# Date Advice



## Fudgey (Feb 24, 2010)

I've managed to line up a date for this weekend with a lovely lady from our tech support division. I've had the occasional date, but really haven't had a serious girlfriend since my ex-gf broke up with me after my troubles a couple years ago. I'm thinking maybe dinner at this sushi/hibachi place I like followed by a trip into the city to see a comedy show. A light and easy-going evening hopefully.

Here's what I'm worried about. It still bothers me how my last relationship ended. For those of you who weren't around, my stomach was upset one night after dinner, and I wasn't able to make it to the bathroom without soiling myself, and her and the bed as well. I don't want to repeat this.

I've read some of your comments over the months, and maybe you guys are right that I do have some issues with my GI tract. I'm just not sure what to do on my date. Should I level with her? If I wear a man diaper it will be obvious. And if I slip in a buttplug it will be tough to sit down and I will get real fidgety. Plus I've never liked them in the past.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.


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## wilheldp_PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Immodium Advanced.


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## Fluvial (Feb 24, 2010)

Don't eat anything for 24 hours prior. And don't eat anything on the date, either.


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## Capt Worley PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Hydraulic cement.


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Fudey, I'm starting to notice some wrinkles in your stories here. At some point there was a girl in Denver that you didn't defecate on, I think you just took a nasty dump while she was puking in the bathroom. You failed to mention her above.

As for the diaper, I wouldn't do it. I think it will lull you into a false sense of complacency. And what happens if you do unload a brown soupy mess in your trowser safety mechanism? When my little girl unloads in her diapers it still stinks, so I'm just assuming the same would happen with human diapers.

First, I think you need to see a gastrointerologist, what your colon is doing is not normal. Two, to get by this date in the interim, I would go with a combination of immodium, eating a couple of pieces of white bread, hydraulic cement, and a half gallon of pepto bismol. For dinner, you should only eat the rice, no meat, no soy sauce, just plain white rice.


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## Ble_PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> As for the diaper, I wouldn't do it. I think it will lull you into a false sense of complacency. And what happens if you do unload a brown soupy mess in your trowser safety mechanism? *When my little girl unloads in her diapers it still stinks, so I'm just assuming the same would happen with human diapers.*


What the heck kind of girl do you have??


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## KEG (Feb 24, 2010)

Fudgey said:


> And if I slip in a buttplug it will be tough to sit down and I will get real fidgety. Plus I've never like them in the past.


never liked them in the past? As in, you've done it before? WTF?


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## KEG (Feb 24, 2010)

wilheldp_PE said:


> Immodium Advanced.


+1


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## snickerd3 (Feb 24, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> First, I think you need to see a gastrointerologist, what your colon is doing is not normal. Two, to get by this date in the interim, I would go with a combination of immodium, eating a couple of pieces of white bread, hydraulic cement, and a half gallon of pepto bismol. For dinner, you should only eat the rice, no meat, no soy sauce, just plain white rice.


but then we wont have any stories that make laugh out loud or laugh ourselves to tears.


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## Dexman PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Ble_PE said:


> Chucktown PE said:
> 
> 
> > As for the diaper, I wouldn't do it. I think it will lull you into a false sense of complacency. And what happens if you do unload a brown soupy mess in your trowser safety mechanism? *When my little girl unloads in her diapers it still stinks, so I'm just assuming the same would happen with human diapers.*
> ...


I picked up on that too. I hear some people treat their pets like children.


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## Dexman PE (Feb 24, 2010)

snickerd3 said:


> Chucktown PE said:
> 
> 
> > First, I think you need to see a gastrointerologist, what your colon is doing is not normal. Two, to get by this date in the interim, I would go with a combination of immodium, eating a couple of pieces of white bread, hydraulic cement, and a half gallon of pepto bismol. For dinner, you should only eat the rice, no meat, no soy sauce, just plain white rice.
> ...


And ultimately not recieve any wierd looks from co-workers who walk by while said laughing/crying.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 24, 2010)

snickerd3 said:


> Chucktown PE said:
> 
> 
> > First, I think you need to see a gastrointerologist, what your colon is doing is not normal. Two, to get by this date in the interim, I would go with a combination of immodium, eating a couple of pieces of white bread, hydraulic cement, and a half gallon of pepto bismol. For dinner, you should only eat the rice, no meat, no soy sauce, just plain white rice.
> ...


Or make us appreciate the value of a properly functioning sphincter.



Fudgey said:


> I've read some of your comments over the months, and maybe you guys are right that I do have some issues with my GI tract. I'm just not sure what to do on my date. Should I level with her? If I wear a man diaper it will be obvious. And if I slip in a buttplug it will be tough to sit down and I will get real fidgety. *Plus I've never liked them in the past.*


Am I the only one who noticed this?


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## z06dustin (Feb 24, 2010)

Why not just find a chick that's into scat?


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Dexman PE said:


> Ble_PE said:
> 
> 
> > Chucktown PE said:
> ...



She just turned two, so she's still not potty trained.


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## wilheldp_PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> She just turned two, so she's still not potty trained.


So if you're not potty trained, you're not human?


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## Dark Knight (Feb 24, 2010)

Fudgey,

I love you like a brother kid, but going to a comedy show after dinner is not smart, specially with your history of gastrointestinal problems. *DO NOT DO IT ld-025: *. What will happen if you are having "issues" :mf_Flush: after dinner and the comedian says something really funny. You get the point, don't you? :blowup:


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## Dexman PE (Feb 24, 2010)

wilheldp_PE said:


> Chucktown PE said:
> 
> 
> > She just turned two, so she's still not potty trained.
> ...


Once they turn 2, they go into a cocoon and by the time they're 3, they emerge as a beautiful 3 year old...

Wait, mine didn't do that...


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## Kephart P.E. (Feb 24, 2010)

Fudgy,

+1 on the don't eat anything suggestion.

I suggest taking her to a zoo. This way if an accident happens you can blame the smell on the other animals.

It sounds to me like you have some sort of IBS issue that can be aggravated by specific foods, alcohol, and stress. Until you figure out what the problem is every date will be like playing Russian roulette. Except when you lose the end result seems worse to me.

So an empty stomach/colon is key.

Also, get to the doctor and see if they can figure out your issues or prescribe you something.


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Dexman PE said:


> wilheldp_PE said:
> 
> 
> > Chucktown PE said:
> ...



I'm not sure I'm following this string correctly. To clarify, my two year old little girl is not potty trained. Therefore, she poops in her diapers. It stinks. Then either me or my wife changes said dirty diaper. This process is repeated a few times a day as she also pees in her diapers as well. When she is potty trained she will wear underwear and this won't be necessary.


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## snickerd3 (Feb 24, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> Dexman PE said:
> 
> 
> > wilheldp_PE said:
> ...


you said you figured human diapers would smell just as bad as your daughter's poop diapers...hence the what's your daughter if she isn't human.


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 24, 2010)

snickerd3 said:


> Chucktown PE said:
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> > Dexman PE said:
> ...



Now I get it. My mistake, to confirm, my daughter is in fact human.


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## Kephart P.E. (Feb 24, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> Dexman PE said:
> 
> 
> > wilheldp_PE said:
> ...


I think they were replying to this particular statement: *"..........so I'm just assuming the same would happen with human diapers."*

What I believe you ment to type was ....the same would happen with ADULT diapers.


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## Fluvial (Feb 24, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> I'm not sure I'm following this string correctly.





Chucktown PE said:


> I'm just assuming the same would happen with *human diapers*.


Or, what snickerd and kephart said.


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## Capt Worley PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> snickerd3 said:
> 
> 
> > Chucktown PE said:
> ...


Its really hard to tell with some of those alien hybrids.


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 24, 2010)

^^ Some of her temper tantrums have made me question whether or not she was kidnapped by aliens at some point. But she's two, so it's to be expected.


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## Fudgey (Feb 24, 2010)

z06dustin said:


> Why not just find a chick that's into scat?


That's just gross.



Dark Knight said:


> Fudgey,
> I love you like a brother kid, but going to a comedy show after dinner is not smart, specially with your history of gastrointestinal problems. *DO NOT DO IT ld-025: *. What will happen if you are having "issues" :mf_Flush: after dinner and the comedian says something really funny. You get the point, don't you? :blowup:


You think the comedian will call me out and make fun of me if I poop myself?


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## Capt Worley PE (Feb 24, 2010)

Chucktown PE said:


> ^^ Some of her temper tantrums have made me question whether or not she was kidnapped by aliens at some point. But she's two, so it's to be expected.


Check the knees and shoulders for implants.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 24, 2010)

Kephart P.E. said:


> Fudgy,+1 on the don't eat anything suggestion.


How's he going to explain not eating at dinner?

Fudgeman - might I suggest a leisurely tour of the local porto-john distribution facility after dinner.


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## Fluvial (Feb 24, 2010)

VTEnviro said:


> How's he going to explain not eating at dinner?



Haven't wimmen been doing this for decades? Have you never witnessed it ? Order something with a ridiculously small portion and just kind of push it around on your plate.


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## Dark Knight (Feb 24, 2010)

Fudgey said:


> You think the comedian will call me out and make fun of me if I poop myself?


Nope. You got it wrong.

*Here is the Sequence of Events*

#1: Dinner

#2: Go to the Comedy Show

#3: Your gastrointestinal phantom comes to haunt you and you really want to go. For some wierd reason you cannot or simply do not want to go

#4: In a show of bravery, or stupidity, you try to hold it and you are doing OK but...

#5: You laugh so hard, cannot hold it anymore and...BANG...fart/poop yourself

#6: With the luck you have...the comedian calls you up before you have the chance to clean the scene. Your date looks at you with the "Do it for me eyes" and you go up to the stage with your mess running down your legs. Luckly for you you have a black pant but the smell; that you cannot hide.

#7: The comedian finally finds you did poop yourself and now everybody on the show,and your date, will know you did poop yourself and now you are :bag:

#8: No :bananadoggywow: that night. You will have to find another date


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## Kephart P.E. (Feb 24, 2010)

I am telling you take her to the THE ZoO!

Have you ever smelled the Elephant barn?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 24, 2010)

Fluvial said:


> Haven't wimmen been doing this for decades? Have you never witnessed it ? Order something with a ridiculously small portion and just kind of push it around on your plate.


No, but I married a marathon runner. If you've never seen someone eat an entire box of spaghetti and about half a chicken in one siting, it's something to see.


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## cement (Feb 24, 2010)

plan b: fondue

a pile of white bread and cheese will keep your pile in place for sure.


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 24, 2010)

cement said:


> plan b: fondue
> a pile of white bread and cheese will keep your pile in place for sure.



I think cheese makes fudgey crap his brains out.


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 25, 2010)

The same could be said about most things.

And no go on the zoo Fudgey. The animals will smell your fear...and your shorts.


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## Fudgey (Feb 25, 2010)

Come on guys, you are being pretty harsh. Give me a little credit here. I was just looking for some honest advice. I'm sure most of you have been in my spot at one time or another.


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## Supe (Feb 25, 2010)

VTEnviro said:


> The same could be said about most things.
> And no go on the zoo Fudgey. The animals will smell your fear...and your shorts.



On the contrary, he may be able to start flinging his poop at a monkey, and when the monkey reciprocates, she'll mistake his IBS for a love of animals!


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## MA_PE (Feb 25, 2010)

Kephart P.E. said:


> I am telling you take her to the THE ZoO!


Are you insinuating something about the intelligence of fudgey's date?

(Rocky I reference)


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## Kephart P.E. (Feb 25, 2010)

Fudgey said:


> Come on guys, you are being pretty harsh. Give me a little credit here. I was just looking for some honest advice. I'm sure most of you have been in my spot at one time or another.


Actually no I doubt most of us have been in any of your positions before.

I think centering your date around food is a poor choice, comedy place is fine or some other activity, but with your history, meals may be best left for date number 10.


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## Santiagj (Feb 25, 2010)

How about going to some sort of exhibit? Like the bodies exhibit. I thought it was cool and my wife liked it. Then after that you can get a snack and then do the comedy show. If you go to the show don't sit in the front or underneath any lights. That way they won't be an obvious target to them.


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## Fluvial (Feb 25, 2010)

Fudgey said:


> Come on guys, you are being pretty harsh. Give me a little credit here. I was just looking for some honest advice. I'm sure most of you have been in my spot at one time or another.


I for one have never taken a woman on a date, much less pooped on one. 



VTEnviro said:


> If you've never seen someone eat an entire box of spaghetti and about half a chicken in one siting, it's something to see.


Hey now. I'm from Mississippi. You wanna talk about huge quantities of food consumed in one sitting? Or huge quantities of pseudo-food-like-stuff such as chitterlings?


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 25, 2010)

^What the hell is a chitterling? Sounds like something creepy crawly.


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## Supe (Feb 25, 2010)

VTEnviro said:


> ^What the hell is a chitterling? Sounds like something creepy crawly.



AKA "Chittlins"


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## Capt Worley PE (Feb 25, 2010)

Fried inside out pig intestines. Called Chitlins in SC. Salley, SC even has a festival.

http://www.americantowns.com/sc/salley/org...n/chitlin-strut


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## RIP - VTEnviro (Feb 25, 2010)

uke:


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## Dark Knight (Feb 25, 2010)

Fudgey said:


> Come on guys, you are being pretty harsh. Give me a little credit here. I was just looking for some honest advice. I'm sure most of you have been in my spot at one time or another.


Wrong again


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## Chucktown PE (Feb 25, 2010)

Fudgey said:


> I'm sure most of you have been in my spot at one time or another.


Let's see here

Shit in a bucket in the basement of someone who's house I was painting: Nope

Shit all over my girlfried and her bed: Nope

AC Slatered on my girlfriend's mom's toilet and had said girlfriend's mom walk in on my while I was AC Slatering: Nope

Took a dump in the bed while my girlfriend was asleep: Nope

Fudgey, there is a common theme to your escapades and I really think a gastrointerologist could help you.


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