# I was drunk (continue the story)......



## Road Guy (Feb 21, 2019)

When my mom, got out of prison


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## JHW 3d (Feb 22, 2019)

she immediately violated her parole, skipped town, and headed south toward Fort Hancock, TX.


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## matt267 PE (Feb 22, 2019)

No one knew where she was until she showed up on LivePD.


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## Jbone27 PE (Feb 22, 2019)

She was being detained for making moonshine but managed to escape.


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## matt267 PE (Feb 22, 2019)

She was last seen hitchhiking to FL without any pants on.


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Feb 22, 2019)

And I went to pick her up, in the rain.


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## Road Guy (Feb 22, 2019)

But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck


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## P-E (Feb 22, 2019)

It exploded, but I managed to escape the flames


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## JHW 3d (Feb 23, 2019)

And that wasn’t even the worst part of my day.


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## matt267 PE (Feb 23, 2019)

I just found out that my sister is pregnant. I'm not ready to be a father.


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## RBHeadge PE (Feb 23, 2019)

I'm already paying three women child support, and the rest of my budget goes to


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## P-E (Feb 23, 2019)

hookers and lots of them. If only I could


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## matt267 PE (Feb 24, 2019)

finish rehab, but it's stoopid.


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## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 24, 2019)

But it was fun to start all those fires in the cafeteria though. The best one was when


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## RBHeadge PE (Feb 25, 2019)

I dropped the lit cigarette into the deep fryer. It took months before the complex stopped smelling like


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## matt267 PE (Feb 25, 2019)

deep fried fish, which reminded me of mom. By the way, where did that old hag go? That's when I remembered


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## Jbone27 PE (Feb 25, 2019)

that I'll hang around as long as she would let me


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Feb 25, 2019)

And I never minded standin' in the rain.


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## RBHeadge PE (Feb 26, 2019)

But it was the snow that really got to me. There was this one time when


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## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 26, 2019)

skiing across the Yukon when I came across a yurt.  A friend told me about winter camping so I


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## leggo PE (Feb 27, 2019)

Decided to ignore the yurt and pitch a tent. The problem was


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## matt267 PE (Feb 27, 2019)

it was cold out and the pitched "tent" was embarrassingly small.


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## Dexman PE PMP (Feb 27, 2019)

My girlfriend at the time gave a sheepish smile and said it was still a good size, but I'm still thinking she meant


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## matt267 PE (Mar 8, 2019)

"I'm only with you for your dad's money." Little does she know...


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## kevo_55 (Mar 8, 2019)

That Dad stole that money.


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## matt267 PE (Mar 8, 2019)

You see, my Dad was never that smart. He always wanted to be a...


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## kevo_55 (Mar 8, 2019)

a full time Netflix viewer.


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## leggo PE (Mar 8, 2019)

It seemed like a great idea, but...


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## RBHeadge PE (Mar 8, 2019)

he was still using a dial up modem. So he had to


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Mar 8, 2019)

Pull the head off Elvis
Fill Fred up to his pelvis... yabba dabba doo...


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## matt267 PE (Mar 8, 2019)

Opps, please excuse my tourettes. Where was I? Oh yeah, dial up modem. So my Dad had to figure a way to upgrade the internet in the trailer.


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## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 10, 2019)

He thought he could "supercharge" it by connecting directly into the power substation next to his trailer park.  So that night he and my brother...


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## RBHeadge PE (Mar 10, 2019)

broke into the hardware store to "borrow" a ladder but the


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## Matt Skillet (Mar 10, 2019)

buzz was starting to wear off. Then....


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## JHW 3d (Mar 11, 2019)

...the cops showed up. They weren’t there for the break-in, but to bust a crack dealer operating out of a dumpster out back. Little did they know, but...


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## matt267 PE (Mar 11, 2019)

that crack dealer was actually my mother. I hid...


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## kevo_55 (Mar 11, 2019)

behind a hobo taking a leak by the dumpster. I then waited.....


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## RBHeadge PE (Mar 11, 2019)

for the fuzz to move past us. Once their backs were turned I ran inside the store to warn my father and brother that


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## matt267 PE (Mar 11, 2019)

mom was heading to jail, again.


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## RBHeadge PE (Mar 11, 2019)

So we were going to need to "borrow" some tools to break her out of jail, again. Since we were already in the hardware store we grabbed a ladder,...


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## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 13, 2019)

and of course the obligatory hotdog from the cart parked in the entranceway. It was cold, so to warm it up we...


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## RBHeadge PE (Mar 18, 2019)

shoved it into the electrical outlet. And that's how my brother got the nikname...


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Mar 21, 2019)

RBHeadge PE said:


> shoved it into the electrical outlet. And that's how my brother got the nikname...


Skeeter. It was odd that he never could drive a pickup after that.


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## USC_Engineer PE (Mar 26, 2019)

Which is why we are in an Uber on the way to......


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## envirotex (Mar 26, 2019)

the emergency room because Skeeter fell off of...


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## RBHeadge PE (Mar 26, 2019)

an antenna tower. He was trying to steal the signal so we could watch...


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## Dexman PE PMP (Mar 26, 2019)

The Real Housewives of Hazzard County.  He didn't want to miss this next episode where Daisy Duke...


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Mar 26, 2019)

Changed her name to Marma.


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## RBHeadge PE (Apr 2, 2019)

So yeah, where was I. Oh that right skeeter put the hot dog in the outlet, and then we borrowed some tools to break mom out of jail. We loaded up the...


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## Mama said PE is the devil (May 2, 2019)

toilet and Quikcrete, got in the car, and cranked...


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## RBHeadge PE (May 2, 2019)

the radio up to 11.  Our favorite song was playing...


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## NJmike PE (May 2, 2019)

"Simply having a wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney


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## Audi Driver P.E. (May 3, 2019)

And a nuclear bomb dropped to save us all. Phew!


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## Mama said PE is the devil (May 3, 2019)

We were out for several hours, rubble scattered about. I reached down and felt an itch. Huh, who knew radiation would cause...


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## ChebyshevII PE PMP (May 3, 2019)

...an influx of cockroaches. There were dozens crawling all over my legs. Nasty little things. I quickly...


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## Road Guy (May 3, 2019)

Whose got that room is spinning feeling?!!!?


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## RBHeadge PE (May 9, 2019)

Must be all the 'special recipe' moonshine my cousin makes. He got his start as a....


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## Dexman PE PMP (May 9, 2019)

professional butterfly counselor so he could get onto HGTV's House Hunter with his hampster-training wife. Their budget was $1.3m.  Once they bought the home he realized he actually had to start...


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## Audi Driver P.E. (May 29, 2019)

sharing space with the hampsters (whatever those are).


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## envirotex (May 29, 2019)

He has to run three laps on a person-sized hampster wheel before he can...


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## RBHeadge PE (May 30, 2019)

use the outhouse. The wheel produces just enough power for the..


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 3, 2019)

butt-wiping robot. Something he picked up from Skymall while flying to...


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## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jun 5, 2019)

New Zealand.


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## RBHeadge PE (Jun 6, 2019)

He wanted to go see where they filmed the Mad max movies, he was really surprised when he got there and


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## ruggercsc (Jun 6, 2019)

saw lots of Starbucks.  He got really excited when he looked at the menu board and could see that they served


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## RBHeadge PE (Jun 17, 2019)

tang infused cappuccinos. He made it a habit to drink three before he...


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 17, 2019)

went skinny-dipping in the harbor with the orcas. The combo of sugar and caffeine really helped him...


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Jul 1, 2019)

But he still couldn't swim.


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## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 1, 2019)

Those orcas were killer whales, though, so to make up for his lack of swimming ability he...


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## RBHeadge PE (Jul 1, 2019)

Wore a camo bullet proof life preserver and some bear spray. He got out into the middle of the harbour and


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Jul 3, 2019)

Drowned anyway.


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## chart94 PE (Jul 9, 2019)

They found his body floating with the Ocras nearby. They lowered the nets to retrieve it when...


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Jul 9, 2019)

... the song ended.


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## RBHeadge PE (Jul 10, 2019)

So we went to look for another CD to play, but all we could find was


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## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 10, 2019)

Free bird single.


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## chart94 PE (Jul 10, 2019)

we decided it was better to burn the CD as we would rather listen to


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## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 10, 2019)

literally anything else.


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Jul 12, 2019)

ChebyshevII_PE said:


> literally anything else.


Except the christmas song which will not be named.


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## RBHeadge PE (Jul 15, 2019)

So we went to the record store, but it had been closed for a decade because it was 2019, so went next door instead to


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## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 15, 2019)

The sushi restaurant, which was right next to a pet store. Seemed sketchy, but I decided to order


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## RBHeadge PE (Jul 15, 2019)

the most exotic sounding thing on the menu: the inu roll. It was so


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## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 15, 2019)

Dog-gone good. Only later did I realize just how ironic that statement was. First thing I did after I understood was


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## RBHeadge PE (Jul 15, 2019)

Order 5 more. two more for me, and one each for...


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## Roarbark (Jul 16, 2019)

Skeeter and the two weasel-sized cockroaches which had been following me ever since...


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## chart94 PE (Jul 17, 2019)

The war. Those were dark times. If it wasn't for skeeter and the cockroaches then..


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## ChebyshevII PE PMP (Jul 24, 2019)

I might have starved to death. Dark times indeed. After eating and reminiscing, I went home and


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## RBHeadge PE (Jul 24, 2019)

and saw that the neighbors car was on fire, so


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## chart94 PE (Jul 25, 2019)

I setup a chair and some popcorn to watch and then..


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## NikR_PE (Jul 25, 2019)

I heard a knock on my door. It were the cops asking


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## ChaosMuppetPE (Jul 26, 2019)

NikR said:


> I heard a knock on my door. It were the cops asking


about why I was butt naked on the balcony of the Motel 4.  To quote Shaggy, “I told em it wasn’t me,” but then


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## chart94 PE (Jul 26, 2019)

They caught me on counter. So I then...


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## Roarbark (Aug 2, 2019)

Stripped down to my underwear and yelled "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN" while hopping towards


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## RBHeadge PE (Aug 5, 2019)

a van down by the river. I needed to get


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## leggo PE (Aug 20, 2019)

myself out of the


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## civilrobot PE etc etc (Oct 25, 2019)

kitchen and into some clean pants.  The last time I wore these pants


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## Roarbark (Oct 28, 2019)

I was attacked by a herd of


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## leggo PE (Oct 29, 2019)

Rabid sheep, who


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Nov 25, 2019)

Killed me and ended the story.


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## NikR_PE (Nov 25, 2019)

But wait. I stood up again craving brains. So i


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## RBHeadge PE (Nov 26, 2019)

made my way to the smartest place in town, the zoo. They've got these


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## Roarbark (Nov 26, 2019)

Super cute fuzzy animals. I think they're called


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## chart94 PE (Dec 9, 2019)

lions. As long as i bring a


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## RBHeadge PE (Dec 10, 2019)

raw steak tied to my torso and $43.86 worth of...


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Dec 11, 2019)

Moonshine, which is my lover.


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## RBHeadge PE (Dec 13, 2019)

We met at this really laid back...


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Dec 13, 2019)

recliner and drifted off into a beer induced coma.


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## Road Guy (May 5, 2020)

waking up to find that our roof was now the floor


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## RBHeadge PE (May 18, 2020)

and there was no ladder to get down. So instead I took off my shirt and


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## SaltySteve PE (May 18, 2020)

slid down a conveniently placed pole.


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## Roarbark (May 18, 2020)

As I descended to the ground (roof) floor, I suddenly felt the hot glare of a spotlight, and thought I heard


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## Audi Driver P.E. (May 27, 2020)

A fart.


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## chart94 PE (Jun 26, 2020)

I was taken aback by this fart and wanted to


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## RBHeadge PE (Jul 7, 2020)

light a match and watch


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## JHW 3d (Jul 13, 2020)

Hair sizzle. Where are my manners? I forgot to tell you about the hooker I picked up on the way here. Her claim to fame is...


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Jul 15, 2020)

...drinking whisky with a straw.


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## Roarbark (Jul 20, 2020)

That part isn't really all that impressive, but what she does next sure is...


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## RBHeadge PE (Jul 30, 2020)

juggle 9 ping pong balls and then


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## Roarbark (Oct 30, 2020)

make them float in the air for 30 seconds using only her


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Nov 19, 2020)

shoelaces


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## steel (Dec 23, 2021)

She becomes violently ill afterwards, though because


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## DLD PE (Dec 23, 2021)

I keep telling her I love her


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## steel (Dec 27, 2021)

Repulsed by my love, she leaves by way of


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## Audi Driver P.E. (Apr 13, 2022)

@Road Guy 's bedroom...


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