiskey. That should take care of it.

I need to pick a topic for my final design. What should it be?


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## Sapper PE LS (Sep 24, 2013)

Unicorn bio-carbon emission's deleterious effects on solar energy consumption in developing third world nation states.

How do I tell the kitty cat that I don't really want her ass in my face while I sleep at night?


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## goodal (Nov 15, 2013)

Lick it.

What do I need to do to sell my truck?


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## Ship Wreck PE (Nov 15, 2013)

Roll back odometer

How do I get PE results faster?


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## blybrook PE (Nov 15, 2013)

By calling NCEES and your state board multiple times daily asking for your results.

How can I get U-haul to provide a 4wd, 20' moving truck with chains on short notice for a one way move?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Nov 15, 2013)

Bring in a loaded shotgun.

How do I get my daughter to pay attention better at school?


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## blybrook PE (Nov 15, 2013)

Give her an eviction notice.

What should I have for dinner without having leftovers?


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## Ship Wreck PE (Nov 15, 2013)

Pop tarts

How can I get my wife to wash my truck?


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## cement (Nov 15, 2013)

Supe in a speedo sittin on the hood.

What do I do with a dog that's gone senile?


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## Supe (Nov 18, 2013)

cement said:


> Supe in a speedo sittin on the hood.


Not sure what provoked this one, but LOL. And totally true.

Senile dog? Give it to a senile old man. Every day is a new beginning!

My mouth has a hot sauce aftertaste. What should I do to get rid of it?


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## Ship Wreck PE (Nov 18, 2013)

Start Smoking

I want to try something new. Where should I go for lunch?


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## Supe (Nov 18, 2013)

Guolizhuang - look it up.

My coffee tastes terrible - how can I fix it?


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## Dark Knight (Nov 18, 2013)

Try hot chocolate.

I want to retire but still have at least 20 more years to go. What can I do?


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## snickerd3 (Nov 18, 2013)

spend your life savings at the casino to try to win big so you can retire early

what should I get the boss for christmas?


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## Dark Knight (Nov 18, 2013)

A book: 50 Shades of Gray

What should I get for mine?


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## Supe (Nov 18, 2013)

Also a book! "The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families".

What should I make my new router password for protection against neighbors too cheap to pay for internet?


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## snickerd3 (Nov 18, 2013)

cheap ass punk

whats the best way to tell someone they smell?


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 18, 2013)

Hold your nose and say 'peeee-yooo!' every time they walk by.

What's the best way to avoid being followed by the black choppers?


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## Ship Wreck PE (Nov 18, 2013)

Drive Fast

How do I keep everyone from turning the thermostat up and down?


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## Supe (Nov 18, 2013)

Attach an alarm clock, some wire, and a bundle of red dowel rods to it.

How can I get out of work early to enjoy this gorgeous day?


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## iahim (Nov 18, 2013)

Go to your boss and tell him to go f..ck himself.

Can I take a bath if I have diarrhea?


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## knight1fox3 (Nov 18, 2013)

Supe said:


> Attach an alarm clock, some wire, and a bundle of red dowel rods to it.
> 
> How can I get out of work early to enjoy this gorgeous day?


Call in a bomb threat.

How can I get my homework done while watching Mon. Night football at the same time?


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## Supe (Nov 18, 2013)

Write "Patriots Suck!" and hope for a lenient professor.

How should I ask if we're getting a year end salary increase?


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## Dexman PE PMP (Nov 18, 2013)

Threaten a HSD on the bosses desk

How do I convince the vendors to send my Camaro parts faster?


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## Supe (Nov 18, 2013)

Send relentless hate mail, threatening to spam every message board imaginable.

Have to drop an HSD, but want to beat the traffic. What to do?


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## Sapper PE LS (Nov 23, 2013)

HSD in the fast lane bro.

How do I prepare my kids for the zombie apocalypse since they are scared to watch zombie movies with me?


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## goodal (Nov 25, 2013)

Stop, drop and roll.

How do I convince the powers that be to close the office for the week at noon on Wednesday?


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## knight1fox3 (Nov 25, 2013)

Bomb threat.

How should I cook my turkey this week?


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## Ble_PE (Nov 25, 2013)

Blow torch.

How do I keep myself from eating too much on Thursday?


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## Supe (Nov 25, 2013)

2G1C and Human Centipede marathon.

What should I do for Thanksgiving while the GF and puppies are out of town?


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## knight1fox3 (Nov 25, 2013)

Ble_PE said:


> Blow torch.
> 
> How do I keep myself from eating too much on Thursday?


Ipecac.

How much beer should I buy for the upcoming holiday?


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## mevans154 (Nov 25, 2013)

As much as will physically fit in your car!

When my wife and mother argue, who's side should I take? (assuming both have valid points in the arguement)


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## Supe (Nov 25, 2013)

Your girlfriend's!

How should I keep warm while crawling under the car tonight to make repairs?


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## blybrook PE (Nov 25, 2013)

By burying it completely in the snow and making a snow cave to work from.

How can I convince the other half that we need to utilize movers instead of waiting for carpet installation and doing it all ourselves?


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## goodal (Nov 25, 2013)

Break both your arms.

When should I shave my beard?


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## Dark Knight (Nov 25, 2013)

Don't. Save money on razors.

Can I go home now?


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## mevans154 (Nov 25, 2013)

"You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!"

How should I dress tomorrow morning... "Sock, Sock, Shoe, Shoe" or "Sock, Shoe, Sock, Shoe"?


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## Supe (Nov 25, 2013)

Socks on hands, bare feet, one shoe.

Stay at work, or blow off priority item from coworker?


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## envirotex (Nov 25, 2013)

Go home and hand off the assignment to the receptionist.

What's the fastest way to thaw a turkey?


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## blybrook PE (Nov 25, 2013)

By dropping the frozen bird into a boiling pot of fry grease while everyone stands within 2' of the pot watching. Be sure to do it inside the home for best effects.

Why do I have to take a vacation day if I've worked 8 hours OT for the week?


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## Supe (Nov 26, 2013)

Leave it be! The deep fryer will take care of all that ice.

_Why do I have to take a vacation day if I've worked 8 hours OT for the week?_

R&amp;R is important! Don't worry, that last minute flight to the Bahamas and hotel stay can all be expensed to overhead when you return.

Stay at work, or sneak out early since all of the bosses are on vacation?


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## SCarolinaNiki PE (Nov 26, 2013)

Stay, but throw a big Thanksgiving celebration for everyone with lots of booze. Expense it. They should be thankfully they have such awesome employees, right?

Quickest way to heal whiplash?


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## Supe (Nov 26, 2013)

Get hit sideways. That way, the side-to-side movement cancels out the front-to-back.

They just rescheduled some can't miss meetings during the week before Christmas which I was going to take off. What should I do?


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## envirotex (Nov 26, 2013)

Print a life-sized cut-out of yourself on the plotter and have a co-worker who is out of vacation time deliver it to all of the meetings. Everyone knows that any decisions made the week before Christmas will change after January 1st anyway.

How do I stop my dog from shedding?


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## knight1fox3 (Nov 26, 2013)

The suck cut:






How long should I cook my turkey?


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## Dark Knight (Nov 26, 2013)

Until it turns really black...

I have no idea what to ask here so am passing...


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## goodal (Nov 26, 2013)

FOUL!!!


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## cement (Nov 26, 2013)

yes, that is most of a turducken.

What should I get for lunch today?


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## Supe (Nov 26, 2013)

A jar of tapeworms, to stay slim.

Help the vendor who FUBAR'd their procedures, or let them suffer until next week?


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## Dleg (Dec 2, 2013)

^Get in there and do it yourself, with duct tape and epoxy.

What's the best way to get rid of a cold?


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## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 2, 2013)

Take a cold shower.

What's the best way to get cheap airline tickets?


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## Dleg (Dec 2, 2013)

Book a one-way ticket to New York on Air Afghanistan.

I need a good gift idea for my boss, who is returning from a very long vacation.


----------



## blybrook PE (Dec 2, 2013)

Get him / her a hemmroid pillow or a cushioned toilet seat.

With friends like mine, who should be the best man?


----------



## goodal (Dec 3, 2013)

That homeless guy you passed by on the freeway.

How can I get more work coming into the office?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 3, 2013)

Offer S&amp;H green stamps

What should I have for lunch today ??


----------



## knight1fox3 (Dec 3, 2013)

Lutefisk.

How am I going to get my final project finished?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 5, 2013)

Put it in rice and hope that little asians will come finish it for you, like when you drop your phone in the toilet.

What should I get my GF for Christmas?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 6, 2013)

A match.com account.

How should I fix the squeaky fan in my car's HVAC system?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 6, 2013)

Rince fan vents with water hose. That should do it.

How should I ask boss for a raise now that I have my PE.


----------



## Sapper PE LS (Dec 7, 2013)

By giving him a PE-ness stamp.

How do I make millions of dollars in the next couple of we... Ah hell, next couple of hours.


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 9, 2013)

Sell your organs on the black market!

How can I tell if it is worth "sticking it out" at my current employer?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 10, 2013)

By grabbing the secretaries a$$.

What do I tell my wife when she asks, "does this dress make me look fat?"


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 10, 2013)

The truth

What should I stamp with my new stamp??


----------



## goodal (Dec 10, 2013)

Your lower back just above your crack.

What is the best way to tell my coworker his fly is down?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Dec 10, 2013)

Send a company-wide email.

How can I replace the stereo in my Infinity GX for less than $600?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 10, 2013)

Drive it off of a cliff (assuming you have $500 deductible).

How do I get the kids to do their homework?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 10, 2013)

Threaten to slave trade them.

How do I tell my wife that her cooking is horrible?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 10, 2013)

What do I do with my kids so I can go out to dinner with friends tonight?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 10, 2013)

Bring them. Just leave them in the car.

How do I tell my wife she is becoming her mother?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 11, 2013)

How do you tell a co-worker that you really appreciate them?


----------



## Supe (Dec 11, 2013)

How do I stop my back pain now that the muscle relaxers have gone in the trash?


----------



## Ble_PE (Dec 11, 2013)

Start drinking heavily.

How can I convince the boss to let us drink beer during lunch?


----------



## goodal (Dec 11, 2013)

Show up drunk. Sometimes forgiveness is easier than permission.

How do I find a new job that uses my "particular set of skills" and meets my financial demands?


----------



## Supe (Dec 11, 2013)

Flood the market via singing telegrams to your competitors. Demand 200% over any offers you may receive.

How can I make this Mountain Dew fizzy again?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 11, 2013)

Boil it and drink immediately.

How do I end my addiction to eb.com?


----------



## envirotex (Dec 11, 2013)

You don't. Just give in and become one with the forum. It's easier that way.

How can I get rid of this headache?


----------



## Supe (Dec 11, 2013)

Chop off your leg, the shock will take care of it.

How do I pick sure-fire lottery ticket numbers?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 11, 2013)

easy: pick 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

how do I leave work early and take a long lunch with out my boss noticing?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 11, 2013)

puke on his shoes, he won't care if you leave.

what should I have for lunch?


----------



## roadwreck (Dec 11, 2013)

ever heard of a three martini lunch?

What should I get my wife for christmas?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 11, 2013)

a separate apartment.

how do I tell my boss that I am smarter than him?


----------



## TESTY (Dec 11, 2013)

Give yourself a raise.

How do I tell my wife I am smarter than her?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 11, 2013)

In the most condescending way possible.

How do I tell my 6 yo daughter that I am smarter than her?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 11, 2013)

With a slap across the face.

How do I get myself a new car?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 11, 2013)

Credit card

How do I convince my wife to stop spending money?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Sniper Rifle

What should I get my boss for Christmas?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 12, 2013)

logic

How do I start studying for my PE?


----------



## Ble_PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Don't, only inferior engineers need to study for that exam.

What should I get my boss for Christmas?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Your replacement!

How can I get people to read the previous posts before posting? (...all in fun Ble)


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Ban them.

How can I get people to read the previous posts before posting?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Type in all caps

What should I do for fun this weekend?


----------



## Wesson9 (Dec 12, 2013)

Hold an armed protest in DC.

What's the beat way to unclog a toilet?


----------



## Wesson9 (Dec 12, 2013)

Best*


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Use a straw...

When is it going to start feeling like winter in Florida?


----------



## Wesson9 (Dec 12, 2013)

As soon as Al Gore declares that global warming is over.

What's the best way to get out of a speeding ticket?


----------



## ventilator (Dec 12, 2013)

hit the officer writing the ticket, they'll forget all about the speeding...

how do you meet dead lines when the people wanting the project done don't have any idea what they want?


----------



## Wesson9 (Dec 12, 2013)

Petition your state to employ a fourth party in addition to PCS.

What should I do when my wife wants me to ask for directions?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 12, 2013)

Leave her behind.

How do I earn enough PTO to take the rest of the month off?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Bomb Threat...

Where should I take the Mrs. this evening?


----------



## Ble_PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Strip club.

How do I earn enough PTO to take the rest of the month off?


----------



## Master slacker (Dec 12, 2013)

Schedule a meeting with your boss and bring knee pads.

What's the best way to fix the heater in my car?


----------



## envirotex (Dec 12, 2013)

Light a small fire with all of the paper that has accumulated in your floorboards.

Is there really a one stop shopping place where I can get all of my Christmas shopping done?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Dec 12, 2013)

Yup, hookersandblow.com. Free holiday shipping!

Can I contract out my Xmas shopping this year?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Sure, just send me the money.

What should I order my office for lunch today?


----------



## snickerd3 (Dec 12, 2013)

Tuna salad

what should we get our boss for retirement


----------



## Road Guy (Dec 12, 2013)

Blow up doll.

What should I get the wife for Christmas?


----------



## Ble_PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Erotic massage.

What should we get our boss for his retirement?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 12, 2013)

A Women of EB.com calendar

What's the fastest way to file all this paperwork from my desk?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 12, 2013)

use the trash bin.

Should I buy a snow blower?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Yes, a blonde one, with big knockers!

How do I keep my OCD in check?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 12, 2013)

Keep washing your hand.

Is the steak done?


----------



## TESTY (Dec 13, 2013)

It's perfect. Give it to me.

Should I buy the remote control fart noise maker for my father in law?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 13, 2013)

Yes, and wire it to his door bell for him.

My Mrs. called to tell me that she couldn't remember what she was supposed to do today...

...if I should happen think of it, I should call her and let her know.

What should I tell her?


----------



## Master slacker (Dec 13, 2013)

Buy a strap-on and Vaseline.

When should I stop drinking coffee on any given day?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 13, 2013)

Right before bed

Is it too late in the year to start a garden?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 14, 2013)

Not at all. Plant snow peas.

How do I tell my daughter that her brother is smarter than she is?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Dec 14, 2013)

Enroll both of them in a non-refundable college calculus course and see who does better.

How can I graduate from my MS program faster?


----------



## Master slacker (Dec 14, 2013)

To close out your MS program, click the red box with an "X" in it in the upper right hand corner.







What can I do to see the sun for once today?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 14, 2013)

Take a trip to North Korea.

How do I tell my wife that her friends are fake?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 14, 2013)

Rip off their shirts

How can I get my wife to remodel kitchen by herself?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 14, 2013)

Give her all of your credit cards.

How do I get my dog to stop escaping his kennel and crapping all over the garage at night?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 14, 2013)

Feed him lots of cheese

How can I get my health insurance cheaper


----------



## knight1fox3 (Dec 15, 2013)

Give them a call and make a few death threats.

I just finished my final term project. How should I celebrate considering I have to work tomorrow?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 16, 2013)

Turn your office building into a bonfire.

How do I complete this project before the end of the year?


----------



## Wesson9 (Dec 16, 2013)

Change the calendar on your computer to January 1, 2013.

How do I avoid DC traffic?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 16, 2013)

Drive the shoulder.

How do I demand a raise at work?


----------



## Wesson9 (Dec 16, 2013)

With as much fire power as possible.

How do I stay safe at this construction site?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 16, 2013)

Tell everyone to take the rest of the year off, on your bosses expense account.

How do I get my wife to stop nagging me first thing in the morning?


----------



## Dark Knight (Dec 16, 2013)

Wake her up in the middle of the night, around 3:30AM. That should do the trick.

Should I leave and charge this day to Vacation? Really not in the mood for work.


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 16, 2013)

put it down as a snow day. I'm sure it's snowing somewhere in the world today.

How do I tell my wife that I can't take her to the hospital when she goes into labor, because I have a deadline?


----------



## snickerd3 (Dec 16, 2013)

leave a note on the kitchen table saying you are at the office and wish her luck.

How should we wish our boss farewell at the end of the month?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 16, 2013)

middle finger salute.

how do I tell my wife on Christmas that she didn't get anything because I needed an Xbox One?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 16, 2013)

Tell her you spent her Christmas present money on your PE celebration present.

The guys at work want to take me to hooters to celebrate me passing PE. Should we invite ladies at the office?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 16, 2013)

only if they are hot.

How do I tell my wife that my office's Christmas party is no spouses this year, even if it is?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 16, 2013)

Shedule it for the same day she goes into labor.

How do I convince the contractor that this change order isn't worth my time to write?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 16, 2013)

Send him a bill for your time.

What do you say to your boss when you are quitting?


----------



## TESTY (Dec 16, 2013)

I'm suing you for making me work.

What should I do at the company xmas party to get fired?


----------



## envirotex (Dec 16, 2013)

Hookers and blow.

How can I get an extra day of work in before my meeting on Thursday?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 16, 2013)

double bill your time.

how do I convince my boss that I need a company car and company credit card?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Dec 16, 2013)

Apply for both in your bosses name. Tell him a few months from now.

How do I get out of a site visit tomorrow?


----------



## GfunkyCivil (Dec 16, 2013)

Slash all the tires on the company vehicle.

How do I tell my manager to stop asking me if I passed the PE?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 16, 2013)

Pass the PE and then flex your PE-ness in his face.

How do I convince the office admin that it is, in fact, her job to make sure the coffee service order includes sugar?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 16, 2013)

throw the empty boxes at her and yell, "do your damn job!"

How do I tell my boss that those credit card charges at the bar were legit?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 16, 2013)

Show him the police report...

How should I pass the time while waiting for my License number?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 16, 2013)

hookers and blow

How do I explain the hookers and blow to my wife?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 16, 2013)

Play a game of Pictionary

Anything special I should bring on vacation this holiday season?


----------



## Ble_PE (Dec 16, 2013)

Blow up doll, cucumbers and vaseline.

Should I leave work early?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 17, 2013)

No, stay late... Hookers and Blow on the bosses credit card.

How do I get the building's maintenance people to repond faster?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 17, 2013)

Tell them you have free hookers and blow.

What color should I paint my bedroom?


----------



## TESTY (Dec 17, 2013)

Pink, Then invite some interior decorators for advice on furniture.

What should I do while my wife takes forever going in all the stores in the mall?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 17, 2013)

hang out in the lingerie store and stare at all the young girls. You should make plenty of friends.

How do I explain to my boss the 26" LED monitor that I needed at work?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Dec 17, 2013)

Go ask women in Victoria's Secret to try stuff on for you.

How does Testy get women in Victoria's Secret to try stuff on for him while his wife takes forever going in all the stores in the mall?


----------



## TESTY (Dec 18, 2013)

They cannot resist my PE-ness.

How do you escape Victoria's Secret Store after you see your wife walking in with 10 close friends who know you.


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 22, 2013)

Hide in the dressing room.

When should I tell my daughter Santa isn't real?


----------



## Wesson9 (Dec 22, 2013)

Christmas Eve. Right before bedtime.

How long should I stay in the sauna at the gym?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 22, 2013)

Assuming it's the women's sauna, stay as long as you can. Leave before security, or your wife, arrives.

When should I buy my wife her Christmas gift?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Dec 22, 2013)

July 2nd.

It just snowed 10" here, how can I get more beer delivered to my front door?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 22, 2013)

Make your house a "bring your own beer" strip club.

Should I take a half day from work on Tues?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 22, 2013)

Why bother? Bill the entire day to an unsuspecting client.

How do I tell my wife that her Christmas cookies suck?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 22, 2013)

Tell her you dropped a cookie on the floor and after the dog ate it, he started licking his a$$ to get the taste out of his mouth.

Should I throw out my old college books?


----------



## TESTY (Dec 23, 2013)

Say that they are all books on nuclear engineering and advertise them in Al Jazeera + notify NSA.

What should I get my bossy wife for xmas?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 23, 2013)

Nuclear Engineering text books.

What excuse should I use to get out of the house while the inlaws are over?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Dec 23, 2013)

You have an appointment at the orential massage parlor.

What should I get my wife for Christmas now that I only have a few days left?


----------



## NJmike PE (Dec 30, 2013)

I don't know but buy something now, from a gas station convenience store and give it to her today. Tell her that you forgot about it.

How do I tell my mother in law that she talks too much?


----------



## goodal (Dec 30, 2013)

Do so while all of your family is around listening to her tell, again, why she didn't have any luck on weight watchers.

How do I get the paint on my SUV to sparkle again?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 30, 2013)

Donate it to the set of the next Twilight movie.

What should my drink of choice be at the New Year's party?


----------



## mevans154 (Dec 31, 2013)

Drink one of Everything...and two of the one that you like the best!

What should my New Year's Resolution be?


----------



## matt267 PE (Dec 31, 2013)

More hookers and blow.

When should I buy a new car?


----------



## TESTY (Dec 31, 2013)

At 2am on Jan 1st at the 24-7 lot when you are totally plastered.

What would top the experience of the characters in the movie, "Hangover".


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Jan 6, 2014)

Studying for the PE

Coworker is leaving for another region... Should I do anything special?


----------



## NJmike PE (Jan 6, 2014)

Male or female coworker?

Male, pay for a good bye hooker.

Female, slap her ass and ask her to go into the storage closet with you.

What's the best way to get out of the medical bills?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 6, 2014)

Take out a loan from a Columbian drug lord.

How do I get my graduate university to respond to emails quicker?


----------



## NJmike PE (Jan 6, 2014)

Send them an envelope laced with anthrax.

How do I keep my house warm without raising my utility bills?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 6, 2014)

Light it on fire.

what color should I paint my walls.


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 6, 2014)

Why stop with one color? Embrace all colors of a 24-bit color spectrum!

What should I make the in-laws for dinner this weekend?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 6, 2014)

Leftovers from Thanksgiving Day dinner.

Should I go snowboarding this Wednesday?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Jan 7, 2014)

Quit your job and go everyday...

How do I get the woman to stop fussin?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 7, 2014)

Duct tape. But you have to use the entire roll.

How do I synthesize a methylated alkaloid?


----------



## TESTY (Jan 7, 2014)

Give it to an alky.

What video game should I get the wife who hates the X Box I bought for my daughter for xmas.


----------



## NJmike PE (Jan 7, 2014)

Zuma fitness rush (tell her it's only to help her)

How do I tell my wife that she should get her types tied instead of me getting the Snip?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 7, 2014)

In a Valentine's day card.

How can I get upgrades for my work PC?


----------



## Jdsmith PE (Jan 9, 2014)

Take them from your coworkers' Machines.

How do I get out of work early today?


----------



## TESTY (Jan 9, 2014)

Make sexual advances towards your Boss, so you get fired.

What publicity stunt should I do for my election campaign?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 22, 2014)

Smoke crack on live TV.

What should I do with my old home computer?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 22, 2014)

Give it to knightfox to repair. 

I feel the effects of a food coma setting in from eating too much at lunch. How should I address this?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 22, 2014)

One word: Vodka.

How can I be more romantic at home?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 22, 2014)

Stop shaving and showering.

What should I make for dinner? (besides the "doggy bag" I made for Dex...)


----------



## NJmike PE (Jan 22, 2014)

Nothing. Just wait patiently at the kitchen table for Mrs Fox to prepare it.

How do I convince my 4 yr old to eat?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Jan 23, 2014)

Lovingly explain how "Old Bessy" made it to his plate.

What's the best way to ask for a bonus this year?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 23, 2014)

Bring a shotgun with you to the meeting with your boss.

How do I spam EB with no Internet access at work?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 25, 2014)

Use your boss' phone. But you'll have to destroy it after so there is no evidence.

What should I do tomorrow?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Feb 10, 2014)

Join some random event at Sochi. Even if you don't win, declare to the crowd "I've taken the GOLD!".

What should I make for dinner tonight?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 10, 2014)

Drive really fast on a 2-lane highway through a heavily wooded area after dark, and fry up the first thing that you hit.

Should I read the 3rd book of Game of Thrones before or after watching the 3rd season?


----------



## blybrook PE (Feb 10, 2014)

After, that way you aren't yelling at da TV when they screw it up &amp; you already know they have.

Should I return the recently warrantied HID Reverse lights yet again since they didn't last one use, or install H3 moose lights running off the trailer plug for backup lights?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Feb 10, 2014)

Neither. Install this instead:







On the way home from work, I still see a few houses with all their Xmas decs still up. How should I tell them it's time to take them down?


----------



## TESTY (Feb 12, 2014)

Dress up like Bad Santa, drunk, and tell them their decorations are confusing the reindeer when they fly over.

How should I convince City Council to allow for a presentation of my recycle water plan improvements.


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 18, 2014)

Show up to the meeting with road flares taped to your chest.

What should my wife and I do tonight?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 18, 2014)

Sleep on NJ's couch.

How do I pay my $4k tax bill?


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 18, 2014)

Sell a sex video of your wife.

Where can I buy sex videos of wifes?


----------



## NJmike PE (Mar 18, 2014)

At Dex's house.

How do I get my daughter to stop peeing in her bed at night?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Mar 18, 2014)

Put her on your couch

How can I get my wife to stop spending money?


----------



## NJmike PE (Mar 19, 2014)

With a right hook to the jaw.

How should I pick my March Madness brackets?


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 19, 2014)

Fill one out for each possible combination.

Should I take the PE before I have more children?


----------



## NJmike PE (Mar 19, 2014)

Yes but plan conception for 9 months before the exam.

How can I get rid of the remaining snow in my yard?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 19, 2014)

Flamethrower.

What type of equipment will I need to make a sex tape of my wife?


----------



## roadwreck (Mar 19, 2014)

A big black rubber fist would be a good start.

How to I ward off this cold I feel coming on?


----------



## envirotex (Mar 19, 2014)

Tequila shots cure everything.

How do I get my dog to come when I call her?


----------



## NJmike PE (Mar 20, 2014)

attach a car battery with leads to her and zap her every time she doesn't listen.

How do I get my son to stop saying no?


----------



## Wolverine (Mar 20, 2014)

Duct tape fixes everything.

How do I get my boss off my back?


----------



## NJmike PE (Mar 20, 2014)

tell him to be more useful with his time.

how do I convince my boss that I need a company car?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 20, 2014)

Steal his.

How do I pick the right teams to win the Billion dollar NCAA bracket?


----------



## roadwreck (Mar 20, 2014)

Borrow money from the mob to payoff the players, coaches &amp; refs to throw the games. Payback the loan with the winnings. What could go wrong? :dunno:

How do I get people to leave me alone so I can get some actual work done today?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 20, 2014)

HSD at the entrance of your office/cube

Where should I go to watch the NCAA tourney tonight?


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 20, 2014)

At your girlfriend's house. Tell your wife you have to work late.

Should I ride my bike to work to combat climate change?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Mar 20, 2014)

Yes but it has to be this one:







How can I convince my professor to make the next exam the take-home type?


----------



## NJmike PE (Mar 20, 2014)

knight1fox3 said:


> Yes but it has to be this one:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Do a strip tease for him.

how do I convince the DMV to pass my car for inspection?


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 20, 2014)

With a large sum of money.

Should I have my lawn mower tuned this year.


----------



## TESTY (Mar 26, 2014)

No, spend big bucks, (the money saved for your wife's b-day), and make it robot controlled, sit in the hammock and watch + drink lots of beer.

What should I plan for romantic surprise for my wife's birthday?


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 26, 2014)

Buy her a bad ass robot lawn mower.

What flowers should I plant in the front yard?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 26, 2014)

Doesn't matter because your wife will run them over while learning to control her new robot lawn mower.

When should I over seed the back yard?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Mar 26, 2014)

When you're planting the CO "special herb".

How can I get the day off tomorrow?


----------



## NJmike PE (Mar 27, 2014)

at the end of the work day today, storm into your boss' office, preferably while he is behind closed doors in a meeting or on a telephone call, and tell him to GFY! Then turn around and walk out. He'll surely give you tomorrow off.

How do I convince my wife that every Friday is steak and BJ day?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 4, 2014)

Promise her it will settle her stomach.

How do I get over the anxiety of taking the PE?


----------



## NJmike PE (Apr 4, 2014)

get really drunk just before the exam. It will settle your nerves.

how do I get the puke chunks out of my daughters hair?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 4, 2014)

Buy a dog. Dogs love that kind of stuff.

What family activity should we do tomorrow?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Apr 4, 2014)

Paintball.

How do I get out of finals for grad school?


----------



## NJmike PE (Apr 4, 2014)

tell the professor that you're smarter than they are and that you should be exempt

how do I avoid not catching the same stomach bug taht everyone in my family apparently has


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 4, 2014)

Sleep on the couch.

How do I convince people at work to stop complaining?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Apr 4, 2014)

Tell anyone that complains that "The volcano is going to get us anyway, I have calculations to prove it"

What's the best way to get unstuck from a snow drift?


----------



## TESTY (Apr 4, 2014)

Flamethrower

What do you do to a Car Dealer that does not listen to you and keeps talking about deals that are a rip off.


----------



## envirotex (Apr 4, 2014)

Go ahead and pay the $10K for that 1993 Toyota Corolla because some day it will be a classic.

How can I get my kids to clean up their rooms?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Apr 4, 2014)

Chinese water torture.

How am I supposed to get this $%^&amp; pop quiz completed by 7pm tonight?!


----------



## NJmike PE (Apr 7, 2014)

Keep setting the clock back. It will never reach 7 PM.

How do I pay of the $750 oil bill?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Apr 8, 2014)

Dress as the hamburglar and go around and siphon all the trucks at the local truck stop with the Mc D's attached. Sell what you get on the black market...

What's the best way to renew my PE License?


----------



## TESTY (Apr 8, 2014)

use forgery.

How do I get a propane company to take away a 300 gal tank which I canceled account with, and has been in my driveway for 8 months?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Apr 8, 2014)

Shoot it with high powered rifle

How should I get wife to wash her car?


----------



## NakedOrangie (Apr 15, 2014)

Tell her it will help her lose those extra 30 pounds and that there are no such things as "fat pants" while washing a vehicle.

What should I get my sister for her birthday?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Apr 15, 2014)

Fat pants

How do I convince someone else to do this plan review for me?


----------



## envirotex (Apr 16, 2014)

Quit your job.

What kind of new desk chair should I get?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 16, 2014)

your bosses chair will do just fine.

When should I fertilize my bushes?

(top :bananalama: )


----------



## TESTY (Apr 16, 2014)

Everyday, (i.e.don't use the toilet), human fertilizer style.

How do I kill the coyote who killed our cat and the neighbor's chickens?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Apr 16, 2014)

Get yourself one of these:







What should I do about my car radio continually dropping out?


----------



## Dark Knight (Apr 16, 2014)

Turn it off

What can I give to my wife on our 26th anniversary?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 16, 2014)

herpes

How many days should I take off during school vacation?


----------



## Dark Knight (Apr 16, 2014)

40...That will make it an extended vacation.

Where can I buy some herpes?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Apr 16, 2014)

All of them.

Edit: New response. Find the best picture on www.peopleofwalmart.com and go to that store.

What should I tell the bitchy receptionist so she actually does her job?


----------



## Dark Knight (Apr 16, 2014)

DO YOUR M'F#$%ing JOB!!!!!!

How can I give some bad advice without any sense of humor?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 16, 2014)

pretend you're Dr. Phil

Should I ride my bike to work next week?


----------



## NakedOrangie (Apr 16, 2014)

Yes, naked!

What can I do to pass the PE?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Apr 16, 2014)

Phone a friend during the exam.

Should I leave work early to go work on my final project?


----------



## Dark Knight (Apr 16, 2014)

No. Do it at work

Should I go home now?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 8, 2014)

No, go to your girl friends house but tell your wife you're still at work.

When should I buy a boat?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (May 8, 2014)

Tonight on Craigslist

What should I do at work tomorrow?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 8, 2014)

Sell me your boat on Craigslist.

How much should I offer SW for his boat?


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (May 8, 2014)

$1 M plus shipping

Should I throw in life jackets and EPIRB??


----------



## matt267 PE (May 8, 2014)

No, that stuff is for pussies.

How can I get $1M by morning?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 8, 2014)

Sell hookers and blow.

How do I convince my neighbor to let me watch the DVR'd back episodes of Game of Thrones he has?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 9, 2014)

Offer him top quality hookers and blow. (PM me)

When is it time for a new car?


----------



## Lumber Jim (May 9, 2014)

When the fast food bags begin to compost...

What's the best way to find parts that my lawn mower lost in the yard?


----------



## TESTY (May 9, 2014)

Buy a new, expensive mower, and mow over them.

What is the best way to cut open a propane tank, (which the tank co won't pick up), so I can make a smoker out of it?


----------



## Lumber Jim (May 9, 2014)

Have it filled one more time then weld the pressure relief closed (preferably with oxy-acetylene) and then build a fire under it. The fire needs to be about 2000 degrees so use plenty of wood and the accelerant of your choosing. It'll split so that you will be left with a body and a cover ... trust me.

What should I get my wife for Mother's Day?


----------



## envirotex (May 9, 2014)

A vacuum cleaner (trust me).

What color should I paint my house?


----------



## Lumber Jim (May 12, 2014)

cow patty.

How do I make it up to my wife after the vacuum cleaner purchase?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 12, 2014)

Tell her that with the vacuum cleaner, she can now leave the kitchen.

How do I make life more interesting?


----------



## Golden Eagle PE (May 12, 2014)

Go streaking at a major sporting event.

How do I get my wife to let me watch more sports?


----------



## TESTY (May 12, 2014)

Get Divorced.

How do I get to watch more sports, (without getting divorced), by adding what type of high tech wife monitoring/distracting equipment to my "man cave"?


----------



## envirotex (May 12, 2014)

Invite Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling to the man cave.

Should I keep the St. Augustine in my yard or go with another variety of grass?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 13, 2014)

Over seed with a variety of grass called "crab grass." Its self seeding and fills in bare spots.

Should we go to the air show in the rain?


----------



## knight1fox3 (May 13, 2014)

Yes but go in a hot air balloon.

How do I get rid of this cramp in my neck?


----------



## TESTY (May 13, 2014)

Convince the ladies your neck works way better than a thigh master.

How do I pick avocado's that are out of reach of my fruit picker without damaging them?


----------



## Supe (May 13, 2014)

Hire a taller fruit picker. Preferably one that uses stilts and is slightly intoxicated. They have softer hands, and are less likely to damage the avocado.

How can I drive down the cost of my roof and HVAC replacement?


----------



## blybrook PE (May 13, 2014)

By removing the roof completely. Plenty of fresh air and cooling. Burn the removed materials as a heat source come winter.

How can I get the neighbors cats to stop using the raised beds as a private litter box? Electric fence hasn't worked.


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 13, 2014)

Shotgun.

What type of car should I get as a commuter so I'm not logging so many miles on the Camaro.


----------



## knight1fox3 (May 14, 2014)

This. And it even matches the Bee's colors.




Thigh master idea didn't work for the neck cramp. What next?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 24, 2014)

Lots and lots of booze.

What should I have for breakfast.


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 27, 2014)

Bacon. You don't joke about that.

How should I get caught up with all these unread threads from the last week?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 29, 2014)

ask your boss to hire an intern for help.

What should I do this weekend?


----------



## knight1fox3 (May 29, 2014)

Base jumping.

How do I get a refund for a bad motherboard purchased off ebay?


----------



## goodal (May 30, 2014)

Give them a bad review.

How do I get all the crap done today that I'm supposed to.


----------



## ventilator (May 30, 2014)

Postpone your deadline until Monday.

How do you get someone to understand doing low profit/high liability work isn't something you like?


----------



## goodal (Jun 9, 2014)

Take on a bunch of it and see what happens when the crap hits the fan.

How do I bulk up for the summer?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jun 9, 2014)

How can I get my new car stereo parts I ordered from ebay quicker?


----------



## TESTY (Jun 20, 2014)

Take some coma inducing pills, and when you wake up 3 days later the parts will be on your chest. It'll feel quicker.

What heath/fitness improving exercise and diet should I do in order maintain optimum health and eat 3 packs of bacon and drink 3 cases of beer every week?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Jul 14, 2014)

start doing "butter" flies with 5 lb. tubs of butter in between dosing yourself with beer and bacon... The exercise gets easier as you start to use up the butter in your bacon samiches. BTW, You'll need the bread to make a balanced diet. If you work hard you'll be doing 100 rep sets in no time and enjoying the good life!!!

What's the best way to ensure that I have no work contact during Vacation?


----------



## Supe (Jul 14, 2014)

Stopping everyone else is tough. Suicide takes care of it on your end, so that's your best bet.

My left ear hurts. I think I'm getting an ear/sinus/chest infection. What should I do?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jul 14, 2014)

Cut it off and use a red-hot metal rod to seal the hole before the infection sets in.

How do I prevent my wife from going to Ikea?


----------



## Supe (Jul 14, 2014)

Take her to a high end furniture store instead and tell her "cost is no object."

These peanuts are making my mouth dry. What to do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Aug 5, 2014)

suck harder.

How do I get all this work done.


----------



## Ble_PE (Aug 5, 2014)

Quit, then you don't have to finish it.

How can I guarantee that I'll hit the jackpot in the lottery this week?


----------



## matt267 PE (Aug 5, 2014)

buy every combination of numbers.

If I quit my job, how should I pay my bills.


----------



## Ble_PE (Aug 5, 2014)

Make your wife become a call girl.

How can I have more fun at work?


----------



## matt267 PE (Aug 5, 2014)

PM me, I'll give you my wife's number.

What should I contribute at my 9:00 meeting?


----------



## Supe (Aug 5, 2014)

An HSD on the table always emphasizes whatever point you need to make.

Coffee is getting cold. What should I do with it?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Aug 5, 2014)

Dump it on the receptionists desk and yell at her for making inferior coffee.

Possible job opportunity in SoCal, should I take it?


----------



## Supe (Aug 5, 2014)

Yes. But don't pressure them for a COL adjustment or bump in pay - that just seems needy. Make sure the van you'll be living in has a fresh coat of wax on it, too!

Back itches, but no backscratcher handy. What do do?!


----------



## Ship Wreck PE (Aug 5, 2014)

Call Hooker

What for lunch?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Aug 5, 2014)

Lutefisk.

How can I get the state of IL to process my application for comity faster?


----------



## Supe (Aug 5, 2014)

Show up in person and throw a good old-fashioned temper tantrum.

Have heartburn - what to do?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Aug 5, 2014)

What should I make for dinner?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Aug 5, 2014)

Bacon. There is no joking about that.

The contractor has earned a HSD, but I don't have anything "on deck". How should I proceed?


----------



## cement (Aug 5, 2014)

They need volunteers at the zoo.

My back hair is out of control. What should I do?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Aug 5, 2014)

Braid it &amp; add highlights.

Looking to take a short 3-day weekend vacation with the family. Suggestions?


----------



## matt267 PE (Aug 5, 2014)

Bunny Ranch.

I'm going to be home alone this weekend. What should I do besides study.


----------



## knight1fox3 (Aug 5, 2014)

Start drinking heavily...






How do I get out of a fee for adding an infant to our flight itinerary?


----------



## envirotex (Aug 5, 2014)

Duct tape said infant to yourself for the duration of the trip.

Where should we go for a last minute vacation before school starts?


----------



## Supe (Aug 5, 2014)

The airport. I hear TSA will be tackling some guy with a baby duct taped to his chest.

Really hot in the office. What to do?


----------



## cement (Aug 5, 2014)

Hold a match to a sprinkler head.

What's a good movie to go see?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Aug 5, 2014)

Goatse.

What should we do for entertainment out in Seattle?


----------



## blybrook PE (Aug 5, 2014)

Hookers &amp; Blow with extra Bacon! Tour the docks after midnight too while running all out, port security loves the extra workout.

Just got a cold call from another engineering firm wanting to discuss options / potential employment that I applied to last year and never heard from. Haven't heard the best things about this company from others in the industry after taking the current position. However, their office is less than 3 miles from home. Should I bother?


----------



## Supe (Aug 5, 2014)

Of course. But be sure to tell your current boss to F himself, and burn all possible bridges before departure. I mean, once you're gone, who needs them, right? Don't actually apply for the other position until after you've left your current role, though. Don't want to be perceived as "unavailable."

Been working too late again. How can I break the habit?


----------



## envirotex (Aug 6, 2014)

Sell the house, move the family to the office. That way you don't have to give anything up!

Where should Mr. Tex and I go to dinner for our anniversary? Fancy restaurant or burger shack?


----------



## Supe (Aug 6, 2014)

A fancy burger shack. Nothing says romance like a lobster bib and a burger that's free if you can finish it.

About to leave during rush hour. What's the secret to circumventing traffic?


----------



## blybrook PE (Aug 6, 2014)

Buy an emergency light &amp; siren assembly from Galls. Install and utilize whenever stuck in traffic. Be sure to get the same color that the local PD / Fire Department utilizes. Also get a scanner installed so you can listen for the cops coming after you. When in traffic, activate the lights / siren / scanner and floor it! Be sure to have enough fuel so you can outrun anyone attempting to catch you.

How can I get more work done at the house without hiring a contractor or quitting my job?


----------



## matt267 PE (Aug 9, 2014)

Burn it down so it'll be the issuance company's problem.

What should I do about the small chips on my 9 y/o car?


----------



## TESTY (Aug 11, 2014)

Crazy glue your wife's jewelry covering them up.

How should I tell my mother in law who is pro-Palestinian/Hamas to stop talking about the Middle East because I am sick of hearing about it + am pro- Israel?


----------



## Dark Knight (Aug 11, 2014)

Buy her a postcard with the Star of David on it.

A friend just offered me to join his company in what would be a side job for me. Should I accept?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Aug 19, 2014)

Yes but make sure to quit your primary job first so you have enough time for the side job.

Should I take out a small loan for new house windows?


----------



## TESTY (Aug 26, 2014)

Take out a big loan and also build a baseball field of dreams for all the kids with your house behind it.

How do I get my beer-aholic neighbor to stop drinking all my beer?


----------



## blybrook PE (Aug 26, 2014)

Quit your job and open a micro brewery in your basement. Keep your creations on tap and forgo bottles; only kegs.

How can I get rid of this head cold before the weekend shows up?


----------



## csb (Aug 26, 2014)

I suggest a raging alcohol binge between now and then. Stay up until at least 2 a.m.

Should I get my car fixed at the same dealership that may have caused the problem?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 7, 2014)

If you haven't do so aleady, I would say yes. But leave your credit card and tell them to spare no expense when fixing the car.

Do I really have to help my daughter with her homework?


----------



## goodal (Oct 7, 2014)

Nope. Let her figure it out herself. She'll be fine.

Shouid I start working now or kill another hour on the interwebs?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 7, 2014)

Why stop at an hour? Free interwebs all day long!!

Do I start looking for a new job now, or wait 8 months to get vested in my retirement account?


----------



## Supe (Oct 7, 2014)

Retirement is for suckers. Get out of Dodge, and burn those bridges!

All of my calendars still show September, and I'm too lazy to change them. What to do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 7, 2014)

Just pretend today is September 7th and go with it.

Should I pay off my student loans early?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 7, 2014)

Yes. But do so buy using your credit card at an ATM to get cash out. Put the cash in a brief case hand-cuffed to your arm and go pay those bastids.

How much time should I devote to my grad school homework this week?


----------



## goodal (Oct 7, 2014)

EVERY waking and sleeping moment.

How do I get motivated to do something worth while today?


----------



## TESTY (Oct 7, 2014)

Put BOOBS, BACON and BEER pictures on all of your unfinished work.

How do I get my soon to be ex wife to move out of the house faster?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 7, 2014)

Set the house on fire.

How do I convince my boss to let me use my vacation time.


----------



## envirotex (Oct 7, 2014)

Start coming to work in your bathrobe and mumble about your gun collection.

What size television should I get for the living room if the media room already has a big screen?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 8, 2014)

Time to upstage the media room with this (IMAX screen):







Ignore any delivery and/or installation costs.

What should I have installed on the back patio to replace a decaying wooden stoop?


----------



## Supe (Oct 8, 2014)

Think green. A stoop made of recycled cardboard ought to do the trick.

What should I get for lunch today?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 8, 2014)

Raid the office fridge. Ignore any labels, just take what you want.

What should be a good place to start researching on how I can gain weight?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Nov 20, 2014)

A feedlot. Gaining weight is how they make money... It will take total immersion though.

I'm take my wife out for Indian food for the first time tomorrow night. What should I order?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Nov 21, 2014)

A bacon double cheeseburger.

My wife is taking my son to the movies this weekend, so I will be home alone. What should I do?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Nov 21, 2014)

Hookers and blow. Wait that was supposed to be a bad idea...

I feel like I am always trying to "fix" something irritating on my car (squeeks, rattles, clunks). Do I just trade the car in or keep it?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Nov 21, 2014)

Keep it, sue the state for having bumpy roads and use the money for repairs...

I have a lot of work to do but really want to leave early. What should I do?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Nov 21, 2014)

Leave a "present" on your bosses desk and go home.

I make too much money, what should I buy?


----------



## TESTY (Nov 26, 2014)

Bail out and Hire Alix Tichelmann: http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/general-news/20140710/call-girl-charged-in-google-execs-heroin-death-in-santa-cruz

What do I tell the Propane Company so they don't try and charge me when they finally come to take away their tank, that I was tired of waiting and I cut it up and made a meat smoker out of it?


----------



## Dark Knight (Nov 26, 2014)

Tell them it was the protesters from Ferguson.

Do not really looking for an advice. What do I do?


----------



## P-E (Jan 3, 2015)

Ask vtme for tips to pass the PE

It's my wife's birthday. How do I get out of dinner plans to go drinking?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 3, 2015)

Clean her plate first.

Should I take the Christmas lights down today?


----------



## MechE_in_PA_PE (Jan 3, 2015)

Yes especially if you're getting hit with the ice storm...make sure to use an aluminum ladder and leave it set up outside for at least 3 hours prior to starting.

Now that I know a super good tip for passing the PE should I stop studying and start partying?


----------



## maryannette (Jan 3, 2015)

Yes, party to your heart's content. When you take the exam, mark 10 As, 10 Bs, 10 Cs, and 10 Ds in whatever order you like. That will surely work.

Should I share MY stupid tip for passing?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 3, 2015)

Oh goodie, please do.

Should I take a nap now?


----------



## P-E (Jan 3, 2015)

No, wait until your wife needs to talk about something that she thinks is important.

How should I go about disposing of my Christmas tree?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 4, 2015)

Leaving it where it is, use a match.

Should I study all day today?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Jan 4, 2015)

Studying is for suckers.

Should I bet my entire salary on the Browns to win it all next season?


----------



## Dark Knight (Jan 4, 2015)

No. The Jets or the Giants are a better option.

Should I open the NSFW pic thread in the office?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 4, 2015)

Absolutely! But be sure to do it on a secondary monitor like a flat screen TV or projector. The higher resolution the better!

Should I go back outside and shovel again?


----------



## Dark Knight (Jan 4, 2015)

No. Wait until there are 72 inches again.

Should I keep posting here?


----------



## P-E (Jan 4, 2015)

Yes of course, lots of hardcore porn is encouraged.

I took last week off from work. Should I bother to go in tomorrow?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 4, 2015)

Nah. Call in and tell them you'll be back to work after New Year's. 2016.

My wife wants my advice for losing weight. What should I tell her?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Jan 5, 2015)

Tell her she looks better when she's fat.

I can't sleep, what should I do to cure the insomnia?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 5, 2015)

Beer. Drink lots of beer.

What should I cook for dinner tonight?


----------



## P-E (Jan 5, 2015)

Tell your wife it is her job.

What color should I paint the front hallway?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 5, 2015)

Blood red.

Should I help my daughter with her homework?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 5, 2015)

Yes, do it all for her, and finish it off with a note to the teacher complaining that it was too easy, and when the hell are they going to start teaching her multivariable calculus?

One of my junior engineers is getting stressed out because he feels like he has too many projects. How can I put his mind at ease and get him to get his work done?


----------



## P-E (Jan 6, 2015)

Treat him like the jr engineer that he is: have him pick up your lunch, coffee and dry cleaning.

I under estimated my project by $1,000,000. How do I get out of this?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 6, 2015)

Blame it on the local jr engineer.

Should I be nice to people today?


----------



## NJmike PE (Jan 6, 2015)

No. Why start now.

Since I have an oil leak in my car, should I add more oil today?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 6, 2015)

No, you should wait until you hear grinding noises coming from the engine.

Is it ok if my daughter misses a day of school to go skiing?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 6, 2015)

It's shouldn't be a problem, she'll just end up being a jr engineer for the rest of her life...

Do you think it will be a problem if I spend the afternoon playing cellphone games while at work?


----------



## P-E (Jan 6, 2015)

No problem as long as you bill the client for those hours.

I forgot my lunch at home. What should I do?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 6, 2015)

Grab something from the fridge. The name on it is so you know who to send the thank you card to.

Do I keep Bee or trade it in on a 2015 Camaro?


----------



## Supe (Jan 6, 2015)

Buy a 2015 Camaro full of bees.

Go home, or stay at work?


----------



## P-E (Jan 7, 2015)

Stay the night and sleep on the boss's desk and use his filing cabinet as a urinal.

It's gonna be cold tomorrow. What should I wear?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Jan 7, 2015)

Speedo or thong, your choice.

I'm hungry, what's a good snack.


----------



## Dleg (Jan 7, 2015)

If stuck in the office, I would recommend a few spoon fulls of sugar and creamer from the coffee room. Follow it up with some instant coffee crystals, if you feel like it. You can kill two birds that way - snack and coffee break.

The spare tire on my vehicle won't hold air, because the rim is rusted and needs to be machined, which is going to cost me money and precious time. What should I do?


----------



## P-E (Jan 7, 2015)

Burn your car and steal the neighbor's.

I need to jump start my car but have no cables. Now what do I do?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 8, 2015)

Take an ordinary extension cord, cut off the female end, strip the wires and connect them to the battery terminals, and then plug the male end into a wall outlet. It should work perfectly. Make sure someone is standing over the battery and looking at it very closely during this process.

My daughter needs to be able to do 40 pushups in under 2 minutes by the end of the month, but right now she can only do 5. What kind of training plan do you recommend?


----------



## P-E (Jan 9, 2015)

Teach her It's a tough life. One hour of hard labor for each missed push up.

My train into the city was cancelled two days in a row. What is the best way to show my displeasure?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 9, 2015)

Burn the city down Ferguson style.

What would be the best way to contact my states Eng. Board.


----------



## Supe (Jan 9, 2015)

Singing telegram, chock full of profanity.

Starting to nod off at work - what to do?


----------



## P-E (Jan 9, 2015)

Turn off all the lights, tell everyone to be quiet and craw under your desk.

I'm craving doughnuts suddenly. What to do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 9, 2015)

Find some large jugs of milk.

Should I skip out on my meeting?


----------



## P-E (Jan 9, 2015)

Absolutely. Don't forget to skip in as well.

How much beer should I bring to a football party?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 9, 2015)

NONE. You should drink it all on the way to the party.

What game should we play tonight during "family game night."


----------



## Supe (Jan 9, 2015)

Russian Roulette

Wait two hours, or leave work now?


----------



## envirotex (Jan 9, 2015)

You can go ahead and go now since you've been waiting approximately 5 hours for some one to answer your question.

Thin or thick crust?


----------



## P-E (Jan 9, 2015)

Neither. Too many carbs. Just slop some goopy cheese and sauce on a plate.

I'm in a crowded elevator and I have to fart. Should I hold it until my floor?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 9, 2015)

Rip it now and hit the emergency fire stop button until everyone enjoys it.

My wife wants me to do the sink-full of dishes, but I want to play video games, what should I do?


----------



## engineergurl (Jan 10, 2015)

get drunk.

I wanted to get drunk, and did, but now my husband doesn't want me to play youtube music and keeps turning the tv up, wth?


----------



## P-E (Jan 10, 2015)

Keep drinking and hurl on the tv. That'll get his attention.

I have two people interested in my apartment. Do I rent to the moving tenant's friend or my wife's friend?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Jan 10, 2015)

Your wife's friend, you know she likes you.

It's 2 degrees out and the dog wants to play, what should I do?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 11, 2015)

Fill up a kiddie pool for him. Dogs love water, and the 32 degree hose water is considerably warmer than the environment, so what could go wrong?

I've got a backup generator that we paid $80 grand for from a vendor. It was a rehabbed unit (diesel 350 kW or so) with an automatic transfer switch and everything. It ran a grand total of 10 hours before failing. Now the same vendor is asking to be paid to trouble shoot it. What should I do?


----------



## P-E (Jan 12, 2015)

This is quite simple. Torch the generator and file an insurance claim. Problem solved.

Wife has book club at the same time as a football party and no babysitter. Now what?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Jan 12, 2015)

send one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish with the kids and mom. Drink until you forget at the football party...

I need to go to North Dakota tomorrow. What to do?


----------



## P-E (Jan 12, 2015)

Fake you're own death due to freezing and hop the plane to Miami instead.

I need to rent a car for business but can't decide which one. Need help.


----------



## Dleg (Jan 12, 2015)

Forget the car and head down to the heavy equipment rental and get yourself a D-9 Bulldozer. Tell you boss you decided to get some work done on the way to the meeting.

I have a pre-bid conference and site visit for one of the projects that I supervised and stamped, but I don't want to go. What's a good option for me here?


----------



## TESTY (Jan 12, 2015)

Draft an addendum and send to plan holders and the owner, (who is hired your firm), that the meeting in non-mandatory and likely to be really boring, so you are going to go golfing instead.

How do I distract the kids at tourist traps, so that I don't have to spend a small fortune on candy, junk food, trinkets, toys etc. , on the next family excursion to one of those types of places.


----------



## P-E (Jan 13, 2015)

Glad you asked. Teach them the art of shoplifting. They get the goods and you don't pay.

How fast is too fast on the freeway?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 13, 2015)

You should limit your freeway speed to about 10mph.

How should I discipline my wife?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 13, 2015)

You shouldn't have to discipline her as the training process should have been completed before you got married. Divorce her and start over.

The power keeps going out at the office and it keeps losing my work on my computer, what's the best way to slip out so no one knows I left?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 13, 2015)

Easy - fake your own death by spontaneous combustion: Next time the power goes out, burn a couple of crumpled up newspaper pages on your chair, leave your shoes on the floor, and slip out unnoticed while people are freaking out about the flames.

I think one of my ears might be plugged up with wax. Any suggestions on how to correct the problem?


----------



## Supe (Jan 13, 2015)

Direct hit from a pressure washer will have it squeaky clean in no time.

Should I come to work and be responsible on my day off, or blow off Friday and leave the contractors to fend for themselves?


----------



## P-E (Jan 14, 2015)

No take the contractors to a strip club and bill the project; everyone wins.

I locked my wife's car keys in her car. What do I do?


----------



## Supe (Jan 15, 2015)

Replace the wife with one that doesn't do that.

Can't get rid of this damned cough - what to do?


----------



## P-E (Jan 15, 2015)

Eat five bags of halls cough drops, wash down with a bottle of gin and call me in the morning.

I'm feeling tired at work a lot. Should I cut back on drinking?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 15, 2015)

No, just mix the booze with Red Bull.

What is the best way to catch up on my backlog of files?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 15, 2015)

An unfortunate fire that destroys the office. :dunno:

I removed my daughter's childhood bunkbed and replaced it with a regular bed, but now she has so much childhood memories stuff that she was storing on top of the old bed, like books and drawings and stuffed animals. Right now they're all just piled up on the floor, and she is begging me for a bookshelf or something to organize it all. What do you recommend?


----------



## P-E (Jan 16, 2015)

An unfortunate fire that destroys the bunk bed and all the stuff

I have to paint the walls at my rental apartment. looking for short cuts. How do I save time?


----------



## Supe (Jan 16, 2015)

A civil war cannon and a few gallons of paint ought to take care of it.

How do I sneak out of work early today and avoid all the calls/emails from management?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Jan 16, 2015)

An unfortunate fire that destroys the office...

I haven't been sleeping well lately. What should I do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 16, 2015)

Go start a fire.

How do I convince adobe to support Linux.


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 16, 2015)

Go start a fire.

How do I put out all of these seemingly random fires around the office?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 16, 2015)

If you wait long enough, they'll put themselves out.

What should I have for lunch?


----------



## Supe (Jan 16, 2015)

Soylent Green is in season.

What should I drink to help soothe this cough?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 16, 2015)

Something freshly roasted from the office fridge...

I'm going out of town for the next few days and won't have access to my workout equipment. Suggestions to keep going without it?


----------



## Supe (Jan 16, 2015)

Laxatives and epicac should keep the muscle tone and the fat off.

I'm tired of Pandora ads but don't want to pay. What to do?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 16, 2015)

Send them the crypto-locker virus. Demand the ads be taken down for the code to break the encryption.

Back at it with grad school again. How should I tackle the first homework assignment?


----------



## Wolverine (Jan 16, 2015)

Hire a hungry foreign student undergrad to be your assistant and have him do the work for you. Pay him less than minimum wage and threaten to have him deported if he crosses you. Let him live in the back of your car in the alley behind the building.

I need to rebuild my bicycle with some fancy new bicycle parts I have, but I have less than 24 hours before tomorrows ride. How can I be road ready by then?


----------



## P-E (Jan 19, 2015)

The obvious answer would have been to steal a bike, but after much deliberation, I think borrowing a moped would be a lot easier than pedaling the whole way.

My son likes lobster. It's so expensive. How do I discourage this?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 20, 2015)

Don't. Just buy some crawdads and spray paint the shells red before you cook them. He'll never know.

My right ear has been sort of clogged and has heavy roaring/ ringing. I've tried ear wax treatments, but they didn't do anything, so I think I might have an infection. But I don't want to go to the doctor, so what do you advise for some sort of home remedy?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Jan 21, 2015)

Find a Khan's House of Ear Wigs store.

Bored on a road trip, any thoughts?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 21, 2015)

Flip off the next state trooper and see if you can out-run him to the border.

I drove the Camaro to work today, but it's been snowing all day. How should I get home tonight?


----------



## csb (Jan 21, 2015)

How should I avoid telling my bosses to GFThemselves?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 21, 2015)

An office fire is always a good distraction.

How do I get disgruntled con-men to stop contacting politicians to claim that my project is discriminating against their firm because it requires posting a bid bond and passing a pre-qualification review?


----------



## csb (Jan 22, 2015)

Shhh...just take the money






How do I get ahead at work?


----------



## NJmike PE (Jan 22, 2015)

how do I convince my wife to have a 3some?


----------



## csb (Jan 22, 2015)

Easy. Here's her threesome:






Should I run another marathon?


----------



## NJmike PE (Jan 22, 2015)

:facepalm:

How could you possibly gotten all three of those correct?

that said,

Yes, but be sure to use plenty of lube. That shit will chafe if you don't.

How do I get out of working for the remainder of the day?


----------



## envirotex (Jan 22, 2015)

Have Ferris Bueller call your boss.

Should I invest in new ski boots and skis, if I only ski once or twice a year?


----------



## csb (Jan 22, 2015)

Do you look like this when you ski?






No? Proceed with purchase. You should always have awesome ski boots, no matter what. You're an engineer and you need your feet for higher math.

Should I tell a program manager that his numbers were wrong or let him roll with his pompous attitude and wrong numbers? (Not my program manager)


----------



## Dleg (Jan 22, 2015)

Tactfully point out the error and convince him to let you onto his computer to correct it. When you're done, right click on the desktop, enter graphics properties, and put his monitor in landscape mode. If he can't get his numbers right, he probably can't fix the monitor.

I'm facing a long night of a party with my wife's relatives. On the positive side, it will be on a party boat. On the negative side, no one will be speaking English, and I know I will end up sitting alone on the side with no one to talk to. What can I do to have a better time?


----------



## P-E (Jan 23, 2015)

Learn the words for run and fire. As soon as you are half way out on the water put on the life preserver and start screaming. That should get the party moving.

Need cigars for today's camping trip. What do you recommend.


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 23, 2015)

The driest ones you can find.






I need to change my work computer password but can't figure out one I can remember that meets the criteria. Suggestions (8 characters and needs at least one of the following: upper case, lower case, numbers and symbol)?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 25, 2015)

2Girls1cup!

I seem to be having some trapped gas in my digestive system somewhere. It's just not moving. Any suggestions to relieve the pressure?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 25, 2015)

You need to release pressure? Talk to Bill and Tom.

We're getting a blizzard on Tuesday. Should I go to work or stay home?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 25, 2015)

Even better than stay home, take the wife and kids on a road trip!

My wife's car smells like a dead animal on the inside. The only problem is I can't find a dead animal, so it must be in the ventillation ducts. How can I take care of this situation?


----------



## csb (Jan 26, 2015)

I'm supposed to speak to City Council tonight. My city councilwoman is an idiot. How can I best express that?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jan 26, 2015)

My son really hates doing his homework, so he doesn't do it and gets bad grades. How do I convince him to do it?


----------



## TESTY (Jan 26, 2015)

My 10 year old daughter loses hundreds of dollars of clothes each year + is an organizational disaster. How do I get her to not lose things + keep them organized?


----------



## Dleg (Jan 26, 2015)

I am going to be called in to a Board meeting today and I just know I am going to be pounded with dumb questions that have absolutely nothing to do with my project, from Board members who have absolutely no knowledge of what I or our organization even does on a day to day basis. What can I do to keep from blowing up and coming off as an arrogant asshole?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Feb 3, 2015)

Prior to the meeting, take two of these.......no, three just to be sure. Your contribution to the meeting should be stellar.






My frequency drive thermal testing isn't going fast enough to meet scheduling. How should I break the news to project management?


----------



## matt267 PE (Feb 3, 2015)

Don't tell them anything. Let it be a surprise.

Should I buy a snow blower?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 3, 2015)

If it's your thing, who am I to judge?






Suspension in the car is getting creaky, how should I fix that?


----------



## Supe (Feb 3, 2015)

Remove nuts from suspension. It'll move more freely, no more squeaks.

Can no longer handle the stress of work and unrealistic expectations. What to do?


----------



## Master slacker (Feb 3, 2015)

Tell your cell mate your name isn't "Sally" and you are no longer his bitch.

My pens keep disappearing from my desk. How can I stop this from happening?


----------



## Dleg (Feb 3, 2015)

^Glue them to the desk with 5-minute epoxy.

Or an office fire. Your choice.

I'm giving a training class to wastewater workers tomorrow on how to avoid becoming infected from pathogens found in sewage. It'll be a big audience at a hotel conference center, and I need to keep their attention and not just rely on powerpoint. What would be a good demonstration to get their attention?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 4, 2015)

Hire Kate Upton to stand on stage in a bikini and jump rope.

Designer decided that instead of fixing the grading limits on the project, they instead recommended that we purchase additional ROW. How should I tactfully tell them its not an option?


----------



## Dleg (Feb 5, 2015)

Send him a contract termination letter by e-mail, then follow it with a second e-mail saying "Sorry, I was saving this for later. I was supposed to e-mail you about that grading limits problem and the ROW we can't afford"

(By the way, I solved my problem by showing them the "Shitter's Full" clip from Christmas Vacation, and having the audience critique Cousin Eddy's personal hygiene and PPE)

I need to convince my funding agency to give 10% of my time away to another funding agency (which will reimburse for the time), so that I can learn some new skills. How do I convince them to go for it, even though it technically takes away from the job they are paying me to do?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Feb 9, 2015)

You should probably send a mass email to the entire company. And when making subsequent responses, be sure to utilize the "reply-all" button. 

Motivation for grad school this semester is severely lacking. What should I do?


----------



## envirotex (Feb 9, 2015)

Take a sabbatical and learn to sculpt with Legos.

Where's the best place to stay in New York City?


----------



## TESTY (Feb 17, 2015)

Harlem, and be sure to wear a white "hoodie".

OK, I cut up the propane tank the propane company would not pick up after year of discontinuing business with them. It's cut in half stashed on the property with a tarp over it. I am going to make a meat smoker/BBQ when I have time. What do I say if someone from the propane company knocks on the door and questions where the tank is and what is under the tarp?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 17, 2015)

Answer the door with a bloody axe or shotgun. That should prevent any questions from being asked in the first place.

Need to go do an inspection on some traffic control in place for my project but it's really cold outside. Good excuse to not have to go?


----------



## Dleg (Feb 17, 2015)

Drive over all of the cones on the way to your office, then call the contractor and tell him that you checked the site out on the way in, and it was all f'd up so you expect them to re-do everything and call you tomorrow to inspect again. If it's cold then, just do it again.

I have dumb politicians who want to pass a law that would tube our entire state energy plan that we are working on. What can I do to convince them to hold off until we are finished?


----------



## Supe (Feb 17, 2015)

Have Brian Williams do a story on all of his wonderful achievements.

Have an Engineer trying to send a loaded question that inaccurately describes the condition to a committee for interpretation he plans to use for leverage - what to do?


----------



## P-E (Mar 6, 2015)

Bribe the committee and then expense the cost.

My folks are constantly trying to reach me through face time. How do I discourage this?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Mar 7, 2015)

Give them a link to you MySpace account.

How can I get out of doing this homework assignment before spring break?


----------



## P-E (Mar 29, 2015)

Drop out and spend the rest of the semester at senior frogs in Cancun.

How can I avoid paying taxes this year?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Mar 29, 2015)

What's funny is I've been to that S.Frogs, twice. I wouldn't recommend the slide into that gelatinous muck they call water though. LOL Good times.

Oh right, bad advice. Just do what Wesley Snipes did, ignore the IRS.


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Mar 30, 2015)

We can see you've been drinking too much in Cancun, you forgot what thread you're in.

How can I make this week go by faster?


----------



## Supe (Mar 30, 2015)

Respond to that Craigslist ad about someone needing a partner for time travel. Seems legit.

This stupid destination wedding is costing me $2400 out of pocket. How can I offset that cost?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 30, 2015)

Get a bridesmaid drunk and steal her credit card after you sleep with her.

What's my best option for repairing a leaky back-flow preventer on my sprinkler system?


----------



## P-E (Mar 30, 2015)

Duh, install a front-flow preventer upstream of it.

There's coyotes roaming in the woods behind my house. Should I tell this to my new neighbor who has an ankle biter dog?


----------



## Supe (Mar 31, 2015)

No. It is best to let the coyote and ankle biter breed into a waist high ball biter.

Dragging ass this morning after a few sleepless nights. What can I do to wake up?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 31, 2015)

Meth. But only once.

Battery on my phone isn't holding a charge as well as it should. Get a new battery or get a new phone?


----------



## Supe (Mar 31, 2015)

Put phone in microwave. No new battery or phone required.

Ate too many cough drops, sugar alcohol in them. Stomach is gurgling. How do I avoid the pending crisis?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Mar 31, 2015)

3 cups penta-lax twice daily.

Got caught in the middle of a lively debate, how do I bow out nicely?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 31, 2015)

Fart loudly and proclaim it is the precursor to the 3 cups of penta-lax breakfast fun you're about to unleash on the toilet.

Receptionist is a bitch and ignores any requests for office supplies (basics like notepads and pens). Solutions on how to deal with her?


----------



## Supe (Mar 31, 2015)

Place quarter-million dollar requisition with Office Depot. Sign her name as requisition initiator.

Thirsty, but vending machine sucks. What to do?


----------



## TESTY (Mar 31, 2015)

So do babies, imagine yourself as 2 months old and go find the nearest nursing woman.

How do I get money from a cheapskate dad of a friend of my daughter who I take and pay for trips with daughter to amusement parks, the aquarium, movies etc.


----------



## Supe (Apr 1, 2015)

Take her picture with a ransom note, hold daughter hostage.

Have cotton/dry mouth this morning. What can I do to alleviate this?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Apr 1, 2015)

This ought to do it...






How do I find the motivation to work on my final project for grad school?


----------



## P-E (Apr 10, 2015)

This ought to do it.

Wife wants vegetarian take out. How do I talk her out of it ?


----------



## Supe (Apr 10, 2015)

Tantalize her taste buds and dine-in instead of take out:






Hot as heck in the house with the AC busted again. What to do?


----------



## P-E (Apr 10, 2015)

Easy. Take the door off the fridge, lay it down face up, throw away all the food and crawl in.

How do I ensure that my son never becomes a Yankees fan?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Apr 11, 2015)

That's easy, dress him in full red sox memorabilia and take him to a home game.

Having dinner with the in-laws tonight, how can I get out of this?


----------



## Ramnares P.E. (Apr 11, 2015)

Tell them you knocked up your wife's sister.

Friend getting married, what do I get her for a gift?


----------



## TESTY (Apr 13, 2015)

Vacuum Cleaner, Washer and Dryer, Cooking Supplies, Masseuse lessons, 1950's Housewife lessons.

Getting divorced, what do I get her for going away present?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Apr 27, 2015)

How about a trebuchet?

I don't want to take (2) courses this summer but must if I want to graduate next spring. What to do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 27, 2015)

Just drop out. Think about the $ you'll save.

How do I reduce my dependance on caffeine?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Apr 27, 2015)

Switch to meth.

Upcoming job interview for another position within the same company, don't really want the job. Should I still interview?


----------



## catinthehat (Apr 30, 2015)

Yes, a chair on the party planning commitee should not be taken lightly. Progressive resonsibility is the name of the game.

I'm about to give my 2 weeks notice to my current employer, what should I say?


----------



## Supe (Apr 30, 2015)

IT is restricting our ability to burn to disc or write to a USB drive. What to do?


----------



## Ramnares P.E. (May 1, 2015)

Call IT and say they're obstructing your black market porn dvd sales.

Really want to leave early today, how do I tell my boss?


----------



## Supe (May 1, 2015)

Ramnares P.E. said:


> Call IT and say they're obstructing your black market porn dvd sales.
> 
> Really want to leave early today, how do I tell my boss?




This technique really is multifaceted:






Want to leave early today. How can I keep our VP's from checking my office to see if I'm here?


----------



## Ramnares P.E. (May 1, 2015)

Set a bunch of fires in spaced apart offices, including theirs.

Need to buy a mother's day gift, what should I get?


----------



## Supe (May 1, 2015)

Have three calendars in here, and am too lazy to flip them all to May. What to do?


----------



## P-E (May 31, 2015)

easy, take someone else's calendar and shred your three

I feel the need to burn something, but what?


----------



## TESTY (Jun 1, 2015)

Have Tommy Chong roll up his famous "quarter pounder" joint which is mostly Maui Wowie and part Labrador.

How do I get my ex-wife to keep bothering me to deliver my daughter, (who we have shared custody), clothes and other items that she left at my house?


----------



## Supe (Jun 1, 2015)

To keep bothering you? Marry her again.

How do I get my dogs to stop being scared of thunder and fireworks?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 1, 2015)

Lock them up in a kennel outside during the next thunderstorm and shoot fireworks at them until they stop whining.

Getting transferred downtown where it is known work is boring. How do I keep things interesting?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jun 1, 2015)

Date the new bosses daughter.

How do I stop procrastinating?


----------



## NakedOrangie (Jun 1, 2015)

Put some arsenic into your morning coffee. No work to do if you're dead!

I'm trying to start a rainy day fund, how should I go about it?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jun 1, 2015)

Loan shark. Preferably one from Vegas or Atlantic City.

Trying to handle 2 grad courses and work. Any recommendations?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 2, 2015)

I'll just answer myself here to reincarnate this one. Just persevere right up until the end and then drop both courses. 

What to make for dinner?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 2, 2015)

Tofu wrapped in kale bacon.

How do I recruit one or two more coworkers for tomorrow's company softball tourney?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 2, 2015)

Titties and beer.

What can I do on the week end in paradise when it rains?


----------



## P-E (Oct 2, 2015)

Ble_PE said:


> Titties and beer.
> 
> What can I do on the week end in paradise when it rains?


Fly to NJ
I don't like what my wife made for dinner. How do I get out of eating it?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 2, 2015)

File for divorce.

How can I cut out of work early without any one noticing?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 2, 2015)

Burn that bitch down.

What should I be doing right now?


----------



## P-E (Oct 2, 2015)

Make a big bonfire out of all your books and spam every thread with a picture of the fire.

What beer should I open next?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 2, 2015)

Milwaukee's Best.

How can I get the kiddos to sleep in this weekend instead of getting up at 6 AM?


----------



## slickjohannes (Oct 2, 2015)

Whiskey- for you and them.

How do I pass this stupid exam?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Oct 3, 2015)

Ask the moderator to use your "phone a friend" lifeline if you get stumped.

Anyone have a cure for insomnia?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 3, 2015)

A bottle or two of Jack.

Should I buy a family computer?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 3, 2015)

Yes but make it a challenge for them.







What should I make for breakfast?


----------



## NJmike PE (Oct 3, 2015)

You should make the wife make you breakfast.

When is the right time to begin drinking on a Saturday?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 3, 2015)

When your clock says this:






Should I do homework today or play video games?


----------



## slickjohannes (Oct 4, 2015)

I recommed selling your video games for narcotics- then do your homework.

Should I cancel my exam and get a partial refund or hope that my guessing skills are stellar that day?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 5, 2015)

Better yet, call in a bomb threat the morning of the exam and then ask your fellow examinees if they'd like to go out for breakfast.

How can I get out of mowing the lawn for the rest of the year?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 5, 2015)

Pave it.

What's workplace safe way to tell one of my coworkers to go f*ck herself?


----------



## mevans154 (Oct 5, 2015)

Say "Go f*ck yourself" but use finger quotes when you say it.

How do I cut down on my heating bill this winter?


----------



## goodal (Oct 5, 2015)

Have the gas company lock out you meter (like we did at the office).

How do I get through another bowl of raw tuna?


----------



## MechE_in_PA_PE (Oct 5, 2015)

^^^ one piece at a time.

How do I finish 10 days of work when I'm going on vacation in 3 days?


----------



## mevans154 (Oct 6, 2015)

Give it to the intern.

What do you say when your wife asks "Do these pants make my a$$ look fat"?


----------



## kevo_55 (Oct 6, 2015)

Roll your eyes and walk away.

What should you do with an old chest freezer in your garage?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 6, 2015)

Use it to hide the bodies.

How do I convince the city engineer that it's ok that the detention pond is 30% smaller than the drainage report says is needed?


----------



## mevans154 (Oct 6, 2015)

Ask him if he believes everything that he reads.

What do I say when my wife tells me I'm driving too fast?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 6, 2015)

Tell her that you're in a hurry so you can get home in time for her to make you a sandwich. (And you might want to remind her that she is to be seen, not heard)

I'm not feeling well after lunch. What should I do?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 6, 2015)

Find a better cocaine dealer.

Looking for a new cell phone, suggestions?


----------



## slickjohannes (Oct 6, 2015)

Get the most advanced phone you can afford- they last a lifetime ya know.

They say you should try to keep your study and test conditions similar, but I just read the exam day policy and alcohol is not allowed in the testing center.... What should I do???


----------



## Supe (Oct 7, 2015)

Pregame on the drive over there.

My prescription refill probably won't be ready before I leave to go racing this weekend. What to do?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Oct 7, 2015)

Find a reputable street pharmacist, can't go wrong there. How do I get better cell service in the middle of pennsyl-tukey?


----------



## slickjohannes (Oct 8, 2015)

Head toward NJ (since your phone's map probably won't work, follow the smell).

How can I cram 100 hours of studying in the next 20 days?


----------



## mevans154 (Oct 8, 2015)

Cram for the next 4.1666 days straight and then relax the remaining days.

What is the best way to "look busy" at work when you are really bored out of your mind?


----------



## TESTY (Oct 8, 2015)

Pray to the Masterslacker with a $500 donation, and he will provide the answer.

How do I get my lazy ass ex wife to get up in the morning to take my daughter to school?


----------



## slickjohannes (Oct 8, 2015)

Get back together so you can wake her yourself every morning!

Should I replace the wheel bearing on my car or study Saturday morning?


----------



## mevans154 (Oct 15, 2015)

Neither. Sleep-in!

I already have three motorcycles, how do I tell my wife I want another?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 15, 2015)

Ask her if she would prefer anal or you getting another motorcycle.

How should I convince my wife that me having a mistress is a good idea?


----------



## mevans154 (Oct 15, 2015)

Ask her if she would prefer anal or you getting a mistress.

How should I vote in 2016: Republican or Democrat?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 15, 2015)

Ask yourself if you're ready for anal because you'll get it either way.

What's a good commuter vehicle?


----------



## kevo_55 (Oct 16, 2015)

A used school bus.

What is the best way to say no to the wife?


----------



## slickjohannes (Oct 17, 2015)

Try to use logic in the explanation of why the answer is no.

What should I wear on exam day so that I am comfortable?


----------



## P-E (Oct 17, 2015)

A short bathrobe, the proctors love that.

What is the best thing to drink after a lot of whiskey?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Oct 18, 2015)

Tequila.

What kind of voodoo hex do I need to make the Browns look respectable?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 19, 2015)

Sign Mike Vick to a 5-year contract.

When should I start working on my grad school term project?


----------



## Supe (Oct 20, 2015)

Take a deep philosophical approach to your project, and explain to your professor that the project is really just a metaphor for life's unrealistic expectations of the student body and professional work force.

I'm sick and tired of my job and want a different career. What's my best option?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 20, 2015)

Become a drug mule.

What should I do on October 31st?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 20, 2015)

Obviously you should be doing this:







I need a vacation. Where should I go?


----------



## Supe (Oct 20, 2015)

I hear it's a real mecca for engineers:






I'm almost out of chewing gum but am too lazy to walk to the store to get some. What to do?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 20, 2015)

Chew on a rubber band.

How hard should I pursue job options in New Zealand?


----------



## csb (Oct 20, 2015)

Be sure to mention how much you loved Lord of the Rings in any and all interviews.

What should I listen to on my four-hour drive to the worksite today?


----------



## Supe (Oct 20, 2015)

Simply... having.... a wonderful Christmas time................ on repeat, of course.

My phone cover keeps getting smudged. What should I do to prevent it?


----------



## mevans154 (Oct 21, 2015)

Turtle Wax the $hit out of it!

How do I tell my niece that she is has put on the "Freshman 20" the first two months of college?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 21, 2015)

Ask her when the baby is due.

How do I get rid of this cold and sinus pressure before the 30th?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 21, 2015)

(damn, do you wish death upon him?)

Drill.






If I move to New Zealand, what should I do with my car? (They drive on the opposite side of the street)


----------



## Ramnares P.E. (Oct 21, 2015)

Race with any cops you see and get it impounded.

How do I get my boss off my back when he keeps asking for data that does not exist?


----------



## akwooly (Oct 22, 2015)

Tell your boss you uploaded the data and it can be found at lemonparty.org

How do I tell my wife i lost my wedding ring?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 23, 2015)

Tell her you didn't have enough cash for the lap dance at the titty bar.

(I actually did lose my wedding ring a couple of months ago when I was flipped in a kayak.)

How do I get my kids to quit fighting with each other all the time?


----------



## Ramnares P.E. (Oct 23, 2015)

Tell them the next one who loses the fight gets put up for adoption.

How do I get out of house cleaning with my wife this weekend?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 23, 2015)

Burn the house down.

How do I leave work early and not be noticed?


----------



## P-E (Oct 23, 2015)

Lots of accelerant and a match should make quick work of that damned office.

Wife is away for the weekend. What should I do for fun?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 23, 2015)

Hookers and blow.

Where should the mrs. and I eat tonight?


----------



## P-E (Oct 23, 2015)

Give her the royal treatment; Burger King then Dairy Queen

I hate raking leaves. Any way to get this done quickly?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 23, 2015)

Blow them into your neighbor's yard.

What beer should I drink tonight?


----------



## envirotex (Oct 23, 2015)

Schlitz Malt Liquor. 40s.

How can I be in two places at the same time?


----------



## Road Guy (Oct 24, 2015)

Salad


----------



## Road Guy (Oct 24, 2015)

Ramch!!!!


----------



## Road Guy (Oct 24, 2015)

Thousand isalnd


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 24, 2015)

Go home RG, you drunk.

How do I go back to sleep?


----------



## NJmike PE (Oct 24, 2015)

Guest_Matt267_notPE


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 24, 2015)

NJmike PE said:


> Guest_Matt267_soon-to-be-PE


fixt


----------



## NJmike PE (Oct 24, 2015)

#dreamin


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 24, 2015)

Do you need any advice?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 24, 2015)

Call 911 and ask for the advice you seek.

What movie should I watch?


----------



## NJmike PE (Oct 24, 2015)

Broke back mountain

How do I tell my wife that I need a break?


----------



## Ramnares P.E. (Oct 24, 2015)

B*tch I need a break...and a beer...and a sandwich.

How do I stop my neighbor from taking my parking spot?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 24, 2015)

Claymore mine.

Now that I'm finished with BB mtn, what should I watch?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Oct 24, 2015)

Obviously, you need to be watching I am Cait.

How do I score some free PDH's?


----------



## mevans154 (Oct 27, 2015)

Call your State Board and ask them if they have any extra PDH's lying around they could spare.

How do I signal the jackass driving in the left lane in front of me to move over so I can pass?


----------



## P-E (Oct 27, 2015)

That's why I keep Roman Candles in my car. Light a few off and aim them forward. That should get his attention.

I feel the need to burn something. But what?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 27, 2015)

Come to Colorado, light up and get a Mile High...

How do I tell HR that their pre-interview tests are stupid and a waste of everyone's time?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 27, 2015)

HSD on the test paper/computer.

How can I make it easier for me to get out of bed at 4 in the morning to workout?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Oct 27, 2015)

Tell your wife to get up at 3:30 and make breakfast.

I need a new hobby, any ideas?


----------



## akwooly (Oct 28, 2015)

skin sewing

what should i be for halloween?


----------



## P-E (Oct 28, 2015)

How can I do better this week in the football league?


----------



## Supe (Oct 29, 2015)

Bet everything you have on Detroit, even if its a bye week.

Feel like I'm going to fall asleep at my desk. What to do?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Oct 29, 2015)

Find better hookers and higher quality blow.

A couple interviews with local work, but I want to see if I can land a gig in New Zealand. Do I proceed with the local interviews?


----------



## Ble_PE (Oct 29, 2015)

Yes, but go in your birthday suit.

What should I do this weekend for Halloween?


----------



## itinerant (Nov 3, 2015)

Sit home, relax and hang a board outside "No Kids, No Candy, Please disturb the next house"

What is the best thing to do when you hate your job?


----------



## Lumber Jim (Nov 3, 2015)

Settle in for the long haul and spend the next forty years doing what you are doing today...

The Boss man says that I can't hire any help. Now what?


----------



## itinerant (Nov 3, 2015)

Should ask the boss man would he let you hire a help if he gets to fornicate with the help.

Forty years is a long time, how do you make that a shorter ?


----------



## mevans154 (Nov 3, 2015)

Spend time perfecting that Flux Capacitor.

How do I make my commute shorter?


----------



## itinerant (Nov 3, 2015)

Simple. Don't commute at all.

What is a Flux Capacitor?


----------



## mevans154 (Nov 3, 2015)

itinerant said:


> Simple. Don't commute at all.
> 
> What is a Flux Capacitor?


"Hello, McFly!"


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Nov 3, 2015)

^^^ Banned for not following the rules.

How much of this project should I push off onto the CAD drafters?


----------



## itinerant (Nov 3, 2015)

None of it. Instead give it to your supervisor.

How do you pronounce super long German last names?


----------



## thekzieg (Nov 3, 2015)

Quickly and with confidence.

When will it be Friday?


----------



## P-E (Nov 3, 2015)

Drink a full keg of beer and mix in some blow. When you wake from the coma it will be Friday.

What should I do on Saturday?


----------



## thekzieg (Nov 4, 2015)

Watch college football, drink beer, and eat all of the leftover halloween candy.

How do you find a good auto mechanic?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Nov 4, 2015)

Look to none other than Motor City!






How to get more hours during the day to get more done?


----------



## P-E (Nov 4, 2015)

Obviously you need meth and lots of it.

How do I get over this bad cold?


----------



## thekzieg (Nov 5, 2015)

Stand outdoors naked while drunk.

How do I pass the PE?


----------



## P-E (Nov 5, 2015)

Study with Matt

I hate doing laundry. Any way to make it easier?


----------



## thekzieg (Nov 5, 2015)

Burn everything. Buy new ones.

What should I do this weekend?


----------



## itinerant (Nov 5, 2015)

watch an Adam Sandler movie. Twice

How to unlock the spam thread ?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Nov 5, 2015)

Actually eat an entire can of spam. And pay your respects to the Jedi.

Should I go to bed or do more homework?


----------



## P-E (Nov 6, 2015)

Obviously go to bed, but first have a dozen long island ice-t

I'd like to spend the day spamming the board. Should I go to work tomorrow?


----------



## Ble_PE (Nov 6, 2015)

Yes, but take a 12 pack with you to make the day go by faster.

Should I go to the beach this weekend?


----------



## thekzieg (Dec 1, 2015)

Yes, but you'll have to build a time machine in order to get back to that weekend you're asking about. 

Should I call in sick for the rest of the year?


----------



## P-E (Dec 2, 2015)

No, that's exactly what they will be expecting.  Don't call at all.

im feeling lazy.  Should I take the subway across the city instead of walking?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Dec 2, 2015)

You're too old for Jared to take you anywhere.

My CAD guys are struggling with keeping to the schedule. How should I motivate them?


----------



## Supe (Dec 2, 2015)

Replace their computers with manual drafting tables.  No more CAD issues.

Can't get over this damned cough.  What should I do until my allergy shots start?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 13, 2016)

Shoot up with something more "fun" to take your mind off it.

Not really feeling grad school this semester, any recommendations?


----------



## Patrick1441 PE (Jan 13, 2016)

Drop out of school, abandon engineering and focus on writing your "novel" instead.

What should I tell my friends in St Louis grieving over the loss of their football team?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Jan 14, 2016)

Tell them to move to Cleveland.

How should I spend the $0.76 I won in the office Powerball pool?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 15, 2016)

Hookers and Blow.

What to have for dinner?


----------



## Patrick1441 PE (Jan 16, 2016)

Hookers and Blow.

Where should I take my next vacation?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 17, 2016)

Iran.

How will I ever get my homework done when there's playoff Football to watch?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 17, 2016)

Be a Green Bay fan, their season is over.

What should I do tomorrow.


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 29, 2016)

Quit your job and open a pub.

Should I take a ski vacation this year?


----------



## mevans154 (Feb 1, 2016)

No... stay home so the lift lines are shorter for me!

Should I vote for Donald Trump or Ted Cruz this year?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 1, 2016)

Go all-out and work for their campaigns.  Both of them.

Car is almost paid off, what should I buy next?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Feb 9, 2016)

Nothing.  Donate $$ to Hilary's POTUS campaign.

Am I required to buy flowers for V-day?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Feb 9, 2016)

No. Edible underwear is more personal. I have 4 hours til my flight, how do I pass the time?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 9, 2016)

Whisper to the cute TSA agent that you have a bomb in your underwear and see where the afternoon takes you.  :eyebrows:

Trying to find a good way to connect with potential employers in New Zealand and want to show them I'm serious about moving there. Suggestions?


----------



## aog (Mar 30, 2016)

Sell your house and start speaking with an Australian accent.

I want to post more on EB.  Is the "Forum Banning Game" a good place to start?


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 30, 2016)

Yes, start buy calling @Road Guy a "dumbass."

I have a lot of house projects that need to get done this summer, what is the best way to prioritize.


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 30, 2016)

Ouiji board.

Potential employer in NZ is dragging their feet with providing an official offer.  How do I get them to get it done without being too pushy?


----------



## Supe (Mar 30, 2016)

Mick Dundee videogram to really get their attention.

Cough medicine isn't doing its job.  What to do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 30, 2016)

Jägermeister

What should I cook for dinner tonight?


----------



## Supe (Mar 30, 2016)

Scotch Ramen.

How do I get this grease stain out of my t shirt?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 30, 2016)

Set the grease on fire. That will burn it out.

I'd like to do some tile work at the house to replace some worn carpet areas.  Should I do it myself or hire a contractor?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Mar 30, 2016)

Hire Tom Hanks to help you out.







Don't feel like driving to Ohio for a wedding. Alternatives?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Mar 31, 2016)

Hitchhike through New Jersey instead.

The temperature on the hot tub is all over the place, how do I fix it?


----------



## glockjacket P.E. (Apr 1, 2016)

Poor a thick layer of gasoline on the top of the water sans bubbles.  Once its about half evaporated/vaporized, light it off.  Gasoline burning will warm the water consistently. 

Current big work project ends at the end of the year, small boring projects after that, what should I do?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Apr 1, 2016)

Initiate massive change orders to extend the big project.

I need to figure out how to get all my shit together so I can move to NZ by the first of June. Advice?


----------



## thekzieg (Apr 1, 2016)

Burn all your stuff; alienate all your friends. 

How do I cure my insomnia?


----------



## glockjacket P.E. (Apr 1, 2016)

Drink every red bull you can find, once you hit a tipping point the sugar and caffeine will put you to sleep

Have a lazy, annoying, takes credit for other's work, absentee co-worker who makes more than me. What can I to ease the constant frustration?


----------



## P-E (Apr 2, 2016)

Be more lazy, annoying, absent and dishonest.  You'll probably get a raise.

There's a very expensive restaurant and brew pub near my hotel while on business travel next week.  Should I go there and expense it?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Apr 2, 2016)

Yes. Be sure to bring hookers and document it all with selfies to share.

Need to learn how to be a marketing guru, any advice?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 2, 2016)

Remember one thing: Sex sells.

Busy weekend at home coming up and I'd rather be at work. What should I do?


----------



## glockjacket P.E. (Apr 4, 2016)

Fake a heart attack, once the ambulance passes work, force open the back door and ride the gurney out the back of the ambulance.

Need to lose some weight but everyone in my office goes out to lunch everyday, how can I avoid being the odd man out?


----------



## thekzieg (Apr 4, 2016)

Become bulimic.

How do I find a better job for my husband?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Apr 4, 2016)

Tell him to show more leg when standing in front of Home Depot.

I'd like to negotiate more $ for the relocation package to NZ. Suggestions?


----------



## Supe (Apr 4, 2016)

Dexman PE PMP said:


> Tell him to show more leg when standing in front of Home Depot.
> 
> I'd like to negotiate more $ for the relocation package to NZ. Suggestions?


Emphasize that the nudist colony you're moving to has exceptionally high rental costs.

How do I keep this cough at bay until my next doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon?


----------



## glockjacket P.E. (Apr 4, 2016)

Hard liquor.  Skip the weak Nyquil stuff and go straight for the main ingredient, hard liquor.

Vice President of my dept is here right now, how do I impress him without actually doing anything impressive?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Apr 4, 2016)

glockjacket said:


> Hard liquor.  Skip the weak Nyquil stuff and go straight for the main ingredient, hard liquor.
> 
> Vice President of my dept is here right now, how do I impress him without actually doing anything impressive?


Drop a deuce on his desk.

Is a masters in engineering management worth the cost?


----------



## glockjacket P.E. (Apr 6, 2016)

NO! Just tell everyone you have a PhD and if anytone questions you just show them your post hole digger

Too tired not to wake up early and go to the gym. Too fat not to. What should I do?


----------



## P-E (Apr 6, 2016)

bring a large raft into the pool and take a nap

Not much food in the house, what should I have for breakfast tomorrow?


----------



## glockjacket P.E. (Apr 12, 2016)

Just skip breakfast by intentionally oversleeping.

Trying to figure out where to go for a honeymoon in December, any suggestions?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 13, 2016)

Divorce court

Should I fertilize the lawn this weekend?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Apr 13, 2016)

You should fertilize it everyday.



 GIFSoup

We have an open house scheduled for tomorrow and can't be home during it. What should I take the family out to do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 18, 2016)

Hide in the bushed and watch strange people walk in and out of your house.

I got razor burn on my neck while shaving this morning. What should I do?


----------



## Sarah Guppy (Apr 18, 2016)

Spray deodorant on it.

I have a condescending coworker. What should I do?


----------



## SE_FL (Apr 27, 2016)

Sweeten his coffee with a small amount of fresh, warm urine.

We've got three kids under the age of 6 and I'm trying to make partner at my firm. Should we hold off on more kids for now?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (Apr 28, 2016)

Sell em' to the highest bidder. That should free up your time.

How do I keep from falling asleep today?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 28, 2016)

Cocaine!!!

Should I attend the annual banquet for the local NSPE chapter?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Apr 28, 2016)

Yes but only if it is part of an organized protest for engineering 'safe-spaces'. Getting yelled at all the time hurts ones feelings.

I need motivation to finish my job or do I just mail it in?


----------



## thekzieg (Apr 28, 2016)

Take a bad fall down some stairs and ride out the sick-leave.

Should I spend 2k on a week long cruise or save the money for something responsible?


----------



## matt267 PE (Apr 28, 2016)

Save it for something responsible. Like a hooker named "Candy."

How should I encourage my daughter for her soccer game tonight.


----------



## thekzieg (Apr 28, 2016)

"Pull her hair, honey!" "Knock her to the ground!" "It's not a foul if the ref doesn't call it!"

Should I call in sick tomorrow so I can spend time with the in-laws?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (Apr 28, 2016)

Nah, just bring them to work with you and let them stand in your office for ten hours (definitely keep them hidden though).

Should I sell my house and get a boat to sail to key largo?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Apr 28, 2016)

Definitely get the sail boat, but be sure to detour through the Bermuda Triangle during hurricane season.

Should I work the remaining 3 weeks before my resignation date, or just burn off all my PTO and stay home?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (May 2, 2016)

Of course neither! You should borrow the boat I just bought and head for the bermuda triangle (luckily big storms are starting to pop up around there).

What is the best way to start a conversation with a gorgeous woman at a bar?


----------



## P-E (May 2, 2016)

Hey there, I'm a PE.

I need a shed for the back yard.  Which should I get?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 2, 2016)

Just put everything in a pile and drape a tarp over the top.

Boss just handed me the form for my "exit interview". Despite the form saying in bold letters that the one conducting the interview should fill it out, she wants me to do it and just give it back to her. 1) Should I fill it out? 2) Should I burn any bridges in the process?


----------



## Dleg (May 2, 2016)

Write your name on it, and then use it to wipe your anus after defecating.  On the top of her desk.

Let's say I was out hiking for the first time in Alaska, and a brown bear stands up in front of me and starts roaring?  What's the best approach to take?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 2, 2016)

Kick it in the nuts.

What should I get my mom for mother's day?


----------



## envirotex (May 2, 2016)

SPAM.

How do I get off a project that I hate?


----------



## scatsob (May 3, 2016)

Send an ugly transvestite stripper to his office with a note. 

How should I study for the PE if I don't pass this time around?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (May 3, 2016)

I think the best way has been repeated many times on this board by using a tried and true method that helps every time..........hookers and blow.

So how do I recover from the gorgeous woman at the bar laughing at me after I say to her, "How you doin'......I am a PE"?


----------



## southernbelle (May 3, 2016)

Kick her in the nuts and walk away.

What should I get my husband for our Anniversary?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 3, 2016)

Give him a human baby. Men love that kind of stuff.

How do I prioritize house projects?


----------



## Supe (May 3, 2016)

Burn the house down.  Now they're all priority 0.

How can I keep my breath smelling minty fresh all day long?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 3, 2016)

Drink Peppermint Schnapps through out the day.

How do I stop the dog from raiding the garden?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 3, 2016)

Attack drones set to kill.

How do I get more people interested in buying my house?


----------



## Supe (May 3, 2016)

Burn down the rest of the neighborhood.

What to do about this stupid cankersore?


----------



## Dleg (May 3, 2016)

Own that bitch.  Tell everyone it's AIDS.  Then when it goes away, hey I'm OK now!

How do I convince my wife that living in Alaska now means I must be allowed to own guns?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 3, 2016)

Let a Bear into the house and show her how using "nice words" just won't work.

I really don't want to compile all these city comments on my project.  Should I delegate them to my replacement or just tell the city to f-off?


----------



## Dleg (May 3, 2016)

Go ahead and compile the comments, but no need to treat them individually.  Comments can usually be grouped and paraphrased.  For example, "74 out of the 81 comments received were of an asinine nature, and were rejected because clearly the reviewer did not fully read and/or understand the material.  The remaining 7 comments were of the stupid category, as in they revealed a profound lack of experience and/or formal education on behalf of the reviewer. Therefore, none of the comments received were relevant and there is no need for revision."

I have a grant that is coming to an end, and because of several vacancies earlier in the year, the money allocated for salaries will not be spent. What should I propose to the granting agency as a way to spend this money before the end of June?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 3, 2016)

All-expense paid eb.com meet in New Zealand.  Oh wait, this is the bad advice thread.  Hookers and Blow party? Shit, still a good suggestion.   I got nothin.

Since you're in Alaska and dealing with fatty money, the only other logical use would be to buy an airplane and hangar.

The moving company will be taking all of our stuff on the 24th, but we don't leave until the 28th. What should we do for those 4 nights for living arrangements? Sleep on the floor? Live in a hotel?


----------



## Dleg (May 3, 2016)

Live at the airport.  There's lots of food and plenty of floor space to sleep, and it will take you 3 days to get through security anyway, with a full family headed on an international trip.

I forgot to bring a lunch today and I'm sick and tired of the sandwich place across the parking lot.  What should I do to get some food in me?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 3, 2016)

Use your newly purchased gun to go shoot the first animal you discover, then roast it over an open fire in the parking lot. Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing in Alaska anyways?

Would I be burning bridges if I just called in sick for the last 2.5 weeks I have left here?


----------



## Wolverine (May 4, 2016)

Better yet, show up sick for the last 2.5 weeks.  They'll probably send you home after the first few days anyway depending on the amount of disgust you're able to generate.

I have several weeks vacation piled up. Should I take a week off just to putz around the house or save it for some epic adventure later in the year?


----------



## Dleg (May 5, 2016)

Epic adventure. I hear Syria is particularly enchanting at this time of the year, especially if you wear your American Flag t-shirt.

Today is clean-up day at the buildings owned by my employer. I did a quick preview and the litter on the premises include lots of broken vodka bottles and used condoms.  Word has it that we will not be issued rubber gloves prior to cleaning. How should I protect myself, you know, health-wise?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (May 5, 2016)

Whoops........sorry about those. Being an engineer I could not rent a room for my hookers and had to substitute vodka instead of blow. I will call Candy and Dee-Lishus to come out and help clean up so you should be good to go!!

It is cinco de mayo......do I go out to get lit at the local mexican bar and hit on random women or should I sit at the house drinking water to feel great for tomorrow?


----------



## Dleg (May 5, 2016)

einatlanta said:


> Whoops........sorry about those. Being an engineer I could not rent a room for my hookers and had to substitute vodka instead of blow. I will call Candy and Dee-Lishus to come out and help clean up so you should be good to go!!
> 
> It is cinco de mayo......do I go out to get lit at the local mexican bar and hit on random women or should I sit at the house drinking water to feel great for tomorrow?


2 words: Donkey Show.

I recently learned that propane is not a good fuel for Alaska, because it basically stops flowing once it gets below -25F or so.  Unfortunately the house I bought has both a propane range and fireplace, and the tanks are exposed outside. How should I keep them warm enough to flow in the winter?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 5, 2016)

Move the tank into the living room and modify it so it can double as a couch.

A lazy coworker doesn't want to address the comments I forwarded him on my project before he goes on vacation next week. Problem is that I need to have the comments addressed before I leave for good (before he gets back). How should I motivate him to get his shit done?


----------



## Dleg (May 5, 2016)

Lean on the corner of his cubicle and say nothing.  Just stare at him.  He'll figure it out eventually.

My daughter is coming home from college next week, and the furniture store still hasn't delivered the bed for her new room.  What will I do with her if the bed still hasn't been delivered when she gets here?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (May 5, 2016)

She can stay with some 'friends' of mine.........Candy and Dee-Lishus. They always have extra beds.

Which psychiatrist should I go to after trying to forget the Donkey Show that I just witnessed?


----------



## PE-ness (May 6, 2016)

The same one you see about your short man syndrome.

I've been having a problem with stiffness in the morning. Is this something I should try to rub out myself, or should I get a professional to massage it until the stiffness goes away?


----------



## Bcbillings (May 11, 2016)

PE-ness said:


> I've been having a problem with stiffness in the morning. Is this something I should try to rub out myself, or should I get a professional to massage it until the stiffness goes away?


Hire one to come to your house then Lock them in the basement so you can get messages on Demand.

I recently took out a second mortgage because I have a feeling I will hit big on red at the casino, should I do it?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (May 12, 2016)

No, you should spend the money on something with a much better return.............hookers and blow.

Do I get a new car or keep rebuilding my current car like Johnny Cash did in his song 'One Piece At a Time'?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 12, 2016)

Both. Buy a new car and replace every part with aftermarket upgrades.







Debating buying a scooter when I move to NZ for commuting purposes. Any suggestions?


----------



## Dleg (May 16, 2016)

How do I convince my 19yo daughter that her boyfriend really has dumped her, when he keeps calling back to say they're still friends and wants her to come hang out?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (May 17, 2016)

call a hitman on the dude....time heals all wounds when she forgets him (an ice cream might help also).

I have two dates this week with different women. How do I make sure I get their names right when I am out with them?


----------



## southernbelle (May 18, 2016)

Just keep stuffing $20's down their blouses and they won't even care.

I have an appointment with the dentist next week.  How should I prepare?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 18, 2016)

Stop brushing and flossing and eat nothing but sticky candy until the appointment. Make them earn their pay.

How do I stop the poison ivy on my ankle from itching?


----------



## Dleg (May 18, 2016)

Cut off your foot just above the ankle.

How do I let my employees know that I don't appreciate them coming to me constantly asking for comp time for every little overage?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (May 18, 2016)

Kill the little one and put his head on a spike outside your office as a warning.

I need more time to finish things around the house before I fly out but i cant change my scheduled flight. Suggestions?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (May 19, 2016)

gasoline and matches (you might even get to the airport early).

I accidentally texted the wrong woman that it was great last night. How do I fix it?


----------



## Dleg (May 19, 2016)

Text her back and say "My masturbatory fantasy about you, that is. Would you like to make it real? You really enjoyed it, too."

My grant officer told me that hookers &amp; blow is not an allowable expense. How else can I spend the remaining money in my grant?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (May 22, 2016)

just expense it as 'entertainment' and 'medical costs'

I just passed the pe......how do I tell my boss that he can kiss my ass in a polite way?


----------



## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 6, 2016)

Drop your pants, bend over and say "please".

Trying to find a house here in Auckland, the rental market is really competitive. I received approval on one application for a house that would work in the short term but haven't heard back on a couple others that would work better. Do I lock in the first house to be safe or do I hold out hope on the ones I like better?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Jun 8, 2016)

Screw that, just find a fridge box and set up shop on the mayors front lawn with a Trump sticker in plain view.

Sitting in a hotel, intoxicated, in Chicago all alone. Should I find a gentleman's club?

I hate tapatalk


----------



## P-E (Jun 9, 2016)

You're obviously on a business trip or have been kicked out by your wife.  This is no time to be a gentleman.  I suggest you run up and down the halls in just a Viking's jersey smashing the empties on the walls.   Don't forget to piss in the pool.

What should I get dad for Father's Day?


----------



## NJmike PE (Jun 9, 2016)

P-E said:


> You're obviously on a business trip or have been kicked out by your wife.  This is no time to be a gentleman.  I suggest you run up and down the halls in just a Viking's jersey smashing the empties on the walls.   Don't forget to piss in the pool.
> 
> What should I get dad for Father's Day?


A hooker to have a 3some with mrs P-E.

The bosses are all out of the office this afternoon. how should I spend my time?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jun 9, 2016)

Derp!  Mattress jousting of course!!!







I can't seem to find enough time to keep up with the landscaping in my yard.  Any suggestions?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (Jun 9, 2016)

Concrete time!  I hear there are a few civil engineers here to give advice.

So my company wants to take me to dinner because of the PE but half of them I don't like anyway and do not want to spend an evening with. How do I tell them giving me money is better than a free dinner?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jul 14, 2016)

Just treat yourself to some high-priced gifts and a nice dinner on the old corporate credit card.  They'll get the idea.

How do I get out of going to work tomorrow?


----------



## matt267 PE (Nov 12, 2016)

Tomorrow is Sunday so you're good. But if you set fire to the building, you might get Monday off too.

Should I clean my gutters before winter?


----------



## NJmike PE (Nov 12, 2016)

Nah. Just pull them off the house.

Mrs NJ is away for the weekend and I get the kids. Do they really need to eat 3x a day?


----------



## User1 (Nov 13, 2016)

I think you just have to water them once a week. Do I need to clean before my family visits?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## matt267 PE (Nov 13, 2016)

Nope. You should leave all the drug paraphernalia out in the open and displayed proudly.

Where should I eat this morning?


----------



## NJmike PE (Nov 13, 2016)

Take family out for legs n eggs.

Should I do any yard work today?


----------



## matt267 PE (Nov 13, 2016)

Nope, make the kids do it. I don't care how young they are. There is not free lunch.

Should I buy a chromebook?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Nov 13, 2016)

Yes. Used from Craigslist. And with as little memory as possible.

How do we make weekends longer?


----------



## Supe (Nov 14, 2016)

Watch C-Span for all 48 hours.  Those weekends will feel like an eternity!

Stomach still churning this morning.  What to do?


----------



## thekzieg (Nov 14, 2016)

Eat a couple dozen hotwings to reset the whole system.

Should I decorate my co-workers cubicle while she's out on maternity leave?


----------



## Supe (Nov 14, 2016)

Yes.  Cover it head to toe in visuals depicting extreme instances of postpartum depression to really brighten her return.

My coffee is cold, what should I do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Nov 14, 2016)

Piss in it.

Should I buy a beer brewing kit?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Nov 14, 2016)

Yes, contact @NJmike PE, he makes kits out of his home. Particularly on "sick" days to include a few extra ingredients.

Having a difficult time with the Thanksgiving menu, suggestions?


----------



## Supe (Nov 14, 2016)

Typical Thanksgiving fare with all the trimmings - its less about what you make, and more about the secret ingredient: lots and lots of Visine.

Have a 2:30 meeting where we're expected to "speak freely" but has some big wigs in it.  Hold back, or let the commentary fly?


----------



## SE_FL (Dec 8, 2016)

My all means, speak freely. But be sure to be well prepared with charts and backup information with names and dates of everything. Big wigs hate to see presentations that are not well prepared.

My boss has missed every deadline this year on his projects, but now I'm going miss my first one due to this new hire (his choice) that screwed up the whole project. What should I do?


----------



## Master slacker (Dec 21, 2016)

Be Milton for a day.

I haven't been sleeping well recently.  Does anyone have a good method of getting a good night's rest?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (Jan 5, 2017)

Hmmm.....I seem to remember a particular home spun remedy that apparently has been used in households for many many years...............hookers and blow.

The crazy ex (who is friggin hot) crawled back and wants to try again. What shoud I do?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 5, 2017)

Depends on where the ex falls on the hot vs. crazy matrix:






I'm tired and can't keep my eyes open at my desk. What should I do?


----------



## Ken PE 3.1 (Jan 5, 2017)

I have 6 weeks to do 4 months worth of work, how do I get motivated?


----------



## User1 (Jan 5, 2017)

Do nothing for 2 weeks, and then "accomplish" 1 month worth of work per week. All while drinking whiskey.

I can't afford to buy a place here. How can I do better to grow my savings quickly?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Jan 5, 2017)

Pursue contract killing and take the occasional side job(s) when needed.  Or move to WI....LOL.

How do I get my lab testing done and write technical publications at the same time?


----------



## Supe (Jan 5, 2017)

Plagiarism will really cut down on your writing time.

Should I cancel my flight to the west coast or risk snow delays?


----------



## einatlanta PhD PE (Jan 5, 2017)

Nah.....fly out and call Candy and Dee Lishus to hang out with you during your 'snow delay'.

I have to choose between dating or getting a new car......how do I decide?


----------



## matt267 PE (Jan 5, 2017)

Neither, just rent hookers when needed.

Should I make my daughter practice her clarinet tonight, or let her go to band unprepared to learn a lesson about practice and dedication.


----------



## J_MEC (May 16, 2017)

Don't tell her to practice, let her bomb/do terrible at band, then praise her and tell her she did a good job anyway.

What excuse should I use to get out of work early today?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 16, 2017)

Tell your boss you have chlamydia and suggest that he and his wife get tested.

What should I do about my snowblower running like crap.


----------



## JHW 3d (May 17, 2017)

Get your wife to fix it :thumbs:

How can I get out of having to travel for work again next week?


----------



## P-E (May 17, 2017)

Get on the wrong plane to Barbados. Oops. 

My MIL won't leave.  How do I get rid of her?


----------



## Master slacker (May 18, 2017)

Get a divorce.

My whole body is sore beyond sore.  What can I do to get my muscles to stop hurting so much?


----------



## matt267 PE (May 18, 2017)

One word, Meth.

Should I get some field work done this morning?


----------



## thekzieg (May 18, 2017)

NO, YOU SHOULD GET THE SPAM THREAD SHUT DOWN. OH WAIT.

Where should I yell at @matt267 PE next for getting the spam thread shut down?


----------



## canadagoose (May 18, 2017)

thekzieg said:


> NO, YOU SHOULD GET THE SPAM THREAD SHUT DOWN. OH WAIT.
> 
> Where should I yell at @matt267 PE next for getting the spam thread shut down?


ahhh


----------



## leggo PE (May 18, 2017)

thekzieg said:


> NO, YOU SHOULD GET THE SPAM THREAD SHUT DOWN. OH WAIT.
> 
> Where should I yell at @matt267 PE next for getting the spam thread shut down?


Obviously every thread you can find, but especially really old ones that are pretty much totally irrelevant these days.

On Friday night, should I go rock climbing for a longtime friend's birthday, go to a beach bonfire for another friend's belated birthday celebration, or do both?


----------



## Master slacker (May 18, 2017)

Do both of your friends, but wear protection.

Should I bust out of here early today or stay to help a co-worker with emergency equipment problems?


----------



## Tiffer1TX (May 20, 2017)

You should stay all weekend if necessary.

Should I help get the kids ready for bed, or just act like I'm busy?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using Tapatalk


----------



## P-E (May 20, 2017)

Get real busy - If ya know what I mean

My neighbor is not feeling well.   Should I help his wife?


----------



## WaterAllTheTime (May 21, 2017)

Yes, help her but make him watch.

Should I go to bed or go to the casino?


----------



## Tiffer1TX (May 21, 2017)

That depends, is his wife cute?

What should I do about the neighbors kid being rude at my house?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using Tapatalk


----------



## WaterAllTheTime (May 21, 2017)

Spray him with the garden hose.

How can I get rid of the squirrel that won't stay out of my trash


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 13, 2017)

Catch it and eat it. 

Should I apply for that new job?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 13, 2017)

Yes, word has it that the McDonald's application process is now online!

What should I make for dinner?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 13, 2017)

Gin and tonic.

When should I change the baby's diaper?


----------



## User1 (Oct 13, 2017)

Sometime this weekend.

How do you wire a light fixture?


----------



## thekzieg (Oct 13, 2017)

With wet hands.

What should I name the new kid?


----------



## JHW 3d (Oct 13, 2017)

Bruce. 

How can I get a complimentary upgrade to first class?


----------



## User1 (Oct 14, 2017)

Poop on your assigned economy seat and complain it wasn't clean 

What should I have for dinner?


----------



## knight1fox3 (Oct 14, 2017)

thekzieg said:


> What should I name the new kid?


Am I the only one who caught this??? Any truth to it? If so, CONGRATS!!!!


----------



## NJmike PE (Oct 14, 2017)

knight1fox3 said:


> Am I the only one who caught this??? Any truth to it? If so, CONGRATS!!!! [emoji3]


Or that the the bad advice was to man said child Bruce.

If true, congrats! 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 14, 2017)

knight1fox3 said:


> Am I the only one who caught this??? Any truth to it? If so, CONGRATS!!!!


I saw it. She must have followed really bad advice to get to this point.


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Oct 16, 2017)

knight1fox3 said:


> Am I the only one who caught this?


Yes. Celebrate in the freeway.

Should I congratulate her?


----------



## leggo PE (Oct 17, 2017)

Yes, by means of sending her one of those glitter bomb letters (an envelope filled just with glitter, which then gets everywhere).

Should I sacrifice time of travel for a cheaper flight back east for Thanksgiving?


----------



## Supe (Oct 17, 2017)

Yes.  The goods you smuggle back through your layover in Shanghai will make up for it.

I keep smelling something weird, and I'm not sure if its me.  What should I do?


----------



## User1 (Oct 18, 2017)

Definitely spray a bunch of cologne everywhere to mask the odor. It totally won't bother anybody.

What should I put in my front yard to avoid it being a yard I have to maintain?


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 18, 2017)

Broken down cars covered with blue tarps. 

Should I join an "Over 30" soccer league?


----------



## ruggercsc (Oct 18, 2017)

No, Just tell your wife you are and join a swingers club instead.  Let your wife know after you are invited for your first "swap meet".

My wife asked my if her jeans still fit?  What should I tell her.


----------



## matt267 PE (Oct 18, 2017)

Tell her the truth. Hey, she asked. 

Should I eat my salad for lunch or something else?


----------



## ruggercsc (Oct 18, 2017)

Eat something else.  (Organic, Gluten-Free, and yummy by picking your nose and enjoying it.)

It is a nice day, should I sneak out of work early?


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Oct 18, 2017)

No, you should work extra long but accomplishing nothing.

Should I buy new skis this season?


----------



## User1 (Oct 18, 2017)

Yes, you *should* buy ME new skis this season

Should I go pick up my new glasses today?


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Nov 14, 2017)

No. Glasses are unattractive and seeing is overrated.

Should I continue to play this game?


----------



## ruggercsc (Nov 22, 2017)

No, get back to work, it much more fun.

Should I take a shower or wait another day.


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Feb 28, 2019)

Wait. The natural B.O. scent is “in” with the ladies, I’m told.

How do I overcome my long-standing social awkwardness?


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Mar 1, 2019)

ChebyshevII_PE said:


> Wait. The natural B.O. scent is “in” with the ladies, I’m told.
> 
> How do I overcome my long-standing social awkwardness?


Stay at home, order in food, and watch Netflix endlessly.

Should I drink whiskey or tequila to cure this headache?


----------



## blybrook PE (Mar 1, 2019)

Audi driver said:


> Stay at home, order in food, and watch Netflix endlessly.
> 
> Should I drink whiskey or tequila to cure this headache?


Both, preferably mixed and in excess.  

Should I be a nice neighbor and use my plow truck to clear the neighbors driveway?


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Mar 1, 2019)

blybrook PE said:


> Both, preferably mixed and in excess.
> 
> Should I be a nice neighbor and use my plow truck to clear the neighbors driveway?


Yes, but you should run into and damage their property in the process.

Should I use 9mm or .45 ACP for concealed carry?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Mar 1, 2019)

Neither. Carry an assault rifle out in the open instead; it makes everyone feel safer.

Should I get that eco-friendly Tesla?


----------



## RBHeadge PE (Mar 7, 2019)

No, be a true trendsetter and get a recumbent bicycle instead.

What should I get for lunch today?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Mar 23, 2019)

Kale. Just kale.

Should I listen to my horoscope?


----------



## matt267 PE (Mar 23, 2019)

Yes, fortune cookies and horoscopes will always lead you correct.

Should I spend extra time with my kids?


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Mar 25, 2019)

matt267 PE said:


> Yes, fortune cookies and horoscopes will always lead you correct.
> 
> Should I spend extra time with my kids?


Yes, take them to witness an execution.

Should I cancel the tile guy that is a few weeks out and go with someone new, or just wait it out?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Apr 3, 2019)

Cancel and do it yourself, your wallet and your back will thank you.

Should I troll examinees this week or give ‘em a break?


----------



## NikR_PE (Apr 3, 2019)

Troll them every chance you get till they turn to the dark side.

Should I start on my honey-do-list since I am not studying for exams anymore?


----------



## preeb (Apr 11, 2019)

Nah, sneak a trip to Vegas.

Thinking of buying a car, what should I test drive?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Apr 11, 2019)

A smart car.

How many puns is too many on the spam thread?


----------



## Roarbark (Jul 11, 2019)

Enough to nearly end the thread.

What's a good first question to ask on the bad advice thread?


----------



## RBHeadge PE (Jul 12, 2019)

"Should I wear stripes or polka dots on the first date?"

Should I wear dots or stripes to the big meeting?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 12, 2019)

Striped shirt, polka-dotted pants.

Should I watch The Godfather?


----------



## NikR_PE (Jul 12, 2019)

Yes, watch him through the keyhole.

Should I try to be productive this weekend?


----------



## Roarbark (Jul 12, 2019)

You should spend your weekend undoing what you did all week. 

How should I decorate my desk at my new job (open floor plan)?


----------



## chart94 PE (Jul 17, 2019)

You should decorate with lots of strobe lights and a disco ball

What should I do the rest of the day?


----------



## RBHeadge PE (Jul 17, 2019)

H&amp;B

What should I bake for the new neighbors?


----------



## Roarbark (Jul 17, 2019)

REALLY strong pot brownies.

What should I wear to my friend's wedding in Sept.?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 17, 2019)

Birthday suit.

Should I call it early today on the Mafia thread?


----------



## NikR_PE (Jul 17, 2019)

No. Extend the deadline so we all can suffer more.

What should i eat for dinner


----------



## Roarbark (Jul 17, 2019)

The brownies RBHeadge_PE Brought over.

What should I do for my upcoming anniversary?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 17, 2019)

Nothing. But make your SO think you’re gonna do something, that makes the fake-out so much more fun for both of you.

How do I impress my old pals at my 10-year HS reunion this weekend?


----------



## NikR_PE (Jul 17, 2019)

Show them your reps from eb

What car should I buy?


----------



## P-E (Jul 18, 2019)

Obviously a vintage Ford Pinto

What beer should I have tonight?


----------



## RBHeadge PE (Jul 18, 2019)

Zima.

What should I get for lunch?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 18, 2019)

Taco Bell.

Should I start another EB Mafia round after the current one is over?


----------



## RBHeadge PE (Jul 18, 2019)

No, have the next round run concurrently with the first round.

Who should I vote for in EB Mafia?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 18, 2019)

@Audi driver, P.E.

Should I tag @Audi driver, P.E. again?


----------



## Roarbark (Jul 18, 2019)

Yes. But in real life, aggressively, and in front of a cop. 

What should I tell the client who surprised our team with a un-communicated due date (which was yesterday)


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 18, 2019)

“It’ll be done on time.”

What should we name our daughter?


----------



## NikR_PE (Jul 18, 2019)

Vladimir 

Should i workout today?


----------



## chart94 PE (Jul 19, 2019)

NikR said:


> Vladimir
> 
> Should i workout today?


Yes but only if you only take selfies at the gym while taking up a machine. Dont actually lift.

Should I start a new series on hulu?


----------



## Roarbark (Jul 19, 2019)

Start the longest one, and watch it straight through. Bathroom breaks would only slow you down. 

May go to a friend's kid's 1st birthday party. What should I bring as a gift?


----------



## RBHeadge PE (Jul 22, 2019)

Yes, a bottle of Jack.

What should I record for my new voicemail message?


----------



## NikR_PE (Jul 24, 2019)

some more beeps.

should i use the stand up mode of my stand up desk?


----------



## Roarbark (Jul 24, 2019)

Yes, use it to bring the big gulp straw up to mouth height. 

Should I trust @NikR in EBMafia Forum?


----------



## RBHeadge PE (Jul 24, 2019)

No,  but you can trust @Audi driver, P.E.

I forgot to thaw the chicken for tonight's dinner. What should i do instead?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 24, 2019)

Roll with it; chicken sashimi is “in.” Example:




What unexpected thing should I do right now?


----------



## chart94 PE (Jul 25, 2019)

Go streaking down the road like old school.

should I go to work tomorrow?


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Dec 12, 2019)

Yes. And both days this weekend too.

Should I reinstall Spotify?


----------



## BabaYaga (Dec 17, 2019)

yes you enjoy it.

How to clear my head of all anxiety? :hung:


----------



## Roarbark (Dec 17, 2019)

A melon baller would probably do the trick. If not, use a few melon balls. 

What should I do to celebrate finishing the office's annual cleaning day?

*Edit: Welcome to the forums, Yaga, I like your name  .*


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 17, 2019)

Roarbark said:


> A melon baller would probably do the trick. If not, use a few melon balls.
> 
> What should I do to celebrate finishing the office's annual cleaning day?
> 
> *Edit: Welcome to the forums, Yaga, I like your name  .*


Delete all files from the server as part of the cleaning.

Which show should i watch next


----------



## blybrook PE (Dec 18, 2019)

The Kardashians or whatever the hell they call that trash. 

Who should i vote for next on mafia?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 19, 2019)

Yourself

What should I eat for breakfast


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Dec 19, 2019)

Pizza.

Should I skip work for the rest of the year?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 19, 2019)

no. go to work but skip the paycheck.

How should I motivate myself to be productive for the rest of the year.


----------



## chart94 PE (Dec 19, 2019)

Hang a picture of a tennis ball saying go get it.  
 

how should I spend my day off?


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Dec 19, 2019)

chart94 said:


> Hang a picture of a tennis ball saying go get it.
> 
> 
> how should I spend my day off?


Playing the mafia game.

Should I get drunk at the work Christmas party tonight?


----------



## leggo PE (Dec 19, 2019)

Definitely, I did.

Should I convince my husband to make dinner tonight because of said drunkenness?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Dec 19, 2019)

leggo PE said:


> Definitely, I did.
> 
> Should I convince my husband to make dinner tonight because of said drunkenness?


Yes, but when you do, make sure you phrase it like, “Go to the kitchen and make me a sandwich.”

What food should I blow my calorie budget with?


----------



## chart94 PE (Dec 19, 2019)

Twinkies. They never go bad.

what should I do the rest of the night?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Dec 19, 2019)

Eat twinkies.

What should I do to say goodbye to 2019 at work?


----------



## JayKay PE (Dec 19, 2019)

Your waistline.

What should I pack when I fly home?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 20, 2019)

Gym weights

What should I wear for our family pic with santa?


----------



## Orchid PE (Dec 20, 2019)

A santa suit.

What should I name my next child?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 20, 2019)

NCEES

Should I work from home today?


----------



## JayKay PE (Dec 20, 2019)

Panini.  After your first love.

What should I bake for Christmas?


----------



## Orchid PE (Dec 20, 2019)

NikR_PE said:


> NCEES
> 
> Should I work from home today?


No, work from Sbx.



JayKay PE said:


> Panini.  After your first love.
> 
> What should I bake for Christmas?


Nothing, you should get baked for Christmas.

Where should I take my parents when they visit for Christmas?


----------



## chart94 PE (Dec 20, 2019)

Chuck E cheese

what should I get for breakfast?


----------



## Audi Driver P.E. (Dec 20, 2019)

Locked up in jail.

What should I do during my lunch break?


----------



## JayKay PE (Dec 20, 2019)

Polish your balls.  Your golf balls, that is.

What should I do with my hair?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 20, 2019)

Cut them and use them as eyelash extensions.

Should I play hooky and go watch StarWars


----------



## JayKay PE (Dec 20, 2019)

Yes, but make sure to bring your boss as well.

How should I kill everyone in mafia?


----------



## blybrook PE (Dec 20, 2019)

With random coin flips and the wood chipper?

Should we lynch @vhab49_PE for obvious mafia ties?


----------



## Orchid PE (Dec 21, 2019)

Yes?

What should I buy my wife for Christmas?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 21, 2019)

Just put a bow on yourself.

Should I take more PE exams?


----------



## chart94 PE (Dec 21, 2019)

Yes Just walk in and pick up the box and walk out.

should I continue to watch football?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Dec 21, 2019)

Yes, as long as you are rooting for the patriots or the 49ers.

Should I skip leg day?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 22, 2019)

Compromise and only work out one leg.

What diet should I follow?


----------



## Orchid PE (Dec 22, 2019)

The seafood diet. If you see food, eat it.

Should I play hooky at work tomorrow since my boss is on vacation?


----------



## chart94 PE (Dec 22, 2019)

Yes but make sure you take lots of pictures and tag him. 
 

should I order a pizza tonight?


----------



## blybrook PE (Dec 22, 2019)

Yes, with extra anchovies and tuna. 

What should I get for dinner tonight.


----------



## Orchid PE (Dec 23, 2019)

Oreos, but replaced the stuffing with mayonnaise.

Should I look for other jobs to advance my career now that I'm a PE?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Dec 23, 2019)

Chattaneer PE said:


> Oreos, but replaced the stuffing with mayonnaise.
> 
> Should I look for other jobs to advance my career now that I'm a PE?


Yes. In fact, continue to jump around every 6 months or so, companies love seeing candidates who regularly expand their horizons.

What Christmas movie should I watch?


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## Orchid PE (Dec 24, 2019)

Saw. I-VII.

Should I get a haircut?


----------



## chart94 PE (Dec 24, 2019)

Yes, but a bowl cut.

should I get breakfast?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 26, 2019)

Yes, but don't eat it.

Where should I take my family for our next vacation?


----------



## squaretaper LIT AF PE (Dec 26, 2019)

South Pole, but on foot.

Should I take this cold medicine, or tough it out?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Dec 26, 2019)

squaretaper LIT AF PE said:


> South Pole, but on foot.
> 
> Should I take this cold medicine, or tough it out?


Take double. You need the extra sleep.

should I leave our Christmas decorations up until January?


----------



## leggo PE (Dec 26, 2019)

Yes, you'll be just like the Taylor Swift song "Lover", as well as pretty much everyone else.

Should I make latkes tonight?


----------



## NikR_PE (Dec 26, 2019)

Yes. But replace potatoes with cauliflower.

Should I go looking for deals even though I don't need anything.


----------



## Orchid PE (Dec 27, 2019)

Yes, spend all of your paycheck.

Should I get another dog?


----------



## blybrook PE (Dec 27, 2019)

Yes, and be sure it's a pregnant female. Don't give up the pups either. 

Should I be a good neighbor and dig out the neighbors paper box from the snow bank?


----------



## chart94 PE (Dec 27, 2019)

Sure, but make sure to wall it off with concrete to ensure no snow next time.

should I get drunk before my cousins wedding tomorrow?


----------



## Roarbark (Dec 30, 2019)

No. Play a game where you start completely sober and see how drunk you can get by the end of the ceremony, and livestream it on twitch. @chart94

What should I do for my 2nd date with [name redacted]?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Dec 30, 2019)

Roarbark said:


> What should I do for my 2nd date with [name redacted]?


Propose. It happens all the time in Disney movies (see: Frozen).

how should I celebrate losing 12 lbs in 2.5 weeks?


----------



## Roarbark (Dec 30, 2019)

ChebyshevII PE said:


> how should I celebrate losing 12 lbs in 2.5 weeks?


Gain 24 celebratory pounds in 1.5 weeks. 

How should I propose?


----------



## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Dec 30, 2019)

Roarbark said:


> How should I propose?


Try the direct approach. Just ask “Hey, wanna get married?” Out of the blue, whatever you’re doing. No ring required.

What should I eat to gain my celebratory 24 lbs?


----------



## squaretaper LIT AF PE (Dec 30, 2019)

ChebyshevII PE said:


> What should I eat to gain my celebratory 24 lbs?


Butter, cooked in more butter.

What should I do with all the leftover Christmas booze in the fridge?


----------



## Roarbark (Dec 30, 2019)

squaretaper LIT AF PE said:


> What should I do with all the leftover Christmas booze in the fridge?


Put it in juice boxes and donate it to a local preschool's snacktime.

How should I thank my landlady for the box of cookies she bought me and my housemates?


----------



## Orchid PE (Dec 31, 2019)

Eat all the cookies, then give her the box.

What should be my new year resolution?


----------



## chart94 PE (Dec 31, 2019)

Chattaneer PE said:


> Eat all the cookies, then give her the box.
> 
> What should be my new year resolution?


To stop making New Years resolutions.

Should I go out tonight?


----------

