# Wedding gift spat spirals out of control after bride demands to see receipt



## Capt Worley PE (Jun 20, 2013)

> Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!”
> Later, you get a text from the bride — “I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday,” it begins.
> “I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.”



http://www.thestar.com/life/2013/06/19/wedding_gift_spat_spirals_out_of_control_after_bride_demands_to_see_receipt.html

I would have taken the basket back.


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## snickerd3 (Jun 20, 2013)

wow people just give envelopes...those aren't very tasty. I'd think the sampler basket would be better than just paper


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## YMZ PE (Jun 20, 2013)

Capt Worley PE said:


> > Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!”
> > Later, you get a text from the bride — “I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday,” it begins.
> > “I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.”
> 
> ...




And returned it with an HSD inside?


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## YMZ PE (Jun 20, 2013)

Also, that's the most expensive gay wedding I've ever heard of.


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## snickerd3 (Jun 20, 2013)

the Brides have a slightly messed up set of priorities. We had a nice wedding to celebrate with fam and friends, whatever gifts we got were just bonus. If you are spending that kind of greenbacks you don't invite the casual acquaintance for that very reason, you aren't fam or close friends so why should they spend that kind of $ on you.


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 20, 2013)

Wow. Just wow.


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## FLBuff PE (Jun 20, 2013)

Seriously?


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 20, 2013)

YMZ PE said:


> Capt Worley PE said:
> 
> 
> > > Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!”
> ...




Remember, hatred is a form of passion.

Seriously, though, I don't know if I'd even put that much effort into it.


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 20, 2013)

FLBuff PE said:


> Seriously?




I know that's a bitter pill to swallow.


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## PowerStroke79_PE (Jun 20, 2013)

I never go to weddings unless they are good friends and family. My rule is if you think wether or not you need an invitation to attend, just stay home. Yeaaah , i don't get out much. This wedding is simply pathetic, and if the post wedding party story is true, well thats about as LOW as you can be.


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## sycamore PE (Jun 20, 2013)

Wow. Those are some classy brides.


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## DVINNY (Jun 20, 2013)

Well,

that's that. I cannot support gay marriage because of this alone. At least not between two brides.

I feel that this could have been avoided had their been a groom around to say "Chill out bridezillas, you're both being rediculous".

So there ya have it.


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## EM_PS (Jun 20, 2013)

The gift was definitely a 'wtf were you thinking?!' gift, but clearly the not-so-happy couple really didn't deserve the time of day...hell, if I was the gift givers, I'd send them a bill for 2hrs of my life back, lol.


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## Krakosky (Jun 20, 2013)

That's why people should just elope or have a simple cake and punch reception like JR.


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## snickerd3 (Jun 20, 2013)

^That would have been nice. However, my extended family (Polish) uses weddings, babies, and funerals as the functions to get together and party...and drink. We really have no contact any other times except for xmas cards.

so all 3 listed are expensive endeavors


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## EM_PS (Jun 20, 2013)

I followed the simple cake &amp; keg route....


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## Master slacker (Jun 20, 2013)

No one gave less than $150? Sh*t. I wouldve mailed her the receipt only after i wiped my ass with it. Return that, biotch.


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 20, 2013)

Krakosky said:


> That's why people should just elope or have a simple cake and punch reception like JR.




Bingo!


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## sycamore PE (Jun 20, 2013)

Interesting how the article mentions "fancy salsas," and the picture shows an ugly basket with jolly ranchers and sour patch kids. Before seeing the photo, you'd think the gift was within the realm of normal. Seems like tackiness on both sides.


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## snickerd3 (Jun 20, 2013)

sycamore PE said:


> Interesting how the article mentions "fancy salsas," and the picture shows an ugly basket with jolly ranchers and sour patch kids. Before seeing the photo, you'd think the gift was within the realm of normal. Seems like tackiness on both sides.


at first I thought oh they bought a pampered chef or tastefully simple gift basket...then the picture.


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## wilheldp_PE (Jun 20, 2013)

My return text would be "GFY." then I'd delete the bride's number off my phone. Like others have said, a wedding isn't an investment opportunity. It's usually a very expensive party thrown so your friends can come see an important moment in your life. If you're bitching because you gift wasn't "good enough," then you really need to re-assess your priorities.


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## cdcengineer (Jun 21, 2013)

Master slacker said:


> No one gave less than $150? Sh*t. I wouldve mailed her the receipt only after i wiped my ass with it. Return that, biotch.


Days after mailing that shit stankin' receipt I would have emailed a photo of the receipt in contact with my nether region.


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## Road Guy (Jun 21, 2013)

_*She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hal*l. Mason was one of only two guests who didn’t gift at least $150 cash (the other gave a present in addition to cash)_

me thinks me see the problem.....but nothing really surprises me anymore..


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## cement (Jun 21, 2013)

Is that envelope expectency just a New York City phenonmenon? That's what I was brought up with. We did't go to weddings unless it was someone pretty special to us because we didn't want to just feed the downpayment account for a couple that we hardly knew.


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 21, 2013)

I've never been a big ceremonies guy. I went to as few weddings as possible. Glad those days are behind me.

I did know a girl that had a $20K rehearsal dinner.


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## Flyer_PE (Jun 21, 2013)

Typical Serbian wedding is in the 300 to 400 guest range. Ours was around 125. It was pretty funny listening to the two "groups" afterward. The Serbs (Wife's family and friends) all loved it because it was such a small wedding. My friends and family thought it was a huge production. I figured the price of the reception was a sunk cost and was actually surprised that it wound up being largely subsidized by the monetary gifts.


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## snickerd3 (Jun 21, 2013)

the $ gift is more of a european thing I think. larger cities with huge immigrant populations, NY - Chicago My mom's family is all polish and it is ALWAYS a cash gift and at least $50 per person attending...the closer the fam the higher the $ amount. but that is why we don't invite casual acquantances to shindigs....hell once you get past second cousins they don't get invites to weddings. baby stuff and funerals yea.

My dad's family which has been americanized a lot longer can go either way gifts or money but it wouldn't be as much.


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## snickerd3 (Jun 21, 2013)

some of my older relatives wait until after they see the reception hall/food and if the drinks are free before they seal the envelope....i've seen it at cousin's weddings. The nicer the party the more they contribute...


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## snickerd3 (Jun 21, 2013)

Flyer_PE said:


> Typical Serbian wedding is in the 300 to 400 guest range. Ours was around 125. It was pretty funny listening to the two "groups" afterward. The Serbs (Wife's family and friends) all loved it because it was such a small wedding. My friends and family thought it was a huge production. I figured the price of the reception was a sunk cost and was actually surprised that it wound up being largely subsidized by the monetary gifts.


this but change to polish


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## Lumber Jim (Jun 21, 2013)

Polish-German Catholic wedding here. Lotsa beer. lotsa dancing. mostly family (~325 attended) . The meal was good but very simple (chicken, mashed potatos, dressing and some veggies) We got a mix of money, cheesy gifts, and a couple really nice gifts where some of the family members went in on it together. Opened gifts the next morning, stuffed the cash in our pockets and were off on a road trip for the honeymoon. :dancingnaughty:

Didn't work out how much it cost us until after we got back and didn't really care. (It turned out that we about broke even but the in-laws helped with the meal and mom and dad bought the beer)

If people didn't have a good time it was their own fault.


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## Road Guy (Jun 21, 2013)

we got married young and poor, we got towels, toasters, plates, forks, kitchen shit, bathroom shit, etc, and we were damn happy to get it, we received very little cash.. we wrote thank you cards after the honey moon, maybe that's just a southern thing...

I still laugh when I go to a typical modern wedding where the bride and groom are already well into their careers, make good money, most of the times one of them already owns a house, and then listen to some preacher talk about how difficult it is to "start out" in a marriage.. what I remember the difficult part was being on the "roman noodles every night for dinner cause you HAD to...."


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## snickerd3 (Jun 21, 2013)

Road Guy said:


> we got married young and poor, we got towels, toasters, plates, forks, kitchen shit, bathroom shit, etc, and we were damn happy to get it, we received very little cash.. we wrote thank you cards after the honey moon, maybe that's just a southern thing...
> 
> I still laugh when I go to a typical modern wedding where the bride and groom are already well into their careers, make good money, most of the times one of them already owns a house, and then listen to some preacher talk about how difficult it is to "start out" in a marriage.. what I remember the difficult part was being on the "roman noodles every night for dinner cause you HAD to...."


Thank you cards are not a just a southern thing...OMG in my family if you don't send thank yous in a reasonable amount of time you are labeled an ungrateful little putz and it will be remembered the next time you have a major life event.


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## Flyer_PE (Jun 21, 2013)

snickerd3 said:


> Road Guy said:
> 
> 
> > we got married young and poor, we got towels, toasters, plates, forks, kitchen shit, bathroom shit, etc, and we were damn happy to get it, we received very little cash.. we wrote thank you cards after the honey moon, maybe that's just a southern thing...
> ...


Same here for both my family and the wife's.


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## snickerd3 (Jun 21, 2013)

^ and it better not be a generic thanks for the gift either. they included how great it was to see them again and I had to be sure to note what they gave and what we were going to use it for.

I.e. gifts of money were going to be used to buy a washer and dryer so we didn't have to go to the laundry mat anymore.

we will enjoy making stir fry in the new wok etc...


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 21, 2013)

Road Guy said:


> we got married young and poor, we got towels, toasters, plates, forks, kitchen shit, bathroom shit, etc, and we were damn happy to get it, we received very little cash.. we wrote thank you cards after the honey moon, maybe that's just a southern thing...


This.


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## Road Guy (Jun 21, 2013)

i also drank sweet tea while writing the thank you cards.....


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 21, 2013)

I prefer sweetened tea. Yes, there is a difference.


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## Ble_PE (Jun 21, 2013)

Dexman PE said:


> I prefer sweetened tea. Yes, there is a difference.




You're right, the former is awesome and the later is undrinkable.


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 21, 2013)

I like sweet tea to be pretty much hummingbird food.


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## Ble_PE (Jun 21, 2013)

Capt Worley PE said:


> I like sweet tea to be pretty much hummingbird food.




Yep, that's the only way to drink it.


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 21, 2013)

I always enjoy the looks on southerner's faces when they order tea at a restaurant that doesn't serve Sweet Tea and they take that first sip...


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## Capt Worley PE (Jun 21, 2013)

Dexman PE said:


> I always enjoy the looks on southerner's faces when they order tea at a restaurant that doesn't serve Sweet Tea and they take that first sip...




I have seen that face before! Believe it or not, there are restaurants down here that serve unsweetened tea unless you ask for sweet. They are sobs of a high and aggravated nature.

I'm one of those rare southerners who can drink tea hot or cold, sweetened or unsweetened.

By far I prefer ice cold sweet tea.


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## DVINNY (Jun 21, 2013)

RG's comments remind me of this:


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## Krakosky (Jun 21, 2013)

Went to a friend's wedding last August and didn't get a thank you card until January. I thought that was pretty ridiculous.


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 21, 2013)

My family has a bad habit of going out to buy the thank you cards, get about half way through filling them out, then completely forgetting about them. Personally, I think a thank-you card is only warranted if you don't open the present with the giver right there (like at a wedding where you open the gifts afterwards). If you're standing next to me when I open your gift, I will tell you thanks on the spot.


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## cement (Jun 21, 2013)

I got married so I would have someone to write the thank you cards.


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## Lumber Jim (Jun 21, 2013)

Road Guy said:


> we got married young and poor, we got towels, toasters, plates, forks, kitchen shit, bathroom shit, etc, and we were damn happy to get it, we received very little cash.. we wrote thank you cards after the honey moon, maybe that's just a southern thing...
> 
> I still laugh when I go to a typical modern wedding where the bride and groom are already well into their careers, make good money, most of the times one of them already owns a house, and then listen to some preacher talk about how difficult it is to "start out" in a marriage.. what I remember the difficult part was being on the "roman noodles every night for dinner cause you HAD to...."


This as well. I was still in college and my wife was just graduated with an arts degree from a private school (marriage gave me a second set of student loans...)

Ramen was a way of life for a little while


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 21, 2013)

&lt;--- still eats Ramen on a fairly regular basis. Not because I have to, but because it has become a comfort food.


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## snickerd3 (Jun 21, 2013)

we eat ramen noodles without the seasoning packet quite frequently for some asain inspired dishes.


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## EM_PS (Jun 21, 2013)

DVINNY said:


> RG's comments remind me of this:


Yep. Old people &amp; birds - you can have 'em!


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## YMZ PE (Jun 21, 2013)

Dexman PE said:


> Road Guy said:
> 
> 
> > we got married young and poor, we got towels, toasters, plates, forks, kitchen shit, bathroom shit, etc, and we were damn happy to get it, we received very little cash.. we wrote thank you cards after the honey moon, maybe that's just a southern thing...
> ...


+2. We still get excited about getting towels as presents.


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## MA_PE (Jun 22, 2013)

In addition to manners the brides need to take a math class. 210*$150 =$31500. She says the cost of the wedding was $34000. They're still in the hole. ( pun intended). Then she says "I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plates...". That would be a total cost of $21000 not $34k.

The brides are complete d-bags. Now I would not be overwhelmed if someone gave me that "gift basket", it is pretty cheap, but the brides should have just let it go.

Way back at my wedding (which was in April 28 blissful years ago), I invited my boss and his wife. I had been working there about a year and a half at the time. He did not give a gift at the wedding but Emily Post says you have a year to give a gift. Around November he gave us a Waterford "our first Christmas" Christmas ornament. I thought it was pretty cheap but what are you going to do? We sent a thank you card and called it a day.

Just out of curiosity what do you guys think us the going rate for a wedding these days? Say friend or extended family (not close or immediate family). $50, 75, 100/ head? More?

What about high school or college graduation?


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## Krakosky (Jun 22, 2013)

I'm going to my cousin's wedding today. Idk how much it costs but I do know she invited around 300 people many of which are her parents church friends, distant relatives etc. If I get married, I'll just invite close family and EB.com members.


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## wilheldp_PE (Jun 22, 2013)

Are you giving her a $40 gift basket?


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## solomonb (Jun 22, 2013)

It is NOT the price of the gift, but the THOUGHT that you gave a gift that counts, at least in my mind. I think that it depends on how well/how close you know the couple getting married. If I am REAL CLOSE to the couple or their parents, that is one thing, however, if not, then a $25-50 gift is fine, at least in my mind.

I attended my nephew's wedding 3 years ago, spent $1700 to go (flight, hotel, change reservationis because their hotel goofed up their reservation for the day of the wedding, etc) and never received anything, no thank-you, no note, no nothing. I called the little bastard and asked if he got my check ($150-- I hand delivered it)-- he suggested that I check with the bank, like it was my problem. Yes, the check cleared the bank. I called him because I wanted to guilt him into a thank you note-- no way. Guess who is out of the will?

I am waiting on a thank you note right now-- it has been 8 weeks-- I do not know the kid, worked with his dad 30 years ago in the Air Force-- and have gotten an invitation to every one of their kids weddings. Yes, I sent $50 to every one of them, this one included.

Color me old fashioned, however, I expect a thank you note. Nothing fancy, however, something that says, "We appreciate what you did, Thanks." Don't think that is too much to expect, after I either send money or a gift???


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## cement (Jun 23, 2013)

I'm wondering if there is any point in telling the clueless rude ingrates about thier lack of manners and the resultant lack of future generosity, or is that a waste of time and effort?


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## knight1fox3 (Jun 23, 2013)

If it is a close friend, we typically do $50 for each of us (the wife and I). If it's someone we don't know, maybe a little less or just something simple from the registry. Agree with all the comments on thank you notes being common courtesy.



snickerd3 said:


> we eat ramen noodles without the seasoning packet quite frequently for some asain inspired dishes.


+1. The seasoning packets have all kinds of junk in them anyway. I would make chicken bouillon with the noodles instead of using the packet if I wanted to make soup with it.


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## Krakosky (Jun 24, 2013)

I gave her $100 towards their honeymoon fund website they had set up online.


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## csb (Jun 24, 2013)

We did not keep score on who gave us what. We paid for the wedding fair and square. In fact, a close friend left a basket on the porch that we saw when we got home from the reception. It had wine and other goodies and I thought it was really sweet that she left it there. My husband was in a fraternity, so we also received a card that said, "This is better than a toaster," and was filled with random bills that you could tell they had just combined and thrown together.

Keeping track is like having people buy tickets to a party they didn't really want to go to anyway.


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## YMZ PE (Jun 24, 2013)

A friend of mine who got married in his native Taiwan said he didn't invite a lot of his friends since he felt bad they would be compelled to give him monetary gifts, while he hadn't done the same since he wasn't able to attend their weddings. IMO these social customs sometimes ruin what's really important (being able to celebrate with loved ones), but that's life I guess.


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## Dexman PE PMP (Jun 24, 2013)

This is why I think wedding registries should be made to accomodate all budgets. Not everyone is willing/able to drop $150 cash (especially if you're getting married while still in college).


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## mizzoueng (Jun 24, 2013)

We kept track of who gave what, but only so we could make that part of the thank you to let them know we appreciated all gifts given.


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## Dark Knight (Jun 24, 2013)

We were married young and poor. We are not young anymore.


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## Supe (Jun 24, 2013)

Geeze. We always just give something from the registry unless its a really close friend/family. I wouldn't expect anything else on the receiving end, but maybe that's just me.


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