# I GOT A DATE!!!



## Fudgey (Nov 1, 2007)

I had to tell you guys! We are working on a water treatment facility and i have been interacting a lot with a nice young lady from the structural firm doing the building. She has a good sense of humor and is a Bears fan like me. I finally got the nerve to ask her out for a drink this Saturday. I dont exactly date a lot so I am pretty nervous. Beyond the bar we're meeting at, what else should I try to do? Dinner seems like a good idea but I don't know quite what she likes and I don't want to go anywhere that will make my tummy hurt. I really want to score as well but I know that would be pure luck and am not expecting that.


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## MA_PE (Nov 1, 2007)

I once knew a man named Skinner

Who asked his girl over for dinner

They sat down to dine

At quarter to nine

And by quarter of ten it was in her.

Dinner!!! Not Skinner. Skinner is no beginner, Skinner was in her before dinner!

You might consider something bland for dinner. My wife boils hamburg and white rice for the dog when his belly gets upset. I might work for you too.

Good luck Fudgey.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 1, 2007)

Fudgey you dirty dog! :respect:

:bananalama: :bio:


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## Dark Knight (Nov 1, 2007)

MA_PE said:


> I once knew a man named SkinnerWho asked his girl over for dinner
> 
> They sat down to dine
> 
> ...


That is some wicked talent MA_PE!!!!!!!! lusone:


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## bigray76 (Nov 1, 2007)

Good luck fudgey.... and as we told JR, don't forget to bring the camera!

-Ray


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## FusionWhite (Nov 1, 2007)

Based on your stories Fudgeman, I would say pack a change of clothes in your car so if you do have some anal leakage you can discreetly change undies.

As for the date, ask her before hand where she wants to eat. It will save you a lot of trouble of racking your brain. Also dont get drunk, not even close to drunk. Completely bad move. Unless this chick is a huge whore you probably need to limit your expectations to a little making out on a first date. Heres one thing you need to always remember, any chick willing to go out with you will (99% of the time) be as absolutely nervous as you are so play it cool.


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## Wolverine (Nov 1, 2007)

Let's just accept that, given your history, the eventual outcome is unavoidable. That being the case, your first date should be to a water treatment facility. You can tour the place, check out the cesspool, the filtration pumps, and the pipes. Then you can recuse yourself to go make a little deposit of your own, close to the source. If she's still waiting for you when you return, you're in like Flynn. Or perhaps like Skinner. You may find she has a penchant for your kind of lifestyle.


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## Hill William (Nov 1, 2007)

Don't forget, chicks like it when you let them pay for stuff. Have her pick up the tab for drinks and dinner. Let her drive too. It makes them feel good about themselves. If you're not that into her, ask her about her freinds/sisters, they like to be matchmakers too.


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## Tina (Nov 1, 2007)

Hill William said:


> Don't forget, chicks like it when you let them pay for stuff. Have her pick up the tab for drinks and dinner. Let her drive too. It makes them feel good about themselves. If you're not that into her, ask her about her freinds/sisters, they like to be matchmakers too.


You gotta be kidding !!!! LOL.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 1, 2007)

> If you're not that into her, ask her about her freinds/sisters, they like to be matchmakers too.


Alternatively, if you're into her, ask about her friend anyway. :eyebrows:


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## roadmonkey (Nov 1, 2007)

Wolverine said:


> You may find she has a penchant for your kind of lifestyle.


It's not just a job, it's a lifestyle!


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## Fudgey (Nov 1, 2007)

I have decided to take her to a southwestern place nearby for dinner. It's pretty casual but still nice and the food is priced reasonably and is tasty. I dont know if bringing a camera is a good idea, as it might weird her out. So do you guys think the drink and dinner is a good enough plan or should I try to plan in some other sort of entertainment too?


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## Dark Knight (Nov 1, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I have decided to take her to a southwestern place nearby for dinner. It's pretty casual but still nice and the food is priced reasonably and is tasty. I dont know if bringing a camera is a good idea, as it might weird her out. So do you guys think the drink and dinner is a good enough plan or should I try to plan in some other sort of entertainment too?


Keep it simple Fudgemaster. Knowing you I am afraid of the kind of entertainment you might be thinking about.


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## NCcarguy (Nov 1, 2007)

HEY Fudgey....Good luck!

Here's a bit of advice from an old PRO......Don't worry about what to do next, If it seems right, something will come to mind, if it doesn't....Take her home. You can ALWAYS tell if they're into you, and they ONLY will be, if you're confident!

I once told my buddies at the bar that I could get a girl that none of us had EVER seen give me her BRA.....The bet was if I got her BRA, I drank all night for free, if I didn't THEY all did. I STILL have that BRA!!! They LOVE it when I'm in THAT mood, we normally have women around us all night, although it is a bit tougher now that I'm married!!!!! But heck, even my wife get's a kick out of it, I use the excuse that I'm helping my single buddies meet women (which is actually what I end up doing), some of them are lost causes though. But since I don't really care, I can act as confident as I want to be! If I could bottle that up, I could be a millionair.

If you've ever watched the TV show "How I met your Mother", the character that Doogie Howser plays is a great example of how it works.....

Women will do ANYTHING for a man that is confident, and it has NOTHING to do with looks, trust me, I've posted a photo of me here before.


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## bigray76 (Nov 1, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I have decided to take her to a southwestern place nearby for dinner. It's pretty casual but still nice and the food is priced reasonably and is tasty. I dont know if bringing a camera is a good idea, as it might weird her out. So do you guys think the drink and dinner is a good enough plan or should I try to plan in some other sort of entertainment too?


Camera phone?

You need to be prepared!


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## Dark Knight (Nov 1, 2007)

bigray76 said:


> Camera phone?
> You need to be prepared!


Yep. Always ready Fudgey. Better ready than sorry.


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## benbo (Nov 1, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I have decided to take her to a southwestern place nearby for dinner. It's pretty casual but still nice and the food is priced reasonably and is tasty. I dont know if bringing a camera is a good idea, as it might weird her out. So do you guys think the drink and dinner is a good enough plan or should I try to plan in some other sort of entertainment too?


Southwestern?!?! Isn't that sort of like lighting a match around gas fumes? I suspect that after you eat some southwestern food there will be some entertainment whether you plan on it or not. but if all else fails you can whip out your CERM.


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## bigray76 (Nov 1, 2007)

BringItOn said:


> Yep. Always ready Fudgey. Better ready than sorry.


Fudgey, speaking of ready... it may be time that we talk about the possible need for you to carry some protection, because you never know what will happen if she is really into you!


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## Guest (Nov 1, 2007)

Hey fudgey,

It is good to see that you have a new swing of confidence 

I actually agree with NCcarguy on this one - if you go out for drinks or any other after dinner activity, you need let the mood flow and let it dictate what you do. One thing I have found is that ladies REALLY like it when you ask them to dance. They also seem to like it when you let them lead - the last few times I was too drunk to lead anyways so it was probably best.

Now keep in mind - I really can't dance. :true: My movements have been described as "stick figure like". Nevertheless, after a few drinks I NEVER have problems ASKING a lady to dance or getting REJECTED. Most of the time it is pretty tame, even though last night I went to a Halloween party where I ended up dancing with an inebriated "lusty wench" that was doing the hump dance on me.

I am not sure which wass funnier - me dancing with a hoochie mama or the fact that she sent me flying across the dance floor after I lost my balace from a particularly aggressive bump.

Anyways fudgey - just think RELAX. Good times. 



JR


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## Hill William (Nov 1, 2007)

bigray76 said:


> Fudgey, speaking of ready... it may be time that we talk about the possible need for you to carry some protection, because you never know what will happen if she is really into you!



Like a roll of toilet paper??


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## FusionWhite (Nov 1, 2007)

Fudgey are you planning on crotch stuffing? A rolled up tube sock works well if your pants arent too tight. Maybe a medium sized cucumber or zuchunni if your going to go with the tight pants. And remember, women love chest hair so show that stuff off!


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## bigray76 (Nov 1, 2007)

Hill William said:


> Like a roll of toilet paper??


Depends?


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 1, 2007)

VTEnviro said:


> Alternatively, if you're into her, ask about her friend anyway. :eyebrows:


Absolutely! Life is all about keeping your options open.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 1, 2007)

Hill William said:


> Like a roll of toilet paper??


Haha, I thought the same thing but you actually wrote it down!


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## LXZ (Nov 1, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I have decided to take her to a southwestern place nearby for dinner. It's pretty casual but still nice and the food is priced reasonably and is tasty. I dont know if bringing a camera is a good idea, as it might weird her out. So do you guys think the drink and dinner is a good enough plan or should I try to plan in some other sort of entertainment too?


Some activities after dinner is a good idea. Good Luck!!!


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## TXengrChickPE (Nov 1, 2007)

Fudgey - Immodium is your friend. They have a chewable version that tastes horrible but is a lot more discreet than popping a pill.

Other than that, relax. Do NOT talk about work! If you aren't good at small talk, funny stories are good, but you'll need to ease into them. Start off with something that does not deal in any way with bodily functions if you can  Try to get her talking (most women LOVE to talk). Ask about hobbies. It's still close enough to Halloween that you can ask what she used to do for Halloween as a kid.

Good luck!


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## Dleg (Nov 1, 2007)

Well, since you both work at a wastewater treatment plant, I think that offers a natural starting point for your conversation, as well as an area that you are not only comfortable, but skilled in talking about.

Menu: I suggest starting with a bean dip. Progress from there into talk about methane production and sludge dewatering.

The main course should be bean burritos, smothered in green chile sauce. Maybe chicharrone burritos, ifstraight bean is too bland.

For desrt I would suggest a chocolate mousse. Note how silimar it looks to the scum that forms on the surface of the aerobic digesters. Then talk some more about digestion.

After dinner, offer to take her somewhere romantic to continue the conversation. Take her toa view of the outfall area. Then you can bring up the subject of discharges.

It could be perfect - it could play right into your hands.


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## rudy (Nov 1, 2007)

About scoring... let's end the sharade... be upfront and honest with her. Women love honesty. They also love hair especially on the shoulders and back. Cancel your waxing appointment. If you can grow a mustache between now and your date... perfect... women love the feel of mustaches on their cheeks.

Since ya'll are both Bears fans, everytime you get nervous, say "The Bears" repeatedly, like the guys from Saturday Night Live. You'll both have good laughs all night.

Yes, be confident. The best way to show this is for you to pick where you will be dining. Take charge! You do all the ordering for both you and her -- no need to ask her. Remember... confidence.


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## PE-ness (Nov 1, 2007)

Dude, nothing would show her you have "what it takes" more than bringing her to a German restaurant and ordering the biggest bratwurst they have.

Then hand it over to her and ask her if she can handle it all by herself, or if she would like some help.

If she needs help, then that's when you ask her if she would like to invite some of her friends over.

That's my :2cents: anyway.


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## maryannette (Nov 1, 2007)

Well, I have not dated in so long that I may not be much help in suggesting what the young lady would like. (Married 27 years.) But, Fudgey, here are my best thoughts: Be honest, relax and be yourself. Be polite (rude and crude can be added later). Be prepared for safe sex, just in case. If things go well and you want to continue the relationship, send flowers the next day. I'm not talking about expensive fancy flowers - just a cup full of dasies or something.

Beware: these are the thoughts of a 49-year old engineer. Proceed at your own risk.

Good luck.


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## Dark Knight (Nov 1, 2007)

maryannette said:


> Well, I have not dated in so long that I may not be much help in suggesting what the young lady would like. (Married 27 years.) But, Fudgey, here are my best thoughts: Be honest, relax and be yourself. Be polite (rude and crude can be added later). Be prepared for safe sex, just in case. If things go well and you want to continue the relationship, send flowers the next day. I'm not talking about expensive fancy flowers - just a cup full of dasies or something. Beware: these are the thoughts of a 49-year old engineer. Proceed at your own risk.
> 
> Good luck.


Similar minds think alike. I was thinking the same, and even thought about the flowers. Again, I am reaching the mid 40s so take it for what it worth but there is no woman in this world capable of resist a romantic and respectful treatment. Is still working for me and I have been with my wifey for almost 20 years.

Women are not things or objects Fudgey. They are delicate creatures that must be handled with care.

Have fun


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## rudy (Nov 1, 2007)

Women are delicate little flowers


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## Undertaker (Nov 1, 2007)

rudy said:


> Women are delicate little flowers


You are dead right on that. My ex is a flower.Sort of.She is an ivy.A poison ivy.

Regarding FudgePump. I hope you have a good one.I just hope you are not dating my sis for her own sake.


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## frazil (Nov 2, 2007)

rudy said:


> Women are delicate little flowers


You're my favorite.


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## Fudgey (Nov 2, 2007)

thanks for the advice guys!! I take it you're saying this should be out?







I think Ill skip the flowers this time because that seems too desperate for me. I did talk to my brother last night and he reminded me to compliment her hair. I'll go with this one I think. I bought a new shirt last night to wear as well. A little flashier than I might usually wear but why not?

I'm getting really excited!


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## Hill William (Nov 2, 2007)

You should also do a little solo work before you go out. You don't want all that tension pent up on the first date. See: "There's Something About Mary"


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## maryannette (Nov 3, 2007)

We want a report, too.


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## Road Guy (Nov 3, 2007)

defin. donty go out with a loaded weapon


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 4, 2007)

How'd it go Fudgey?


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## Dark Knight (Nov 4, 2007)

VTEnviro said:


> How'd it go Fudgey?


He is still probably laid right now.


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## Guest (Nov 4, 2007)

I just hope he was polite to her and that the you-know-what didn't hit the fan! 



Anyways, it is too early in the morning to start razzing him!! Give him some time to get us a report 

JR


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## maryannette (Nov 4, 2007)

IT'S TIME FOR THE REPORT!!!! Good or bad, Fudgey, we can't stand the suspense. (I may regret this later.)


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## FusionWhite (Nov 4, 2007)

I also have an odd fasicnation with Fudgey's date. Lets get an update.


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## kevo_55 (Nov 4, 2007)

Here's hoping for good news Fudgey!!


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## Dark Knight (Nov 4, 2007)

The lack of an updated may be because:

1) He is still on recovery after a heck of a night...yeah...that good

2) It went horrible and he does not want to talk about that.

Knowing the Fudgemaster I know he did great. In Fudgey I trust.....


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## Dark Knight (Nov 5, 2007)

I am very concerned about Fudgey now. What if the girl he dated was with one of these "organs trafficants" bands? He might be on a bath tub full of ice without his kedneys or something worst.

What if she liked him so much and decided to kept Fudgey's best as a souvenir?

What if he is on a pool of fudge right now?

Fudgey....where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?


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## ktulu (Nov 5, 2007)

No news = good news? Maybe when looking for bills, etc. but not for this. I have a bad feeling about this weekend.

Prove me wrong, Fudgey

ktulu


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## Fudgey (Nov 5, 2007)

Well guys it went great! It was a little awkward and quiet at first, but there was a game on at the bar so we could at least make a little small talk about that. I took your advice and talked about the Bears and HAlloween too. A couple drinks loosened things up and we got more comfortable with each other after that. We managed to find stuff to talk about without having to resort to shop talk. Which is good because she's structural and that stuff scares me. (Though she could help me out with the structural AM questions if I'm lucky.)

Then we went to dinner, which was also really good. I even managed not to get any on me or do anything dumb. I was having a really good time by this point and I think she was into me. After dinner we went to one of those Fun Land type places with the arcade and other games. We played mini-golf (I won!) and bumper cars. The bumper cars made dinner bounce around a bit but other than a couple toots I could easily blame on another driver, I was ok.

I eventually brought her back to the bar where she left her car. I really wanted to pork her right then and there, but I opted for a friendly hug and peck on the cheek I really wish I could do over. All in all, excellent evening. Definitely looks like there will be a date #2.


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## TXengrChickPE (Nov 5, 2007)

Way to go Fudgey!!!


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## Guest (Nov 5, 2007)

Sounds like a well-executed evening! WTG fudgey!! lusone:

Any plans for the second dates? Did you get any inside scoop for what she likes to do recreationally?

JR


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## DVINNY (Nov 5, 2007)

Good job FUDGEY!!


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## FusionWhite (Nov 5, 2007)

Fudgey, your IN man. I took my wife to one of those fun land places on our first date and look where it got me! She said it was a great idea for a first date and was very impressed.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 5, 2007)

I made my first move on my wife piss drunk in a tent full of people. You've already got a leg up on me dude.


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## GCracker (Nov 5, 2007)

LMAO!!! Pork her!!

Good call on the fun park! My wife and I still hit those on occasion.


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## kevo_55 (Nov 5, 2007)

Good job man!

I'm just glad that you didn't talk doing a #2 or something with her.


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## ODB_PE (Nov 5, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> We played mini-golf (I won!)


Dude, this may have been a mistake. Hopefully it was close and you were "aw shucks" about it - My wife still hasn't gotten over being down 13 strokes at the turn, heading into the windmill hole.


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## NCcarguy (Nov 5, 2007)

SO......When's the second date? It should be easier this time around. I found that very shortly you discover if it's going to work, then "What to do" just becomes more of a coordinated item, and not so much pressure on you to entertain her.....

BTW, I would certainly NEVER tell her about this site!!!! If she reads some of the things posted in this column alone, it MIGHT be hard to recover from.

Keep us posted! I was excited for you!


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 5, 2007)

> BTW, I would certainly NEVER tell her about this site!!!! If she reads some of the things posted in this column alone, it MIGHT be hard to recover from.


I wholeheartedly agree. As a fellow engineer I'm sure she has a great sense of humor and can appreciate things like 'butt fusion' and 'erection diagrams'. But ease her into the other stuff slowly...


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## bigray76 (Nov 5, 2007)

Good job Fudgey... you'll have to keep us posted on how things develop.

Next time though, lose but make it close when you play mini-golf... and make a friendly wager (like loser buys the winner another drink, etc.)


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## Fudgey (Nov 5, 2007)

I'm gonna see if she wants to get together Friday after work for a beer. I'd like to make dinner for her but feel odd about asking her over to my place so soon.


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## ODB_PE (Nov 5, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I'm gonna see if she wants to get together Friday after work for a beer. I'd like to make dinner for her but feel odd about asking her over to my place so soon.


Offer to make it at her place - the ladies love to see you make do with what's available. Bring over a bottle of wine to drink as you cook.


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## bigray76 (Nov 5, 2007)

^^^Plus you'll be on her turf and she'll feel safer about it than being at your place.


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## FusionWhite (Nov 5, 2007)

Yes Fudgey, cooking on a second date is MONEY. I highly suggest something like lasagna or manicotti. Its easy to make, tastes good, goes well with wine or beer and its interactive. You can both work on cooking it. Plus when its cooking you'll have time together to chat and hopefully she'll be deep a couple glasses of wine.


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## DVINNY (Nov 5, 2007)

how you say.... ruffies.


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## GCracker (Nov 5, 2007)

Who ever is taking bets, put me down for $20 that this thread ends up in the hall of fame!

Fudgey, sounds like you're playing this cool! Please keep us posted!


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## NCcarguy (Nov 5, 2007)

OR.....You can have a few friends OVER, or meet a few friends out some where, you ALWAYS want to see how she behaves around some of your friends.


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## maryannette (Nov 5, 2007)

THE FUDGE-MAN LIVES!!!! Congrats, Fudgey. Keep it going.


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## Guest (Nov 5, 2007)

I agree with the other posters - if you can cook that is probably a choice move! lusone:

I know my wife (who is an EXCELLENT cook in her own right) was very impressed by my cooking. It was an easy, safe way to spend time together, alone without feeling pressured to 'go out' or do things in a group.

Good luck fudgey!! Keep it rolling!

JR

P.S. - I hope you aren't waiting to call her back - women actually DON'T like that move.


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## rudy (Nov 5, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> but I opted for a friendly hug and peck on the cheek


very impressive... way to go!


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## Dleg (Nov 6, 2007)

I don't know, Fudgey. Many girls I know appreciate a man who moves a little faster. You don't want to give the impression that you're too nice. Too nice = boring in the sack. She might wander off to one of your friends during beers at the bar. And that would suck for you (believe me!)

I say go ahead, cook her dinner at her place, but try to get her hammered. Wine is good, just keep filling it up for her. Even better, try to get her to down some mixed drinks. Make mudslides - fun to make, tasty to drink, and before she knows it, she's seriously buzzed!

Whatever happens after that happens. Just let it happen at her pace, and be careful not to make an ass of yourself.

Here's how Dleg makes a Mudslide:

In a blender, mix equal parts Baily's Irish Creme, Kahlua, and Vodka with ice. Prepare glass with a little chocolate syrup, swirled along the inside.

I don't know. I never had much success with the ladies. But this is my :2cents:


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## Dark Knight (Nov 7, 2007)

and next time bring her flowers!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Hill William (Nov 7, 2007)

Dleg said:


> I don't know, Fudgey. Many girls I know appreciate a man who moves a little faster. You don't want to give the impression that you're too nice. Too nice = boring in the sack. She might wander off to one of your friends during beers at the bar. And that would suck for you (believe me!)
> I say go ahead, cook her dinner at her place, but try to get her hammered. Wine is good, just keep filling it up for her. Even better, try to get her to down some mixed drinks. Make mudslides - fun to make, tasty to drink, and before she knows it, she's seriously buzzed!
> 
> Whatever happens after that happens. Just let it happen at her pace, and be careful not to make an ass of yourself.
> ...



When DLeg runs out of Vodka, roofies do the trick.


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## FusionWhite (Nov 7, 2007)

Hill William said:


> When DLeg runs out of Vodka, roofies do the trick.


Ahh, the old roofi-colada, works like a charm.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 7, 2007)




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## ODB_PE (Nov 7, 2007)

you know, the principle behind spanish fly is very real and was used for breeding cattle. I learned this when I worked in a pharmacy, but luckily, today we have wikipedia...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_fly


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## Dark Knight (Nov 7, 2007)

Do RG have to open a new sub-forum under Sexual Education?

ODB provided a very instructive link :Locolaugh:


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## Wolverine (Nov 7, 2007)

See, that's why I like EB. You learn something new each day.


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## Fudgey (Nov 8, 2007)

OK guys I'm all set for tomorrow. We are going to make baked ziti at her place tomorrow and a salad to go with it. So how does this work? If I am going to do the majority of the cooking does I assume this means I should to bring along the main ingredients? I will probably bring some beer too. I figure this should be a fun hands on thing to do together. We don't have any other plans after that so we'll see what happens. I don't want to get too full in case she wants to do it.


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## FusionWhite (Nov 8, 2007)

Go rent a movie to bring along Fudge-meister. Something romantic that you can snuggle up to watch.

Sounds like you've got a great night planned out so far.

I still recommend the roofie-tini but whatever works for you.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 8, 2007)

Perhaps one of these fine titles?


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## ODB_PE (Nov 8, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> OK guys I'm all set for tomorrow. We are going to make baked ziti at her place tomorrow and a salad to go with it. So how does this work? If I am going to do the majority of the cooking does I assume this means I should to bring along the main ingredients? I will probably bring some beer too. I figure this should be a fun hands on thing to do together. We don't have any other plans after that so we'll see what happens. I don't want to get too full in case she wants to do it.


Yes, bring the main ingredients. If you really want to kick some ass you can buy a high-end bagged salad (NO ICEBERG) and wash it and put it in a bowl before you go. Buy one of those fancy vinaigrette dressings. (NO RANCH) Some grated parmesan reggiano for the pasta and salad makes a heck of a difference (NO KRAFT) Beer is good but wine (NO WHITE ZINFANDEL OR BOONES) may be more beneficial. (higher %) Ask around for a simple red sauce recipe (NO RAGU)

Don't discuss dessert, but DO bring dessert. Keep it as a surprise until after dinner. You can get those little "single serving" italian desserts at a lot of places (bakeries, better grocery stores): a piece of tiramisu, a cannoli, a piece of cake, etc. recommend two individual items for sharing or smearing on each other.

Do not bring anything by little debbie or sara lee. Those are fine for an office breakfast, but not for impressing.

All of this can be accomplished for relatively little $$ while exponentially increasing the quality and class of a home cooked meal.


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## frazil (Nov 8, 2007)

What's wrong with Boone's Farm? :dunno:


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## ODB_PE (Nov 8, 2007)

FusionWhite said:


> Go rent a movie to bring along Fudge-meister. Something romantic that you can snuggle up to watch.
> Sounds like you've got a great night planned out so far.
> 
> I still recommend the roofie-tini but whatever works for you.


Unless you get absolutely bombed during dinner, might I suggest renting a movie as an after dinner activity? That way you can play it by ear - no chance that you brought something she has seen or refuses to watch. It provides a little break in the action, lets you walk off dinner a little bit, serves as a time killer to delay the start of the movie. The later the movie starts, the more likely she'll say "why don't you stay here..." keep the wine flowing.


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## ODB_PE (Nov 8, 2007)

frazil said:


> What's wrong with Boone's Farm? :dunno:


nothing, if you don't mind wearing the ziti you just cooked when she pukes on you during a make out session.

The two girls one cup crowd might be into that, but not me...


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 8, 2007)

> What's wrong with Boone's Farm? :dunno:


And Frazil wins our Resident wine-o award for the 14th straight year!



> Don't discuss dessert, but DO bring dessert. Keep it as a surprise until after dinner.


Ooh good idea!



> Buy one of those fancy vinaigrette dressings. (NO RANCH)


I'm not a huge fan of those. Nothing wrong with ranch Fudgey just not the cheap stuff.



> Ask around for a simple red sauce recipe (NO RAGU)


recipes.com is good for this.

Good luck Fudgey!


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## ODB_PE (Nov 8, 2007)

VTEnviro said:


> I'm not a huge fan of those. Nothing wrong with ranch Fudgey just not the cheap stuff.


I didn't mean to come off as a ranch snob. In fact, I enjoy it on almost anything but salad! But, with a high end salad (all the fancy greens) I still contend a vinaigrette is the way to go.

Speaking of ranch, here's an off-color joke I recall from my college days. What was funniest about it to me was a Bulgarian guy told it with a thick slavic accent:

Q. How do you get a sorority girl to BLANK your BLANK?

A. Dip it in ranch.

I couldn't bring myself to fill in the blanks.


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## FusionWhite (Nov 8, 2007)

ol said:


> Speaking of ranch, here's an off-color joke I recall from my college days. What was funniest about it to me was a Bulgarian guy told it with a thick slavic accent:
> Q. How do you get a sorority girl to BLANK your BLANK?
> 
> A. Dip it in ranch.
> ...


How do you get a sorority girl to change your tires?

I dont get it.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 8, 2007)

^ No you've got it wrong. It's supposed to be:

How do you get a sorority girl to file your taxes?

Makes more sense now right?


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## Dark Knight (Nov 8, 2007)

Again...No flowers????

Oh shoot!!!!!!!!! I am getting older and older. What the heck happened with the old good times when bringing flowers to your date gained you A LOT of points?

I am glad I do not have to date anymore.


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## ODB_PE (Nov 8, 2007)

BringItOn said:


> Again...No flowers????Oh shoot!!!!!!!!! I am getting older and older. What the heck happened with the old good times when bringing flowers to your date gained you A LOT of points?
> 
> I am glad I do not have to date anymore.


It seems like the kids these days don't respect the flowers so much - but I think you're right - in this situation showing up with some fresh cut flowers might be a nice touch.


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## NCcarguy (Nov 8, 2007)

Hey, take her a condom tree!!! You should get an idea on how well the evening would go then??? :winko:


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## Dark Knight (Nov 8, 2007)

After reading some of the posts on this thread here is the only thing I can do:

:holyness: *Dear Lord,*

Do not let my daughter date an engineer. I know I have been a bad boy in the past but please, do not make my daughter pay for the bad things I did.

Amen

*PD...Lord...Do not :bio: * :holyness:


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 8, 2007)

NCcarguy said:


> Hey, take her a condom tree!!! You should get an idea on how well the evening would go then??? :winko:


Whoa - there is a really twisted poem called the Condom Tree. Plenty work safe, but warped! :screwloose:


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2007)

It sounds like you got a plan fudgey. You should listen to ODB - he sounds like he was quite the ladies' man in his time. Perhaps he still is ?? :dunno:

We will be waiting with baited breath to see how it goes opcorn:

Good luck!

JR


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## frazil (Nov 8, 2007)

ODB?


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2007)

^^^ Noooooooooooooo! ODB = ol' deadbeat. 

JR


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 8, 2007)




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## ODB_PE (Nov 8, 2007)

frazil said:


> ODB?


I'm pretty sure that ODB is much more of ladies man than I ever was- or as my wife would say, I THINK I was.

But hey, cooking for her way back in the day probably sealed the deal.


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## GCracker (Nov 8, 2007)

just remember salad = 100% GAS!!!






You'll definitely want to "walk it off" if you go the salad route!

Maybe bring a loaf of bread, some tomatoes, and fresh parmesan cheese!


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## FusionWhite (Nov 8, 2007)

ODB fathered like 8 kids from 7 different women, I would say he was one hell of a ladies man. Of course he also bragged about catching the clap multiple times. Ohh and hes dead now so thats not so good.

Im going to go home tonight and pour out a 40 for my homie.


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## ClemsonEngr (Nov 8, 2007)

I think you should think about changing your avatar to ODB.


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## maryannette (Nov 8, 2007)

Fudgey, if you're making red sauce, you can start it in a slow cooker (if you have one) in the morning. When the sauce cooks all day, it has a better flavor. Go easy on the garlic, or eliminate it. You want to save the garlic breath for a later time.


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## Guest (Nov 8, 2007)

maryannette said:


> Go easy on the garlic, or eliminate it.


Oh .. I must respectfually disagree with you on this point Maryannette! Garlic is the MOST sensuous part of a good speghetti (red) sauce. If you have a little skill fudgey, I HIGHLY recommend roasted garlic cloves intermixed in the sauce to go with your ziti. This adds some serious *BANG* to your ziti and makes it a meal worth talking about. Otherwise, it is just another pasta dish IMHO.

If you are concerned about garlic breath, there are some very nice products on the market to help mask the potentially offending odor. For me though, garlic is a very sensuous smell so I would say set your gauge to full speed ahead. But then again, that is me. :happy:

Good luck fudgey - let us know how it goes! :winko:

JR


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## ktulu (Nov 8, 2007)

damn, it's only the second date. I ralize that it's an important step, but he's not proposing or anything....am I right about, right Fudgey??? :blink:

I'd leave the hard recipe stuff in your back pocket until things shake out the way you want....


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## Hill William (Nov 9, 2007)

jregieng said:


> Oh .. I must respectfually disagree with you on this point Maryannette! Garlic is the MOST sensuous part of a good speghetti (red) sauce. If you have a little skill fudgey, I HIGHLY recommend roasted garlic cloves intermixed in the sauce to go with your ziti. This adds some serious *BANG* to your ziti and makes it a meal worth talking about. Otherwise, it is just another pasta dish IMHO.
> If you are concerned about garlic breath, there are some very nice products on the market to help mask the potentially offending odor. For me though, garlic is a very sensuous smell so I would say set your gauge to full speed ahead. But then again, that is me. :happy:
> 
> Good luck fudgey - let us know how it goes! :winko:
> ...



You've officially used your quota for the word sensuous. That is all.


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 9, 2007)

I'm with jr on this. No garlic..no spahetti sauce. It's key.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 9, 2007)

> I'd leave the hard recipe stuff in your back pocket until things shake out the way you want....


Ziti and salad doesn't exactly seem like a big culinary undertaking.

If he was serving foie gras imported from France and some $50/lb truffles I'd be more worried.


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## bigray76 (Nov 9, 2007)

^^^Exactly. You want to make something that will not mean you are working over a stove the entire time. Ziti or Lasagna will need time to bake which will give you some time to sit, have a drink, and chat prior to eating - but it will give you time to show off your culinary talents in the kitchen putting it all together.

All of this coming from me - a guy who used to cook for my FD in college - 20 hungry firemen on a Sunday night = a lot of pasta. My wife calls what I do survival cooking, but I am amazing when I cook outdoors.

-Ray


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 9, 2007)

> My wife calls what I do survival cooking, but I am amazing when I cook outdoors.


My wife did a lot of camping growing up. She can make a slow, hot fire good for cooking and then cook up the juiciest chicken breasts or burgers. Me on the other hand - I get this out of control blaze going so I get one piece charred like a hockey puck while the other is still pink on the inside.


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## Fudgey (Nov 9, 2007)

Well I picked up my groceries last night and have them in the fridge at the office. Between the food and the extra aqua velva I put on this morning, folks here know something's up. :thumbs:

I am going to follow the suggestion of renting a movie afterwards so I don't pick a loser of a title or something she saw recently. It's a good idea. Though I'm torn between going to Blockbuster vs. taking her to the grimy little video with the large porno section. You know, just in case she wants to roll like that later.


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## Transpo_Girl (Nov 9, 2007)




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## Guest (Nov 9, 2007)

^^^ You gotta know fudgey to appreciate the line of logic he has presented. 

JR


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 9, 2007)

^ I like that line of logic. :signs051:


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## Undertaker (Nov 9, 2007)

Go for it FudgePump. Make us proud.Just hope that  doesn't happen and I mean it.


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## testee (Nov 9, 2007)

hey, were all pullin for ya bro!


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## cement (Nov 10, 2007)

so Fudgeman, you got a report for your loyal fans?


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## Undertaker (Nov 10, 2007)

Hell Oh Yeah Fudgeman!Don't keep us in the dark.


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## Guest (Nov 10, 2007)

Come on fudgey ... check in with us!

Don't tell us your date ended up like this ......







JR


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## DVINNY (Nov 11, 2007)

We're in suspense.

com'n Fudgey!!!


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## Undertaker (Nov 11, 2007)

I am trully dissapointed with Fudgey.I think that he is inventing that date story.How can he do that to us, his loyal fans?


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## Dark Knight (Nov 11, 2007)

Undertaker said:


> I am trully dissapointed with Fudgey.I think that he is inventing that date story.How can he do that to us, his loyal fans?


Give him a break.Best case scenario he is still enjoying the company

Take your time Fudgemaster.


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## bigray76 (Nov 12, 2007)

C'mon Fudgey! How did it go? Hundreds, if not thousands are hanging on your every word here!!!!


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## GCracker (Nov 12, 2007)

bump


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## FusionWhite (Nov 12, 2007)

The suspense is killing me!!!

Fudgey is probably laying in a bath tub full of ice with several vital organs missing right now.


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## Fudgey (Nov 12, 2007)

^ My kidneys, they stole my kidneys!

Actually Friday was a lovely evening. I have been super busy all day and have not had the chance to post about our little encounter. Dinner went well, I've made ziti enough times I could do it in my sleep so it wasn't like I was slaving over something and couldn't chat while I was at it.

The only problems were that I kept having to ask her where stuff was so I felt like a bit of a nag after a while. Plus I made a little more of a mess than I was hoping for. Between the sauce and the pasta and the filling you use a lot of dishes. And I had to be careful not to get stuff on me because I was wearing a nice shirt and tend to get stuff on me when I cook. I also took the advice someone said last week and brought along some pastries from a bakery for dessert.

The dinner itself turned out well and we had a nice time making/eating it but I really had to struggle after a while to keep coming up with interesting conversation without resorting to shop talk and other sordid tales. I knew I was in pretty good though because she gave me a little goose at one point when I was cleaning stuff up. :th_rockon: I figured she was feeling either a little silly, a little frisky, or a little tipsy. I really hoped it was all 3 at once. I was even able to cover up a rather ill advised but well needed fart at one point by timely clanging 2 pots together at the moment of truth. lusone: Fates were smiling upon me this night.

We then set out to rent ourselves a flick. We settled on Knocked Up. (I secretly wanted Saturday Night Beaver, but kept it to myself.) You know this wasn't a bad movie. There are lots of gratuitous boobs and the guys' idea for a website is a good one. Given the plot of the movie though, I think it may have backfired on me as far as my chances of showing her Fudge Jr. Regardless, there was a bit of making out along with the occasional grope or two. All clothed but moving in the right direction. Even got snuggly under a blanket later in the movie.

Next weekend - we plan to hang out and watch the Bears game. Hopefully I can show her my secret lair. Is a halftime quickie out of the question?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 12, 2007)

> Next weekend - we plan to hang out and watch the Bears game. Hopefully I can show her my secret lair. Is a halftime quickie out of the question?


Well done! Play your cards right and you'll be splitting the uprights before your team does.


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## squishles10 (Nov 12, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I was even able to cover up a rather ill advised but well needed fart at one point by timely clanging 2 pots together at the moment of truth. lusone:


Wow. :blink:


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## bigray76 (Nov 12, 2007)

Score one for Fudgey... sounds like it went very well... Good job!

-Ray


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## ktulu (Nov 12, 2007)

Nice job Fudgey!!!!

ktulu


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## Guest (Nov 12, 2007)

Very nice fudgey !! :woot:

JR


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## ODB_PE (Nov 12, 2007)

Fudgey my boy, sounds like things are progressing nicely.

Knocked Up was a tad risky so early in the relationship. I like to avoid movies with unwanted pregnancy, wedding prep, or the holocaust until at least date 5

That being said, now you've got the football game date - which can be a bit dicey. People vary greatly in the way they watch a football game. Think seinfeld when puddy wore face and body paint to the hockey game.

Snacks and beer are imperative - but due to the regional nature of football I'm not sure what to suggest - I suppose in your neck of the woods it is Old Style and some grilled brats.

Too soon and too mid-day for the halftime quickie. Consummation will come shortly after thanksgiving - after her (or your) office Christmas party. Its a done deal.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 12, 2007)

They're playing in Seattle next week, which means late start. You're gonna need something more than just chips and salsa. You may want to grab a pizza or some takeout at halftime. And remember, women are usually gonna be more self conscious about pigging out on junk food than guys. Make sure you have something around that isn't a heart attack in a bag.



> That being said, now you've got the football game date - which can be a bit dicey. People vary greatly in the way they watch a football game. Think seinfeld when puddy wore face and body paint to the hockey game.


Yeah, commisserating over a bad call is a great way to bond. But don't get too overboard. I know Rex is your QB so it won't be easy. Don't scream at the TV, and unless she's a real sports buff, don't get into a graduate level treatise on why the 4-3 defense is the best defense for the slot left formation.


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## Dleg (Nov 12, 2007)

Good work Fudgey. Now it's time to go for the goal!


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## maryannette (Nov 12, 2007)

Fudgey, you have worked too hard to settle for a "halftime quickie". You have a reputation to live up to now. You'll have to maintain your civilized personality. It might even grow on you. You're starting to sound like a very smooth date.


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## Dleg (Nov 12, 2007)

^^Yeah. By now, she probably derves the fourth quarter time outs, perhaps even moving into overtime.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 12, 2007)

^Yeah. And definitely give her the 2 minute warning!


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## Dark Knight (Nov 12, 2007)

:bowdown: Fudgey is the man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## maryannette (Nov 12, 2007)

You guys should give Fudgey more credit. His manhood is being insulted. Really!! 4th quarter time out or 2-minute warning???!!?


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## Dleg (Nov 12, 2007)

Maybe you're assuming too much about what I mean, maryannette!

Maybe a man who needs a 4th quarter time out is just the ticket for fudgey's date. And "going into overtime", well, how can that be bad???

And with fudgey, a 2 minute warning is probably advisable for a number of reasons.


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## maryannette (Nov 12, 2007)

:Locolaugh:


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## Guest (Nov 12, 2007)

Wow .... Fudgey's Anthem

Don't worry - it's work safe. 

JR


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 12, 2007)

Dleg said:


> Maybe a man who needs a 4th quarter time out is just the ticket for fudgey's date. And "going into overtime", well, how can that be bad???


Exactly, nothing good ever came from the Prevent defense.


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## DVINNY (Nov 13, 2007)

Fudgey, If I may ask a couple of questions, before I offer advise.

1. What is the pre-determined goal here? Short-term half-time quickie? or extended overtime relationship?

if the answer is short-term, and if you can stomach doing this, leave halfway thru the second quarter and take her shopping. Tell her that you know the mall won't be crowded since everyone will be watching the game, and you would like her to help you pick out your new J CREW sweater. She'll love the fact that you would pick her over sports, and you'll be in for the half-time quickie in no time. (I HIGHLY ADVISE AGAINST THIS IF A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP IS A POSSIBILITY, the last thing you'd want is a girlfriend that thinks your gonna miss the games to go places with her)

if the answer is long-term, then may I suggest going the "tailgating route" and setting up a game time atmosphere at your place, and getting ribs, wings, chips and beer. That way you are setting the stage for how you expect games to be handled throughout the rest of the relationship.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE VERY IMPORTANT.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 13, 2007)

> Tell her that you know the mall won't be crowded since everyone will be watching the game, and you would like her to help you pick out your new J CREW sweater.


No way! He already said she was a big Bears fan. She'd probably be pissed at missing the game. If I tried to drag my mrs. out during a Seahawks game she smack me silly.

Save the sweater date for going to the mall together to do Xmas shopping.


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## NCcarguy (Nov 13, 2007)

I think it's time to just start talking dirty to her!!!! You should begin to TELL her what you've been thinking about doing with her at halftime!!!! :leghump:


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## PE-ness (Nov 13, 2007)

Hey Fudgepump, it's too bad this won't go anywhere, because we all know you're still working on your PE-ness.

But seriously, your behavior seems a bit out of character. I'm losing respect for you, fudgey.


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## PEsoon2B (Nov 13, 2007)

WOW what a thread

I can learn from this guy

this is fudgepumper from the other place isnt it


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## PE-ness (Nov 13, 2007)

Yeah, but usually he posts about poop over here. This is a new thing. A new and disappointing thing.

This is also a pretty long post. You must be quite a speed reader!

Although I wish him the best, of course.


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## Fudgey (Nov 14, 2007)

OK guys what sort of stuff should I serve on Sunday. I want to serve some nice nibblers, not just greasy chips and a can of gooey onion dip.


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## testee (Nov 14, 2007)

I'm thinking you might want to include crudite.


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## squishles10 (Nov 14, 2007)

Go with pita instead of chips- hummus drizzled with olive oil makes it look like you tried. Spinach dip does with pita too. From the sound of things, avoid chili at all costs *ahem*. Baby carrots and ranch is good- but have some greasy food too otherwise it'll look like you're trying to starve her. Nothing says "you're fat" like being handed a plate of vegetables at a football game. :-\ Try wings- then you can lick the sauce off of each other's fingers :multiplespotting:


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## Fudgey (Nov 14, 2007)

> Try wings- then you can lick the sauce off of each other's fingers


What a great idea! Isnt hot sauce supposed to be an aphrodesiac? You know i'd love to wrangle a Spicey Stanley out of the deal.


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## FusionWhite (Nov 14, 2007)

DONT DO WINGS if you think your going to get anywhere near 3rd base. Even a tiny amount of hot sauce on your fingers when your sliding into 3rd will be very disasterous.


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## Fudgey (Nov 14, 2007)

Fusion speaks the truth. The worst offender is fresh habanero peppers. I chopped some up not long ago to add to some chili I was making. At one point I had to take a leak. Knowing I had hot stuff on my hands I washed them thoroughly before doing my business. it didnt help at all. Felt like someone dragged my weener over a cheese grater then belt sanded it


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## Wolverine (Nov 14, 2007)

I second the idea for hummus and pita as a refreshing and unique game-time snack. Let the hummus age out in your car for at least 24 hours before you serve it (the longer the better). Make sure to serve ample quantities and sprinkle just a hint of cayenne on the top for flavor.

You know what's really good with that is a few pints (each) of Sam Smith Oatmeal Stout.

You could also try a variation of hummus using black beans instead of garbanzo's, lime in place of lemon, and extra garlic in place of tahini. Again, ample quantities of beans and a few dark beers should work out really well for you.


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## squishles10 (Nov 14, 2007)

Wolverine said:


> I second the idea for hummus and pita as a refreshing and unique game-time snack. Let the hummus age out in your car for at least 24 hours before you serve it (the longer the better). Make sure to serve ample quantities and sprinkle just a hint of cayenne on the top for flavor.
> You know what's really good with that is a few pints (each) of Sam Smith Oatmeal Stout.
> 
> You could also try a variation of hummus using black beans instead of garbanzo's, lime in place of lemon, and extra garlic in place of tahini. Again, ample quantities of beans and a few dark beers should work out really well for you.


Oh crap- I didn't mean he should MAKE it- just get it in the containers and dump it into a new bowl. They sell it by the vat at Sam's- just remember it's made out of BEANS.

Oatmeal Stout-mmmmmmmmmm......... My new fave is the Breckenridge Vanilla Porter, but that's more cuddle beer than football beer.


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## testee (Nov 14, 2007)

now let me get this straight, you are recommending that Fudgey consume hummus, which is effectively garbanzo beans on his second date. Do you think he should have candles or other sources of open flame as well?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 14, 2007)

^ It _is_ his third date. Is that the open flames and flatulence date? It's been so long I can't remember.


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## cement (Nov 14, 2007)

I had my future wife pull my pinkie on date #2 ASSED2:


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## Wolverine (Nov 14, 2007)

Excellent suggestion - why didn't I think of that? Third date should be CAMPING, in a tent, with copious amounts of well-aged garbanzo bean dip, dark syrupy beer, AND throw in a few candles. You can't miss. She will succumb to your charms in no time.


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## frazil (Nov 14, 2007)

Wolverine said:


> You could also try a variation of hummus using black beans instead of garbanzo's, lime in place of lemon, and extra garlic in place of tahini. Again, ample quantities of beans and a few dark beers should work out really well for you.


What an excellent idea! I hate hummus, but I love black beans. I'm going to try this.


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## Dleg (Nov 14, 2007)

Camping is an excellent idea!

You should introduce the idea to her in a humorous way, too, using an old joke:

Fudgey: You ever been camping before?

Victi-I mean Date: Yes, I love camping!

Fudgey: Well, can I ask you strange question about a friend?

Date: Sure!

Fudegey: Well, let's just say this friend of mine went camping with another friend, and woke up the next morning with a terrible hangover, her pants around her ankles, a pain in her anus, and vaseline smeared all over her.

Date: That's terrible!

Fudgey: I know! But my question is, if this happened to you, would you tell anyone?

Date: No way!

Fudgey: _Wanna go camping?_


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## ODB_PE (Nov 14, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> Fusion speaks the truth. The worst offender is fresh habanero peppers. I chopped some up not long ago to add to some chili I was making. At one point I had to take a leak. Knowing I had hot stuff on my hands I washed them thoroughly before doing my business. it didnt help at all. Felt like someone dragged my weener over a cheese grater then belt sanded it


This happened to me too, but without the thorough hand washing. I was at work (Habaneros at work, eh Ol' Deadbeat? Yes, it's true - a coworker had grown them in his garden and brought them in - which evolved into a macho habanero eating contest). I had to go home and sit in a cold bath for about an hour. I thought I was going to pass out. Unbelievable pain. When I returned to the office the gang had rounded up all of the fire extinguishers and put them on my desk.

The incident turned out to be quite the icebreaker at office parties, however. "all I've got is a little scar - wanna see?"


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## ODB_PE (Nov 14, 2007)

frazil said:


> What an excellent idea! I hate hummus, but I love black beans. I'm going to try this.


You may also know it by its other name - bean dip


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## frazil (Nov 14, 2007)

LOL. Where's the "I'm such a dumbass sometimes" smiley?


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## DVINNY (Nov 15, 2007)

NICE ONE Dleg!!!!!


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 15, 2007)

^ Be careful dude or you might end up like the little devil in this video.

You Tube Link


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## Fudgey (Nov 16, 2007)

Guys I got a problem. I think I am coming down with something. I might head home from work early. What do I do if I get sick this weekend? I'm kind of on a roll and with this, I don't want to cancel things and mess up the momentum. Plus I've really been looking forward to hanging out and I think she is too. I don't know what to do. I may just have a 24-hour stomach bug but what if I am getting really sick here. I don't want to panic and cancel early or wait until the last minute because that looks bad. But I'm not going to be any fun if I feel like crap. Any advice anyone?


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## roadmonkey (Nov 16, 2007)

I'd say give her a "warning" that you are not feeling well today but hope to feel better by the weekend. You may get some sympathy for your current condition, so win-win.


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## NCcarguy (Nov 16, 2007)

Agreed with Roadmonkey.....

Is this stomach related, or all-over?? If it's stomach, you might want to play it safe. Make sure you have some immodium AD on hand, if it's all-over (Like the flu) be honest....If it's a cold, go get tons of AIRBORNE and start drinking that stuff about every 3 hours, you might even want to go to the Doctor today........A little anti-biotic will have you feeling like a new person by Sunday!


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 16, 2007)

> I may just have a 24-hour stomach bug


Having her over while you of all people have tummy issues is playing with fire!


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 16, 2007)

Oh, no. I see a bowel blowout in your future.


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## testee (Nov 16, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I've really been looking forward to hanging out and I think she is too.



there is nothing like it IMO.

I would do like Roadmonkey said, give her a warning, re-iterate that you are looking forward to gettting together, and rest up in the meantime.

You'll be ready for action by tomorrow! :thumbs:


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## IlPadrino (Nov 16, 2007)

You guys are killing me... I left work early to have a few (four or five!) beers and now I'm back at the office waiting for the buzz to wear off. There's one other guy in the cubicle next door and he wants to know what I'm doing at work that's got me laughing so much!


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## Dleg (Nov 18, 2007)

^^That's cruel, IlPadrino. The poor guy has a real dilemma here, and all you can do is laugh.

:lmao:


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## ODB_PE (Nov 19, 2007)

bump

well...we're waiting....

http://scottbell.net/wav/Caddyshack/waiting.wav

(keeping in the character of my avatar)


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## bigray76 (Nov 19, 2007)

Fudgey.... where are you???

We want details!!!


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 19, 2007)

Once again the weekly organless Fudgey in a tub of ice watch begins.


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## Dark Knight (Nov 19, 2007)

VTEnviro said:


> Once again the weekly organless Fudgey in a tub of ice watch begins.


Nahhh....Fudgey just like to have us on our toes. He loves the suspense, he thrives on it....he is Fudgey.

He will let us know at the right Fudgeytime...

What time is it?.....Fudgeytime


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## NCcarguy (Nov 19, 2007)

What happens if he starts to have real feelings for this girl....? Which it souonds like he's getting anyway.

He might just get to feel guilty about sharing this info with us! Maybe he wants a little privacy?

SCREW THAT!!!! Let's hear it Fudgey! how did it go? We're you able to fix yourself?


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## maryannette (Nov 19, 2007)

Maybe he is in the hospital, dehydrated from the bug he had. Or, maybe he got well and had his date and ate the food he fixed and got food poisoning and is in the hospital, dehydrated....


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## TouchDown (Nov 19, 2007)

OR... his date was the best EVER, and he's in the hospital dehydrated...


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## maryannette (Nov 19, 2007)

Somebody, get some fluids in the boy. Dehydrated "Fudgey" is just cocoa powder.


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## DVINNY (Nov 19, 2007)

It's called Fudge De-watering, and its a big business.

Throw some lime on him, and call him Class A


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## HERO (Nov 20, 2007)

Take care of yourself Fudge! You got all kinds of people cheering you on!


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## bigray76 (Nov 20, 2007)

Maybe they ran off to Vegas to get hitched???


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## Guest (Nov 20, 2007)

I am not sure I can take the suspense ....






JR


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## Dark Knight (Nov 20, 2007)

^^^^Nope. I think it is not Fudgeytime yet.


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## cement (Nov 20, 2007)

is dewatered, composted Fudgey that humate stuff we spray on the grass seed? it smells bad but man does it work!


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## cement (Nov 20, 2007)

bigray76 said:


> Fudgey.... where are you???
> We want details!!!


didn't you hear there is a writer's strike in Hollywood? This might take a while...


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## ODB_PE (Nov 20, 2007)

I've heard of showmanship but this is :BS:

Come on Fudgey! lay it on us!


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## roadwreck (Nov 20, 2007)

ol said:


> Come on Fudgey! lay it on us!


YIKES! You can't be that familiar with many of Fudgey's other stories. I am quite sure I do NOT want Fudgey laying anything on me.


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## ODB_PE (Nov 20, 2007)

roadwreck said:


> YIKES! You can't be that familiar with many of Fudgey's other stories. I am quite sure I do NOT want Fudgey laying anything on me.


The best part of Fudgey's stories are the "thank God it didn't happen to me" factor - that's what keeps me coming back. opcorn:

However, a few facets of Fudgey's life have closely mirrored mine (emergency blowouts in public, etc.) - and I also have a brother-in-law who is likely Fudgey's long-lost twin.

So, thanks for the concern, but I am well aware of what I may be getting into...


----------



## Fudgey (Nov 20, 2007)

Hey everybody thanks for thinking of me. I had no idea how many people here hinge on my social life. It's nice to have a fan club and I appreciate the support. I was in meetings all day yesterday so I couldn't really get a chance to respond.

My stomach was feeling better mostly by then. I medicated myself up pretty well so I bottled up like a running play gone wrong. Better to be safe than sorry. I did let out a throaty belch at one point though to test the waters, which got me a mixed reaction. Better ease into this.

The Bears lost but that was about the only bad part of the day. Things didn't quite go as expected. I figured we would toss back a few beers and by halftime I'd show her the old wishbone offense if you catch my drift. I didn't get to make any plays on her tight end, but I had a really good time and got the sense that this might be going somewhere.

By the time the third quarter rolled around, we had pretty much tuned out the game and were having some of that deep, 'meaning of life' sort of talk. What do you think of this? How do you feel about that? Where do you see your life, career, etc stuff going...That kinda thing.

The Fudgeman never has those kind of talks. The few dates I've had over the years have generally ended with a lukewarm 'let's get together sometime...' that never went anywhere after that. This just clicked the other night, it's tough to explain. She is going off to her brother's for Thanksgiving, but after that I really want to invite her to the company party or at least hang out with my boys. That's fair right? It's not too soon is it? I hope she likes my buddies though because they are quite a bit wilder than me. Harmless, but kinda goofy at times. Not much in the action department this week but I did get a thorough tonsil cleansing. We'll see what happens in a coulple weeks after the holiday. I'd rather not have to wait 2 weeks to hang out again.


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## squishles10 (Nov 20, 2007)

:appl:

Sounds like all is going well.

It's so fun to hear to guy side of these things- I really thought only chicks talked about this stuff.


----------



## Guest (Nov 20, 2007)

I am glad that things have turned out to your liking fudgey!! :thumbs: Life is full of unexpected moments - make the most of them my friend!! :bananalama:

JR


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## DVINNY (Nov 20, 2007)

So you're thinking this may have potential to go into the Christmas holidays?

That adds huge pressure, because then you must figure out if the relationship;

A. is it a relationship

B. is it the type of relationship that warrants a Christmas gift

C. if so, what type of gift. Romantic? Useful? Neutral? etc. etc.

D. Do you gift each other, but no visits to family yet?

E. Do you go to her family gathering?

F. Do you invite her to your family gathering?

This could get very interesting............


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## ODB_PE (Nov 20, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> She is going off to her brother's for Thanksgiving, but after that I really want to *invite her to the company party *or at least hang out with my boys. That's fair right? It's not too soon is it? I hope she likes my buddies though because they are quite a bit wilder than me. Harmless, but kinda goofy at times. Not much in the action department this week but I did get a thorough tonsil cleansing. We'll see what happens in a coulple weeks after the holiday. I'd rather not have to wait 2 weeks to hang out again.


Fudgey, things are right where you want them - and if I may quote the timeless words of my favorite sage,



ol said:


> .... Consummation will come shortly after thanksgiving - after her (or your) office Christmas party. Its a done deal.


After the break, you've got a chance to invite her to a casual happy hour / early evening drinking with the buddies. It is critical she sees this side of things. Then there's the company Christmas party.

As someone has already alluded, you are entering into the "new girlfriend at Christmas" danger zone - only slightly more stressful than the "new girlfriend at Valentines Day" danger zone. No worries, though - you can get something thoughtful and it will go a long way - without screaming romance. I recommend a vintage structural toy, like 1970's era Girder and Panels off of eBay:

http://cgi.ebay.com/Kenner-Vintage-Girder-...bayphotohosting

Well, maybe not for her - but feel free to get one for me. I would really like one, but my wife does not get the hint.

I am starting a thread right now for "best engineering toys"

as always, good luck

-ODB


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 20, 2007)

ol said:


> http://cgi.ebay.com/Kenner-Vintage-Girder-...bayphotohosting
> Well, maybe not for her - but feel free to get one for me. I would really like one, but my wife does not get the hint.
> 
> I am starting a thread right now for "best engineering toys"
> ...



I had a set of those! Played with them until the corner peices in the uprights broke.

As a construction toy, only my set of wooden blocks was better!


----------



## chaosiscash (Nov 20, 2007)

Just for the record, I submit my vote for this thread to be in the Hall of Fame.


----------



## ktulu (Nov 20, 2007)

chaosiscash said:


> Just for the record, I submit my vote for this thread to be in the Hall of Fame.


Over 200 replies, and it's only been 3 dates. Definitely HOF worthy...

ktulu


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## Hill William (Nov 20, 2007)

ktulu said:


> Over 200 replies, and it's only been 3 dates. Definitely HOF worthy...
> ktulu



Wait till he actually gets some.

And if he posts pics, look out.


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## Undertaker (Nov 20, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> Hey everybody thanks for thinking of me. I had no idea how many people here hinge on my social life. It's nice to have a fan club and I appreciate the support. I was in meetings all day yesterday so I couldn't really get a chance to respond.
> My stomach was feeling better mostly by then. I medicated myself up pretty well so I bottled up like a running play gone wrong. Better to be safe than sorry. I did let out a throaty belch at one point though to test the waters, which got me a mixed reaction. Better ease into this.
> 
> The Bears lost but that was about the only bad part of the day. Things didn't quite go as expected. I figured we would toss back a few beers and by halftime I'd show her the old wishbone offense if you catch my drift. I didn't get to make any plays on her tight end, but I had a really good time and got the sense that this might be going somewhere.
> ...


You are good Fudgemaster.Very good.Will follow this thread very closely.Maybe I will be able to learn something.


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## cement (Nov 20, 2007)

DVINNY said:


> So you're thinking this may have potential to go into the Christmas holidays?
> That adds huge pressure, because then you must figure out if the relationship;
> 
> A. is it a relationship
> ...


I agree opcorn:


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## Dleg (Nov 21, 2007)

Tonsil cleaning? Yours or hers? If it was hers, then I am impressed. :thumbs:

Way to go Fudgey!


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## PE-ness (Nov 21, 2007)

Fudgey - if it helps, just remember that I am rooting for you.


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## HERO (Nov 21, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> By the time the third quarter rolled around, we had pretty much tuned out the game and were having some of that deep, 'meaning of life' sort of talk. What do you think of this? How do you feel about that? Where do you see your life, career, etc stuff going...That kinda thing.



She's really into you. Keep us posted!


----------



## Fudgey (Nov 21, 2007)

squishles10 said:


> :appl:
> Sounds like all is going well.
> 
> It's so fun to hear to guy side of these things- I really thought only chicks talked about this stuff.


You talk about splitting the uprights and tight ends?


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## cement (Nov 28, 2007)

bump


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## squishles10 (Nov 28, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> You talk about splitting the uprights and tight ends?


You're damn right I do!

But... in the "football" sense... well, except the "tight end" part. ;-)


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## DVINNY (Nov 29, 2007)

I know, we need updates Fudgemeister


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 29, 2007)

Fudgey has been low key lately. Where is our great master of the brown and sloppy? Is he out of town or something?


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## Fudgey (Nov 29, 2007)

^Real busy sorry guys. We are meeting for lunch on saturday and I invited her to my company party on the 14th of december. I plan to break out the old mistletoe belt buckle for this occasion.


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## DVINNY (Nov 29, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I invited her to my company party


Oh, this could be HUGE


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## squishles10 (Nov 29, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> ... I plan to break out the old mistletoe belt buckle for this occasion.


Are you serious? Did you make it or buy it? That's freaking awesome. Why, with all the weirdos I hang out with, have I never seen this before... :-\


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## ODB_PE (Nov 29, 2007)

DVINNY said:


> Oh, this could be HUGE


Once again, I will remind that I predicted this hugeness weeks ago. Only Fudgey can mess it up now.

Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker

going here, two down, nobody on, no score,

bottom of the ninth, there's the wind-up and

there it is, a line shot up the middle, look

at him go. This boy can really fly!

He's rounding first and really turning it on

now, he's not letting up at all, he's gonna

try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center,

and here comes the throw, and what a throw!

He's gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's out!

No, wait, safe--safe at second base, this kid really

makes things happen out there.

Batter steps up to the plate, here's the pitch--

he's going, and what a jump he's got, he's trying

for third, here's the throw, it's in the dirt--

safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base!

He's taking a pretty big lead out there, almost

daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher

glance over, winds up, and it's bunted, bunted

down the third base line, the suicide squeeze in on!

Here he comes, squeeze play, it's gonna be close,

here's the throw, there's the play at the plate,

holy cow, I think he's gonna make it!


----------



## Capt Worley PE (Nov 29, 2007)

^^Gotta love Meatloaf. Great album.


----------



## Guest (Nov 29, 2007)

^^^ How many people do you think can pick that out WITHOUT doing a google search?? 

Fudgey--

It sounds like you are coming into the home stretch quite nicely! :thumbs:

Regarding the office party - have you thought about how to defuse some of the potentially embarrasing things that could come out?? I am not talking about flatulence here either man ... I am talking about dork patrols and office talk about uncool things like ex-gf's and pranks and things of that nature??

I got ripped once at an office party (not christmas) where I invited a lady I had gone out with a few times where some of the office ladies decided to point out some of my previous indiscretions.  That only happened once - I had backup plans after that time on how to handle those sorts of issues at future office parties/work related functions.

I primarily point it out because if you have goofs for co-workers that can make for an incompatible mixture if your lady-friend might take what they say at face value thinking they should be serious minded rather than the goof your co-workers would mean for it to be.

:2cents:

JR


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## Fudgey (Nov 30, 2007)

squishles10 said:


> Are you serious? Did you make it or buy it? That's freaking awesome. Why, with all the weirdos I hang out with, have I never seen this before... :-\


I got lazy and bought one. Though it would have been real fun to make I bet. Here's the one I got. Belt Buckle link I wear it as a gag at parties but if someone ever wants to honor tradition who am I to say no? I recommend you order one immediately to get it in time for the holiday season.



jregieng said:


> I got ripped once at an office party (not christmas) where I invited a lady I had gone out with a few times where some of the office ladies decided to point out some of my previous indiscretions.  That only happened once - I had backup plans after that time on how to handle those sorts of issues at future office parties/work related functions.


Well the office only has a dozen people or so and I know most of them well so it's a fairly close knit bunch. i've had drinks with most of them before and none of them seem like assholes when liquored up. They are either friendly or quiet no real jerks plus I think they are pulling for me. They might give me a good ribbing but I don't think anything really humiliating. We'll see.


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## ODB_PE (Nov 30, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I got lazy and bought one. Though it would have been real fun to make I bet. Here's the one I got. Belt Buckle link I wear it as a gag at parties but if someone ever wants to honor tradition who am I to say no? I recommend you order one immediately to get it in time for the holiday season.


Caution with the sexy props, Fudgey. I too used to be "that guy" - my favorite used to be a Ski resort shirt that said "Give me Rossignol or give me Head". (Funnier back when Head had more of a market share in the skiing world)

While the gags always got attention, I found that I had much better success when I stopped using them - and that was back in my frat boy days.


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## Mike in Gastonia (Nov 30, 2007)

ol said:


> ...... give me Head......
> ....the gags......


How appropo....... :eyebrows:


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## ODB_PE (Dec 4, 2007)

bump

Update time, Fudgey.


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## ODB_PE (Dec 12, 2007)

Christmas Party 2 days away Fudgey - and we need a distraction from waiting for results.


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## Fudgey (Dec 13, 2007)

I've been out of town all last week and part of this one at a job site. The last date went well. No big developments but I think we are getting into a comfortable groove with each other. Spending time together isn't quite the awkward stressful production as the first few times. We are both letting our hair down a little more and I'm trying to let more of my personality show.

The party is tonight, and hopefully a little holiday cheer and wine will work their magic tonight. How do I work this? Do I ask her out to a bar afterwards and continue the evening or just straight up ask her over to my lair? I already drained my pipe this morning and probably will again before the party just to be safe. I ditched the mistletoe belt buckle idea as too gimmicky, based on the advice you guys had. We'll see how it goes later. Hopefully I'll be jollier than ole St Nick tomorrow one way or another.

Another cool thing is that we are having the party at the same place as last year. They have really good nibblers like crab cakes and pork satays.


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## ODB_PE (Dec 13, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I've been out of town all last week and part of this one at a job site. The last date went well. No big developments but I think we are getting into a comfortable groove with each other. Spending time together isn't quite the awkward stressful production as the first few times. We are both letting our hair down a little more and I'm trying to let more of my personality show.
> The party is tonight, and hopefully a little holiday cheer and wine will work their magic tonight. How do I work this? Do I ask her out to a bar afterwards and continue the evening or just straight up ask her over to my lair? I already drained my pipe this morning and probably will again before the party just to be safe. I ditched the mistletoe belt buckle idea as too gimmicky, based on the advice you guys had. We'll see how it goes later. Hopefully I'll be jollier than ole St Nick tomorrow one way or another.
> 
> Another cool thing is that we are having the party at the same place as last year. They have really good nibblers like crab cakes and pork satays.


Continue the party at a nearby bar with a small but select group. Hint at your randyness with some slight PDA at the bar. Hand holding, arm around her, etc. After an hour of that, suggest your place to hang out. Once home, move quickly. Since its a work night it may be tough.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 13, 2007)

Fudgey - make sure to tell the boss you may be late tomorrow. Coyly tell him why. Most bosses will overlook a day of tardiness if they knew you were gettin' it on the night before.


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## Hill William (Dec 13, 2007)

If I were you, I would definitely go with the shocker.


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## Dleg (Dec 13, 2007)

Fudgey, in my opinion, you are moving too slow. It's been far too long for you to have not made the big move on her yet. You need to cut the party short and bring her back to your place or hers. Then just go for it. If she says no, then it wasn't meant to be. If she doesn't, then she'll be thanking you.


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## PE-ness (Dec 13, 2007)

^^Ditto. Don't let me down, Fudgey.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 14, 2007)

How'd the party go Fudgemeister?


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## cement (Dec 14, 2007)

what is the poop dude?


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## Guest (Dec 14, 2007)

C'mon Fudgey !!!! Spill the beans !!!

JR


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## C-Dog (Dec 17, 2007)

This had to be one of the most funny thread I have ever read! One thing I have learned, is do not get dating advice from a bunch of engineers! I am happily married, so I don't need too!

So what happened at the party?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 17, 2007)

^ When you see Fudgey as the author of a thread you never know what you'll find inside.


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## Guest (Dec 17, 2007)

Ooohhhh Fudgey ... wooer of women .... please come grant us your wisdom !!!!

JR


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## NCcarguy (Dec 18, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> I already drained my pipe this morning and probably will again before the party just to be safe.



Am I the only one that GOT this????? Fudgey cracks me UP!!!!

SO......Where you at with this Fudgey?!!!


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## Undertaker (Dec 18, 2007)

^^^^I caught it but didn't say anything.Fudgey can't surprise me anymore.He will let us know at his own time:Fudgeytime


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## Dleg (Dec 18, 2007)

I caught it too. While some may think that's a good idea, I don't. It's good to have that untapped tension all built up in you on a date. It keeps you on your toes. Keeps your motivation up. Brings out your best.

You don't want to be this guy:

:jerkit:

When you could be this guy:

:leghump:


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## Undertaker (Dec 18, 2007)

Dleg said:


> I caught it too. While some may think that's a good idea, I don't. It's good to have that untapped tension all built up in you on a date. It keeps you on your toes. Keeps your motivation up. Brings out your best.
> You don't want to be this guy:
> 
> :jerkit:
> ...


Point understood but you don't wanna be known as _Quicky_ after the first day. You can be the :leghump: and the :jerkit: the same day


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## PE-ness (Dec 18, 2007)

Yeah, but take it from me: You don't want to be all used up, either. If my instincts about the Fudgeman are correct, then I would caution him to actually _decrease_ the number of times he "drains his pipe" on date day.

There is such a thing as over stimulation, you know. I can tell you all about that.

But not right now.


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## testee (Dec 18, 2007)

don't worry about it. That guy's toenails are white.


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## benbo (Dec 18, 2007)

Dleg said:


> I caught it too. While some may think that's a good idea, I don't. It's good to have that untapped tension all built up in you on a date. It keeps you on your toes. Keeps your motivation up. Brings out your best.
> You don't want to be this guy:
> 
> :jerkit:
> ...


I don't have any personal experience, but are you saying humping a giant foot is something to shoot for?


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## PE-ness (Dec 18, 2007)

I don't mean to jump in here, but I speak with experience: anything will do, in a pinch.


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## Guest (Dec 18, 2007)

benbo said:


> I don't have any personal experience, but are you saying humping a giant foot is something to shoot for?


This response has been blackened out to protect the more sensitive readers of the viewing audience. Please do not 'highlight' if you are easily offended.



Spoiler



Now I think you are really mixing metaphors - did you mean shoot for or shoot AT ??

:laugh: 
Sorry, I really, really, really couldn't resist!



JR


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## Dleg (Dec 18, 2007)

benbo said:


> I don't have any personal experience, but are you saying humping a giant foot is something to shoot for?


Yes. That's exactly what I am saying. :eyebrows:

Don't knock something you haven't tried!


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## NCcarguy (Dec 19, 2007)

I think we lost all the females in this thread!!!!


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## cement (Dec 20, 2007)

The silence from the fudgeman has been deafening. I figure there are 4 possible scenarios.

1) He scored, and is protecting her reputation.

2) He was shot down in flames, and she was swapping spit with the janitor.

3) He is too busy to post. Sorry, I had to stop laughing to finish that one.

4) There is still the writer's strike going on in Hollywood.

your votes?


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## Dleg (Dec 20, 2007)

You forgot about _The Crying Game _scenario...


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## cement (Dec 20, 2007)

OMG. I would be quiet too.


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## Guest (Dec 20, 2007)

Maybe my spoiler was too much for the female readership AND fudgey !! hmy:

Dleg --

You are truly :asthanos: for even suggesting a Crying Game moment!!! But I had to laugh!! :laugh:

Fudgey --

Come back !! You are still our little Fudgey even if things didn't work out!!! 

JR


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## cement (Dec 20, 2007)

Dleg said:


> Yes. That's exactly what I am saying. :eyebrows:
> Don't knock something you haven't tried!


Dleg's got a foot fetish??


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## NCcarguy (Dec 20, 2007)

Cement said:


> Dleg's got a foot fetish??



I think you're correct!!!!

BTW.....Come on Fudgey??? What's happening? It's not like we're asking for pictures or anything like that!


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## Dleg (Dec 20, 2007)

^^Yeah, a giant, 15 foot tall foot fetish...

Nah, I just couldn't resist benbo's setup.


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## Fudgey (Dec 21, 2007)

Well my friends, I know its been a while since I posted anything about this. I was starting to feel bad about kissing and telling. The last couple weeks I feel like I had love in my grasps then possibly lost it all.

Nothing all that interesting happened after the Christmas party. It got late and we were both a little too tipsy for much excitement. The coworkers were cool. They were definitely behind me. Played me up like a good guy who has done some good stuff on our projects here. They are really a good group of folks and I'm glad to work with them.

The following night on Friday, Fudgeboy became Fudgeman. :burgerking: I really don't think it's right to go into great detail but yes i did in fact lose my V-card.

I will say one thing though. I never expected some of the angles necessary to bury the meatstick would be as difficult to negotiate as they were. I don't bend like that, at least I didn't think I could. Single guys of the board I seriously recommend finding one of those little Romanian gymnast girls and letting her to all the contorting.

I think it went well. I was really happy. She even invited me to a family get together at her uncle's place last Sunday. Definitely a good sign! Well it all went downhill from there.

The evening started off nicely. I tried to be the ideal guy in front of the family. Funny, smart, inteligent, all that. It was going well, shortly after dinner, I had to go #2.

The girlfriend's brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and then I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering. It's kind of a technique, let me try to explain.

Remember the 80's classic TV show Saved by the Bell? AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair.




Similarly, AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, So when I was taking a dump, my stomache was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous.

Since AC Slatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in the bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My business was about halfway done when the footsteps became closer.

I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my girlfriend's mom was standing there in shock just staring at me. :blink:

We made eye contact for a split second, though it could have been an eternity. I mean I'm in my girlfriend's uncle's bathroom. They haven't known me for more than a couple hours, I was just happy to be invited over. My friends, I was so embarassed that I wanted to die. :hung-037:

I quickly finished up, got dressed, left the house as quickly as decorum would permit. I've been expecting my girlfriend to break up with me

since Monday. I can't bring myself to even call her. I am so embarassed and I hope my she doesn't blabber about this, I have no idea how I will explain this one away.

I think I blew it guys. :brickwall: :bawling:


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## Dark Knight (Dec 21, 2007)

JR needs to create an emoticon with a falling jaw. What an unfortunate turn of events Fudgeman. I am sorry for you but if she loves you she will come to you.

On the other hand my friend; What were you thinking? Why did not you just take a "classic dump"? Only you Fudgey....only you.


----------



## Chucktown PE (Dec 21, 2007)

I am fairly new to engineerboards and happened to read this post while I was awaiting PE results and getting nothing done. I must admit I laughed my ass off. I really hope this is a cruel joke but on the chance that it isn't, could I please ask the obvious question? What in the hell was going through your head when you decided to take a dump at your girlfriend's uncle's house......BACKWARDS. Have you tried this before? Why the need for the creativity on the throne? Are you bored with the standard old way of taking a shit? I have to give it to you, you really know how to go down in flames.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 21, 2007)

^ I see it's your first Fudgey post.


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## C-Dog (Dec 21, 2007)

Call her up. Her mother may not have said anything to her (yeah right!)! Explain the hole Saved by the Bell thing.


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## Capt Worley PE (Dec 21, 2007)

Wow, Fudgey. Never go with new stuff in new situations. Use the old tried and true. I agree with BIO, classic would have been more appropriate.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 21, 2007)

^ If not classic, then at least western grip.


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> The following night on Friday, Fudgeboy became Fudgeman. :burgerking: I really don't think it's right to go into great detail but yes i did in fact lose my V-card.


Awesome !!!! :multiplespotting: :multiplespotting: :bananalama:



Fudgey said:


> I think I blew it guys. :brickwall: :bawling:


Fudgey, I think I speak for everyone here .... WHY ????!!!!!!!!! 





BringItOn said:


> JR needs to create an emoticon with a falling jaw.


Ask ... and you shall receive! 





Boyd said:


> I really hope this is a cruel joke but on the chance that it isn't, could I please ask the obvious question?


You haven't been introduced to the LEGEND that is known as Fudgey! Check the Hall of Fame threads ....



SapperPE said:


> I'm guessing that it will ultimately be something that you all laugh about. If she's stuck around with you this long, then you're probably not gonna lose her over this.


I tend to agree with Sapper .... if she was already keyed into some of your subtle 'issues' then I think this is small change. I think if you believe there is a spark there ... maybe a little christmas miracle will bring you two back together. :wub:

JR


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## DVINNY (Dec 21, 2007)

WOW, Fudgey,

I took you for more of a Zack Morris type than an A.C. Slater.

I'm going to try some A.C. Slatering when I get home, it sounds kinda comfortable to lean on the back of the toilet while doing business.

Oh, and good luck with the GF, I think it will all work out.


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## C-Dog (Dec 21, 2007)

Oh, I hope you were wearing the proper Personal Protective Equipment (PPE)!


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## cement (Dec 21, 2007)

SapperPE said:


> You know, AC Slatering seems like a good technique for the bathroom reader. It gives you a place to put your coffee and a nice little desk for the book to rest upon. You might have just started a real renaissance in American toiletry techniques.


I think you are on to something here Sapper. you can put your laptop on the tank and keep spamming EB!


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## FLBuff PE (Dec 21, 2007)

Do we need to add a 'AC Slatering' thread, for random thoughts come up with while performing this technique?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 21, 2007)

^ You are my kinds of scum, fearless and inventive.


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## Undertaker (Dec 21, 2007)

Damn you Fudgey.All that work turned into shit just because you had to have a fancy dump.I want to see how the hell you bounce back from this one.I can only imagine your future MIL looking at ya' and thinking....oh shit. :Locolaugh:


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## Chucktown PE (Dec 21, 2007)

Being new to EB and everything, I guess someone will have to explain Fudgey's self destructive nature to me. For some reason I just can't get this A.C. Slater thing out of my mind. Inquiring minds have to know the thought process that led to such a strange decision/implosion.

Fudgey, please, I need to know how your brain works. I will admit, at the suggestion of jregieng, I read the Centaur thread, and that shed a little bit of light on the situation, but I need a detailed play by play.

And whoever out there thinks that this girl's mother didn't tell her about Fudgey A.C. Slatering her uncle's bathroom is crazy. My advice is to call her tonight, tell her you were embarrassed but you have a temporary back problem and you need something to lean on when you are taking a shit. With any luck she'll buy it and please don't ever do it again.

I am praying for a Festivus miracle.


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## cement (Dec 21, 2007)

Boyd said:


> I am praying for a Festivus miracle.


:appl: :appl: :appl:


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## TNengr_itch (Dec 21, 2007)

Oh Fudgey, I thought I was reading the love story of a lifetime while wasting time on the last afternoon before Christmas and stewing that even ALABAMA got their results before TN. Tell us it's not true...backwards? I'm going to have to tell my co-workers about this one. I have to agree with other posters - it does sound like a good way to multitask.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 21, 2007)

Fudgey even the newbies love you! You have to make it work!


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## FINK_RB_PE (Dec 21, 2007)

This is the funniest thing I have ever read, Fudgey, I would go with the back problem story, tell her it was from all of the work punching your V-card!!


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## NCcarguy (Dec 22, 2007)

Damn Fudgey........How in the WORLD did you end up working an awkward crap event early in the relationship???? You know what....I would just go with it, it's a test to see if she's really interested! If this breaks you up, then what the heck, you've only lost an occasional piece of ass, but if she stays around.......then it might be real! Stay confident!!! You don't really have anything to lose.


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## IlPadrino (Dec 22, 2007)

Fudgey,

As strange as this story sounds (is there an emoticon for the Bullshit Flag?), I have just one question: Why, in the name of all that is holy, didn't you just flush or cough when you heard the approach? Hell, a loud fart would have even sufficed.


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## TNengr_itch (Dec 22, 2007)

Okay Fudgey, I just can't get your story out of my head (I'm lying) but I wanted to share with you the tale of a young engineer co-worker who recently got engaged. Somehow reading your posts, I immediately thought of him. Your real life name doesn't start with an "M" does it? :eyebrows:

So this guy, who by the way taken a long to get in the groove with our group, started dating this very nice, attractive young lately. We were all a surprised and couldn't (still can't) figure out what she saw in him. The first time he met her mother was at a wine event down by the river. This guy made a great first impression by getting wasted, puking, and passing out in the greenspace next to our building (we are also downtown). I didn't think I would ever hear anything better until I read your story.

Yes, they are now recently engaged - about 18 months later. When another co-worker told me he had proposed my first comment was "did she say yes?". I still don't get it. It just proves that there really is someone for everyone. Hang in there. I really hope you've called her by now. If her mom is smart, she'll keep it to herself and it will never come up again until you guys have been married YEARS and it's too late for her to leave for such a silly thing (which she will have already figured out anyway).


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## Guest (Dec 22, 2007)

IlPadrino said:


> (is there an emoticon for the Bullshit Flag?)


Indeed there is ...............







JR


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 22, 2007)

rlyflag:

Still the king. I have an unhealthy amount of love for the O RLY flag.


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## rudy (Dec 22, 2007)

Oh Fudgey, what a wild... IMAGINATION. I have been entertained. :tv:


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## Dleg (Dec 22, 2007)

Guys, are you sure the "classical" isn't called the "missionary" position?

Fudgey, although you may be embarassed (I don't believe it), I want you to know that you didn't let me down. You got'r'done! got the V-card punched, and gave us a Fudgey story to go with it.

:thumbs:

:appl:


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## testee (Dec 23, 2007)

nice flag you got there, jregieng




exactly what I was looking for!


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## HERO (Dec 23, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> ...my girlfriend's mom was standing there in shock just staring at me. :blink:


That's good way to meet your gf's mom. It leaves a good impression. LOL


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## Fudgey (Dec 24, 2007)

Well I spoke to her this weekend. I don't think her Mom said anything. Maybe she thinks I'm a nice guy and was willing to overlook it. Maybe she just didn't have the right moment to explain that she walked in on her daughter's new boyfriend taking a dump backwards. If the girlfirned said anything to me, I was going to play it off and say I felt a little silly after a couple drinks and just wanted to try something new.

This is a big relief. I didn't want this hanging over my head during the holidays. I learned my lesson though. Next time you take an acrobatic otherwise non-standard dump at someone else's house, lock the door.


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## Dleg (Dec 25, 2007)

You know, there's something about taking a dump in someone elses's house that just makes you so vulnerable.

I remember one of the most horrifying bathroom moments in my life occurring at the home of my ex-girlfriend's brother. It wasn't me that used the bathroom, but my ex.

Her brother was a doctor and lived in a beautiful condo in Seattle with his trophy wife. Everything was immaculate. The ex and I had spent the first few days of our trip driving aorund the Olympic penisula area and northern Oregon. Well, I guess my ex had been holding it all in during the road trip. We hadn't been checked in to the guest room for more than 30 minutes when she came out of the bathroom with a horrified look on her face, telling me shee needed a plunger and there wasn't one in sight. I had to go ask, as if it was my fault. I then made the mistake of looking in the bathroom as I handed it off, and was stunned by just how much crap my ex gf was capable of producing. I honestly think that event sewed the seeds of our eventual split-up. It was amazing. But not in a good way.

So in other words, Fudgey, be careful with the poo stuff. It may be something that we all do, but it leaves indelible imprints on the subconcience of your mate.


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## DVINNY (Dec 25, 2007)

^^^^ Excellent story man!!!


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## ODB_PE (Dec 26, 2007)

Fudgey said:


> The following night on Friday, Fudgeboy became Fudgeman. :burgerking: I really don't think it's right to go into great detail but yes i did in fact lose my V-card.


THE V-card? Wow, that's huge. I didn't know there was a V card to be handed out. Congrats.



Fudgey said:


> The girlfriend's brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and then I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering. It's kind of a technique, let me try to explain.
> Remember the 80's classic TV show Saved by the Bell? AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair.
> 
> 
> ...


Fudgey, I take exception to your tale. Raj from "What's Happening" was sitting backwards on chairs way before AC Slater.


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## DVINNY (Dec 26, 2007)

But A.C. Slater was cool. Real cool.

Raj, not so much.


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## ODB_PE (Dec 26, 2007)

DVINNY said:


> But A.C. Slater was cool. Real cool.
> Raj, not so much.


I disagree - Raj V. A.C. head to head is a close battle- It is the supporting cast that hurts Raj.

Zack vs. Rerun?

Kelly Kapowski vs. Shirley?

Jessie vs. Dee?

Slater wins hands down based on these comparisons - but Raj's hangout (Rob's Place vs. The Max) is cooler, and Screech hurts Slater quite a bit - even when compared to Dwayne. Also, Raj and the gang never did have a band, but they did sneak a tape recorder into a Doobie Brothers concert. One word - COOL.

On closer inspection it is closer than you might think.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 26, 2007)

> Fudgey, I take exception to your tale. Raj from "What's Happening" was sitting backwards on chairs way before AC Slater.


I'm thinking it's got to be generational differences. I've never even heard of "What's Happening" Is it a 70s show?


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## ODB_PE (Dec 26, 2007)

VTEnviro said:


> I'm thinking it's got to be generational differences. I've never even heard of "What's Happening" Is it a 70s show?


it is THE 70's show!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What%27s_Happening

I am sure that it is strictly generational difference. Although I must admit I became familiar with the show in reruns on WTBS (back when it was channel 17 Atlanta)

Anyhow, the kids need to know about this sort of history - and I acknowledge that some other cool sitcom character probably sat backwards on their chair before Raj.


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## cement (Dec 26, 2007)

Screech is a porn star now. For your googling displeasure.


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## Brody (Dec 26, 2007)

Fudgey,

That is some hilarious stuff. You need to get a gig as a writer on Saturday Night Live.


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## DVINNY (Dec 26, 2007)

VTEnviro said:


> I'm thinking it's got to be generational differences. I've never even heard of "What's Happening" Is it a 70s show?


You've never heard of What's Happening? Are you serious? it was great. I watched re-runs as a kid



ol said:


> and I acknowledge that some other cool sitcom character probably sat backwards on their chair before Raj.


Arthur Fonzarelli

and Eddie Haskell



Cement said:


> Screech is a porn star now. For your googling displeasure.


DIRTY SANCHEZ!!!!!!!!! excellent stuff right there.


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## NCST8ENGR (Dec 26, 2007)

holy shit, that's the funniest thing i've ever read. what a riot


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 27, 2007)

DVINNY said:


> You've never heard of What's Happening? Are you serious? it was great. I watched re-runs as a kid


You've got 5 years on me, that's a big difference when you're a little kid.



DVINNY said:


> DIRTY SANCHEZ!!!!!!!!! excellent stuff right there.


Yeah but he does the amateur version of it. A real pro would have used a different appendage. Let's just leave it at that.


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## Guest (Dec 27, 2007)

VTEnviro said:


> Yeah but he does the amateur version of it. A real pro would have used a different appendage. Let's just leave it at that.


Whether you have seen it or not, the fact that you even KNOW that is very disturbing !!!!!!!!!!! :Locolaugh: :Locolaugh:

JR


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## DVINNY (Dec 27, 2007)

VTEnviro said:


> You've got 5 years on me, that's a big difference when you're a little kid.


You sayin' I'm old?



VTEnviro said:


> Yeah but he does the amateur version of it. A real pro would have used a different appendage. Let's just leave it at that.


my buddies boat is the "DIRTY SANCHEZ", that's its name.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Dec 27, 2007)

DVINNY said:


> You sayin' I'm old?


Yes. :Locolaugh:



DVINNY said:


> my buddies boat is the "DIRTY SANCHEZ", that's its name.


You guys ever invite the Minnesota Vikings on board?


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## squishles10 (Jan 2, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> So there I am sitting in the bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet.


Oh. My. God. What the hell is the point of doing this and who told you to do it? Good grief.

PS- got the beltbuckle- it's awesome!

PPS- there's still a girl around ;-)


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## C-Dog (Jan 2, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Oh. My. God. What the hell is the point of doing this and who told you to do it? Good grief.
> PS- got the beltbuckle- it's awesome!
> 
> PPS- there's still a girl around ;-)


There is supposed to be a point? I think it is in the challenge. I tried it and couldn't do it. :screwloose: I guess I am a traditionalist.

:waitwall:


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## Capt Worley PE (Jan 2, 2008)

I'm glad squishles has a new avatar. The last one was hmy:


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## bigray76 (Jan 2, 2008)

^^^You didn't like the Christmas Guinea Pig (or did I miss something)?


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## Capt Worley PE (Jan 2, 2008)

Oh, you missed something...


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## bigray76 (Jan 2, 2008)

^^^You are not going to leave me in the dark on this one are you?


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## Guest (Jan 2, 2008)

Captain Worley said:


> Oh, you missed something...


I appeared to miss it as well ... Christmas Guinea Pig ??

JR


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## squishles10 (Jan 2, 2008)

Dang I was hoping no one saw that- btw THANKS for the heads up. I have no idea where the came from.

That was a rabbit, not a guinea pig. Sheesh.


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> That was a rabbit, not a guinea pig. Sheesh.


Don't feel bad - he tried to suggest my avatar was a chipmunk! hmy: I told him .. fool, how can you NOT know Foamy The *Squirrel* ??!!!! :lmao: :lmao:

JR


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## Dleg (Jan 3, 2008)

^^Or that nutty squirrel thing in PE-ness's personal profile.

Actually, I can't see squishle's avatar at all. Our damn IT guys have gone nuclear on us, and blocked about half the internet. I'm surprised I can still get on EB.


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## DVINNY (Jan 3, 2008)

oh I get it, behind as usual


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## IlPadrino (Jan 3, 2008)

C-Dog said:


> There is supposed to be a point? I think it is in the challenge. I tried it and couldn't do it. :screwloose: I guess I am a traditionalist.:waitwall:


What do you mean "couldn't do it"? As in failure to perform? Maybe you just didn't have to go bad enough.


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## ODB_PE (Jan 3, 2008)

I'm thinking the slater (AKA the Raj or the Fonz) may be difficult for those with limited flexibility. After all, you have to open your legs to clear the tank. Now, let's say you're out in public and have the use of a tankless job - it might be easier to pull off, and no doubt would provide entertainment to your neighbors.

Of course, I just realized the pants have to come off - no hanging on the ankles - Fudgey may have mentioned this.


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## Fudgey (Jan 3, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Oh. My. God. What the hell is the point of doing this and who told you to do it? Good grief.
> PS- got the beltbuckle- it's awesome!


So Squishles, I think we should get together and compare belt buckles sometime. :eyebrows:

Anyway guys all is well on the love front. The Slatering business was just something I blew out of proportion in my head but didn't turn out to be much of anything. We both did our own family stuff at Christmas but I got back to town in time to hang out for New Year's. We went out for a nice meal (cost too damn much if you ask me) and then a comedy club. They had a toast at midnight then the show started. I got a mouthful of tongue at the toast so I am thinking she had already had just about enough. There were 4 acts, only the second one sucked, the others were real funny. We zonked out at my place afterwards and had a lazy day together on the first. I think this is going somewhere, which is good because I was starting to get real lonely this past year or so. I'm think I'm in wub. :wub:


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2008)

That's awesome fudgey !! lusone:

Keep us informed of how things on the romantic front are going!  Now that you have conquered this V-Card thing ... how about the PE Exam?  Are you thinking of an April or October date?

JR


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## bigray76 (Jan 3, 2008)

ol said:


> I'm thinking the slater (AKA the Raj or the Fonz) may be difficult for those with limited flexibility. After all, you have to open your legs to clear the tank. Now, let's say you're out in public and have the use of a tankless job - it might be easier to pull off, and no doubt would provide entertainment to your neighbors.
> Of course, I just realized the pants have to come off - no hanging on the ankles - Fudgey may have mentioned this.


A bad back or bad knees may hinder this position. Then again, after having stopped at the gas station in the center of the Belt Parkway during my field stint, you learn how to 'hover' in certain bathrooms... doesn't what hurts and how bad, you hover!


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## squishles10 (Jan 3, 2008)

bigray76 said:


> A bad back or bad knees may hinder this position. Then again, after having stopped at the gas station in the center of the Belt Parkway during my field stint, you learn how to 'hover' in certain bathrooms... doesn't what hurts and how bad, you hover!


Seriously, try being a chick around a line of Port-a-potties. You have no idea the meaning of hover.


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## NCcarguy (Jan 3, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Seriously, try being a chick around a line of Port-a-potties. You have no idea the meaning of hover.



That's pretty funny! I think of the port-a-johns at the Lowes motor speedway every race....those things are so bad I almost don't want to STAND in them!

Fudgey, I think that's GREAT you're starting to move into a real relationship! although the stories won't be nearly as informative, and BTW.....I would keep this post a SECRET!!!


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## bigray76 (Jan 4, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Seriously, try being a chick around a line of Port-a-potties. You have no idea the meaning of hover.


This gas station was the only place on the Belt Parkway between JFK Airport and the Verazano Bridge... I honestly don't know if it ever got cleaned. There was crap on the walls, the stalls, the floor, everything. I swear you could smell the place from the highway.... and at 6'-3", I guess it is more like being a bombardier than hovering.

My boss and I went to a Monday night Jets game a couple years back, it had to be 10 degrees if that warm at all. So after several beers I decided to go warm up in the Portojohn... Waiting on line, this one woman in the back yells "will you come on, you are guys, it shouldn't be taking you this long"... The drunk in front of me turned around and replied "Ma'am, it's about zero f'ing degrees and I have 5 layers of flannel on, it takes me a while to find it before I can use it"

Our rule of thumb for tailgating: bring a travel size pack of baby wipes and your own roll of TP.... just in case!


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jan 4, 2008)

They host the New England BBQ championships in my town each year. It's a really popular event, and they have about 20 porto-potties set up. Given the nature of the food and that it's held at a brewery, you can see how things might go downhill quickly. A couple years back it also rained 2+ inches that day. By mid-afternoon those things were a horror scene, all slimy and muddy. By the end of the day it was truly squalid.

Probably worse than any mobile crapper scenario I've seen was the men's room at Shea Stadium when I was there for a playoff game a couple years back. There was a couple inches of standing piss by the first pitch.


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## Dark Knight (Jan 10, 2008)

Where the heck are you Fudgey?


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## cement (Jan 10, 2008)

I must have seen this picture a dozen times before I realized she is in front of a row of porto potties


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## SkyWarp (Jan 10, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> Remember the 80's classic TV show Saved by the Bell? AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair.








This is my first time reading it but this thread delivers.


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## FLBuff PE (Jan 10, 2008)

Wish that I could take credit for this, but here is a true artist's (ODB's) rendering of how the events of that night unfolded:


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## NCcarguy (Jan 12, 2008)

^ Now that's FUNNY!!!!! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


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## NCcarguy (Jan 16, 2008)

Fudgey.........Where are you? Seriously! You can't spend ALL your time sucking up to the new babe, I don't care how much screwing you're doing!


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## PE-ness (Jan 16, 2008)

I am wondering, too. I have been receiving a vibe, and it isn't feeling good for poor old Fudgey, I hate to say....


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## Fudgey (Jan 17, 2008)

NCcarguy said:


> Fudgey.........Where are you? Seriously! You can't spend ALL your time sucking up to the new babe, I don't care how much screwing you're doing!


I'm here guys!! The love life is pretty good. I swore I wouldn't tell anyone about this, but we played a kinky little fantasy role playing game called 'toll booth collector' last weekend. :signs051:


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## ODB_PE (Jan 17, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> ... 'toll booth collector' ...


"I seem to be short 35 cents"

"why don't you come into the booth and we'll figure something out"

NICE


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## NCcarguy (Jan 17, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> I'm here guys!! The love life is pretty good. I swore I wouldn't tell anyone about this, but we played a kinky little fantasy role playing game called 'toll booth collector' last weekend. :signs051:



ALRIGHT!!!!! Glad to hear from you Fudgey! Glad things are still going well with the girl too! We're really all pulling for you and her. I think we played at least a little role in this (I did say little)


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Jan 17, 2008)

Damn Fudgey! :bowdown:

What's next - treatment plant operator?


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## ODB_PE (Feb 1, 2008)

bump... for old times sake.

Fudgey - do you still have her at hello? Does she still complete you?


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## Fudgey (Feb 4, 2008)

Things are still good deadbeat! But I am kind of at a loss for fun things to do at this point. We've done most of the standard date stuff around here and I am afraid things will get stale if I don't come up with some new ideas.

Also what am I supposed to do for Valentines day? Do I do something that night, its a Thursday so I don't think we can see much of each other that night or do I wait until the weekend and do a bigger deal. The other thing is what do you get for your first Valentines day together? I don't just want to get chocolate or flowers. I want it to be personal but she is pretty tight lipped about it.

I told her that what I wanted was for her to sign me up for this cheese of the month club I saw.


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## cement (Feb 4, 2008)

I think that a common Valentine's gift if handcuffs from what I read. :reading:


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## Brody (Feb 4, 2008)

Valentine's Day is the most treacherous time of year for new relationships.

Don't do enough and she will be pissed.

Do too much and she will think you are a wuss and will lose respect for you.

No matter what you do, you are basically screwed.

It is simplest to just plan on starting a new relationship at this time of year.


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## testee (Feb 4, 2008)

you can't go wrong with a pearl necklace.


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## snickerd3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I really don't get into the whole valentines present thing, it is still really close to christmas. It's definitely NOT a holiday to be giving jewelry, diamond or other. We usually just buy or rent a movie to watch and get some pastachio nuts to munch on while watching the movie.


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## ktulu (Feb 4, 2008)

Well, the way it's going right now, we may have a little baby girl as a Valentine's gift. You ever thought of that, Fudgey??


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## Dleg (Feb 4, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> I told her that what I wanted was for her to sign me up for this cheese of the month club I saw.


Perfect! That should keep you plugged up, which could solve many of your problems (and hers)!


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## Brody (Feb 4, 2008)

I like the way they celebrate Valentine's Day in Japan. The girl buys the guy the present.


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## PE-ness (Feb 4, 2008)

Testee said:


> you can't go wrong with a pearl necklace.


You're so predictable, Testee.


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## cement (Feb 4, 2008)

I agree, that was in poor taste.


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## Dleg (Feb 4, 2008)

Yes, and we certainly would not want to defile this fine thread.


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## Capt Worley PE (Feb 5, 2008)

^ Good point! So far it has been a fine example of tasteful decorum.


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## Fudgey (Feb 5, 2008)

Dleg said:


> Perfect! That should keep you plugged up, which could solve many of your problems (and hers)!



what about something like this? This might help.


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## MA_PE (Feb 5, 2008)

Testee said:


> you can't go wrong with a pearl necklace.


I agree. Everybody wins!


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## PE-ness (Feb 5, 2008)

^^That's what confuses me. I'm always in big hurry to "win", but then I'm always told to slow down and let the other person finish first. How can that be termed "winning?"


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## ODB_PE (Feb 5, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> Things are still good deadbeat! But I am kind of at a loss for fun things to do at this point. We've done most of the standard date stuff around here and I am afraid things will get stale if I don't come up with some new ideas.
> Also what am I supposed to do for Valentines day? Do I do something that night, its a Thursday so I don't think we can see much of each other that night or do I wait until the weekend and do a bigger deal. The other thing is what do you get for your first Valentines day together? I don't just want to get chocolate or flowers. I want it to be personal but she is pretty tight lipped about it.


Keep it simple.

Revisit one of your early dates. Home cooked meal, a rented movie, etc. Of course, you may be doing that all the time these days - you don't tell us anything anymore.

IMHO, any gal who is going to throw a fit because she didn't get a $$$ meal, a dozen roses, and all the other cliche crap is not a gal you want. She's dating you, so she likes you already- be creative.

Hows about a mini road trip? somewhere within 3 hours. A walk through a zoo in the wintertime can be romantic. It worked for Rocky B.

I would say bed and breakfast but I don't particularly like them.

My point is flowers on a random tuesday in May are much more meaningful than valentines day. If you're going to spend some cash, make it fun for both of you.


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## Capt Worley PE (Feb 6, 2008)

ol said:


> My point is flowers on a random tuesday in May are much more meaningful than valentines day. If you're going to spend some cash, make it fun for both of you.


Husbands of the ladies my wife works with hate me. A few years ago, I didn't order flowers in time for Valentine's day, but, go figure, I could order them for the day before, so I did. came up with a funny note justifying it. She loved it, and I did it a few times.

One day, the husband of one of her co-workers says, "You know, every time you send those flowers, my wife comes home hinitng how much she's gonna love hers tomorrow and it is too late to order. I'm always in the dog house because of you." :true:

I don't know if I'll do it just year because dang deliveries have gotten waaaaay too expensive for what you get. Probably just pick some flowers up and make an arrangement for her myself.


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## frazil (Feb 6, 2008)




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## Guest (Feb 6, 2008)

^^^ Wicked awesome !!!!!!! lusone:

JR


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 6, 2008)




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## Fudgey (Feb 7, 2008)

^ I thought of that Klingon when I was in the shower this morning and it was creepy!

As for the gift I got her a card and a small bottle of perfume for the actual holiday, but took deadbeat's advice and asked her if she wanted to take a three day weekend together. We have been together a couple months now so it seems like the next step, I can't believe I didn't think about it.

We are going to head up to the Wisconsin Dells for a few days at the end of the month. I've always liked it there. Not sure what we'll do yet, but we'll figure it out. I think she was pleasantly surprised with the idea.



> Of course, you may be doing that all the time these days - you don't tell us anything anymore.


I'll try to be better about that! Although I do have a few stories that might not be too good to repeat on a public forum.


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## ODB_PE (Feb 7, 2008)

^^^

Good work, Fudgey - we're all pulling for you.


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## Dark Knight (Feb 7, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> I'll try to be better about that! Although I do have a few stories that might not be too good to repeat on a public forum.


:GotPics: :GotPics: :GotPics:


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## squishles10 (Feb 8, 2008)

Well, I just got caught up- I've missed so much! Especially some fantastic art work- nearly had coffee all over my desk- damn would that hurt! Congrats and good to hear all is still going well.

Now anyone got any ideas on what to get a boy for Valentine's Day?


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## MA_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Well, I just got caught up- I've missed so much! Especially some fantastic art work- nearly had coffee all over my desk- damn would that hurt! Congrats and good to hear all is still going well.
> Now anyone got any ideas on what to get a boy for Valentine's Day?



Beer/liquor and a quickie is always well received.


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## squishles10 (Feb 8, 2008)

MA_PE said:


> Beer/liquor and a quickie is always well received.



When I get my diamond, he can have all the beer and quickies he wants. &lt;_&lt; Until then, he's getting something pink and fuzzy and stuffed unless you all can think of something better.


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## ODB_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

MA_PE said:


> Beer/liquor and a quickie is always well received.


lusone:


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## ODB_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> ...pink and fuzzy and stuffed...


will someone else do the honors?


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## MA_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

QUOTE (squishles10 @ Feb 8 2008, 10:59 AM)

...pink and fuzzy and stuffed...

will someone else do the honors?

Squishels: it is been done already.

...pink, fuzzy and stuffed....

Relax, it is safe for general audiences.


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## bigray76 (Feb 8, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Now anyone got any ideas on what to get a boy for Valentine's Day?


Chocolate covered cherries.

(Beer and a quickie are nice too, but after three kids, a quickie is all you really have time for anyway!!!)


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 8, 2008)

^ Not to mention it's no fun to throw your back out during a protracted romp in the sack.


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## bigray76 (Feb 8, 2008)

^^^That's why you need to keep yourself in prime physical shape (unlike myself!)


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## Capt Worley PE (Feb 8, 2008)

VTEnviro said:


> ^ Not to mention it's no fun to throw your back out during a protracted romp in the sack.


That's the damn truth.


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 8, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> When I get my diamond, he can have all the beer and quickies he wants. &lt;_&lt; Until then, he's getting something pink and fuzzy and stuffed unless you all can think of something better.



My wife told me the same thing. That lasted a couple of weeks. Which reminds me, I have discovered a food that will instantly reduce a woman's sex drive by 98%.


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 8, 2008)

Wedding Cake

*Quit that quintuple posting Boyd!*


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## MA_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

Boyd said:


> Wedding Cake


that's original

and it only took four posts to get it in.


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 8, 2008)

MA_PE said:


> that's original
> and it only four posts to get it in.



Sorry. Trying to get my post count up. Some people might not have heard it.


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## Capt Worley PE (Feb 8, 2008)

MA_PE said:


> and it only four posts to get it in.


Wel..ahem...cough &lt;that's a problem&gt;..cough


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## frazil (Feb 8, 2008)

tough crowd


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## MA_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

frazil said:


> tough crowd


Even spam typically offers some useful information on how to enhance certian parts, increase pleasure and drive the opposite sex crazy.

"..." however just takes up space. I'm drawing some lines here. We don't need that kind of trash!!!

I want to see the post quality improve, like this actual example from my "junk mail" folder

Subject: A well hung SCHLONG will get you places you've never been before.

The end to all your frustration lies here - we have the solution to your woes. &amp;lt;http://www.reiomit.com/&gt;

I would not recommend following the link.

:suicide:


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## squishles10 (Feb 8, 2008)

i think after 8 years, its a little beyond cake. as fudgey knows, he got a very nice belt buckle for christmas. maybe that should be it for a while... although it is neither fuzzy nor pink. ;-) maybe a pink wedding cake? by the time i get to use it, itll be fuzzy for damn sure...


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## MA_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

> When I get my diamond, he can have all the beer and quickies he wants.


If you intend to honor that statement and you've been together for 8 years then IMHO he's a fool not to commit. Good luck Squish and I hope this year's the one for you.

BTW, I gave my wife her ring a couple of days before V-day. That way it wasn't a V-day "gift" but instead part of the marriage "contract" If things went south I'd have legal grounds to get the ring returned due to breach of contract and she couldn't use the excuse that it was a V-day "gift" with no ties to keep it.

She's worn it for 20+ years now.


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## ODB_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

MA_PE said:


> I would not recommend following the link.


I dunno - the product seemed to work for "Herm" from Florida


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 8, 2008)

I sincerely apologize for the "..." MA PE. In the future I will try to be more creative and at a minimum provide the thread with advertisements for male enhancement or aphrodisiacs.

To answer squishles questions, my wife and I quit doing Valentines day presents while we were dating. She would prefer that I get her flowers some other time as a suprise. We'll go out for a nice dinner some time but with a 2 year old and a newborn at home we are suspending Valentines day this year. I say after 8 years you and he are off the hook for Valentines day.


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## MA_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

> I sincerely apologize for the "..." MA PE. In the future I will try to be more creative and at a minimum provide the thread with advertisements for male enhancement or aphrodisiacs.


Ok that's more like it. You know, we have standards here.

:laugh:


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## ODB_PE (Feb 8, 2008)

Boyd said:


> I sincerely apologize for the "..." MA PE. In the future I will try to be more creative and at a minimum provide the thread with advertisements for male enhancement or aphrodisiacs.


I don't know, MA - if I didn't know any better I'd say I smell a zinger aimed squarely at your head.


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## Dleg (Feb 8, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Until then, he's getting something pink and fuzzy and stuffed unless you all can think of something better.


Nope. The only better gift I can think of would be something pink and _not_ ....

I've thought better of my answer.


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## NCcarguy (Feb 9, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Now anyone got any ideas on what to get a boy for Valentine's Day?



If my wife would bring a female "Friend" home...now THAT would be a great valentine's gift!!! Just a thought!


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## Guest (Feb 9, 2008)

frazil said:


> tough crowd


I know frazil ... look at how they :16: :15: me over not getting some candid shots of the catfight!!! :sniff:



squishles10 said:


> i think after 8 years, its a little beyond cake. as fudgey knows, he got a very nice belt buckle for christmas. maybe that should be it for a while... although it is neither fuzzy nor pink. ;-) maybe a pink wedding cake? by the time i get to use it, itll be fuzzy for damn sure...


Hmmm ...

I was talking with a younger (late 20s), female co-worker over happy hour yesterday. She told me she has been dating a guy now for almost 2.5 months. While she has introduced him to her friends through casual activities - he hasn't reciprocated and in fact, continues to have 'friends' night while going long periods without seeing her.

She told me that this seems to be the how the younger generation of guys behave.

Eye opening for me ... hmy:



MA_PE said:


> She's worn it for 20+ years now.


That's awesome MA !! :multiplespotting:

I have actually been finding that the longer I have been married, the harder it has become to find ways to keep it together. Perhaps stated more clearly, it takes A LOT more effort to to find common ground on almost anything and to get over the differences of opinion to reach a point of agreeing to disagree without acrimony.

Now that I have been on the path of struggling for some time now, I have developed a DEEPER respect for married couples who can find a way to make everything work out in the end.

JR


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## MA_PE (Feb 9, 2008)

JR: this one's for you

scientific proof of what we've known all along



> I don't know, MA - if I didn't know any better I'd say I smell a zinger aimed squarely at your head.


I don't see that at all. I take it as Boyd is providing me the courtesy of some potentially valuable information in lieu of wasted posts containing only punctuation marks. thank you Boyd.


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## squishles10 (Feb 12, 2008)

We compromised. I got to buy an iPhone and put it on his account, and he has to buy me a pretty case for it. I'm not into the whole frilly crap, flowers die, and chocolate makes me fat. But I got on his cell phone account, which means he just committed for another 2 years! (or $175 buying fee, yeah yeah) But I'm impressed, this is big for him. (Ass...) Maybe when he comes to visit next weekend he can bring me a real present ;-)

Did we ever get a final decision of the Fudge gift?


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## Guest (Feb 12, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> We compromised. I got to buy an iPhone and put it on his account, and he has to buy me a pretty case for it. I'm not into the whole frilly crap, flowers die, and chocolate makes me fat. But I got on his cell phone account, which means he just committed for another 2 years! (or $175 buying fee, yeah yeah) But I'm impressed, this is big for him. (Ass...) Maybe when he comes to visit next weekend he can bring me a real present ;-)


As long as you are happy with the result .. we are all happy for you! 



squishles10 said:


> Did we ever get a final decision of the Fudge gift?


I think he said something about a long weekend. Probably appropriate considering all of the field work he has been doing and time away.

When you are in love - what better gift is there than the gift of yourself?

JR


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 12, 2008)

^ Yeah but I'm not sure I'd want everything Fudgey gives off.


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## squishles10 (Feb 12, 2008)

jregieng said:


> When you are in love - what better gift is there than the gift of yourself?
> JR


A diamond and an iPhone?


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## FLBuff PE (Feb 12, 2008)

^^^You seem a little jaded. Have you tried the 'Sh*t or get off the pot' route?


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## Fudgey (Feb 12, 2008)

^ I try at all costs to do my business on the pot! Some of my worst run-ins have been when a pot wasn't available. What are you suggesting?


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## FLBuff PE (Feb 12, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> ^ I try at all costs to do my business on the pot! Some of my worst run-ins have been when a pot wasn't available. What are you suggesting?


That we should ALL try to avoid the bucket 'incident' you so eloquently told us about.


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## jstandfest (Mar 3, 2008)

just bumping this.

It seems we might be due for a report on the weekend outing of fudgey's. Are you still going strong? How was the getaway? There aren't any little fudge's due to be running around yet are there?

Give us an update!!


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## squishles10 (Mar 3, 2008)

FLBuff said:


> That we should ALL try to avoid the bucket 'incident' you so eloquently told us about.


AMEN!


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## squishles10 (Mar 3, 2008)

FLBuff said:


> ^^^You seem a little jaded. Have you tried the 'Sh*t or get off the pot' route?


Yeah. Originally it was last August but he needed to go get the ring so I extended it, and since then it's been excuse after excuse. I know he has it now though, cuz his mom let it slip. I don't think she knows I caught it though. He's coming back this weekend, so MAYBE.


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## FLBuff PE (Mar 3, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> Yeah. Originally it was last August but he needed to go get the ring so I extended it, and since then it's been excuse after excuse. I know he has it now though, cuz his mom let it slip. I don't think she knows I caught it though. He's coming back this weekend, so MAYBE.


Well, good luck. It sounds like his 6-month stay of execution may come to an end if things don't happen this weekend. My question...is the relationship really worth taking to the ultimate if you are willing to throw it away b/c he did not ask in the 'right' time frame?


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## squishles10 (Mar 3, 2008)

FLBuff said:


> Well, good luck. It sounds like his 6-month stay of execution may come to an end if things don't happen this weekend. My question...is the relationship really worth taking to the ultimate if you are willing to throw it away b/c he did not ask in the 'right' time frame?


You sound exactly like him... :-\

No, and I'd rather he wait anyway. I have this stupid test and I don't need to be thinking about something else for the next month. It's been this long, what's wrong with April 12th?

PS, where's fudgey?


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## FLBuff PE (Mar 3, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> You sound exactly like him... :-\
> No, and I'd rather he wait anyway. I have this stupid test and I don't need to be thinking about something else for the next month. It's been this long, what's wrong with April 12th?
> 
> PS, where's fudgey?


Sorry. I tend to take a long term view on relationships. I was wondering where the Fudgester was myself. From earlier posts, it sounded like he and his lady were getting into some kinky stuff...maybe he is tied up in a basement somewhere, with only a bucket for his use?


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## maryannette (Mar 3, 2008)

That's not kinky for Fudgey. That's normal.


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## Fudgey (Mar 4, 2008)

I've been on resident construction duty for a bit. The internet connection is dial up there in the trailer plus I always have a contractor bugging me. i am also studing a lot for the PE since I am taking it in April.

Relationship is good, we went on our extended to trip Wis a couple weeks ago and we had a really nice time. It was just a little chilly. I was tempted to enter a cheese eating contest but felt a little self conscious! Trying to be responsible here!

I think I am going to invite her to Mama and Pappa Fudgey's place for Easter. It's a several hour drive from here and she has never met them. I really hope she doesn't think my parents and other assorted family are weird. On the other hand I am sure they will like her. They are happy to see me happy I think.


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## Dleg (Mar 4, 2008)

Whatever. But you damn well better have a good story in the end. I'm getting sick and tired of the newer, less flatulent Fudgey.


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## rudy (Mar 4, 2008)

She's meeting Mama and Papa Fudgey? Perhaps this thread will turn into a screenplay for a movie, like Meet The Fockers.


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## PE-ness (Mar 4, 2008)

Yeah, but I'd hate to guess that the title of this version might be.


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## Undertaker (Mar 5, 2008)

I am very dissapointed Fudgemaster. You let us down. Never mind. Just read your post dude. I missed it. Maybe I should do the same and start study for the damn test again.


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## Fudgey (Mar 6, 2008)

I was watching Star Trek - Next Generation last night with my girlfriend when I cut one. We laughed, and plugged our noses, and then she asked me, with all the naivety of someone who doesn't know the show that well, if Data could Fart. I didn't ever think of it before.

So can he pass gas? And if so does it smell???

And if he doesn't eat food, and can still pass gas, what does it smell like, Penzoil? On the other hand I imagine the space age uniform fabric has to have fart-filtering qualities.


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## Dark Knight (Mar 6, 2008)

^^^She is a keeper Fudgey. Definitely she is your soul mate.


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## Dleg (Mar 6, 2008)

I always thought the Star Trek uniforms were made with special activated-carbon thread, so that body odors of all types were absorbed before they could offend. The AC is then recharged during washing with a special steam cycle.

:jerkit:


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Mar 6, 2008)

On more than one occasion Data does mention that he's 'fully functional', so my vote is yes. Probably a superhuman fart with 10x the potency of a normal man.

And yes DLeg is right. Star Trek underwear are made from a semi-permeable mebmbrane which allows the passage of cool air in but prevents hot off gases from escaping.


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## frecoder78 (Mar 12, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> I was watching Star Trek - Next Generation last night with my girlfriend when I cut one. We laughed, and plugged our noses, and then she asked me, with all the naivety of someone who doesn't know the show that well, if Data could Fart. I didn't ever think of it before.
> So can he pass gas? And if so does it smell???
> 
> And if he doesn't eat food, and can still pass gas, what does it smell like, Penzoil? On the other hand I imagine the space age uniform fabric has to have fart-filtering qualities.


Dutch ovens are my favorite! I love to give my significant other one from time to time! Just for laughs!


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## NCcarguy (Mar 12, 2008)

You guys SURE HAVE thought out this Star Trek thing!

Fudgey......sure am happy for you dude....I think someone else already said this, but it sure looks like you found the perfect person for you!


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## roadwreck (Mar 12, 2008)

Fudgey, as good as your new girlfriend sounds I think I've found one even better suited for you.

Woman spends 2 years on the toilet


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Mar 13, 2008)

frecoder78 said:


> Dutch ovens are my favorite! I love to give my significant other one from time to time! Just for laughs!


Ah, now I see why the women of the board are fawning over Freakodor78. :jerkit:


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## Fudgey (Mar 13, 2008)

My girlfriend and I, we're just not party people. We're usually content to stay home and rot. Recently, however, a friend of mine decided to throw a party, and we were graciously invited. She lives just down the street, so we figured that if we didn't like it, we could split, no problem. (My thinking was more like: She lives down the street, so I can drink too much and not have to worry about driving!")

So we arrived at the party and really started enjoying ourselves. I was wanting to socialize and make some new friends, so I did what any self-respecting individual in my situation would do: headed straight for the vodka. I mixed it with just about every liquid I could find: orange juice, pomegranate juice, diet caffeine-free Coke that was over two months old. Really just about anything. In fact, at one point, some random guy congratulated me on just how inebriated I was. I was so tickled and proud of myself. I can pickle my liver like no one's business.

Oh, the party ended up being great. At one point everyone began singing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. People were dancing. I was wearing a pink boa. I fell asleep for ten minutes in a closet. This was what life is about. When whatever higher force created life on Earth, it's intention must have been for parties such as this to occur.

Then came the gurgly feeling. I took this as my cue to make my way home.

I told my girlfriend I was partied out. She decided to stay a little longer. So I stumbled down the street to myapartment, all the while talking about who knows what to who knows who. At this point I was so hammered that I just wanted to go to sleep. I went into my room and slithered into my bed. Everything was beautiful, and nothing was bad, except maybe for the spinning room. And then wait - the gurgly feeling again.

Oh man, I had forgotten all about the phantom gurgle. I struggled with what this might mean. Was I hungry? Was I dying? Then, all of a sudden, I exclaimed aloud, as if to some unforeseen force, "I've got to puke!"

I quickly stumbled out of bed, the room still spinning, and crashed into the wooden chest in my room, scraping my back pretty bad and smacking my head on a nearby magazine rack. Again in defiance of the unforeseen force, I yelled aloud, "I DON'T CARE, I HAVE TO PUKE!."

I ran down the hall in the same way a pinball gains points in its respective machine. At last, I made it to the bathroom. And almost immediately, I started simultaneously barfing in the tub while spewing the foamiest diarrhea into the toilet.

Neither of the aforementioned spews were as they should be. The diarrhea was foamier and than normal foamy diarrhea. It had the consistency of frothy dish liquid and the color of a star that had collapsed in on itself. The barf was inconsistently fluid and adhesive. Some sections of it stuck to the tub while the rest flowed down the drain.

All the while I was getting my various excrements all over the floor of the bathroom. Try picturing an awkward looking, naked guy, shitting and puking, trying not to slip on said shit and puke.

After emptying the contents of my stomach and using up enough anal propulsion to power me to Mars, I managed to haphazardly clean up my mess. At last, the worst was over, and I could go back to doing what I do best when faced with adversity.

I went back into the bedroom and smiled at my bed, which was welcoming me with open arms. When I lifted up my comforter I noticed something odd. There was shit. On the bed. And lot's of it. These were skidmarks that would make the folks of NASCAR envious. What the hell? How did I shit the bed? When did I shit the bed? I looked for answers, but it was just as lost as when I started.

I threw the soiled sheets into the hamper and let them sit there for two weeks. That was going to be a battle for another day. My girl never suspected a thing. Or if she did, she was too polite to mention it.


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## Capt Worley PE (Mar 13, 2008)

:appl: :appl: :appl:


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## frecoder78 (Mar 13, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> My girlfriend and I, we're just not party people. We're usually content to stay home and rot. Recently, however, a friend of mine decided to throw a party, and we were graciously invited. She lives just down the street, so we figured that if we didn't like it, we could split, no problem. (My thinking was more like: She lives down the street, so I can drink too much and not have to worry about driving!")
> So we arrived at the party and really started enjoying ourselves. I was wanting to socialize and make some new friends, so I did what any self-respecting individual in my situation would do: headed straight for the vodka. I mixed it with just about every liquid I could find: orange juice, pomegranate juice, diet caffeine-free Coke that was over two months old. Really just about anything. In fact, at one point, some random guy congratulated me on just how inebriated I was. I was so tickled and proud of myself. I can pickle my liver like no one's business.
> 
> Oh, the party ended up being great. At one point everyone began singing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. People were dancing. I was wearing a pink boa. I fell asleep for ten minutes in a closet. This was what life is about. When whatever higher force created life on Earth, it's intention must have been for parties such as this to occur.
> ...


My gawd dude sounds like you had a terribly rough night! Reminds my of that movie "Trainspotting" that came out a while back when I believe a character named "Spud" shat in the bed that he slept in at his gf's parents house. This story you're telling is pretty vivid! You should be a writer! Don't ask me what type of books though. Mabye horror?


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## ktulu (Mar 13, 2008)

and where was said gf while you were shitting in your bed???


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## frecoder78 (Mar 13, 2008)

ktulu said:


> and where was said gf while you were shitting in your bed???


exactly brother! Was she just dreaming of a warm hot tub or something? That's the only thing that doesn't make sense to me as well!


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## NCcarguy (Mar 13, 2008)

I think she stayed back at the party....hummmmm.....maybe she MET someone there she liked!???? someone that WON'T shit on her in bed!

Dude.....If you ACTUALLY live this stuff, you're bound to be funny to watch!


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Mar 13, 2008)

He said that she stuck around at the party.



> I told my girlfriend I was partied out. She decided to stay a little longer.


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## ktulu (Mar 13, 2008)

VTEnviro said:


> He said that she stuck around at the party.


The whole night?? You think she got in the bed with shit all in it?? And didn't know???


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## frecoder78 (Mar 13, 2008)

ktulu said:


> The whole night?? You think she got in the bed with shit all in it?? And didn't know???


I think that she did make it with some other guy! Why else would she have stayed at the party? I mean if she is your gf and you're drunk as a skunk, don't you think she would at least walk you home and make sure you got into bed ok?


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## ktulu (Mar 13, 2008)

^^ oh it sounds like he GOT into bed fine. It was what happened AFTER he got into bed that got him into trouble.


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## Dleg (Mar 13, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> ... It had the consistency of frothy dish liquid and the color of a star that had collapsed in on itself. ...


Fudge, I love the sound of that language, but as a literary critique, I've got to say the description of the color of your diarrhea falls a tad short. What the hell color would a star be that has collapsed in on itself?? All I can imagine is that it would still be blindingly bright. Is that what you are saying? That your diarrhea was glowing fiercely at 8,000 degrees Kelvin? Are you implying somethign about its X-ray spectra?


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## squishles10 (Mar 18, 2008)

I thought they were black (holes?)


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## NCcarguy (Mar 18, 2008)

so Fudgey...You need to fill us in on the "Aftermath" of the party. Have you washed the sheets yet? Did you FINALLY find a way to gross the girl out to the point that she dumped you? Are you still madly in love!?


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## cement (Mar 18, 2008)

You know I hate to rain on the Fudgeman's parade  but if you are drinking so much that you shit the bed, you might want to take a big step backwards and look in the mirror. if you're almost 30 and blacking out, that's not right.


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## Dark Knight (Mar 18, 2008)

NCcarguy said:


> so Fudgey...You need to fill us in on the "Aftermath" of the party. Have you washed the sheets yet? Did you FINALLY find a way to gross the girl out to the point that she dumped you? Are you still madly in love!?


I think that they are soul mates. That is scary. :w00t:


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## frecoder78 (Mar 18, 2008)

Cement said:


> You know I hate to rain on the Fudgeman's parade  but if you are drinking so much that you shit the bed, you might want to take a big step backwards and look in the mirror. if you're almost 30 and blacking out, that's not right.


Very true! I concur with that statement!


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## Fudgey (Mar 20, 2008)

NCcarguy said:


> so Fudgey...You need to fill us in on the "Aftermath" of the party. Have you washed the sheets yet? Did you FINALLY find a way to gross the girl out to the point that she dumped you? Are you still madly in love!?


Yeah I washed the sheets the other day. They came out fine and I put them back on the bed. I don't do anything all that gross with my girlfriend around so I don't think she's grossed out. She doesn't even know about the sheets. Maybe I'll tell her one day and we'll laugh about it.

She's pretty down to earth and we've been hanging around long enough where I can let my hair down a little and not worry.

Oh and guess what! We made a sex bet on the NCAA basketball brackets. Haven't finalized details yet (Gotta look through my adult catalog first) but the championship night will definitely end in a happy ending more than just the champs if you catch my drift.


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## Fudgey (Apr 7, 2008)

OK guys so I haven't barely seen any of my girl the past couple weeks because I have been studying a lot and stressed over the PE. The only time I saw her was to get some structures help!

What's something I can do this weekend to show her I haven't forgotten about her. She has been supportive of me taking the exam and I don't want her to think I'm taking her for granted. I need to come up with a good date. Something fun with a twist or surprise that will be fun.

The sex bet is still on just not for tonight. I gotta study so I cant even watch the game! I want to work that angle in to the weekend too. I lost the bet by the way.


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## Chucktown PE (Apr 25, 2008)

WHERE IS FUDGEY. Come on man, I know you are out in the field but we haven't had a good Fudgey post in some time now.


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## EM_PS (Apr 25, 2008)

Shit the bed! this was an exclamation we used to use in college. . .

Didn't really figure to many folks between the ages of 5 to 75 ever suffered from that malady - Dude if you lose your faculties like that from a simple night of getting wicked-hammered, you might wanna lay off the firewater Geronimo . . .

Now humor us with more of your zany adventures, the exam didn't kill ya did it?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Apr 25, 2008)

I haven't seen Fudgey around here since nobody responded to 3-4 of his new threads in a row


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## Guest (Apr 26, 2008)

Come back fudgey !!! I am going to need some practical advice since the landscape of the dating world is vasty different from when I exited over a decade ago! ! :true:

JR


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## mudpuppy (Apr 26, 2008)

Are you sure you want dating advice from the guy who got caught AC Slatering at his future mother-in-law's?


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## Guest (Apr 26, 2008)

mudpuppy said:


> Are you sure you want dating advice from the guy who got caught AC Slatering at his future mother-in-law's?


Hmmm ....

While the AC Slatering incident was certainly unconventional, it certainly hasn't hurt his dating prospects or outlook. B) I am definitely open to some advice from the fudgemaster even if it perhaps means taking a less conventional approach to dating! :eyebrows:

JR


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## mudpuppy (Apr 26, 2008)

Good point. Maybe I should listen to his advice too. How about putting together some dating tips for us single guys, Fudgey?


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## Dleg (Apr 27, 2008)

I think a lot of girls are just looking for someone out of the ordinary. I mean, any girl can go out and get a generic 20-30-something professional boyfriend who likes cars, sports, and beer. Yawn.

But you get caught AC Slatering by her Mom, and suddenly, you stand out from the crowd. That uniqueness signals "I've got something special in me" to a prospective mate, who's become bored from several years of the same old thing.


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## Guest (Apr 27, 2008)

Dleg said:


> That uniqueness signals "I've got something special in me" to a prospective mate, who's become bored from several years of the same old thing.


I have never quite thought of it that way .... Good point!

:bio:

JR


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## Dark Knight (Apr 27, 2008)

On the other hand a *Fudgey's Guide To Dating *has to be a classic best seller.

I would have to have a tank of oxygen before reading any part of his bok because if not I will sufocate. The Fudgemaster is capable to make a grown man cry out of laughter. :bawling:

If you are reading this Fudgemaster... :bio:


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Apr 28, 2008)

> But you get caught AC Slatering by her Mom, and suddenly, you stand out from the crowd. That uniqueness signals "I've got something special in me" to a prospective mate, who's become bored from several years of the same old thing.


I think if you got caught AC Slatering you would have just gotten rid of that 'something special' that was inside of you.


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## squishles10 (Apr 28, 2008)

VTEnviro said:


> I think if you got caught AC Slatering you would have just gotten rid of that 'something special' that was inside of you.


:appl:


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Apr 28, 2008)

^ _et tu,_ Squishles?


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## squishles10 (Apr 28, 2008)

VTEnviro said:


> ^ _et tu,_ Squishles?


I have no idea what that means.


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## ODB_PE (Apr 28, 2008)

squishles10 said:


> I have no idea what that means.


Furthering the stereotype that engineers are not well read...

From wikipedia:

"Et tu, Brute?" ("You too, Brutus?", or "And you, Brutus?" or "Even you, Brutus?) is a Latin phrase often used poetically to represent the last words of Julius Caesar. The quotation is widely used in Western culture as an epitome of betrayal.


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## Fudgey (May 5, 2008)

This is a simple story of pleasure, pain, and relief. It occurred just a couple weeks ago, and I'm finding the memory of it hard to escape from.

It was a Friday evening, same as many other Friday evenings. I was at home watching some TV with my girlfriend and a few friends. It was going to be a low key sort of night. Several beers had been drunk and it was getting late, so we were in a state of extreme hunger. But we lacked the will to move. After much persuasion, I managed to find the energy to walk over to the bookshelf and bring over the pile of takeout menus. Not a monumental task, with the menus only being five steps away; but at that moment, it sure felt monumental.

We seem to get one or two menus in the mailbox every day, so we had a great variety to choose from. We decided on pizza with a few sides and ordered from a place we'd frequented quite a few times before, having always been impressed with the quality and price. Our order: a pizza topped with spicy chicken, pepperoni, and spicy sausage, a twelve-inch garlic bread with cheese, and an order of hot wings. Naturally, we wanted it delivered.

Fast forrwarding a half an hour, the doorbell rang. Do you know that instant burst of energy you get, whatever condition you're in, when hot, tasty food has just arrived at your doorstep? I rushed to the door with some cash, hurriedly paid the delivery guy, and made my way back to the living room with a feast for my friends and me. The food tasted good. I'm a fan of spicy foods, as you may have guessed from the toppings, and the chicken wings and spicy meats on the pizza didn't disappoint. I did notice a slight tanginess to some of the chicken on the pizza, but being in the condition I was in, it didn't stop me from polishing off several slices, along with wings, garlic bread, and a few more beers.

The night drew on, and my girlfriend and I headed off to bed, while our friends crashed on the couch or the floor; wherever they could find, really. I was pretty beat and began drifting as soon as my head hit the pillow, despite several minutes of attempts by my girlfriend to get some attention from me. I was not in the proper state to perform any duties, so I continued ignoring her and fell fast asleep.

I awoke at around four AM. Everything happened so fast, but I can remember it in slow motion. At first, I didn't know what was wrong with me. Still intoxicated, I rolled over a few times. I could tell something was very wrong. My stomach felt bloated and was bubbling and gurgling. And at that point, it hit me. I knew I had very little time. I leapt out of bed and sprinted for the toilet.

The second my buns hit the rim, it happened. Gas exited my behind at high velocity while jets of burning hot liquid turd simultaneously spattered out of my rear. I was in agony, and the smell was enough to make me cover my nostrils and hold my breath. It reminded me of the chicken coop this bird had obviously come from. After the gas had burned itself out, I was still left with hot liquid spitting and dribbling from behind.

Half asleep and in a semi-dream state, I sat in a stinking room with lava dripping from my unlucky No. 2 hole. I remember breaking out in a hot sweat, my brow and top lip dripping onto the floor as I sat on the toilet for half an hour, drifting in and out of consciousness.

As the time passed, I began to recover. The fountain of fetid excrement stopped weeping, and my bum and stomach felt such sweet relief. I had woken up a little now and felt so much better. I used copious amounts of loo roll to wipe the mess from my behind. Trouble was, it wasn't enough, there was a bigger mess than I thought.

4:45 AM found me naked with a showerhead directed at my ass, washing away in a fury. This was turning into a long night. After washing and drying off, I headed back to bed, climbed in next to my girl, and fell back to sleep.

Eight o'clock in the morning: a piercing scream of disgust. I awoke and realized what I had done, and what I had forgotten to do after. I quickly threw on some clothes and headed to the site of last night's eruption. One of our female friends, stood at the door with a look on her face that said it all.

I entered the room and the smell hit me. I looked into the bowl to see nothing but brown. The spattered jets of foul fowl had sprayed the entire bowl with brown goo; the water was brown, with small brown lumps bobbing up and down.

I hung my head in shame, opened the window, flushed the thing, and left the room. Needless to say, that particular menu was disposed of. And I doubt I'll ever have spicy chicken on a pizza again.


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## EM_PS (May 5, 2008)

^^^ :appl: :appl: :appl: :appl:

bravo bravo Fudgey, you made that story your bitch! seriously, its like i'm right there with you :respect:


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## RIP - VTEnviro (May 5, 2008)

Nice! It's been a while since we've had a classic Fudgey story.


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## Dleg (May 5, 2008)

Fudgey's back!

arty-smiley-048:


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## Guest (May 5, 2008)

Wow !! :blink:

JR


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## frazil (May 5, 2008)

:Locolaugh: :appl:


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## Guest (May 5, 2008)

Hey fudgey ... I am going to need some dating advice. I have a good shot at a date with an attorney - she's actually a lobbyist but I am not sure what interest she represents. It has been awhile since I have tried to lay on the moves to get things started in a friendly/dating sort of way.

Any advice for how to get the ball started without sending her a note that says check a box: do you like me or do you like, like me??

Thanks bro! 

JR


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## Dleg (May 5, 2008)

^ Have her summoned? Then the judge could ask her is she likes you or not. Under oath.


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## Guest (May 5, 2008)

Dleg said:


> ^ Have her summoned? Then the judge could ask her is she likes you or not. Under oath.


Wow .. that is pretty clever!! I might have to give that a shot .... but that gets me to the DO I ask her out ... not quite HOW do I ask her out. I am looking for expert fudgey advice. Or anyone else who has an idea.

JR


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## Guest (May 5, 2008)

Dleg said:


> ^ Have her summoned? Then the judge could ask her is she likes you or not. Under oath.


Wow .. that is pretty clever!! I might have to give that a shot .... but that gets me to the DO I ask her out ... not quite HOW do I ask her out. I am looking for expert fudgey advice. Or anyone else who has an idea.

JR


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## cement (May 5, 2008)

she's got you stuttering I see.

would this be an attorney / client relation? if not, I'd try the direct approach. if it is, I'd ask for a ruling.


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## Guest (May 5, 2008)

Cement said:


> she's got you stuttering I see.[


Yeah .. I know ... and I can see that epic failure in my future if I don't plan it right!



Cement said:


> would this be an attorney / client relation? if not, I'd try the direct approach. if it is, I'd ask for a ruling.


No, I am not a client. This attorney is a local lobbyist - I am not sure which industry/interest she is representing only that she mostly works out of Jacksonville.

Believe it or not ... Tallahassee has the HIGHEST per capita of lawyers. :true: I figured if I was searching for the middle-aged, professional lady, that I would eventually run into attorneys.

Besides .. I should be happy, right? What better way to get screwed than dating an attorney! :laugh:

:joke:

We'll see what happens .. I gotta see if there is any chemistry between us first.  But, in order to not sound like a completely blathering, blundering idiot, I am thinking about the next step .... suggestions welcome! 

JR


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## cement (May 6, 2008)

most attorneys are not ambulence chasing jackels. legal work is generally pretty mundane protection of the client's interests.

regarding dating a lawyer, I recommend it. I have been married to one for 20 years!

They are regular people, I took my wife on a canoe trip.


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## Dleg (May 6, 2008)

Cement said:


> if it is, I'd ask for a ruling.


Just make sure you don't ask for a ruler. That might send the wrong signal.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (May 6, 2008)

^ Be sure to show her how hung your jury is!


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## jmbeck (May 6, 2008)

jregieng said:


> Wow .. that is pretty clever!! I might have to give that a shot .... but that gets me to the DO I ask her out ... not quite HOW do I ask her out. I am looking for expert fudgey advice. Or anyone else who has an idea.
> JR


Just a thought, but I would wait until Soon-to-be-Ex Mrs. JREGIENG is THE Ex Mrs. JREGIENG. I had a friend who was interested in a guy that was in the process, but got HIGHLY offended that he asked her out before it was all said and done.

So, that's my one thought. You may be finished with all that, and it's not a problem. But, I know she never gave him the time of day afterwards.


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## EM_PS (May 6, 2008)

^ Yup! lusone:


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## Guest (May 6, 2008)

jmbeck said:


> Just a thought, but I would wait until Soon-to-be-Ex Mrs. JREGIENG is THE Ex Mrs. JREGIENG. I had a friend who was interested in a guy that was in the process, but got HIGHLY offended that he asked her out before it was all said and done.
> So, that's my one thought. You may be finished with all that, and it's not a problem. But, I know she never gave him the time of day afterwards.


Hmmm ... that's a pretty good point. I guess my thinking is that the separation is quite clear and the decision is in the works.

Thanks for the perspective and point! Advice will be heeded. 

JR


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## RIP - VTEnviro (May 6, 2008)

^ Or at the very least, be totally up front about it. Mention that you have decided to get divorced and are currently moving ahead with the process.

Like JM said, it may freak a woman out that you're still technically married. You don't want her to think you are hiding important things from her or using her as a rebound date or as a way to get back at your ex-wife.

Again, I'm a little young to have many divorced friends, but I've seen breakups over the years. Sometimes you get one person that just jumps back into the dating scene to stick it to their former partner that they have a new bf/gf and have moved on.


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## Capt Worley PE (May 6, 2008)

Plus, if you are dating someone else, you can be accused of infidelity while still married. Seriously, I'd hold out until the paers are finalized.


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## squishles10 (May 6, 2008)

Capt Worley PE said:


> Plus, if you are dating someone else, you can be accused of infidelity while still married. Seriously, I'd hold out until the paers are finalized.


I was about to say this- this happened to a friend of mine. But that was NOT an amicable split, maybe it's not always like that.


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## ktulu (May 6, 2008)

I would not take ANY chances, JR. Things are going too well right now. No need to give Mrs. JR any ammunition.


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## Dark Knight (May 6, 2008)

I would never ever date a lady lawyer. My wife is difficult enough for me. I cannot imagine dating someone worst than her. No way


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## Guest (May 6, 2008)

I am actually just looking to get out of the house .. I wasn't really thinking of hooking it up just yet! 



squishles10 said:


> I was about to say this- this happened to a friend of mine. But that was NOT an amicable split, maybe it's not always like that.


Heh ... the only thing about my split that is amicable is that we agree on the divorce, we don't agree on anything further.



ktulu said:


> I would not take ANY chances, JR. Things are going too well right now. No need to give Mrs. JR any ammunition.


That is quite true. I was actually just looking ahead ... FAR ahead in case there seems to be any potential. I have already shut down a few things that could have had the appearance of  .

I really am staying on the straight and narrow. 



Dark Knight said:


> I would never ever date a lady lawyer. My wife is difficult enough for me. I cannot imagine dating someone worst than her. No way


:Locolaugh: :Locolaugh:

You may be right my friend. Much like ordering too much off the menu, I may be 'ordering' too much woman eh? :lmao: :lmao:

I appreciate the responses!  This has been a very difficult time - while I feel good about where things are at now I know those feelings will continue to fluctuate.

JR


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## EM_PS (May 6, 2008)

jregieng said:


> I appreciate the responses!  This has been a very difficult time - while I feel good about where things are at now I know those feelings will continue to fluctuate.


Yeah, I went thru a divorce myself - amicable in that it was clearly unavoidable (but nothing I really wanted at the time) - You WILL experience a crazy rollercoaster ride of emotions as this slogs on and its best to allow yourself a chance to get your head together and those wide-ranging emotions reined in a little. It was well beyond 1 yr past my separation, and probably 9-10 mo. past the actual divorce, before I started dating again - funny how things work out that way, whether by choice or not -


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## Fudgey (May 7, 2008)

JR - my dating advice is to look at the big picture. The woman you date could very well be your wife one day. And if that's the case, she may want to hyphenate her name. I think the whole changing your name thing is a little overrated anyway, it's not like there's something wrong with hers to start with.

Now normally, it's fine. But sometimes it's in everyone's best interests to just pick one name and go with it.

names you shouldn't hyphenate


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## RIP - VTEnviro (May 7, 2008)

^ :lmao: :lmao:


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## engineergurl (May 7, 2008)

JR, if you are just looking to get out of the house, tell the woman the whole truth and ask her for exactly that. Don't make it like a sob story, but say, "hey listen, I'm going thru this and am looking to meet some new people and get out of the house a few times a month, do you want to catch a ball game with me sometime?" You aren't hitting on her, you aren't dateing her, you are becoming friends.... if it goes on from there, then it does.... or maybe she'll invite you out with a group of her friends and you'll meet someone else that your interested in at a later point in time. It is not difficult to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that isn't anything more then two people sharing simliar interests and stuff. Right now just focus on meeting people rather then meeting someone.... hope I've provided you with something!


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## Guest (May 7, 2008)

error_matrix said:


> Yeah, I went thru a divorce myself - amicable in that it was clearly unavoidable (but nothing I really wanted at the time) - You WILL experience a crazy rollercoaster ride of emotions as this slogs on and its best to allow yourself a chance to get your head together and those wide-ranging emotions reined in a little. It was well beyond 1 yr past my separation, and probably 9-10 mo. past the actual divorce, before I started dating again - funny how things work out that way, whether by choice or not -


I hear ya!

I have been focusing on letting all of the 'bad' things that happened go - I stopped trying to reason or rationalize or explain how this happened. I have even let go of trying to be 'right' - I just want to be happy. With the right attitude I think that is totally doable! lusone: I figured my positive attitude would be helped along a little with some companionship. 



Fudgey said:


> JR - my dating advice is to look at the big picture. The woman you date could very well be your wife one day. And if that's the case, she may want to hyphenate her name. I think the whole changing your name thing is a little overrated anyway, it's not like there's something wrong with hers to start with.
> Now normally, it's fine. But sometimes it's in everyone's best interests to just pick one name and go with it.
> 
> names you shouldn't hyphenate


Thanks for the perspective fudgey! I will probably worry about the last name thing a little further down the road ....



engineergurl said:


> JR, if you are just looking to get out of the house, tell the woman the whole truth and ask her for exactly that. Don't make it like a sob story, but say, "hey listen, I'm going thru this and am looking to meet some new people and get out of the house a few times a month, do you want to catch a ball game with me sometime?" You aren't hitting on her, you aren't dateing her, you are becoming friends.... if it goes on from there, then it does.... or maybe she'll invite you out with a group of her friends and you'll meet someone else that your interested in at a later point in time. It is not difficult to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that isn't anything more then two people sharing simliar interests and stuff. Right now just focus on meeting people rather then meeting someone.... hope I've provided you with something!


Thank you very much for the perspective.

I have been honest with everyone about where things are at in the divorce proceeding - basically I am waiting for a final hearing to see how things get split. I have been out with people since my separation but everyone has been from work - that doesn't pose much of a challenge as I feel comfortable knowing that I will not be dating someone from work. However, when it comes to other datable acquaintences, I have become completely tongue-tied - something I NEVER expected given that I usually have a pretty decent gift for gab.

I think if I look at it from your perspective and call it what it is - NOT a date - that should improve my approach and my general tendency to start blathering as of late.

Thanks for advice and perspective! 

JR


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## Fudgey (Sep 4, 2008)

Hey guys I am thinking about popping the question one of these days. We've been dating for nearly a year and have been thinking about maybe moving in together when our current leases run out.

Am I getting too swept up in the moment here and thinking too much with my heart? I'm 31 and not getting any younger but at the same time it's not a topic we've really discussed so I don't know for sure what she thinks.

Maybe what I need to do is try to to approach the topic casually sometime and see where she see things going long term.

The other interesting thing was that her mom made an off handed remark about the AC Slatering incident. I tried to cover things up with an explanation but I don't think she bought it. I was surprised she remembered it.


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## csb (Sep 4, 2008)

If she can live your butt, I'd say she's the marrying kind...


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Sep 4, 2008)

I say hold the wedding on the catwalk above the activated sludge tanks at the local WWTP. Hold the reception outside on the sludge drying beds.

Instead of clinking their glasses when they want you to kiss, the guests can simply let out a robust fart.

I kid, but in all seriousness my wedding reception had no indoor plumbing. I've got a pic laying around of me walking out of an porto-crapper in a tux.

I say have that discussion about your long term desires. If she's still a ways off from thinking marriage, you don't want to shock her with your ticking clock.


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## snickerd3 (Sep 4, 2008)

VTEnviro said:


> I say have that discussion about your long term desires. If she's still a ways off from thinking marriage, you don't want to shock her with your ticking clock.


I agree with VT, see if the long term goals/desires are similar to yours.


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## jmbeck (Sep 4, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> Hey guys I am thinking about popping the question one of these days.


Hold up.

I want you to do me a favor.

Take the happiest you've ever been in your life. Think about it. Rank that a 10.

Then take how you feel now, and compare it to that moment on a scale of 1-10.

Okay, now, take the rank that you gave right now, and subtract three from it.

If you get married, that's your new ceiling.

Sad, but true.

I kid, I kid! I'm happy being married. Most of the time.


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## cement (Sep 4, 2008)

do it.


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## Casey (Sep 4, 2008)

My wife's advice would be,

"Don't do it! Run away!!"


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## Guest (Sep 4, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> Hey guys I am thinking about popping the question one of these days. We've been dating for nearly a year and have been thinking about maybe moving in together when our current leases run out.


Wow fudgey .. has it really been that LONG! Kudos to you dude ..

As far as popping questions .. think long and hard my friend.



csb said:


> If she can live your butt, I'd say she's the marrying kind...


I would be careful of her advice ... she seems devious! :asthanos:



jmbeck said:


> If you get married, that's your new ceiling.
> Sad, but true.


I think you are being optimistic ....

says the guy getting divorced ....



Casey said:


> My wife's advice would be,
> "Don't do it! Run away!!"


There is a voice of reason! 

JR


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## mudpuppy (Sep 4, 2008)

I think this sums up my feelings:







In fact, I bought this T-shirt


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 19, 2008)

In light of recent events it may be time to put this in the Hall of Fame.


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## FLBuff PE (Nov 19, 2008)

Chucktown PE said:


> In light of recent events it may be time to put this in the Hall of Fame.


Second


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## DVINNY (Nov 19, 2008)

you may be right.

I'll get it there soon.

Sorry about your loss Fudgemeister


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 19, 2008)

Before we say goodbye to the thread that gave us AC Slatering, shitting the bed, and a host of other things that I will never be able to erase from memory, I hope Fudgey can give us all some closure.


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## KEG (Nov 19, 2008)

^AMEN!


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## ODB_PE (Nov 19, 2008)

As one of the early Fudgey dating consultants, I too was shocked to learn about the recent turn of events. Now that the thread is in the hall of fame, I offer the following:

(fixed for the workplace impaired)




(Not for everybody, but I am sure certain members would concur)

Hang in there Fudgey!


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 19, 2008)

^^ [email protected]*([email protected]#*U box with a red X.


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 19, 2008)

Hmmm...its an attachment, so I think you would be able to see it.

Edit: nevermind. i see what you did there.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 19, 2008)

Now it works. I can't agree with you on this one from my own point of view but it is true for a lot of folks.


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## FLBuff PE (Nov 19, 2008)

My condolences to the Fudge-man. However, when you start dating again, you need to post here again!


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## cement (Nov 19, 2008)

put JR on speed dial bro.

you'll have the :appl: in a week!


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## Fudgey (Nov 20, 2008)

Thanks for the concern everyone. I'm pretty heartbroken right now. I've never really had a serious girlfriend before, so this is basically my first time getting dumped. I'm pretty devastated, but it will pass.

We had been on outs for the past couple of months. While I wanted it work, a part of me knew this might be coming one day. It just didn't happen as I envisioned. We were together but the spark was gone.

I don't think her parents ever really liked me. They were polite, but never warmed up. Maybe it's just them, but it may have put her off.

She also said that my sense of humor and personality, which she used to think was a lot of fun, was getting tiresome at times. We also were having a hard time finding things to do together and couldn't agree on anything, like what to watch, etc.

I could tell she wasn't happy that I haven't buckled down and passed the PE yet and other stuff like that. I think she was worried she would end up with a slacker though I don't think I am one.

I guess looking back, I should have seen the signs, but I just wanted it to work out. This leads me to the final nail in the coffin last weekend...

The other night, I decided to take her out for a bite to eat at our favorite Indian restaurant. Had I known the spicy lamb curry would have caused the chaos it did I never would have ordered it.

I was extremely hungry and ate heartily after a long day. Each of us ordered a curry dish. As it turned out, my dish was a doozy. After fairly pleasant conversation and a couple bottles of wine we wrapped it up and headed home.

The first onset of rumblings began about two blocks from the restaurant. The sudden activity in my stomach got my attention, though the activity subsided as we continued the walk home. The second phase began as I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed after a little romp in the sack. I felt an extreme discomfort as a gas bubble formed somewhere in the depths of my bowels.

At that point I knew I was in for a rough one. Being as exhausted as I was, I fell asleep for a couple of hours. I then awoke in a helpless panic as I felt my bowels beginning to regurgitate the curry I consumed earlier.

As I was climbing over her in my feeble attempt to make it to the restroom, my ass exploded and showered mt bedroom wall. I had not put my boxers back on after our previous love making session, so there was no barrier between my ass cannon and her and the wall. She awoke in a panic (not to mention peppered with shit) and yelled as the stench overcame her and she realized what had happened.

She barely said a word, just showered, got dressed and left. She said it was over and in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. I guess she could only deal with so many accidents.

So here I am, flying solo, with a wall that needs a professional cleaning.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 20, 2008)

Sometimes I look at these posts and I think. There is no possible way that actually happened. I mean, how could one person have this many episodes? But then I think “anything is possible.” I suppose it’s like that for everyone and maybe we should take this on faith but is there any way you could get us a picture of the wall?

I hate to say that I’m starting to doubt the veracity but I have had one or two major episodes in my entire life (excluding the time I wasn’t potty trained) and Fudgey has had 6 or 7 in the past year, at least. Maybe I was blessed with a very strong sphincter and can hold back the screaming shits but I would just think that instinct would lead you to put a hand back there to prevent spraying your lady friend down with partially digested Indian food.

If it is true I think you can disregard my previous post about her possibly coming back, I just don’t see anyone being able to recover from something like that. I am not trying to kick you when you’re down Fudgey but this may provide some good time for self reflection. Also, I might point out that taking some preventative Immodium AD at a couple of key points in this relationship may have saved you a lot of heartache. You could have avoided the AC Slater which may very well have been what did you in with the parents. As a recommendation going forward, I suggest that you take two Immodium AD before every date for the first year of your next relationship. When things start getting a little more comfortable you can take the Immodium every other date. Then go to every third date. Then she can gradually become acquainted with the ways in which your bowels explode. You may also want to go see a doctor. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 but I encourage you to use this event to improve your next relationship.


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## csb (Nov 20, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> I could tell she wasn't happy that I haven't buckled down and passed the PE yet and other stuff like that. I think she was worried she would end up with a slacker though I don't think I am one.


Wait...what am I doing if EITs are slackers?


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## wilheldp_PE (Nov 20, 2008)

csb said:


> Wait...what am I doing if EITs are slackers?


Slacking?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 20, 2008)

Indian food followed by no undies?!?

Fudgey, that's like doubling up the output at a nuclear power plant and then removing the control rods!

Sorry about your situation, and about the wall.

Though to be honest I can see why she's tired of your spatter cone.



> I hate to say that I’m starting to doubt the veracity but I have had one or two major episodes in my entire life (excluding the time I wasn’t potty trained) and Fudgey has had 6 or 7 in the past year, at least.


Actually many of his stories involve a lifetime of gastric peril, as well as a few about others. I think only a few were real recent.


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## Supe (Nov 20, 2008)

VTEnviro said:


> Indian food followed by no undies?!?
> Fudgey, that's like doubling up the output at a nuclear power plant and then removing the control rods!
> 
> Sorry about your situation, and about the wall.
> ...



Thanks a lot. I was on a conference call when I read this.


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## cement (Nov 20, 2008)

the two bottles of wine is raising the red flag here. we had a drunk flagger on a prject that would shit himself.


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## Guest (Nov 20, 2008)

cement said:


> put JR on speed dial bro.
> you'll have the :appl: in a week!


Ooohh .. ouch!! :smileyballs:



Fudgey said:


> Thanks for the concern everyone. I'm pretty heartbroken right now. I've never really had a serious girlfriend before, so this is basically my first time getting dumped. I'm pretty devastated, but it will pass.


And that's the attitude to take fudgey ... it WILL pass! 

It sounds like it might be time to circle the wagons a little and get some 'me' time in. I would probably look for friends to hang with to get that chill time in as well as focusing on your licensing again - that will help allow the pain to pass as well. 

Good luck man!! :thumbs:



Chucktown PE said:


> Sometimes I look at these posts and I think. There is no possible way that actually happened. I mean, how could one person have this many episodes? But then I think “anything is possible.”


I have known of some pretty outlandish things that have happened - I just think fudgey has an abnormally high incidence of irritable bowel or some other 'dumping' syndrome type mechanism. Don't hate on the man - he's just trying to come to grips with it!



csb said:


> Wait...what am I doing if EITs are slackers?


You are obviously quite a productive member of your organization .. :laugh:

:bio:

JR


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## KEG (Nov 20, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> As I was climbing over her in my feeble attempt to make it to the restroom, my ass exploded and showered mt bedroom wall. I had not put my boxers back on after our previous love making session, so there was no barrier between my ass cannon and her and the wall. She awoke in a panic (not to mention peppered with shit) and yelled as the stench overcame her and she realized what had happened.
> She barely said a word, just showered, got dressed and left. She said it was over and in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. I guess she could only deal with so many accidents.
> 
> So here I am, flying solo, with a wall that needs a professional cleaning.


Give up women for a while and write your autobiography. With the millions you make, you'll be able to have any woman you want.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 20, 2008)

I bet his autobiography would be the type of book you'd be proud to bring to the bathroom with you.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 20, 2008)

Confessions of a Man with a Dangerous Asshole


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 20, 2008)

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 20, 2008)

Disturbing Circumstances Involving my Anus


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## Supe (Nov 20, 2008)

Shits and the City


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 20, 2008)

Brown Quixote


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## Supe (Nov 20, 2008)

The Splat in the Hat


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 20, 2008)

Enema at the Gate


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## ODB_PE (Nov 20, 2008)

Can't believe this one hasn't been done yet:

Forrest Dump


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 20, 2008)

One Fell Out The PooPoo's Nest

Bravefart


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## DVINNY (Nov 20, 2008)

TurdsNest

Beverly Hills Plop


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## DVINNY (Nov 20, 2008)

Hairy Plopper and the Sorcerer's Throne


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## DVINNY (Nov 20, 2008)

Children of the Cornhole 

Poop Fiction


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## MGX (Nov 20, 2008)

The Adventures of Turd Ferguson


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## Dleg (Nov 20, 2008)

Scatman &amp; Robin


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## cement (Nov 20, 2008)

Mien Krampf


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## Dleg (Nov 20, 2008)

^^ Oh Christ, I almost spit out my water on that one!

How about movie titles that need no modification to fit the Fudgey story:

The Bucket List

Bolt

Flushed Away


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 21, 2008)

Runny Girl

Trainsquatting

The Stench Connection


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## wilheldp_PE (Nov 21, 2008)

The creative talent on this forum is staggering.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 21, 2008)

So's the stench.


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 21, 2008)

Mr. and Mrs. Brown


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## Dark Knight (Nov 21, 2008)

Fudgey said:


> She also said that my sense of humor and personality, which she used to think was a lot of fun, was getting tiresome at times. We also were having a hard time finding things to do together and couldn't agree on anything, like what to watch, etc.


What are you saying. That looks like the perfect marriage. 90% of married couples are like that. But, with the shitty event you mentioned I think it is done deal. Sorry Fudgemaster.



Chucktown PE said:


> ...but is there any way you could get us a picture of the wall?


Oh no Chuck!!!!!!! What have you done?


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## cement (Nov 21, 2008)

using my best jedi mind control

...there is no wall...


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## csb (Nov 21, 2008)

Dark Knight said:


> What are you saying. That looks like the perfect marriage. 90% of married couples are like that. But, with the shitty event you mentioned I think it is done deal. Sorry Fudgemaster.


Yeah, my husband and I watch separate shows, but he's never crapped on me.


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## engineergurl (Nov 21, 2008)

csb said:


> Yeah, my husband and I watch separate shows, but he's never crapped on me.



Ditto here... never had that one happen.


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## mudpuppy (Nov 21, 2008)

yet.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 21, 2008)

Call us a boring married couple. Neither of us has shat on the other.


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## DVINNY (Nov 21, 2008)

I can give a Fudgey like story that happened 'near' me but not to me.

Straight outta college, I got a job as an industrial eng. for a coal company.

We used to go underground to do studies on equipment, techniques, etc. etc.

well, one day the boss goes under with us, and after we get out from underground, everyone is covered in coal dust, so obviously.. off to the showers.

Well, big boss man is running out of the shower, naked as a jaybird, and runs up in front of two of the survey crew while they are sitting on benches in the locker room, he turns his back to them, bends over and proceeds to rip a huge ass fart right on them.

YUP. He Sharted.

He sprayed shit all over their boots, and pants from the knees down. He immediately started to apologize to them, but to say the least the story is now of legendary status and it happened about a dozen years ago.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 22, 2008)

My wife has never crapped on me either.

When I want a Hot Karl, I have to pay for it.


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## cement (Nov 22, 2008)

what a lovely word picture you paint!


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 22, 2008)

As long as its words and not photoshop painting that picture, it's all good.

Anyway - anyone seen Fudgey? I hope we didn't scare him off here with all the joking comments about his relationship woes.

We love you Fudgey!!


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## DVINNY (Nov 22, 2008)

I'm kinda worried about him.

With all the 'loose stools' events he has had, I'm starting to think that he may have some grease in his system.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear that he has oil running through his veins, and that is why everything seems to just slide out so easily.

Fudgey, be sure to have your Doc check your cholesterol, triglycerides, and HDL, LDL, and glucose levels. This could be a medical problem.


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## cement (Nov 23, 2008)

so grease is the word?


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## DVINNY (Nov 23, 2008)

Grease.


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## Dleg (Nov 23, 2008)

DVINNY said:


> I can give a Fudgey like story that happened 'near' me but not to me.
> 
> Straight outta college, I got a job as an industrial eng. for a coal company.
> 
> ...


Yes!!!! Excellent story, DVINNY!


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## Guest (Nov 24, 2008)

Dark Knight said:


> Oh no Chuck!!!!!!! What have you done?


I spit my coffee out when I read this ...........









VTEnviro said:


> We love you Fudgey!!


lusone:

JR


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## csb (Nov 24, 2008)

DVINNY said:


> I can give a Fudgey like story that happened 'near' me but not to me.
> 
> Straight outta college, I got a job as an industrial eng. for a coal company.
> 
> ...


That story is both completely disgusting and totally awesome at the same time.


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 24, 2008)

Disgustome?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 24, 2008)

> That story is both completely disgusting and totally awesome at the same time.


I wonder if one of the guys who got sprayed eventually turned into Fudgey.


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## mudpuppy (Nov 24, 2008)

Kind of like the Incredible Hulk?


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 24, 2008)

Man, what is it with people (Fudgey and some weirdo that DV worked with) sticking their asses in people's faces? Everyone should know better than to go waving their ass in the air like that. If you're going to do something like that at least use safe practices and stick a cork up there or something to keep accidental shooting accidents to a minimum.


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## csb (Nov 24, 2008)

Capt Worley PE said:


> Disgustome?


Awegusting

I personally have never pooped when I just meant to fart.

Well, I'm a girl, so I've never farted either.


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## FLBuff PE (Nov 24, 2008)

csb said:


> Awegusting
> 
> I personally have never pooped when I just meant to fart.
> 
> Well, I'm a girl, so I've never farted either.


 rlyflag: :BS:


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## mudpuppy (Nov 24, 2008)

Mythbusters dispelled that myth. They caught Kari farting on camera.


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## FLBuff PE (Nov 24, 2008)

And don't forget the classic "novels", _Everybody Poops_ and _Everybody Farts_


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## csb (Nov 24, 2008)

Good call on the Mythbusters episode. Yet another thing you won't find me doing- wearing fart measuring underpants.


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## Dleg (Nov 24, 2008)

Chucktown PE said:


> Man, what is it with people (Fudgey and some weirdo that DV worked with) sticking their asses in people's faces? Everyone should know better than to go waving their ass in the air like that. If you're going to do something like that at least use safe practices and stick a cork up there or something to keep accidental shooting accidents to a minimum.


Are you kidding? That would only make things worse - now you would have the potential for some serious projectile injuries. Without a cork, it's just splatter and infectious agents.

I think that if girls have fewer sharting incidents (I refuse to believe "none"), it perhaps only because they don't try so hard to fart. As a guy, there are times when peer pressure commands you to rip one out. That's when the shart risk is at it's highest.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 24, 2008)

Dleg said:


> Are you kidding? That would only make things worse - now you would have the potential for some serious projectile injuries. Without a cork, it's just splatter and infectious agents.
> I think that if girls have fewer sharting incidents (I refuse to believe "none"), it perhaps only because they don't try so hard to fart. As a guy, there are times when peer pressure commands you to rip one out. That's when the shart risk is at it's highest.


Well, that may be true, I wasn't really thinking about the projectile aspect of it. I was more thinking that it might provide the necessary 2 seconds to prevent from blowing it in someone's face.


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## Dleg (Nov 24, 2008)

Yeah, but antibiotics can cure that.

Take an eye out, and the damage is permanent.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 24, 2008)

I am pretty sure there is no cure for what Fudgey's got.


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## Dleg (Nov 24, 2008)

I bet Dr. Gregory House, MD could diagnose and cure Fudgey. But not after first accusing Fudgey's girlfriend of being unfaithful and giving him an STD.

And not without having second thoughts about the tragedy to humanity such a cure would be. Where would our stories go?


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## wilheldp_PE (Nov 24, 2008)

Chucktown PE said:


> Man, what is it with people (Fudgey and some weirdo that DV worked with) sticking their asses in people's faces? Everyone should know better than to go waving their ass in the air like that. If you're going to do something like that at least use safe practices and stick a cork up there or something to keep accidental shooting accidents to a minimum.


Always keep your ass pointed in a safe direction. Failure to do so can result in injuries from accidental or negligent discharge.


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## Flyer_PE (Nov 24, 2008)

^^ Is that a rule for everybody or just one to follow if you're a$$ has a habit of going off accidentally?


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## engineergurl (Nov 24, 2008)

girls don't fart silly, only skeevy stoners fart.


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## wilheldp_PE (Nov 24, 2008)

Flyer_PE said:


> ^^ Is that a rule for everybody or just one to follow if you're a$$ has a habit of going off accidentally?


That's a rule of handling firearms adapted to the topic at hand. Fudgey-ized, if you will.


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## DVINNY (Nov 24, 2008)

The best part of my story is that the "weirdo" is the VP of Operations, and in charge of about 7,000. That makes it even more awesome. IMO.

He's a good dude too, he came to my wedding, so I made him tell my groomsman about it. Made for good times. Good times.


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## Dleg (Nov 24, 2008)

Sounds like a decent guy.

Or a totally fudged up guy. Not sure which.


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## cement (Nov 24, 2008)

Dleg said:


> I As a guy, there are times when peer pressure commands you to rip one out. That's when the shart risk is at it's highest.



I've never farted due to peer pressure.

now beer pressure, that's another thing.


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## Dleg (Nov 24, 2008)

I have. And at least one of those times, I tried too hard.

I figure it's kind of like mountain biking - back when I started mountain biking, back when it was still new, my friends and I had only one rule - if you didn't come back bleeding, you weren't trying hard enough.

Same thing with sharting?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 25, 2008)

engineergurl said:


> girls don't fart silly, only skeevy stoners fart.


Jay and Silent Bob reference.



Dleg said:


> I bet Dr. Gregory House, MD could diagnose and cure Fudgey. But not after first accusing Fudgey's girlfriend of being unfaithful and giving him an STD.
> And not without having second thoughts about the tragedy to humanity such a cure would be. Where would our stories go?


What about also berating everyone in sight first?


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 25, 2008)

cement said:


> I've never farted due to peer pressure.


In seventh grade English class, one guy up front farted, then the next guy, and so on, in an impromptu fart-fest. It got to one guy, who turned red as he applied pressure. I was sure a major league shart was coming, but he wisely bowed to good sense and said in a squeaky voice, "Sorry guys, I just can't do it."

Thirty years on and he's still remembered for this incident and how he liet every one down. That's why you should always keep a round in the chamber.


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## csb (Nov 25, 2008)

I'm glad girls just drive each other to eating disorders...


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 25, 2008)

Drive each other to eat a lot of beans and broccoli and stuff like that. You'll kill 2 birds with one stone.


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## DVINNY (Nov 25, 2008)

csb said:


> I'm glad girls just drive each other to eating disorders...


LMFAO.

Hall of Fame post for a Hall of Fame thread. Well played.


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## csb (Nov 25, 2008)

I also have to add in then never in my life have I been to a sleepover where fart lighting ensued. I hear that's another common pastime.


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## DVINNY (Nov 25, 2008)

yes, but girls get into their underwear and have pillow fights at sleepovers.

We really shouldn't do that.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 25, 2008)

But you have been to a sleepover where you had naked pillowfights and cuddled up together under the covers.......naked, right?

Edit: Damnit, DV beat me to it.


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## csb (Nov 25, 2008)

all the time...I braid hair best naked


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Nov 25, 2008)




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## csb (Nov 25, 2008)

I don't want to see Fudgey's wall!


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## DVINNY (Nov 25, 2008)




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## DVINNY (Nov 25, 2008)




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## DVINNY (Nov 25, 2008)

[No message]


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 25, 2008)

That kind of reminds me of this story, way back in the page 8 days.

http://engineerboards.com/index.php?showto...4437&amp;st=414


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## FLBuff PE (Nov 25, 2008)

DVINNY said:


>


That just made me throw up.


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## PE-ness (Nov 26, 2008)

I'm sorry for your loss, Fudgey.

On the other hand, I was surprised to find that you have a relative in Germany:



> *Flame thrown: Boy hurled through window when toilet exploded after he sprayed air freshener then sparked a lighter*By Daily Mail Reporter
> 
> Last updated at 1:50 PM on 12th November 2008
> 
> ...


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## PE-ness (Nov 26, 2008)

(just for good measure)


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## Guest (Nov 26, 2008)

^^^ What exactly is the LEL/UEL thresholds in such a case?

JR


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## Capt Worley PE (Nov 26, 2008)

FLBuff said:


> That just made me throw up.


lucky for me the red x of death.


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## Chucktown PE (Nov 26, 2008)

DVINNY said:


>


I didn't notice the little brown stain in this one until recently. That is sick. She isn't exactly doing a good job of looking sexy with the shart stain on the white underwear.


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