# Adult children living at home



## Exengineer (May 30, 2018)

The recent news of the 30 year old fellow who has been ordered by a judge to move from his parents' house shows just how serious a problem this has become.  At what age should adults be required to get their own place to live and stop annoying the parents?


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## Szar (May 31, 2018)

Exengineer said:


> The recent news of the 30 year old fellow who has been ordered by a judge to move from his parents' house shows just how serious a problem this has become.  At what age should adults be required to get their own place to live and stop annoying the parents?
> 
> View attachment 11546


Why do you have an issue with multi generational housing?


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## jeb6294 (May 31, 2018)

The fact that they raised a kid who is so useless that they had to go to court to have him evicted makes it hard to feels bad for them.


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## snickerd3 (May 31, 2018)

if they are working and contributing to the running of the household is one thing, but this guy had no job, no income, just bummed all day.


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## Supe (May 31, 2018)

My parents made this one pretty easy - if I skipped school, I worked and paid rent.  If I went to school, I could live there during the summers until I graduated.  Once I had a job after graduation, nice knowing you!


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## Road Guy (May 31, 2018)

was the guy even mowing the grass at least?

one of our neighbors has his adult kid (mid 20's) and wife moving in with them so they can save money for a house. The mom seems thrilled, the dad not so much. At some point they just need to "go" but I know living in an overpriced area getting a down payment for a $350K starter home isn't easy..


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## csb (May 31, 2018)

Road Guy said:


> was the guy even mowing the grass at least?
> 
> one of our neighbors has his adult kid (mid 20's) and wife moving in with them so they can save money for a house. The mom seems thrilled, the dad not so much. At some point they just need to "go" but I know living in an overpriced area getting a down payment for a $350K starter home isn't easy..


No. 

The case is fascinating. I've shared it in two flavors- Vice and NPR. That should cover most of the preferences around here. 

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/7xm8x9/parents-sue-adult-son-30-who-wont-move-out-vgtrn

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/05/23/613616315/judge-backs-n-y-parents-saying-their-30-year-old-son-must-move-out

I found it alarming that he has a kid that he's trying to custody of and that he doesn't want to get a job, because then he can't get free court costs. This guy is twisted.


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## txjennah PE (May 31, 2018)

Meh, my brother still lives at home, but he works, pays rent, and helps my parents a lot around the house.

I don't have an issue if an adult wants to live with their parents, especially with the economy as it is.  Not everyone gets a paycheck that gives them enough disposable income for renting an apartment.  There are other cultures where it's perfectly acceptable to live at home as an adult - nearly all of my adult, unmarried Italian cousins still live with their parents.

But the guy in the article sounds like a complete waste of space.


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## csb (May 31, 2018)

txjennah said:


> Meh, my brother still lives at home, but he works, pays rent, and helps my parents a lot around the house.
> 
> I don't have an issue if an adult wants to live with their parents, especially with the economy as it is.  Not everyone gets a paycheck that gives them enough disposable income for renting an apartment.  There are other cultures where it's perfectly acceptable to live at home as an adult - nearly all of my adult, unmarried Italian cousins still live with their parents.
> 
> But the guy in the article sounds like a complete waste of space.


Italy is the country I bring up the most when people talk about kids living at home. They are true mutligenerational homes and the culture is set up for it. Grandparents care for grandkids while the parents are at work. It makes sense. My grandmother lived with us. 

This guy comes off so horribly that it almost seems fake. I like that he wants 30 days to move out, like he's got a lease. I also like that he took the $1000 he was supposed to use to move out to buy things.


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## Freon (May 31, 2018)

My daughter moved in with my wife and I when she finished her advanced degree.  She has a job as an Adjunct Professor at a state college so she is gone all day.  Since Adjuncts are paid less than public school teachers, she can't afford her own place just yet.  We only see her at dinner and weekends, but she also does her share of work around the house.  I guess I got lucky!


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## txjennah PE (May 31, 2018)

Freon said:


> My daughter moved in with my wife and I when she finished her advanced degree.  She has a job as an Adjunct Professor at a state college so she is gone all day.  Since Adjuncts are paid less than public school teachers, she can't afford her own place just yet.  We only see her at dinner and weekends, but she also does her share of work around the house.  I guess I got lucky!


It's ridiculous how poorly adjunct professors are paid


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## Audi Driver P.E. (May 31, 2018)

Since I like freedom, I think it should be up to each individual household to decide the rules to abide therein.


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## matt267 PE (May 31, 2018)

Audi driver said:


> Since I like freedom, I think it should be up to each individual household to decide the rules to abide therein.


And if the adult child doesn't like the rules, they should be able to move out.


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## knight1fox3 (May 31, 2018)

csb said:


> Italy is the country I bring up the most when people talk about kids living at home. They are true mutligenerational homes and the culture is set up for it. Grandparents care for grandkids while the parents are at work. It makes sense. My grandmother lived with us.
> 
> This guy comes off so horribly that it almost seems fake. I like that he wants 30 days to move out, like he's got a lease. I also like that he took the $1000 he was supposed to use to move out to buy things.


Did you see the super-awkward interview on CNN? Wow...


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## csb (May 31, 2018)

knight1fox3 said:


> Did you see the super-awkward interview on CNN? Wow...


Damn  if he doesn't look like he'd debate if an airplane on a treadmill would take off and the merits of the the new Solo movie....

I like that he considers himself a conservative. Um, you're still living off the system...just the system answers to mom and dad. 

PLUS! Plus, don't say you don't want to reconcile with your parents on national television when you _have to go back there tonight_. Good gosh. 

I'm going to yell at my kid tonight just to keep him honest.


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## Flyer_PE (May 31, 2018)

csb said:


> I'm going to yell at my kid tonight just to keep him honest.


Just did a bit of this including a reminder that while his residence in our house is long term, it is not permanent.


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## jeb6294 (Jun 1, 2018)

It's not even the fact that he was living at home, but I get the distinct impression that he spent his days in the basement on his PC/Xbox/Playstation.  When I graduated I moved back to Cincy, I actually lived with my parents again for a while.  I paid rent (which mom put in an account and gave to me to use towards my down payment when I got my house), I still did chores around the house, bought them a new fridge and oven when the old ones were about shot (figured I had used them enough over my years growing up that it wouldn't kill me).


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## jeb6294 (Jun 1, 2018)

I shouldn't have read those articles or watched the interview.  All it did was piss me off even more.  She asks him if he's trying to get a job and he can't even answer a simple yes or no question.  Whatever he said about trying to obtain income absolutely screams that he's trying to use all the publicity he's getting to get a free ride from someone else.  He had a job at Best Buy and is suing them because they fired him for refusing to work on Saturdays?  He keeps falling back on this custody thing to try and get sympathy, but do you suppose he ever stopped to think that the fact that he is such a loser might have something to do with that?  This bozo is the personification of what society is raising nowadays.  When he is still in his parents' house, because you know he's never really going to leave on his own, the sheriff needs to throw him in the back of a squad car and give him two choices...jail or boot camp.


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## Szar (Jun 1, 2018)

jeb6294 said:


> I shouldn't have read those articles or watched the interview.  All it did was piss me off even more.  She asks him if he's trying to get a job and he can't even answer a simple yes or no question.  Whatever he said about trying to obtain income absolutely screams that he's trying to use all the publicity he's getting to get a free ride from someone else.  He had a job at Best Buy and is suing them because they fired him for refusing to work on Saturdays?  He keeps falling back on this custody thing to try and get sympathy, but do you suppose he ever stopped to think that the fact that he is such a loser might have something to do with that?  This bozo is the personification of what society is raising nowadays.  When he is still in his parents' house, because you know he's never really going to leave on his own, the sheriff needs to throw him in the back of a squad car and give him two choices...jail or boot camp.


Dont worry, your taxes are going to be increased to pay for this guy.  

Its all good!


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## Ramnares P.E. (Jun 1, 2018)

For the purposes of a balanced debate:

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/05/10/nearly-25-percent-of-millennials-live-with-their-mom-.html

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2018/05/07/millennials-buying-first-home-skip-starter-house-buy-dream/582309002/


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## matt267 PE (Jun 1, 2018)

I would have no problem with either of my kids living at home as adults if they: 1) contribute by helping out around the house, 2) have an exit strategy, 3) and are making progress towards exiting.

Life happens and I hope to be there for my kids, but I don't want to "enable" laziness.


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## Road Guy (Jun 1, 2018)

Nationwide unemployment is at around 3 1/2% and 30-year-olds are still living at home? I'm not buying it


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## User1 (Jun 1, 2018)

Road Guy said:


> Nationwide unemployment is at around 3 1/2% and 30-year-olds are still living at home? I'm not buying it


just because UE is low right this moment doesn't mean people who have school loans have magically started making enough money to pay their debt and pay rent, when COL some places is more than 50% of your take home pay. some people are living at home to be economically conservative in preparation for the future, some just simply don't make enough, some are lazy and who knows what else. i figure it's just like having a roommate...if you cohabitate with someone it's an agreement by all parties and let those parties decide ya know


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## MA_PE (Jun 1, 2018)

My mid 20's college graduate son is back (he moved in with GF for a year and the relationship went south) living at home.  He's a good kid and a hard worker and he's welcome for as long as he wants to stay.  Facing facts, it's a lot cheaper to live at home than get his own place.  He's working on it, but it's ok for now. 

This is not a forever situation and he doesn't treat it as such.


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## jeb6294 (Jun 1, 2018)

matt267 PE said:


> I would have no problem with either of my kids living at home as adults if they: 1) contribute by helping out around the house, 2) have an exit strategy, 3) and are making progress towards exiting.
> 
> Life happens and I hope to be there for my kids, but I don't want to "enable" laziness.


^ This...the referenced bozo did none of those things.

I'm still split on the whole more millennials living at home thing.  I still think part of it is the fact that they have no concept of what real life is.  They graduate with their degree in prehistoric basket weaving and immediately want a 6-figure job and a 9th floor loft in Manhattan.  That ain't how it works.  I graduated and started off in an apartment that was so bad that I wouldn't let my parents come over when they came down to visit.


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## knight1fox3 (Jun 1, 2018)

Szar said:


> Don't worry, your @mudpuppy's taxes are going to be increased to pay for this guy.


Fixt. :thumbs:


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## csb (Jun 1, 2018)

We just hired a EE at $3700 gross a month. He lives with his parents and rightly so, because there's no way to get ahead in the rental market here. It's easily $700-$1000 a month for a decent place (I know, I know...in SF/NYC/wherever that's cheap) and that's 50% of take home. Living at home will give him a chance to get up. As far as we can tell, he's not an asshole to his parents.


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## Szar (Jun 1, 2018)

48000 gross?  You guys are slaver traders!

No wonder they live at home!


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## wilheldp_PE (Jun 1, 2018)

My dad's deal with my sister and I consisted of paying for our undergraduate education and our first car.  He would only pay for 4 years of college, and after that, he expected us to take care of ourselves.  It seemed to work out pretty well for him.  He ended up with an attorney and an engineer that are self-sufficient.  The only time that either of us spent any time at home after graduation was when I was on a 3 month stretch of unemployment after being laid off a couple years after graduation.  I had an apartment near Cincy, but I was job hunting in Louisville, so I spent a month or so at my parent's house.  As soon as I got a job, I rented an apartment and moved out nearly immediately.


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## Road Guy (Jun 1, 2018)

It's a big country and there are plenty of places to live that don't have crazy COL. Even some big cities.... but you have to be willing to make a move to improve your situation. 

I am honestly unsure if I will go with my eldest kid to college to drop him off. Just needs to sort of be a message that this is the beginning of you being an adult.


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## YMZ PE (Jun 2, 2018)

I think we can all agree this particular situation is a combination of the guy being a selfish turd and the parents enabling him for way too long. There’s a distinction between compassion and coddling your kids. Some kids need to be forced to be on their own to become independent, others are better at making the most of what they’re given. So I can’t really make a blanket judgment on adults who live with their parents.

I think the key thing as a parent is to put in the effort to understand your kid so you can predict whether a particular approach is going to reinforce or discourage an unhealthy motivation. If you think helping your kid move into his dorm is going to make him think he can still run to you to fix his problems, don’t do it. But if he just wants to spend time with you before he moves out, why not?


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## Road Guy (Jun 2, 2018)

Saw an update on the news bout this guy- after he left his parents he is going to live with a distant cousin. Lols...


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## frazil (Jun 2, 2018)

Sucker!!


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## P-E (Jun 2, 2018)

I have the ultimate story: I have two uncles who live with their mother who is now 95. Their father passed a few years ago.  One never left and uses her credit card to buy the groceries.   The other is a drug addict who just moved back after squandering his share of the sale of the family's summer property.  The house they all live in is reverse motgaged.   Sad situation.


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